Priest And Rabbi Jokes
114 priest and rabbi jokes and hilarious priest and rabbi puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about priest and rabbi that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Priest And Rabbi Short Jokes
Short priest and rabbi jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The priest and rabbi humour may include short priest minister rabbi jokes also.
- A priest, a rabbi, and a chicken walk into a bar. The bartender says "Nope! We don't do jokes here, get out!"
And the chicken says, "Come on guys, I know a place across the street." - A Rabbi and a Priest run out of a burning school. The Priest stops and says,"What about the children?"
The Rabbi replies,"Screw the children!"
The Priest asks,"Do you think we have time?" - A rabbi, a priest, and an atheist walk into a bar. The bartender sees them and says, "What is this, a joke?!"
- A Priest and a Rabbi Are walking down a street. They see a 13 yr old boy walking towards them
The Priest says "Let's take him down this alley and screw him"
The Rabbi says "Out of what?" - A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street together, and they both want a drink, but they have no money on them.
- What's the difference between a rabbi, a priest, and a gay man The rabbi says Amain
The priest says Amen
And the gay man says ahh, men - A priest, an Imam, and a Rabbi walk into a bar... The bartender looks up and says: "What is this, some kinda joke?"
- Clergy A priest and a rabbi are sitting in a bar.
The priest asks, "Want to screw some alter boys?"
And the rabbi responds, "out of what?" - A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi are watching a little boy play... The Priest says, "I want to screw him." The Rabbi says, "Out of what?"
- What's the difference between a Rabbi and a Priest? Both have different rituals for 13 year old boys.
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Priest And Rabbi One Liners
Which priest and rabbi one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with priest and rabbi? I can suggest the ones about priest rabbi minister and minister priest rabbi.
- A priest, a rabbi and penguin walk into a bar IT'S THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
- A priest, a vicar and a rabbi are having a discussion about miracles...
- A priest and an imam walk into a bar... the rabbi ducks.
- A priest, a nun, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"
- A priest, a rabbi, and a nun walk into a drug deal Drug dealers: "It's a set up!"
- A ninja, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, Good to see you two
- A priest and a rabbi walked into a bar and the bartender knew his life was a joke
- A Priest and a Rabbi jump off a cliff, who wins? Society.
- A priest, a rabbi, and an imam walk into a coffeeshop five feet apart cuz they're not gay
- a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar… …mitzvah. The priest was the rabbi's Plus One.
- A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar... The bartender goes; what is this a joke?
- A buddhist monk, a rabbi and a priest walk into a bar
- A rabbi, a priest, and a duck walk into a bar.
- A Priest And A Rabbi Walk Into A Bar The priest turns to there rabbi and says "Ow."
- It's 1942, Berlin. A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The priest walks out.
Witty Priest And Rabbi Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about priest and rabbi you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean priest rabbi imam jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make priest and rabbi pranks.
So, This Blind Guy Walks Into a Bar...
And takes a seat in front of the bartender.
"Would you like to here a great blonde joke?" He asks.
The bartender leans in close and says,
"Well, the priest and rabbi to your right are blonde. The two cheerleaders to your left are blonde and, to top it all off, I'M blonde. You still want to tell that joke buddy?"
The blind guy takes a moment to think about it and says
"Nah. I'd rather not have to explain it five times."
A Priest and a Rabbi are walking down an abandoned road... (somewhat offensive)
and they come across a little boy in the unconscious in the ditch. After thinking for a moment, the Priest says "let's screw him" to which the Rabbi replies "out of what?"
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi decided to go skinny dipping...
Suddenly, they saw three women walking towards them. Each was a member of their flocks. The priest and the minister covered their privates with their hands and closed their eyes waiting for the agony to end.
After the women walked away they noticed the rabbi had covered his face and not his nether regions. He said, "My flock recognizes my face. What kinda sermons do you give?"
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street...
An they see a young boy.
The priests says, "you want to screw him?"
The rabbi says, "out of what?"
A priest and a rabbi
are walking down the street when they notice a little boy playing on a puddle.
The priest turns to the rabbi and says, "hey, let's go screw that kid!". To which the rabbi replies, "outta what?!"
A rabbi and a priest walk into a playground....
and a little boy walks by. The priest taps the rabbi on the shoulder and says, "I'm going to screw that little boy." The rabbi holds up his hands, shrugs, and says, "Out of what?"
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister...
Are skinny dipping in the forest one day. Joking and talking philosophy and such. Suddenly they hear a large group of locals walking down the path toward them. To their dismay, they realized that they left their clothes hanging on branches on the other side of the path and would have to run past everyone to get them.
The minister gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the oncoming people to get his clothes.
The priest, in turn, gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the people to his clothes.
Finally the rabbi gets out of the water, covers his face and runs as fast as they can to his clothes.
As they dress the priest turns to the rabbi and asks,
"Why did you cover your face and not your g**...?"
"Well I don't know about you guys, but in my congregation they know me by my face."
A priest, a rabbi, and the Holy Prophet Muhammad walk into a bar.
The Prophet Muhammad beheads the priest and the rabbi, and burns down the bar.
When life starts
A Priest, a Muslim and a Rabbi are having a discussion. They are trying to determine the exact point when life starts. The Muslim argues that life starts at conception. The Priest disagrees and says that life starts at birth. The Rabbi turns to the two men and says, you are both wrong. When the dog dies and the kids move out, that is when life begins.
Priest and a Rabbi in a park
A priest and a rabbi are sitting in a park and they see some young children playing off in the distance. The priest turns to the rabbi and says, "Hey, wanna go screw a couple of those kids over there?"
The rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
Well, this is awkward...
A priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar. They both look left and right and to their surprise see nothing but Mexicans. After this moment of confusion, the Rabbi turns to the priest and says "You know what? I think we're in the wrong joke...."
A guys is at a party.....
and steps behind two other guys. He notices that they are a Priest and a Rabbi and both are holding ducks.
He says "What is this? a joke?"
The Priest looks back and says, "No, this is the punchline."
Priest and Rabbi
A priest and a rabbi were having lunch and the priest asked, "Have you ever strayed from not eating pork?" The rabbi said, "Well, once, but there was absolutely nothing else to eat, so I had a ham sandwich."
Then the rabbi asked the priest, "Did you ever stray from your vow of celibacy?" The priest said, "Yes, just once."
And the rabbi said, "Sure beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Pastor make a bet.
They say, "Whoever goes into the woods and converts the most dangerous animal, wins". So a week goes by and they all return. The Pastor comes back with a rattlesnake and says "He goes to church every week!". The priest comes back with cougar and says "His first he's getting confirmed next month!". The Rabbi comes back in a full body cast and says " You know, I probably shouldn't have tried to circumcise a bear."
A Rabbi and a Catholic priest are driving down the road...
when they happen to see this young boy walking down the sidewalk. The priest leans over to the Rabbi and says. "Hey Rabbi...whaddaya say we screw this little boy?" The Rabbi looks back at him, slightly confused, and asks "Out of what?"
A priest and a rabbi are sitting together.
A young child walks by and the priest says, "Man, i'd love to screw that kid!" and the rabbi responds, "Out of what?"
A Lawyer a Priest and a Rabbi.....
are driving behind a school bus when it suddenly runs off the road and flips over. The rabbi looks at the other two and says, "We must go out and help the children." The lawyer responds, "Screw those kids." To which the priest replies, "Do you think we have time?"
A Priest and a Rabbi walk past a school....
A Priest and a Rabbi walk past a school and see a little boy by himself waiting for the bus. The Priest turns to the Rabbi and says "Lets screw him!" The Rabbi looks at the Priest for a minute and asks "Out of what?"
A retired priest and a retired rabbi are friends in a reitrement home...
One day, the priest says to his rabbi friend, "Tell me, honestly, have you ever tried bacon?" The rabbi shrugs and says "Yes, in my youth, I gave into temptation and I had bacon, but tell me my friend, have you ever had s**...?" The priest shrugs and says "I too, in my youth, gave into temptation." The rabbi leans over and smiles "Admit it, it's better than bacon."
Every joke needs one
A priest and a rabbi walk into a wedding party looking for something to drink. The priest approaches some folks standing with empty glasses and asks a man "Pardon me, is this line for the punch?" To which the man replied "yep, this is the punch line."
A priest and a rabbi get into a car accident...
A priest and a rabbi get into a car accident at an intersection. They get out of their cars and find that neither is hurt, which is surprising because it was a horrible accident. The cars are a mangled mess.
The priest says to the rabbi, "Thank the lord that we are both uninjured! That was *terrifying.* I still can't stop shaking. I was so frightened!"
The rabbi says, "Friend, I feel the same way. I saw my life flash before my eyes, but those airbags saved us. Look, I had this bottle of Manischevits wine on the seat next to me and it didn't even break! Here, let's have a drink to calm our nerves. " as he hands the bottle to the priest
"Yes, and also to celebrate still being alive!" the priest says as he takes a long drink from the bottle.
He hands the bottle back to the rabbi who, instead of drinking, closes the bottle and puts it in his pocket.
"Aren't you going to have a drink?" the priest asks
"Not until after the cops get here. "
I, too, went to a mixed religion seminar...
...But in the hopes of learning more about charity. First I asked a Buddhist monk: "How do you decide what to give away and what to keep for yourself?" "Child's play", he said. "I draw a small circle in the ground, throw my money into the air, and what falls outside of the circle I give to Buddha". Next I asked a catholic priest. "Easy my son", he told me. "All I do is draw a small circle in earth, throw my money to the heavens, and what falls into the circle I give to God". Finally, I asked a Rabbi. "Simple!" he answered. "I throw my money into the air and what god wants, he takes!"
A Rabbi and a Priest were having a picnic
A Rabbi and a Priest were having a picnic on a really hot summer day and wanted to dip in the river to cool off. They had not thought to bring bathing suits, so decided to skinny dip instead.
The river was flowing rapidly and both clergy were washed a short distance downstream before getting out. After climbing out of the river they had just started to make a run for it to get to their clothes, when many members of their congregation came into view.
The Priest covered his privates with his hands and put on a burst of speed, but the Rabbi covered his face instead. "What are you doing?" the Priest asked. "I don't know about you," the Rabbi answered, "but my congregants recognize me by my face."
A priest, a bishop and a rabbi walk into a bar...
... they see Ellen Pao and leave for the bar across the street.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi...
...decide to have a friendly competition to see who is the best at their job. To make things interesting, they agree to see who is best at converting the bears in the local woods. A week passes, and they get together to compare notes.
The priest says, "I was walking through the woods and came upon a patch of berries where there was a bear, gathering berries. I walked up to the bear and I gave him the Holy Communion, and thus converted the bear".
The minister goes, "I too was walking through the woods, and came across a stream. There was a bear in the stream, catching fish. So I waded out to him, and baptized the bear right there, and so converting him."
The priest and minster look over to the rabbi, and this guy is in rough shape. He is in total traction, with a full body cast, cuts and scrapes on his face and hands.
"Oy," the rabbi says, "In retrospect, I shouldn't have led with the circumcision."
A rabbi, a lawyer, and a priest are on a cruise ship as it starts to sink...
As chaos ensues and people are running around frantically, the three men huddle together and try to make a grave decision.
The rabbi says, "we must save the children!"
The lawyer says, "no, screw the children!"
Then the priest says, "do we really have time to screw the children?"
A Rabbi and a Priest are walking along the road....
....and they see a boy approach. The priest nudges the rabbi and says, "Hey lets screw this kid." The rabbi scratches his beard and replies "out of what?"
A rabbi and a Catholic priest are walking down the street...
...when the priest sees a boy across the way.
The priest turns to the rabbi and says, "Let's go over there and screw that boy!"
The rabbi looks the boy over and says to the priest, "out of what?"
A priest and a rabbi buy a car...
A priest and a rabbi buy a car. The priest walks out and sees the rabbi sprinkling water over the hood.
"What are you doing?" Asked the priest.
"I'm blessing the car," said the rabbi.
"Oh, as long as we're doing THAT..." The priest walked into the garage. He later came back out with a hacksaw and cut 2 inches off of the tailpipe.
A town decided to form a clergy group to have Catholics, Jews, Protestants and Muslims gather to talk about various issues facing their places of worship.
The Rabbi went first and said they were having a terrible issue with squirrels. He said they were hanging around outside of church and aggressively begging for food. He said they were scaring their kids. The preacher said they were having the same issue, in fact, a few of the squirrels had actually gotten inside of the church and had done some damage to the roof. The Imam agreed saying that in fact one of the squirrels had bitten a few people at the mosque. The Priest then spoke up and said they used to have the same issue but had solved it. He said they took all of their squirrels, Baptized them, confirmed them, and now they only come around on Christmas and Easter.
Priest and a Rabbi
Priest and a Rabbi are walking down the street. They pass a playground where a little boys playing. The Priest says to the Rabbi, "Hey you want to screw that kid?" The Rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
A Rabbi and a priest are sitting on a park bench.....
The priest points to a little boy walking down the sidewalk, turns to the Rabbi and says "Let's screw him." Rabbi looks the child over and says, "Out of what?".
A priest and a rabbi are sitting in a bar. The priest asked the rabbi, "Do you get paid for corcumcisions?"
The rabbi replies "No, but I keep the tips."
A priest and a rabbi walk by a junior high school...
The priest peers inside and says "Hey. Let's go inside and screw some little boys."
The rabbi responds "Out of what?"
A catholic priest, Baptist minister, and a rabbi are on a cruise ship
When the ship begins to sink. They are making their way to the life boats when they notice that there are a bunch of un-escorted kids standing there. The Baptist minster says to the others, "what about the children?"
The rabbi says,"f**... the children."
The catholic priest asks, "do we have time for that?"
A Priest and a Rabbi were sitting on a bench at the park...
A priest and a rabbi were sitting on a bench at the park. They both watched with interest as a troop of boy scouts marched by on a nature walk. Through the side of his mouth, the priest murmurs to the Rabbi, "I'd sure like to screw those boys over there..."
To which the Rabbi replies, "Screw them out of what?"
A Rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar
The bartender asks - is this some kind of joke?
This is My "classic" joke
A Catholic Priest, a Rabbi, and an Atheist walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Oh g**..., no! We don't like jokes in here and if you guys are a part of one, you're gonna have to leave right now!" So the catholic priest, rabbi, and atheist leave the bar and a chicken walks in. The bartender says, "OH COME ON! We don't serve CHICKENS in here!" The chicken says, "Do you know somewhere that does?" The bartender says, "Yeah.." The chicken asks, "Well, where is it?" The bartender says, "It's across the road."
A Priest and a Rabbi are walking down the street together...
...when a young boy bends over to tie his shoe. The Priest leans over to the Rabbi and says, "Man, I'd sure like to screw him!" The Rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
A rabbi and a priest...
take a group of kids on a spiritual trip to the Holy Land. During the flight, the pilot announces,
" The plane is going down, we only have two parachutes. I'm taking one. You guys figure out who gets the other one"
The priest says, " We should give it to one of the kids."
The rabbi grabs the c**... and says, " I have a life to live! F*c**... the kids! "
The priest thinks, and says,
"Do you think we have time?? "
A Priest, a Rabbi, a Nun, two gorillas, a leopard, a horse, two turtles, and a dragonfly walk into a bar.
Bartender yells, What is this, some sort of joke?
A rabbi is on his deathbed...
...and a friend asks him if he has any last requests. The Rabbi asks his friend to find him a Catholic priest, so that he might convert.
Confused, his friend asks, "Rabbi, why? You have been a great teacher and leader of your followers, and you have led a good and honorable Jewish life. Why would you want to become a Catholic now, before you die?"
He says, "Eh, better one of them than one of us."
A priest and a rabbi are at a wedding...
the priest sees an altar boy, and says, "man I'd really like to screw him." The rabbi responds by saying, "out of what?"
A priest, a monk, and a Rabbi walk into a barbershop.
A priest walks into a barbershop. After he gets his hair cut, he goes to pay. The barber says "I do not charge men of faith." The next day the priest leaves twelve eggs in front of the barbershop as thanks.
Soon after, a monk walks into the same barbershop and gets his hair cut for free. The monk leaves twelve apples by the door as thanks.
A few days later, a Rabbi walks into the barbershop. He gets his free haircut. The next day the barber comes to work to see twelve Rabbis by the door.
A Rabbi and a Priest are walking down the street when a young boy passes by
The priest exclaims "Let's screw him!"
The rabbi says "Outta what? He's a kid"
A horse walks into a bar...
The bartender says, "why the long face?" The horse screams, "I will end you!" And bites the bartender in the t**.... A priest, a nun, and a rabbi who were just approaching the entrance quietly turn and walk away as the horse shakes the bartender vigorously back and forth screaming, "why the floppy head?! Why the floppy head?!"
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead
...a doctor, a lawyer and an accountant, a Brit, a German and an American, a priest, a rabbi, two camels and a duck walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them all and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
God comes to my town...
...and asks the catholic priest: "do you need me to take care of anything?" The priest replies; "would you kill the protestant pastor?" Concerned God goes to the pastor and asks him the same question and the pastor answers; "would you kill the catholic priest?". Frustrated, God goes to the rabbi and asks him the same question. The rabbi says; "Lord, it would be enough for me if you answer the prayers of the priest and the pastor."
A rabbi and a priest
A rabbi and a priest were at a communal dinner when a dish of roast pork was served.
The priest leaned into the rabbi's ear and whispered, "You planning on eating that buddy?"
The rabbi chuckled and replied, "Not today. But I'm definitely planning to have some at your wedding."
A Rabbi, an atheist, and a Priest walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "What?! If this is some sort of joke you have to leave!" So they all walk out.
A few minutes later a chicken walks into the bar. The bartender yells, "Come on! We don't even serve chickens!"
The chicken asks, "Do you know anywhere that does?"
The bartender replies, "Yeah... It's right across the road."
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street,
when the priest points to a little boy and says, "Want to screw that boy?" The rabbi responds, "Out of what?"
There is a plane of children along with a priest, a rabbi, and a rapper is flying to New York
Suddenly, the engine catches fire. The rabbi says, "We must save the children." The rapper yells back, "Screw the children!" The Priest responds, "Do you think we have enough time?"
A Priest, Rabbi and Atheist walk into a bar and each ask for a drink
The bartender, saying nothing and looking disdained, points to a sign clearly labelled: **NO JOKES SERVED HERE**
Without a fight the Priest, Rabbi and Atheist leave the bar, heads hanging.
The next day a chicken walks in and plops down on the barstool.
Wiping the inside of a glass, the bartender approached and asks the chicken Are you part of this joke?
Yeah. the chicken replies.
Again, he points to the sign: **NO JOKES SERVED HERE**
The chicks argues Well then how's a chicken supposed to get his beak wet?
The bartender pointed out the window and said There's another bar across the road.
A priest and a rabbi are walking through the park
when they see a group of kids on the playground.
The priest turns to the rabbi and says menacingly Hey, should we go screw those kids?
The rabbi looks at him quizzically and asks, out of what?
A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Gorilla walk into a bar
The Gorilla looks around and says
"I must be in the wrong joke"
So a Priest and a Rabbi were standing outside...
So a priest and a Rabbi were standing outside and a little boy walks by and the Priest goes to the Rabbi "Wanna screw him". The Rabbi then replies "Out of what?".
A priest, scientist and rabbi are discussing when life begins.
The priest says the answer is obvious, it begins at conception as decreed by God.
The scientist says no it begins at birth as at that point it can live outside of it's mother.
The rabbi says you are both wrong. It starts when the dog dies and the kids move out.
At an ecumenical round-table discussion, various religious leaders tried to answer the question "When does life start?"
"At conception," said the Catholic priest.
"No, no," said the Presbyterian minister. "It begins at birth."
"It's in between," said the Baptist. "Life begins at 12 weeks when the fetus develops a functional heartbeat."
"I disagree with all of you," said the rabbi. "Life begins when your last child leaves home and takes the dog with him."
A rabbi and a priest are asking for charity outside of a church...
They are standing one next to the other as the congregation is exiting mass. They look at the Rabbi with disdain and give more money to the priest.
Until o**... sees the rabbi hasn't collected any money and decides to help him out Rabbi, why don't you try asking for charity outside of a synagogue?
The rabbi turns to the priest Moshe, this guy wants to teach us marketing
A priest and a rabbi, old friends, are talking about their youthful indiscretions.
So the priest says, "tell me, have you ever tasted pork?"
The rabbi, slightly ashamed, admits: "Yes, once when I was young..."
After a thoughtful pause, the rabbi asks the priest, "tell me, have you ever made love to a woman?"
Sheepishly, the priest admits: "Yes, once when I was young."
The rabbi nods and says: "It was better than pork, wasn't it?"
A rabbi, a priest, and an imam stand on the side of the road holding signs saying the end is near .
A truck drives by and the driver shouts you dumb religious wackos , makes the turn and drives off the cliff. The rabbi turns to the priest and imam and says you think we should change our signs?
A Priest, A Rabbi, and A Minister All Had to Go to the Hospital
They got alcohol poisoning from going to the bar so much
Two priests and a rabbi are playing poker in a basement
The cops bust in and seeing they are all men of God decide to give them the chance to explain. They turn to the first priest:
Father, were you gambling?
As God is my witness, the priest replies, I was not .
They let the first priest go. They turn to the second priest:
Father, were you gambling?
As Jesus is my witness, the priest replies, I was not .
The let the second priest go. They finally turn to the rabbi:
Rabbi, were you gambling?
The rabbi looks around and says, With whom?
A rabbi and a Catholic priest seat together in a bus and start talking about ranks in the Catholic church...
- "So after becoming bishop and maybe archbishop, they can be appointed as cardinals?", asked the Rabbi.
- "That's right.", replied the priest.
- "And only cardinals can become pope?", continued the Rabbi.
- "Not necessarily, but usually yes.", said the priest.
- "And what's next? Can someone become God?", inquired the rabbi.
- "No! Never!"
- "Well, one of ours did."
A Priest, a Rabbi, and an Imam walk into a bar...
Bartender goes, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
A priest, an imam and a rabbi
A priest, an imam and a rabbi are discussing how they decide how much money goes to god and how much they keep.
The priest goes first: "It's quite simple, we draw a line on the floor and throw the money. Everything beyond the line is for god, the rest is for us."
The imam: "Oh interesting. We do something similar. We put a bucket on the floor and throw the money. Everything in the bucket is for god and we keep what's left. What about you rabbi?"
Rabbi: "Us? Very simple. We throw the money in the air. If it keeps going up, it's for god, if it falls, it's for us."
Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub
Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad. Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as well. Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, What a terrible pity…one of the girls must be dying.
