A Man Goes To The Doctor Jokes
82 a man goes to the doctor jokes and hilarious a man goes to the doctor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about a man goes to the doctor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest A Man Goes To The Doctor Short Jokes
Short a man goes to the doctor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The a man goes to the doctor humour may include short went to the doctor jokes also.
- A man goes to the doctors as he thinks he's going deaf What are the symptoms? The doctor asks
They're that yellow family that live in Springfield - Invisible man Invisible man goes to the doctor.
Doctor says "I can't see you right now."
-Christ Novacelic, Reading 1992 - A man goes to the doctor \- Doctor, I see blue elephants everywhere.
The doctor then asks:
\- Have you seen a psychologist?
The man:
\- No, no doctor, only blue elephants! - A Man Goes To His Doctor Doctor: Pick a star sign. Any star sign
Man: Alright, i choose Capricorn
Doctor: Nah you got Cancer - A chinese man goes to the eye doctor... The doctor says "You have cataract. " and the chinese guy says "No, I have a rinkin continental."
- A man goes into the doctor with a penguin on his head. The doc asks. "And what can I do for you?."
Penguin replys. "Well Doc. It started as a growth on my foot...." - A man goes to the Doctor and says 'Doctor, I keep feeling that everyone thinks I'm a liar' 'I find that very hard to believe' says the Doctor.
- A man goes to the doctor to report a serious memory loss problem Man: Doctor, I have a serious memory loss problem
Doctor: Hmm.. and since when did you have this problem?
Man: What problem? - A man with cancer goes to the doctor The doctor says, "I have bad news. You've got more cancers."
The man asks, "How many?"
"Two more." - A Welsh man goes for an eye test. Doctor: Can you read this chart from top to bottom please.
Welshman: Read it!? I know the guy!
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A Man Goes To The Doctor One Liners
Which a man goes to the doctor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with a man goes to the doctor? I can suggest the ones about i went to the doctors and doctor visit.
- A man goes to see a doctor Doctor: What brought you here to see me?
Man: A car. - a man goes to his doctor because of chest pains...
Ridiculous A Man Goes To The Doctor Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about a man goes to the doctor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean a doctor and a patient jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make a man goes to the doctor pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the doctor for a physical. He tells the doctor not to be alarmed, but he has 5 p**....
The doctor says, " 5 p**...!? How do your pants fit?"
The man replies, " like a glove."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the doctor with a terrible rash on his nut
The doctor says, "well you'll have to stop m**...". Man says "why?"
Doctor says, "because it's making it really hard to examine you"
A man goes to the doctor, he's visibly losing hair.
He says to the doctor, "I've spent months trying to grow my hair back, trying so many different treatments, but nothing has worked." The doctor says, "Well, it sounds a bit weird but, I suggest you rub the top of your head against your wife's private area once a night." The man does so, and a month later he walks into the doctor's office with a full head of hair. He notices that the doctor has grown a mustache and beard.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the doctor and says, Doctor, my s**... life is not very good, I can't perform very well in bed.
The doctor says, You don't look very fit, are you getting any exercise? The man replied that he wasn't exercising at all, so the doctor said, I want you to walk 5 miles a day, then call me in a week and tell me if things have improved. The man calls the doctor a week later and the doctor says, Are you performing any better in bed now? The man says, I don't know, I'm 35 miles away.
A man goes to the Doctor
and tells him he's been having terrible gas, but his farts don't smell and they are always silent, so nobody seems to notice.
The Doctor prescribes him a pill and asks tells him to come back in a week.
The man returns a week later and the Doctor asks if there had been any change in his condition.
Yes! The man says. I still have terrible gas, but now my farts smell horrible!!
Great! Says the Doctor. Now that we have your sinuses cleared up, let's work on your hearing!
A doctor's appointment
A man goes to the doctor complaining about back pain and the doctor notices the man's terrible posture.
"Do you have any ideas as to why you have such awful posture?" asks the doctor.
"Well", replies the man, "I've got a hunch."
So a man goes to the doctor...
and is told that he has a terminal illness with only 24 hours left to live.
He went home and told his wife who was completely shocked. So later, as they're laying in bed, he asks if they can make love one last time. They do. Later, the man wakes up at 3:30 in the morning and asks if they can go at it again. His wife tired and irritable says, "Well that's easy for you to ask, you don't have to get up in the morning..."
Sorry for the lousy wording
A man goes to the Doctor
*Guy*: Doctor, My girlfriend is
pregnant but we always used double
protection. Then, how is it possible?
*Doctor*: Let me tell you a story to make you realize that it is possible.
"There was a Hunter who always carried a
Gun wherever he went.
One day, he took his Umbrella instead of his
Gun and went out.
A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him.
In order to scare the Lion, the hunter used the Umbrella like a
Gun and shot the Lion, the Lion collapsed & died!
*Guy*:This is totally Nonsense!!
"Someone else must
have shot the Lion"
*Doctor*: Good!! You understood the Story. Next patient please... .
Note: My friend just told me this joke so I'm not sure if it's been here before
A man goes to the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I've been throwin' up all day"
He tosses a ball up and it lands back in his hands. "See? This has been going on for hours and hours!"
The doctor studies him for a bit and then finally says, "Hmm... I think you've caught something..."
"Doctor, I think my wife has a hearing problem. "
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think my wife has a hearing problem. She doesn't seem to hear what ever I tell her."
The doctor replies, "Oh, is that so? Well, let me try to help you. Just try this method when you get home today. Stand around 50 feet from her and ask her something. If she doesn't hear it, reduce the gap by 10 feet and so on till she can hear what you say."
The man satisfied with the reply, hurries home to try this little technique. He stands around 50 feet away from her, and shouts, "Hey honey, what's for dinner today?" He gets no response, so he moves closer and repeats the same question four more times till he's right next to her.
He asks the same question again and she says, "For heaven's sake, this is the fifth time I'm telling you, it's just fruit salad tonight!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A joke my grandpa told me
A man goes to the doctor for a r**... exam. The doctor says "Sir, you really need to stop m**...."
The man, worried, asks "What? Why??"
The doctor replies "Because I'm trying to do my exam."
A man goes to the doctor...
and he says to the doctor: "Doctor I take a dump every morning at exactly 7:30, and I hate that it happens that early every day.
The doctor replies: "Well, you should be happy. You are blessed with amazing intestines. Some people would kill for that!"
To which the man says: "Yeah, that's great and all but I don't wake up until 8."
A man goes to the doctor and says 'Doctor, I think I have a head of lettuce coming out of my bottom'
A man goes to the doctor and says 'Doctor, I think I have a head of lettuce coming out of my bottom.'
The doctors says 'okay, let me have a look.'
After a brief examination the doctor says to the patient. 'Well sir, I have some bad news. I'm afraid this is only the tip of the iceberg'
A man goes to the doctor
A man goes to the doctor and says, "I've been stung by a bee! Can you put some ointment on it?"
The doctor says, "Sure, but I think the bee flew away already."
(Courtesy of my 10 year old)
I'll just apologise right now...
A man goes to the doctor. He says, "Doc, I think there may be something wrong with the pills you gave me last time."
The doctor peered over his glasses, "Why do you think that, Mr Jones?"
"I keep veering to the left, then to the right."
"I shouldn't worry about that," replies the doctor. "Those are just side effects..."
A man goes to the doctor because his eye has been bothering him
As soon as he walks in the doctor takes one look at him and says "You have eye cancer."
The man is shocked and asks the doctor, "You are able to diagnose someone with eye cancer by just taking one look at them?!"
And the doctor slowly replies, "Eye cancer."
A man goes to the doctor
with a banana hanging halfway out his ear and a carrot sticking out of his nose. He says, "doc, I'm not feeling too hot".
Doc replies, "I can tell ya what's wrong just lookin' at ya. Clearly you're not eating properly."
A man goes to the doctor and finds out he only has three months to live...
He says, "but Doc...three months isn't enough TIME!"
The doctor pauses and thinks. Then he says, "Stay home every day, all day long with your wife and kids - no office, restaurtants, movies, or shopping...and only leave the house once a week for groceries...."
"Trust me, it will be the LONGEST three months of your life !"
A man goes to the doctor because it burns when he pees.
When the doctor walks in the man notices how buff he is. This doctor is SWOLE.
The exam begins and after some time the muscular physician cannot stop bringing up the weather.
"Hotter than normal this time of year, don't you think?"
"There's a storm coming in this weekend."
On and on he goes.
After this continues for some time the man asks, "why do you keep talking about the weather? This has nothing to do with it burning when I pee."
"My apologies," said the doctor. "I'm a Meaty Urologist."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Man Goes to the Doctor . . .
A man goes to the doctor for his yearly checkup, and the doctor says to him, "Well, I've got some bad news for you. It seems that you've been m**... too much. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop m**...."
The man, shocked to find this out, responds "Wait, what do you mean!? Stop m**...? When can I start again?"
The doctor responds, "Well I'd appreciate it if you waited until you left my office."
*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Man Goes to the Doctor...
The Doctor says, "Mr. Smith - you have to stop m**...."
The man replies, "Why, Doctor?"
The Doctor says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
[Originally heard from Walter Cronkite and Robin Williams]
A man goes to the doctor to complain about chest pain.
The doctor asks him "Do you eat apples?", to which the man replies "Yes, one every day." The doctor takes a step back. "I'm sorry, you're on your own."
A man goes to the doctor for a follow-up on his Deep Vein Thrombosis
Doctor: "So I prescribed you blood thinners last month, have you been taking them?"
Man: "No. I have a great reason why not though"
Doctor: "Aaah! The clot thickens!"
A man goes to the doctor
The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news"
The man replies "Give me the good news first, doc."
The doctor says "The good news is we currently have that raccoon in our supply closet. The bad news is you ruined the punchline by asking for the good news first."
A man goes to the doctor
Not sure if this is a repost. Haven't seen it here yet.
A man goes to his doctor for his annual check up. The doctor does all the usual tests, and comes back into the room. "I'm afraid I have some bad news. You don't have much longer left to live."
"What do you mean I don't have much longer left to live? How long have I got?"
"10."
"10 what?! Months? Weeks?!"
"9..."
A man goes to the doctor.
The man says,
"Doctor, I'm having serious trouble remembering what an airport building is called."
The doctor adopts a worried looks on his face, and says
"I'm so sorry. It's terminal."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the doctors to get his first son circumcised...
A man goes to the doctors to get his first son circumcised. He meets with a pediatrician who says "ya know we used to use the f**... from the circumcision to do skin transplants for kids born without eyelids... But we had to stop because they started coming out cockeyed"
Can you speak into my good ear? Doh!
A man goes to the doctor and tells the doctor he is having trouble hearing. the doctor asks him to describe the symptoms. The man replies "Homer is the fat guy and his wife is marge with the blue hair..."
A man goes to the doctor as he has a problem speaking.
He says, Doctor, I'm having a problem where I can't speak this specific letter. It's getting really irritating!
The doctor, using his quick thinking, says, Alright, repeat all the letters in the alphabet for me.
The man rattles of the first twenty, but then clams up, face full of frustration and resignation.
Ah, the doctor says. It seems like it's a u problem.
A man goes to the doctor's for a circumcision
He asks how much it will cost.
The doctor replies, "No charge, i only take the tips."
A man goes to the doctor and tells the doctor
"Please doc you have to help me. Everywhere I touch my self it hurts. If I touch my leg, ow that hurts, if I touch my arm, ow that hurts. If I touch my head ow that hurts.
Doctor looks him over and asks him " Sir where are you from?"
The guys says "I from Newfoundland"
The Doctor says "Son your fingers broken!"
A Man Goes to the Doctor
A cancer patient anxiously awaits his doctor, who enters with his test results.
Give it to me straight, doc, he pleads. How long have I got?
Ten, says the doctor.
Ten what? Months? Days? Years? The patient cries.
Oh, I'm sorry, the doctor continues. That was my wife on Bluetooth, asking how many eggs we need. Your cancer is in remission and you should lead a long healthy life.
The patient, ecstatic, runs out into the street, where he is promptly hit by a bus and killed.
A man goes to the doctor
A man goes to the doctor and says "Doctor! I've broken my arm in several places!"
The Doctor looks at him like he's an idiot and says "Well then, don't go to those places..."
A man goes to the doctor
The doctor runs some tests and asks the man to come back in a few days for the results.
When the man returns the doctor sits him down and says;
I'm afraid I have some bad news, two things actually.
What is it? asks the man
Well, the doctor says, you have cancer.
Oh no, the man says, whats the other thing?
You have alzheimer's, the doctor says.
Well, the man says, at least I don't have cancer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Another f**... joke that includes a doctor
A man goes to the doctor to tell him about his recent extreme flatulence. He is constantly f**... as he tells the doctor about his problem.
At one point, the Doctor excuses himself, leaves the room and comes back with a six foot long pole with a hook on the end.
The man says "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT???"
The Doctor answers, "Open a window!"
A man goes to the doctor's office and receives a bill of $15,000.
Man: C'mon doc. You could've gave me a discount since were colleagues.
Doctor: Wait, you're a doctor too?
Man: No. I'm a thief just like you.
A man goes to the doctor...
and the during his checkup the doctor says, "Good, good."
He asks the doctor, "What could possibly be good about this? I can barely walk."
To which the doctor replies, "It's a good thing I dont have what you have."
A man goes to the doctor...
The doctor says: I have good news and bad news...
The man replies: - Okay start with the bad news.
-See this X-ray here? This is your organs, see this black circles? There are tumours everywhere in your body.
- Oh... and what is the good news?
- I can make it disappear in Photoshop.
A man goes to the doctor...
And says 'doctor doctor! You gotta help me! Every time I have tea I get a sharp pain in my eye!'
The doctor looks at him. 'The next time you have tea,' he says, 'take the spoon out of the cup first.'
A man goes to the doctor..
The doctor tells him: "I have some bad news: you have Alzheimer's."
The man says " well at least I don't have Alzheimer's"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old man and his wife are not enjoying s**... as much
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he and his wife are not enjoying s**... as much any more.
The doctor asks "How old are you and your wife?"
The man says "We are both 80."
The doctor asks "When did you first start noticing this?"
The man answers "Well, three times last night and twice this morning."
A man goes to the doctor...
...and the doctor tells him he has dyslexia. The man replies, "Dyslexia? I just met her!"
A man goes to the doctors to find a cure for his lack of hearing
The doctor prescribed a hearing apparatus, and scheduled him in for surgery in December.
After the surgery was complete, the man asked the doctor if everything went well. The doctor responded, "everything is fine sir. We've run our tests and you're ready to be discharged. Merry Christmas, and a happy new ear.
Doctor,doctor!
A man goes to the doctor, concerned if he is becoming a thief.
The doctor replies, "well, have you taken anything for it?"
Bozo the Clown- The Darkest Joke Ever Told
A man goes to the doctor. He says, "Doctor, I've been depressed for as long as I can remember. The world is such a dark place. What should I do?"
The doctor says, "Go to the park and find Bozo the Clown. Everyone who goes to see him perform laughs, and everyone leaves him feeling happy."
The man responds, "But doctor, I am Bozo the Clown."
A man goes to the doctor
Doctor: Okay, I have 2 messages for you. The first one is, you have lung cancer, the second one, you have alzheimer.
Man: Thank god, atleast not cancer.
A man goes to the doctors and says "I feel like an island of the south coast of Italy"
The doctor replies "Don't be Sicily"
A man goes to the doctor because he can't stop dancing
The doctor does some tests to see what's wrong with him and eventually figures out the problem.
The doctor tells the man "It appears you've got a case of Saturday Night Fever"
A man goes to the Doctor's
"Doctor Doctor, I think I've turned into a dog!"
"Alright" the Doctor says "Get up on the couch and let me have have a look at you"
"But i can't, I'm not allowed!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, my farts sound like a motorbike"
Doctor says "you have an abscess"
Man says "how do you know?"
Doctor says "because abscess makes the f**... go Honda"
A man goes to the Doctor and says "I can't stop listening to the Arctic Monkeys"
The doctor replies- "Snap out of it".
A man goes to the doctor...
he tells the doc I keep having re-occurring nightmares. Some nights I'm a tee-pee, some nights I'm a wigwam, tee-pee, wigwam, tee-pee, wigwam...
The Doc said "Oh this is easy you're just two tense." (two tents)
A man goes to the doctors
Man: Doctor Doctor I've been feeling like a cowboy
Doctor: How long has this been going on
Man: About a YEEHAA
A man goes to the doctor
- Well, doc, I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm a dog. I mean an actual dog.
- Oh, and since when do you feel this way?
- Since I was a puppy.
A man goes to the doctor.
M: I haven't peed in 2 days.
D: How old are you?
M: 92
D: You've peed enough.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the doctor.
Doctor, when I have s**... with my wife I hear squeaking!
Well, how old are you?
43 says the man.
Then what did you expect? Applauses?
A man goes to the doctor saying that he's seeing everything in twos
The doctor says, "Take a seat, sir."
The man says, "Right or left?"
A man goes to the doctor...
and he says, "Doc, my eye hurts when I drink coffee."
Doctor says, "Have you tried taking the spoon out of the cup first?"
A man goes to the doctor
He says he has been having dreams where one night, he is a teepee, and the other night he is a wigwam.
Doctor says: "That's an easy one, you're too tense!"
(Two tents)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the doctor...
After looking at the man for 2 minutes the doctor says:
"Mr. Willow, you need to stop m**...!"
"Why, doctor?"
"Because I can't exmine you otherwise!"
A man goes to the doctor. "Doctor, that medicine you gave me isn't working. Is there anything else I could try?".
"Fill out this tax form," suggests the doctor.
"How's that going to help me?", asks the man.
"I'm not sure," replies the doctor, "but some of my patients say it gives them relief."
A man goes to the doctor
"Help me", he says, "I think I might be asthmatic because I have a really hard time breathing"
The doctor performes a couple of tests and tells him: "From now on, I want you to sleep with your windows wide open."
A week later the man comes to the doctor again. The doctor asks him: "So, did you follow my recommendation?"
"Yes sir, I slept with my windows wide open every night"
"And what about your asthma? Did it disappear?"
"No, but what did is my watch, my laptop, my television, ..."
A man goes to the doctor.
He says to the doctor "I have a big problem. But first I want you to promise me you won't laugh."
"Oh, no sir, that would be very unprofessional. I have been practicing medicine for over 30 years and I've seen it all. So you have my word."
"OK" says the man and drops his pants. As soon as the doctor sees the man's teeny tiny micropenis, he drops to the floor with a hysterical laughing fit. Finally after five minutes, he regains his composure and says,
"I do apologize sir, I really do. What seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen" says the man.
A man goes to the doctor
Man: it hurts when i press my hand on here
Doctor: then don't press it.
So a man goes to the doctor
So a man goes to the doctor and the doctor believes he may have the dreaded bingo tumour. He says "sir, there is a chance of the tumour being malignant so we will have to run some tests."
They run the tests and a couple of weeks later, the doctor calls him back to his office for the results. The doctor takes him aside and closes the door to deliver the news. "The bad news is that it is definitely a bingo tumour" The man frowns. "What's the good news?" he asks. The doctor looks him dead in the eye and says "It's b9"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the doctor, worried about his wife's temper.
The doctor asks, What's the problem?
The man says, Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my wife seems to lose her temper for no reason. It scares me.
The doctor says, I have a cure for that. When it seems that your wife is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't s**... it until she either leaves the room or calms down.
Two weeks later, the man comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The man says, Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my wife started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and she calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?
The doctor says, The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick.
A man goes to the doctor with a huge problem.
A man walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I've got a huge problem..."
"Okay, come in and show me what the issue is," says the doctor.
The man enters the room, reluctantly drops his pants and bends over the doctor's table. He then pulls his cheeks apart, and shows the doctor the piece of lettuce that's hanging out of his rear.
"That is a huge problem!" exclaims the doctor.
The patient then replies, "Doc, that's the just tip of the iceberg."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the doctor for a sore t**.....
The doc looks into his t**..., makes his diagnosis;
doc: " Looks like you have strep. Have you taken penicillin before?"
man: " Yes I have".
doc: " Alright."
The doctor's nurse gives the man penicillin and within minutes, he starts convulsing, having a full body rash and trouble breathing. The doctor runs back into the room and yells at the man
doc: " I ASKED YOU IF YOU'D TAKEN PENICILLIN BEFORE?"
The man replies in a muffled voice: "Yea, and the same thing happened last time too"
A man goes to the doctors office with his wife...
... after the examination, the doctor leaves the patient in the room and comes out to speak with his wife. The doctor says "If you don't want your husband to die, you must take a good care of him. You need to prepare his breakfast, lunch and dinner. Smile and be positive around him. If he says he is tired, you must make sure he rests properly, massage him for example. Long story short, never make him unhappy."
The guy comes out of the office as the doctor is leaving. With the curiosity boiling in him, he asks the wife "What did the doctor say?" The wife responds "That you are gonna die."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the doctor for a u**... test.
The doctor performs the test and tells him that he has Diabetes. The man doesn't believe this and tells the doctor he wants to retake the test. The doctor complies, but the test results remained the same. The man returns home and plans to confuse the doctor by mixing his u**... with that of his wife and daughter and adds some of his car oil. The doctor examines the sample and comes out to tell the man:"Your wife is cheating on you, your daughter is pregnant, your car needs an oil change, and you still have diabetes. "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the doctor for his annual checkup
During the checkup, he learns he has some sort of rare disease, and has 12 hours to live. When he comes home to his wife, he tells her the news, and she starts sobbing. She then looks at him and says,"I'm going to give you a night you'll never forget." They go to their bedroom, and proceed to make passionate love. After they made love, the man says to his wife,"Let's do it again." The wife agrees only this time was even more passionate than before." After that the man says," It's getting late, but let's do it one more time." The wife says,"Easy for you to say. You don't have to work tomorrow."
A man goes to the doctor to get the test results he'd been waiting on...
And he asked the doc, "So how'd the tests go?" The doctor says with a solemn look, "Not well. I'm afraid have bad news, and I have worse news. Which would you like first?" After pausing for a moment the patient says "Just give me the worst news first." The doctor obliges and tells him, "Well there's no easy way to say this, so I'll just say it. You have AIDS." The patient is stunned and replies, "Wow.. I... Wow that's terrible. And you have even more bad news for me?" The doctor says "Unfortunately yes. The test results showed that you have Alzheimer's disease." The patient looks relieved and replies, "Well that's not that bad. At least I don't have AIDS!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the doctor
And tells him he that every time he and his wife become intimate, it refuses service. And that he just can't get it up.
The doctor advises him to use his imagination more, watch adult material and/or use adult toys to spice things up a bit.
After a couple of days the man calls his doctor and tells him the problem still exists.
So the doctor invited the man and his wife to stop by his office for a talk.
When they arrive he asks the man a couple of questions about their s**...-life.
He then asks the wife to undress and and watches her pose in various positions before he asks her to get dressed again.
Then the doctor says to the man: " It's not you, with a wife looking like that, I can't get it up either."
A man goes to the doctor to complain about his problem with... ahem, silent emissions...
A man goes to the doctor to complain about his problem with... ahem, silent emissions...
"Doc,' he says, 'I really can't help it, but I've been having this problem with these silent farts for a long time now. In fact, the other day, the wife and I were having dinner with neighbors and quite a few slipped out. I mean, yeah, they were silent, but the smell was just awful. They stank up the room! And I know that everyone knew that the smell was coming from me. I was mortified. I can't control it. It's a real problem. In fact, Doc, even in these few minutes I've been talking to you, I've let several of these silent emissions go. I really need help."
"No problem," says the doctor, "the first thing we're gonna have to do is get your hearing checked."
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well.
The doctor examins him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills.
The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."
Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what’s my problem?"
The Doctor says, "You’re not drinking enough water."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches.
When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.
"Listen," says the doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have s**... with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin.
"Doc! I took our advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"
"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."
"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a REALLY nice house
