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A Horse Walks Into A Bar Jokes

111 a horse walks into a bar jokes and hilarious a horse walks into a bar puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about a horse walks into a bar that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest A Horse Walks Into A Bar Short Jokes

Short a horse walks into a bar jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The a horse walks into a bar humour may include short animal walks into a bar jokes also.

  1. Horse walks into a bar, bartender asks why the long face? Horse replies, The bank denied my home loan because I don't have stable income.
  2. A horse walks into a bar. Hey," says the bartender.
    The horse neighs excitedly and says, My friend, you read my mind!"
  3. A horse walks into a bar and requests "Hello, I'd like some anthropomorphization please" The bartender replies: "I think you've had enough already"
  4. A White Horse Walks Into a Bar A white horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we've got a cocktail named after you!". "What?", says the horse, "Steve?".
    \-heard from Alan Davies on Q.I.
  5. A horse walks into a bar... The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
    The horse replies, "My alcoholism is destroying my family."
  6. A horse walks into a bar Oh, sorry it was a woman. Let me start over.
    A horse walks into a woman.
  7. A horse walks into a triangular bar of dimensions X,Y, and Z, where X and Z are perpendicular. He asks the barman where the toilets are. "Y, the long face."
  8. A horse walks into a bar and says, On a right-angled triangle with sides X, Y and Z, if X and Z are perpendicular, which side is opposite the right angle? The bartender says, Y, the long face.
  9. A Horse walks into a bar... The bartender says, "Hey!" The horse replies, "You read my mind!"
  10. A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "why the long face?" To which the horse replies "I have testicular cancer".

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A Horse Walks Into A Bar One Liners

Which a horse walks into a bar one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with a horse walks into a bar? I can suggest the ones about a woman walks into a bar and two guys walk into a bar.

  1. A horse walked into a bar
    Bartender: Hey
    Horse: Yes please
  2. A horse walks into a bar "Hey" the bartender said, "Sure" said the horse
  3. A horse walked into a bar Bartender: Hey!
    Horse: Sure
  4. This never gets old A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face"
  5. A horse walks into a bar... And the bartender says to him "hey why the long face"
  6. So a horse walks into a bar . . . And the bar tender says "Hey."
    The horse says "Yes."
  7. A horse walks into a bar. This makes it lose the Worlds Dressage Championship.
  8. A horse walks into a bar. and comes in last place in the equestrian jumping event.
  9. A Horse Walked Into The Bar... The Bartender says "Why The Long Face?"
  10. A bar walks into a horse, and asks for a drink. But there is no bartender in the horse.
  11. A horse walks into a bar. "What's wrong with you?" The bartender shouts to its owner.
  12. So a horse walks into a bar... And many people leave because that is a safety hazard
  13. A horse walks into a bar... Oh wait, it's just Sarah Jessica Parker. Sorry, my bad.
  14. So a man walks into a bar... Oh wait it was a horse... So a man walks into a horse
  15. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I recognize you from s**... and The City".

Hilarious A Horse Walks Into A Bar Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about a horse walks into a bar you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean three men walk into a bar jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make a horse walks into a bar pranks.

A horse walks into a bar

A horse walks into a bar. The other customers promptly get up and leave, seeing the potential danger in the situation

So a horse walks into a bar..

and a duck walks into a bar
and a buffalo walks into a bar
and a cucumber walks into a bar
and a tomato walks into a bar...
and the bartender says "Alright, what is this? Some kind of joke?"

A Tesco Burger, produced in Ireland walks into a bar.

A Tesco Burger, produced in Ireland walks into a bar..
He says to the barman 'Can I have a pint please?'
Barman says 'Sorry pal, didn't quite catch that, speak up a bit'
Burger says 'Sorry there, I'm a little bit horse'

A white horse walks into a bar...

'Hello' said the barman, 'what can I get you?'
'I'll have a whisky if I may.'
'Certainly sir, which would you fancy?'
'Well, I'm not sure, what do you have?'
'Ah, let's see, we have Black & White or Cutty Sark - we even have one named after you sir.'
'Really? Eric?'

A horse walks into a bar...

...and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
And the horse replies, "I'm finally starting to realize that my alcoholism is tearing my family apart,"

A mule walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

The mule replies, "Well, my mother was a horse, of course, of course. And no one can talk to a horse, of course. Which eventually led to divorce, of course. Of which there was no recourse, of course.
So without my father but with my mute mother, it took quite a long time for me to discover...
...I can't have kids"

A horse walks into a bar

A horse walks into a bar and says "bartender, scotch on the rocks please!"
The bartender, rubbing his eyes in disbelief says "did.. did you just talk?!"
"Yes I have, why?" Said the horse
"It's just, incredible! I've never seen a talking horse! You know, you should really go talk to the local circus, they would LOVE to have someone with your skills!"
The horse replied "why? Are they short on electricians?"

A guy walks into a bar and finds a horse serving drinks

A guy walks into a bar and finds a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a horse tending bar before?
The guy says, It's not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies ~~I don't think I am"~~ "I think not!" p**...! The horse disappears.

A horse walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "sorry we don't serve horses here."
The horse says, "Do you serve beer?"
The bartender replies, "well yes."
The horse sits down, "Then I don't see the problem here."

A horse walks into a bar...

...and the bartender says "are you feeling all right?" The horse replies,"I don't think I am," *p**...* the horse disappears. This is of course a joke referencing the famous quote "I think, therefore I am." I would have explained this ahead of time but I didn't want to put *Descartes* before the horse.

Alcoholic Horse

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, you're in here a lot, are you an alcoholic?
The horse ponders for a minute and responds, I don't think I am , and p**... he disappears.
This is where philosophy students start to snicker, as they are familiar with Descartes postulate, I think, therefore I am.
But telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse.

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "You come here a lot; are you an alcoholic?" The horse ponders this for a moment and says, "I don't think I am."
p**...! The horse disappears.
At this point, a psychology student would begin to snicker because he knows about the Descartes postulate, "I think therefore I am."
I could have told you about that at the beginning of the joke, but that would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

A horse walks into a bar...

"Why the long face?" asks the bartender...
The horse replies, "I can no longer make ends meet based solely on the royalties from s**... in the City."

A man walks out of a bar...

He realizes he must be drunk after having seen an Irishman, Englishman and a Scotsman drinking together, A horse, 2 chemists (one dead), a piano player, a dog, a monkey, an octopus, 007, an ostrich as well as a befuddled bartender tending to countless men walking into the bar...

A horse walks into a bar

The bartender asks "why the long face?" The horse unable to understand human speech promptly takes a dump on the floor and leaves

A man walks into a bar...

... and sees a horse behind the counter. After a minute, the horse yells at him. "Whatsamatter, buddy? Never seen a horse tending bar before?"
"It's not that," said the man, "It's just that I never thought the parrot would sell the place!"

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint.

The barkeeper says "you're in here pretty often. Think you might be an alcoholic?", to which the horse says "I don't think I am.", and vanishes from existence.
See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'I think therefor I am", but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be to put Descartes before the horse.

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender confuses jokes with idioms, and offers the horse water but can't make it drink.

A Priest, a Rabbi, a Nun, two gorillas, a leopard, a horse, two turtles, and a dragonfly walk into a bar.

Bartender yells, What is this, some sort of joke?

So a horse walks into a bar...

So a horse walks into a bar. The barkeep seems to know that the horse frequently goes to bars, and he asks the horse, "Aren't you an alcoholic by now?"
The horse replies, "I think not!" and disappears, seemingly into thin air.
See, the joke here is based on Rene Descartes' famous philosophy of "I think, therefore I am", however, explaining that part first would be putting Descartes before the horse.

A Horse Walks into a Bar...

He approaches the bartender and says, "If there is a triangle with three sides labeled x, y, and z, and x and z are perpendicular to each other, which side is the hypotenuse?"
The bartender thinks for a moment, then replies, "Y, the long face."

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

"Because alcoholism has destroyed my life and my family. Let me get your rail whiskey."

Ten horses walk out of a bar. They see another horse getting mugged by a big scary dude in an alleyway. The horses are unsure if they should intervene. One brave horse says, "Let's put it to a vote! If you want to help him, say aye!"

They don't help him.

A horse walks into a bar

The bartender asks what's with the long face, the horse doesn't say anything because it's a horse, it doesn't understand English and it looks confused. It walks out the bar knocking over a few tables.

A Horse walks into a bar

A horse walks into a bar and says to the barman "5 whiskeys please!" before downing the whole lot.
The barman looks at the horse and says "That's quite a stomach you've got, are you an alcoholic?"
The horse says "I don't think I am". Suddenly the horse poofs out of existence.
See the joke is a reference to Descartes the philosopher who coined the phrase "I think. Therefore I am." However explaining this prior to the joke would be putting Descartes before the horse.

A horse walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "why the long face?" The horse screams, "I will end you!" And bites the bartender in the t**.... A priest, a nun, and a rabbi who were just approaching the entrance quietly turn and walk away as the horse shakes the bartender vigorously back and forth screaming, "why the floppy head?! Why the floppy head?!"

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
The horse says, "I just realized that I'm a metaphysical concept within a fictional narrative and will cease to exist at the end of this sentence."

A horse walks into a bar...

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Can I get you anything?" The horse replies "I think not," a promptly disappears.
If you don't get it, it's important to first understand that the French philosopher Descartes famously said, "I think, therefore I am." So when the horse said "I think not," then he could no longer be.
I guess I could have explained all of that before I told the joke, but that would be putting Descartes before the horse.

A horse walks into a bar; the bartender asks, "Hello, do you want a beer?" The horse responds, "I think not," and promptly disappears.

Now, admittedly, this joke only makes sense if you are familiar with the French Enlightenment philosopher, Rene Descartes, who famously said, "I think, therefore I am." The horse thought not, and therefore wasn't...
But if I had explained that first, I would have been putting Descartes before da horse!

A horse walks into a bar

and says "bartender, one beer please!"
The bartender, rubbing his eyes in disbelief says "Did.. did you just talk?!"
"Yes I have, why?" Said the horse
"It's just, incredible! I've never seen a talking horse! You know, you should really go talk to the local circus, they would LOVE to have someone with your skills!"
The horse replied "Why? Do they need a plumber?"

A guy walks into a bar and sees a horse behind the bar serving drinks

The man takes a seat at the bar, mouth wide open, stunned. The horse is interacting with customers, mixing drinks, taking meal orders, and giving change.
Finally the horse sees the man, and says What's the matter, buddy? Never seen a talking horse before?
The man says, No, it's not that. I just never thought the cow would sell the place.

A horse and a duck walk into a bar...

The bartender asks "what can I get for you?"
The duck replies "something strong, my friend here has just broken up with his wife"
The bartender gets them something strong and the horse drinks it all in one. The horse then collapses on the floor
The duck, embarrassed and startled, attempts to leave the bar, but the bartender stops him.
"You can't leave that lyin' there" he says
And the duck replies "it's not a lion, it's a horse" then leaves

A White horse walks into a bar.

The barman remarks "Did you know there's a drink named after you?"
The horse replies "Kevin ?"

A horse, a dog, and a penguin walk into a bar.

The bartender says to the bouncer, "Seriously, Frankie, why are we even paying you?"

A horse walks into a bar.

The shocked bartender points a finger his way in alarm and yells, Hey!
The horse says, You read my mind, buddy.

One Day a Cowboy Rode into Town

He t**... his horse and entered a saloon
When he exited the saloon, he found his horse missing
The cowboy shouted, "I'm going to go inside for another drink, when I'm done, my horse better be returned. If not, I'll do what I did back in Texas."
The cowboy went back inside the bar, got a drink, and returned to find his horse.
As he saddled up, a man approached him and asked,
"Out of curiosity, what did you do back in Texas?"
The cowboy responded,
"I had to walk home."
P.S. Sorry

A dinosaur, a spider, and a cowboy walk into a bar

All three sit at the bar and begin drinking heavily, clearly distressed. The bartender asks them what their troubles are.
The Cowboy takes a shot, then says "my horse got loose, ran into traffic, and got hit by a semi truck carrying gasoline. Cause a whole big e**... and blew my poor horse to bits." The spider nods sympathetically. "I just lost my husband in that same fire. The driver found him, freaked out, and crashed trying to squash my dear hubby."
The bartender is in shock, but finally asks the dinosaur his story.
The dinosaur sniffed, took a sip from his straw, and said "My whole family was on that truck"

A horse walks into a bar, at which point the bartender asks if he's an alcoholic given all the bars he frequents.

I don't think I am. the horse replies.
*p**...*
The horse disappears.
This is the moment where those who are into philosophy start to grin as they're familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito Ergo Sum , or I think, therefore I am .
But to explain that joke beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

A horse walks into a bar, and orders a drink.

He finished it, and the bartender asks if he wants another one. The horse replies I think not and disappears.
This joke is normally told with Rene Descartes as the subject, but to tell you that one first is to put Descartes before the horse.

A shy horse wants to go to the bar and have a drink.

But he does not want to be seen in public. So he puts on a a donkey mask. Wearing the donkey mask, the horse walks into the bar.
The Chinese bartender says, "Hey, why the wrong face?"

A guy walks into a bar. The bartender is a horse.

He says, "Oh, hey Rene, you want the usual?". Rene says "Yeah sure. Why the long face?". The horse and bar disappear because they were never, in fact, real and the only thing that definitely did exist was Rene.
You see it's a joke about Rene Descartes, but if I told you that at the beginning I would be putting Descartes before De Horse

A nun, a horse, a duck, a Mexican, a blonde, a lesbian, an Irishman, Celine Dion, a rabbi, a talking frog, a three-legged dog, a blind man, and a guy walk into a bar...

...The bartender looks up and says, "Is this a joke?"

Horse walks into a bar.

Bartender says "Why the long face?"
"Ha, ha, very funny," says the horse. "But I gotta say, today was not a good day. Injured my leg out, on the racetrack. My career's probably finished."
Bartender reaches under the bar, pulls out a gun, and shoots the horse.
Then he feels sorry for him, says "Tell ya what, buddy. That round is on the house."

A horse walks into a bar...

... and orders a pint. The bartender then says "You know, you're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"
The horse responds "I don't think I am..." and promptly vanishes from existence.

See, this was a joke about Descartes' famous line from philosophy: "I think, therefore I am." But if I had explained that before the rest of the joke, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, " you're in here alot, are you an alcoholic?"
The horse ponders for a moment and responds " I don't think I am" and p**... he disappears.
This is where philosophy students begin to snicker because they are familiar with Descartes postulate,
" I think therefore I am."
But telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse.

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, why the long face?"

"Because I have a crippling addiction to alcohol." says the horse.

A horse walks into a bar

.. and just like that my Olympic Equestrian Show Jumping dream was over. Thanks a lot you s**... horse.

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint

The bartender says You know, you're in here pretty often, do you think you might be an alcoholic?
The horse says I don't think I am.. and promptly disappears from existence.
See this was a joke about Descarte's famous philosophy line I think therefore I am but if I had explained that before the rest of the joke I would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

A horse walks into a bar

A horse walks into a bar. The shocked bartender points a finger his way and yells, Hey!
The horse says, You read my mind, buddy.

A horse walks into a bar

And orders a beer. The bartender looks confused but pours him a cold one:
- That'll be $25.
The horse opens his wallet, pays and start drinking. The bartender is still in awe and says:
- You see, we don't really have many horses coming in here.
To which the horse replies:
- With prices like these, I'm not surprised.

A horse walks into a bar.

He orders a shot of whiskey and a beer.
The bartender says Why the long face?
The horse replies My alcoholism is destroying my family.

A pony walks into a bar

Bartender: What'll it be?
Pony: I'll *ahem* have a *cough cough* beer.
Bartender: You got a cough?
Pony: Yeah *ahem* I'm a little horse.

A cowboy walks into a bar

A cowboy walks into a bar a wips out his gun and said: "who stole my horse!?"
*silence*
"If the thief does not admit i will do what my father did when his horse got stolen"
o**... stands up and said: "what did your father did when his horse got stolen?"
The cowboy said: "he walked home"

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?"

The horse, not being able to comprehend human language, s**... on the floor and leaves.

A horse walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a triple whisky."

The bartender says to the horse, Are you an alcoholic?
The horse replies, I don't think I am. The horse promptly vanishes into thin air.
Now, that joke was a play on the classic proposition Cogito ergo sum , or I think, therefore I am. If this was to be explained at the start of the joke though, it wouldn't work. It would be putting Descartes before the horse.

A horse walks into a bar

When he approaches the bar, the bartender said "Hey"
The horse said, "Nah, just beer please. I just ate"

A Horse Walks into a Bar

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, Hey fellow, why the long face?
The horse, incapable of understanding the English language, s**... all over the floor and leaves.

A horse walks in to a bar...

The bartender greets him, and says "You've been coming in here a lot. Do you think you might have a drinking problem?"
The horse pauses for a minute and says, "I think not."
And immediately disappears.

See, this joke plays on the famous Rene Descartes philosophical quote "I think, therefore I am." I would have explained that first, but that would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

A horse walks into a bar ...

The bartender says "why the long face?"
The horse, not understanding English, s**... on the floor and leaves.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, Why the long face?

The horse says, Because idiots keep eating up my dewormer medicine.

A horse walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "Why the long f--" when suddenly the horse cuts him off.
"I've heard that a million times. 'Why the long face, haha!" I hear that everywhere I go."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," says the bartender. "Other than that, how's your
life?"
The horse responds with, "Stable."

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint

The bartender says, " you're in here a lot. Do you think you might be an alcoholic? " The horse says, "I don't think I am, " and promptly vanishes from existence.
See, this was a joke about Descartes' famous philosophical statement, " I think, therefore I am." I could have mentioned that at the beginning, but that would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

A Horse Walks Into A Bar…

The Bartender says, Why the long face?
The Horse, not knowing the English language, s**... all over the floor and kicks the bartender with its back leg and leaves.

A Centaur walks into a bar, and the bartender asks him "So, why the long face?"

I'm half horse...the wrong half.

A horse walks into a bar...

... the bartender said "You're in here a lot, I think you may be an alcoholic." The horse replied, "I don't think I am", and vanished.
See, this is a play on Descartes famous line "I think, therefore I am". I would have explained this before the joke, but that would have been putting Descarte before the horse.

So a cowboy parks his horse at the saloon, ties him to the outside, kisses him on the a**..., and walks in to have a stiff drink.

The bar keeper saw this happen, and he just had to ask. "Why'd ya kiss your horse on the a**... before coming in? You got s**... all over your lips!" The cowboy, cool as can be, takes a stiff drink before answering. "It's 'cuz I got chapped lips." The bartender was even more confused; "Horse manure helps with chapped lips?"
"Nah," says the cowboy. "But it keeps me from lickin' 'em"

A horse walks into a bar…

bartender says you come in here an awful lot. are you sure you're not an alcoholic?
the horse replies i don't think i am and then promptly vanishes.
you see, this was based on descartes' famous line i think, therefore i am but i couldn't explain that before the rest of the joke because
that would be putting descartes before the horse

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asks the horse if he's an alcoholic because he's always there, and the horse replies, "I don't think I am." Then p**...! The horse disappears.
Some of you are giggling at this because you're familiar with the philosophical proposition of *cogito ergo sum*, or "I think, therefore I am."
I could have explained that beforehand, but that would be putting Descartes before the horse.

A horse walks into a bar.

Bartender asks, Are you singing karoake tonight?
Horse replies, Neigh, I don't like being the centaur of attention.

jokes about a horse walks into a bar