Ridiculous A Man Goes To The Doctor Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
A man goes to the doctor for a physical. He tells the doctor not to be alarmed, but he has 5 p**....
The doctor says, " 5 p**...!? How do your pants fit?"
The man replies, " like a glove."
A man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, "Give it to me straight doc!"
The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male." They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS"
A man goes to see a s**... therapist
"My problem is that my neighbor says he can do it six times a night, but I can do barely three"
"Please open your mouth," the therapist says.
The man, now confused, opens his mouth, and the doctor inspects it carefully.
"I see nothing wrong here, so you should be able to lie just like your neighbor."
A man was very sick. Doctors feared the worst. He is at home one day, resting in his bed. He looks up and says, "Is my wife here?" His wife replies, "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you." The man goes, "Are my children here?" "Yes, Daddy, we are all here," say the children.
"Are my other relatives also here?"
And they say, "Yes, we are all here..."
The man sits up and says,
"Then why in the world is the light on in the kitchen?"
A man goes to the doctors as he thinks he's going deaf
What are the symptoms? The doctor asks
They're that yellow family that live in Springfield
Doctor, doctor
A man goes into the doctors and says "doctor doctor I think I'm going deaf" and the doctor says "can you describe the symptoms" and he says "yes, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair"
A man goes to the doctor with a terrible rash on his nuts
The doctor says, "well you'll have to stop m**...". Man says "why?"
Doctor says, "because it's making it really hard to examine you"
A 35 year old man goes to the doctor and asks to be castrated...
The doctor looks at him for a minute and asks if he is sure. The man says yes, he's thought about it for some time and thinks its time to get it done. The doctor says alright, it's your body.
After the procedure, the man wakes up and the doctor comes over for a chat. He tells the man that while he was down there, he threw in a free circumcision.
Circumcision! the man exclaims. That's the word I was looking for.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
A man has a sore t**... and goes to the doctor...
Doctor: "Your tonsils gotta come out."
Patient: "I want a second opinion!"
Doctor: "Okay, I don't like your haircut."
A Polish man goes to the eye doctor...
A Polish man goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:
C Z Y N Q S T A S Z
The Optometrist asks „Can you read this?
„Read it? , the Pole replies, „I know the guy!
You can explore a man goes to the doctor girl reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean a man goes to the doctor guy dad jokes. There are also a man goes to the doctor puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A man goes to the doctor for a physical.
The doctor tells him, "You have to stop m**...."
The man says, "Why?"
The doctor says, "Because I'm trying to give you a physical."
A man is rushed to the hospital and is given blood.
When the man gets worse, a nurse goes running to the doctor, saying "We gave him the wrong blood!"
The doctor responds "Ah, must've been a Type-O!"
Hearing aid
Having lost most of his hearing a number of years ago, this elderly man goes to the doctor to be fitted with hearing aids which promise to allow him to hear 100%.
A month later, he returns to the doctor for a check up on his progress. The doctor tells him that his hearing is perfect and asks if his family is pleased.
The man says, "Oh, I haven't told them about the hearing aids yet. I just sit around and listen to them talk. I've changed my will three times!"
A man goes to his doctor
"Doc, you gotta help me. I can't stop singing What's New p**...."
"Oh, that sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome," said the doctor.
"Tom Jones Syndrome? Is that rare?"
"It's not unusual."
A man goes to his veterinarian and complains, "I think my goldfish is having seizures."
"He seems fine now," the doctor replies. "Yeah," the man says, "but just wait until I take him out of the bowl."
A man goes to a psychiatrist for an evaluation
So the psychiatrist draws a horizontal line and asks him what that reminds him of. "A n**... woman" he replies. So he draws a vertical line. "And this?" he asks "A n**... woman." Doctor then draws an X and asks the same question. "Two people having s**...." comes the answer. "Hmmmmm" goes the doctor. "It seems you have obsession with s**...." he speculates.
"Me?" answers the shocked man. "Who drew all this filth?"
Guy goes to the doctor
A guy goes to the doctor because his knee is swollen and very painful. After a brief chat, the doctor instructs the man to drop his pants so he can examine the knee.
The doctor examines the guy's knee for a moment, looking at it from all angles. He finally looks up at the guy and says, "Well, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you're going to have to stop m**...."
"What? Why?" asks the guy.
"Because I'm trying to examine your knee."
A man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a problem, I have 5 p**..."
The doctor says "Woow, how do your pants fit?", he replies "like a glove"
New Prostate Exam Joke
A man goes to the doctor for his first prostate exam. While the Doctor is performing the exam, he says to the patient, " Don't be embarassed, its common for men to get an e**... during this part of the exam".
The patient answers "I don't have an e**..."
The Doctor replies "I know, I do"
A man goes to the doctor ...
... and says "Doctor, I'm having a really strange problem. I can't get the song *What's New, p**...* out of my head.
Doctor says, "Well, it sounds like you may have Tom Jones' Disease."
The man opens his eyes wide. "I never heard of that before," he said. "Is it rare?"
Doctor shakes his head. "It's not unusual."
A man that can't talk goes to the doctor
A man walks into his doctor's office and puts a note on the table for the doctor to read. It said, "I can't talk! Help me!"
The doctor nodded sagely and instructed the man to put his thumb on the table. The man thinks to himself that his thumb has nothing to do with his inability to talk, but he does as the doctor ordered.
The doctor quickly picked up a big book and whacks the man's thumb with it as hard as he could.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" the man yelled.
"Good, good," the doctor said. "Come back tomorrow and we'll work on the 'B'."
Invisible man
Invisible man goes to the doctor.
Doctor says "I can't see you right now."
-Christ Novacelic, Reading 1992
An Elderly Man Goes to the Doctor's.
Help, Doc. I just got married to this 21 year old woman.
She is hot and all she wants to do is have s**... all day long.
So what's the problem?
Breaking down in tears....
I can't remember where I live.
A man goes to a doctors office, and says Whenever I touch anywhere on my body, it hurts
He touches his arm, and screams in agony. He touches his shoulder, and screams in agony. The doctor observes all this and says, I think you have a broken finger.
A man goes to the Doctor
and tells him he's been having terrible gas, but his farts don't smell and they are always silent, so nobody seems to notice.
The Doctor prescribes him a pill and asks tells him to come back in a week.
The man returns a week later and the Doctor asks if there had been any change in his condition.
Yes! The man says. I still have terrible gas, but now my farts smell horrible!!
Great! Says the Doctor. Now that we have your sinuses cleared up, let's work on your hearing!
A man goes to a doctor for his phobia of getting married.
The doctor asks, "Do you know about any of the symptoms?
The man replies, "Can't say I do."
A guy goes to the doctor
A guy goes to the doctor for his annual checkup, and the doctor says, "You need to stop m**...."
"Why?" the man asks.
The doctor replies, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
A man goes to the doctor
After a few tests he says
"Doc, I'm not feeling too good about my future health"
The doctor says
"I would seem so, Mercury is in Uranus after all"
The man scoffs,
"No offence doc, but I dont believe in astrology"
"Neither do I" answers the doctor, "My thermometer broke"
A guy goes to see his doctor...
He says to his doctor:
>Man: "Doctor, I can't get that song "She's a Lady" out of my head... I keep singing it over and over, but it just won't go away...."
>Doctor: "Hmmm.... sounds like a case of Tom Jones Syndrome."
>Man: "Oh no.... Is it serious?"
>Doctor: "Well, it's not unusual."
A Polish guy goes to the eye doctor
The doctor holds up a chart: K Z S Y X W K P G and asks the man if he can read it. "Read it?" he says, "I *know* the guy!"
A 70-year-old man goes to the doctor for a s**... test.
The doctor gives him a bottle to collect his s**... with. The next day he comes back with an empty bottle. He looks at the doctor and says:
"I've tried with my left hand and then with my right hand. My wife tried with both her hands. Even my daughter tried with both her hands and her mouth as well, same with my granddaughter. Even the neighbour and her daughter couldn't get it done! Doctor, could you open this bottle for me?"
A doctor's appointment
A man goes to the doctor complaining about back pain and the doctor notices the man's terrible posture.
"Do you have any ideas as to why you have such awful posture?" asks the doctor.
"Well", replies the man, "I've got a hunch."
So a man goes to the doctor...
and is told that he has a terminal illness with only 24 hours left to live.
He went home and told his wife who was completely shocked. So later, as they're laying in bed, he asks if they can make love one last time. They do. Later, the man wakes up at 3:30 in the morning and asks if they can go at it again. His wife tired and irritable says, "Well that's easy for you to ask, you don't have to get up in the morning..."
Sorry for the lousy wording
A doctor goes to confession...
"Forgive me father for I have sinned."
The priest replies, "Tell me your sins my child."
The doctor says, "I slept with five of my patients. I know it was wrong, not mention unethical. Since it happened, I've barely been able to sleep and I have no appetite. I feel so guilty."
The priest consoles him saying, "You must learn to forgive yourself."
The man replies, "But how can I? How can I return from this sin?"
The priest says, "You're not the first doctor to sleep with a patient and you won't be last."
The man nods in consent while the priest absolves him. As they exit the confessional, the priest looks at the doctor and says, "I hate to ask, but seeing as you're a doctor, do you think that you could take a look at my t**..., it's been sore for days."
The man replies, "I'd love to father, but I'm not that type of doctor. I'm a veterinarian."
