a lawyer on a plane Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious a lawyer on a plane puns

6 people in a plane

3 kids, a teacher, a lawyer and a Catholic priest.

The plane is going down and there are only 3 parachutes. The lawyer runs over and grabs one.

Teacher: what about the children!?!

Lawyer: fuck the children!

Priest: is there time?

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A lawyer, A priest and a scout Leader with his troupe are on a plane.

The pilot dies of a heart attack and the plane begins to go down.

Scout Leader "There aren't enough parachutes, we must give them to the children!"

Lawyer "Fuck the children!"

Priest "Do you think there's time?"

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A teacher, a lawyer, and a Catholic priest are on a plane.

One of the plane's engines fails, and the plane begins to go down. During the rapid descent, the teacher stands up and exclaims, "We must save the children!". The lawyer then stands and says, "Fuck the children!". Upon hearing this, the Catholic priest rises and asks, "Do we have time?!".

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A priest, a lawyer, and a little kid are on a crashing plane...

There's only one parachute onboard. The priest says to the lawyer, "we've have lived our lives. This young boy has his whole life ahead of him. It only makes sense to give him the parachute." The lawyer responds, "Fuck the kid!" To which the priest replies, "You think we have time?"

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On long plane trip, a woman is sitting next to a lawyer. She wants to sleep, but the lawyer does not stop talking...

*"Let's play a game"* - he suggests.


The woman ignores him.


*"To make it interesting"* - he continues - *"if I answer incorrectly to your question, I'll pay you $50. If you answer incorrectly to my question, you pay me $5."*


The woman agrees, and the lawyer asks the first question.


*"What is the distance between Earth and the Moon?"*


The woman hands him $5. Now it's her turn.


*"What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"*


The lawyer is astonished. He frantically surfs the Internet, searches his pocket encyclopedia and asks his scientist friends. He finds nothing. Hours later, when finally giving up looking for the answer, he wakes the woman, hands her $50 and asks:


*"So, what is the answer?"*


Without saying a word, she hands him $5 and goes back to sleep.




**

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A blonde and a lawyer are on a plane.

The lawyer keeps trying to get a blonde to play a game with him. After awhile she finally agrees.The lawyer explains the game to her. He says that he will ask her a question and if she can't answer it she will give him $50.Then she will ask him a question and if he can't answer it he will give her $500. She agrees. He ask her to say the first seven prime numbers in order. She thinks for awhile then gives him $50.She then ask him what has no legs, three arms, and is covered in fur.He thinks for awhile then gives her $500.Curious he asks her what the answer is.She gives him $50.

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A blonde and a lawyer

are sitting next to each other on a plane. To pass the time, the lawyer suggests playing a game that tests general knowledge. The blonde is reluctant, but finally agrees when the lawyer offers to give her 10 to 1 odds. "Every time you don't know the answer to one of my questions, you have to give me 5 dollars," he says "every time I don't know the answer to one of your questions, I have to give you 50."

The lawyer starts, "how far is the earth from the sun?" The blonde doesn't know. She gives him 5 dollars and the lawyer replies, "the earth is 92,960,000 miles from the sun."

The blonde asks the lawyer, "what goes up a hill with 3 legs, and comes back down with 4?" The lawyer thinks for a moment, but is unable to come up with an answer. He hands her a 50 dollar bill. The blonde takes it, puts it in her purse, and looks back at the lawyer.

"Well?" The lawyer asks, "what was the answer to your question?" Without saying a word, the blonde hands him 5 dollars.

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A blonde and a lawyer are sitting next to each other on a plane

A blonde and a lawyer are sitting next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks the blonde if she wants to play a game, "All you have to do is ask a question and if i get it wrong or don't know it i give you five dollars, then i ask you a question and if you get it wrong you pay me five dollars."

"No," she says, "I just want to sleep."

He keeps asking and she finally gives in when he says if he gets it wrong he will pay her five hundred dollars, but she still only has to pay five dollars.

"What is the distance from the earth to the moon?" he asks.

She gives him 5 dollars. "What goes up the hill with four legs and comes down with five?" she asks.

He pulls out his laptop and searches it, but finds nothing. Then he emails his friends. After an hour, he still hasn't got an answer, he hands her 500 dollars. Then he asks her, "So what is the answer?"

She hands him 5 dollars.

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A Priest, A Lawyer and a Social Worker are on a plane...

...when the pilot comes out and says the planes out of gas and its going down, the Social worker screams "Think of the Children!", the Lawyer says "Fuck the Children" then the Priest says "Do you think we have time?"

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[NSFW] A Doctor, a lawyer, a priest, and a class of 3rd graders are on a plane that's going down....

....The plane has 3 parachutes.

The doctor, ever the example of selflessness, says "Give the children the parachutes! They are the future!"

The lawyer looks over and responds "Fuck the children!"

The priest, looking from the lawyer to the kids, responds and yells to the lawyer "Is there enough time?!"

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A monk, a lawyer, a priest, and a kid....

...are in a small airplane. The sole pilot storms out of the cockpit, throws a chute on the floor and yells "We're going down! I'm bailing out, here's the one other parachute!" He jumps out of the plane and the monk says "We must spare the child", the lawyer says "Fuck the kid!", and the priest says "Do you think we have time?"

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A school teacher with her class, a lawyer and priest were on a plane.

The pilot announces that they have lost power in the engine and that they will have to use parachutes to jump from the plane.

The teacher says "let the kids go first!"

The lawyer says "screw the kids!"

The priest asks "do we have time!?"

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There's a teacher, lawyer, and priest on a plane...

with three children. The plane begins to go down and there are only three parachutes. The teacher screams "Save the children!" The lawyer yells "Fuck the children!" The priest asks "Do we have time?"

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Blonde vs. Lawyer

A blonde sits next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer kept bugging the blonde to play a game of intelligence with him. After several minutes of arguing with her, he says you give me $5 for every question you cant answer and i'll give you $50 for every question i cant answer. The lawyer figured he couldnt lose and the blonde accepted.

The lawyer proceeded to ask his first question, "What's the distance between the earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

The blonde then asked her question, "What goes up a hill with four legs and comes down with three?"

The lawyer was searching his laptop for hours and calling everyone he knows to find the answer. Finally he gave up and handed the blonde $50.

After the plane landed, he decided to ask her the answer to her question.

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5

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A priest, a lawyer and a teacher with his students were on a plane

The plane was going through some heavy turbulence. Suddenly, the pilot got on the speaker and said the plane is going down. The stewardess broke the bad news: only 3 parachutes for the passengers. The lawyer said to the priest and teacher, "Perfect! One for each of us. Lets GO!"

Then the teacher screamed "What about the CHILDREN!?!"

The lawyer responded "Fuck the children!"

The priest coyly glances around "But... is there time?"

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A priest, a lawyer, and an alter boy are on a plane...

...and the plane is crashing. Suddenly the pilot comes out of the cockpit and says to the three of them, "Alright, we're going down and I only have three parachutes, I'm taking one, it's up to you guys to figure out who gets the other two."

The lawyer says: "I have my own successful firm with many rich and important clients. I drive a big car, live in a big house, *I need one of those fucking parachutes!*"

The priest says: "Well, I'm a pillar of my community, my flock looks to me for guidance on issues big and small. Without me, what would they do? *I certainly deserve a parachute*."

The pilot nods, looking over the three passengers and says "Ok, that all makes sense but what about the alter boy?" The lawyer, starting to panic screams, "*FUCK THE ALTER BOY!!!*" and the priest asks...


"...do you think we have time?"

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A lawyer, a priest and a teacher with his students are on a plane as it begins to fall to the ground...

... the pilot comes over the intercom and says that there are only three parachutes on board. The priest, lawyer and teacher must decide who gets a parachute. Immediately the lawyer grabs a parachute and says "I'm more important than any of you so I get a parachute." The teacher angrily yells "But what about the children?" The lawyer replies "Fuck the children." The priest looks around and says "But do you think there's time."

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There is a plane with a Pilot, a Lawyer, a Priest and a Kid

The plane is going down fast but there are only three parachutes. so the pilot says "I have a family and a daughter that are expecting me" he grabs a parachute and jumps off the plane. The lawyer says "well I'm the smartest man on earth so I have to live" he grabs a parachute and jumps off. Now there is only one parachute left and the Priest tells the kid "Kid, take the last one, I have lived my life" The boy looks around the plane and says "We can both live" the priest says "how can that be?", the boy says "because the smartest man in the world just jumped off with my backpack"

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A plane is flying over the ocean ..

The pilot speaks on the intercom, "Engine one has failed, engine two is on its way out. Grab a parachute I wish you the best."
On board was a Catholic priest, a Rabbi, a lawyer and three boy scouts. As they searched for life vest and parachutes they only found three. The Adults huddled to try and figure this out this conundrum. The Rabbi suggested
"Guys, we have lived long fruitful lives I'm sure this act of letting the young boys live out their lives will surely seal our fate in the Kingdom of heaven"
The Lawyer certainly thinking of only himself said "Fuck them!"
Then the Catholic priest said "You think we have enough time?"

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A priest, a kid and a lawyer are on a plane with one parachute when it starts to crash

The Priest says "we should give the kid the parachute because he has a long life to look forward too"

The Lawyer says "fuck the kid"

The Priest says "do you think we have time?"

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A doctor a lawyer a priest, and a young boy are on a plane when the hits turbulence and is about to crash...

There are three parachutes between the four of them. The doctor says "Well I'm a doctor and I specialize in medicine and saving lives so I think I should live", the others agree and the doctor takes the first parachute and jumps out. The lawyer says "Well I'm a really smart man basically a genius so I think I should live too", so he grabs the second parachute and jumps out. Now its the last parachute between the priest and the little boy. The priest looks at the boy and says "You know what my child take the parachute, the good lord has blessed me my whole life and you still have your life ahead of you so save yourself and take the last parachute". The little boy says "No it's all right", the priest asks "Why?" and the boy replies "Because the genius just jumped out with my back pack".

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A professor, a lawyer and a priest are on a plane...

... when the pilot has a heart attack and dies, and the plane starts to lose altitude rapidly.

The professor then says "we don't have enough parachutes, give them to the children!"
The lawyer, desperate, promptly says "fuck the children!"
The priest then asks "do you think there's enough time?"

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An officer, a lawyer, a priest and three boy scouts are on a plane tumbling from the sky. They only have three parachutes.

The officer says "save the boys they have their whole lives ahead of them!" The lawyer says "fuck the boys I want to live!" The priest says "when do we start?"

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A lawyer, a priest, and a scoutmaster with his troop

are on a plane. Suddenly the pilot has a heart attack and the plane begins to plummet.

The scoutmaster says, 'There aren't enough parachutes we must give them to the kids!'

The lawyer replies, 'Fuck the kids!'

The priest asks, 'Do you think there's time?'

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Another Smart(ish) Blonde Joke

Hot shot lawyer sitting next to a blonde on a plane. He's thinking to himself: "oh yea, let's make some quick cash off this bimbo". This is how it ensues:

Lawyer: "Hi, we've got quite a long time sitting next to each other, so let's play a game, what do you say?"

Blonde: "Ok, sure, what's the game about?"

Lawyer: "I will ask you a question, if you don't know the answer, you need to pay me $20. Then you ask me a question, if I don't know the answer I'll give you $200. Deal?"

Blonde: "Ok, sounds great! What's your question?"

Lawyer: "What's the square root of 625?"

*Blonde hands him $20.*

Lawyer: "What a shame the answer was 25, what's your question?"

Blonde: "What's triangular, but actually square with a hole in the middle, has three legs and runs up and down the hill?"

Lawyer at this stage starts to sweat a bit, tie feeling a bit tight, takes his smart phone and starts Googling the crap out of this, can't find a thing... Talks to a few of his golf buddies, couple of CEOs, rings a few Zoos, finally he gives up and hands over $200.

The blonde takes the money.

After a while the lawyer starts losing his patience and sais: "ok, you got me what's the fucking answer???"


*Blonde hands him $20.*

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Did you hear about the terrorists who hijacked a plane of lawyers?

They threatened to release one every hour til their demands were met.

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A lawyer, a priest a school teacher and her class are on an airplane...

The pilot announces that the plane is about to crash and there are only a few parachutes on board.

The school teacher immediately screams "Save the children!"

The lawyer yells "Fuck the children!"

The priest asks the lawyer "Do we have time for that?"

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A lawyer and a priest are on a plane full of children that is about to crash..

There are only two parachutes left so the lawyer takes one and hands the other to the preist.
The priest says "What about the kids?" The lawyer relies "fuck um" so the priest says "do we have time?"

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A Social Worker, a lawyer, and a priest were on a plane full of children... (NSFW)

The plane loses an engine and starts to go down. The social worker says "We have to save the kids" . The lawyer says "Fuck the kids!".
The priest says "Do we have time?"

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A doctor, lawyer, and a priest are on a plane...

Along with them are three children. The plane begins to go under a great amount of turbulence, and begins to drop out of the air. The doctor, lawyer, and priest go to the front of plane and find three parachutes. The doctor says "Let the children have the parachutes, let them live a full life." The Lawyer exclaims "FUCK THE KIDS!" The priest replies "Now? Do you think we still have time?"

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A teacher, a Catholic priest, a lawyer and a bunch of school kids on a plane..

There is a plane that is about to crash and on board are some schoolchildren their teacher a lawyer and a catholic priest. There are a few parachutes and the teacher immediately says save the kids! No, Fuck the kids says the lawyer Then the catholic priest says Is there time?

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A lawyer, a tax collector, a priest and a boyscout are on a plane.

The pilot comes over the intercom and tells the passengers that the plane will soon crash. The pilot says that there are three parachutes available. The lawyer immediately reaches for the first chute bag he sees and jumps out of the plane. The tax collector is next putting a pack on and jumping out. Now that the boyscout and the priest are the only two left in the plane, the boyscout turns to the priest and says "you can take the chute mister." The priest says "God bless you son, but I can't let you do that." The boyscout then says "no it's okay, the tax collector took my backpack."

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Donald Trump, his lawyer and Ivanka are on an airplane...

When all of a sudden the engine starts to sputter, and the pilot comes back and says the plane is going down, they're gonna crash and there's only one parachute. The pilot says "I'm gonna give it to the girl".. to which the lawyer responds "Fuck the girl! " and Trump says "you think we have time?"

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Aboard a airplane that is about to crash is a lawyer, a priest, and three Boy Scouts....

Pilot: "There is only three parachutes on the plane. We should give them to the Boy Scouts as they are young and have their whole future ahead of them still."

Lawyer: "Fuck the Boy Scouts, give me a parachute!"

Priest: "Do we have time?"

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A priest, doctor, lawyer, and three kids are on a plane...

A priest, doctor, lawyer, and three kids are on a plane. Suddenly, the pilot says, "I've got bad news. The plane going down, and there are only three parachutes."

The doctor says, "Let the kids live! Think of the future!" The lawyer says, "Fuck the kids! We need to save ourselves!" Finally, the priest says, "I agree with the lawyer. Let's fuck those kids!"

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What are the most funny A Lawyer On A Plane jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about A Lawyer On A Plane? Well, here are the best A Lawyer On A Plane dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and A Lawyer On A Plane pick up lines to share with friends.

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