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911 Jokes

182 911 jokes and hilarious 911 puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about 911 that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a good laugh? Check out our collection of hilarious 911 jokes! From funny callers to crazy emergencies, we've got all the laughs you need.

Best Short 911 Jokes

Short 911 jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The 911 humour may include short emergency jokes also.

  1. How many Karen's does it take to change a light bulb? Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness
  2. A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police: - Hello, is this 911?
    - Yes, what is your emergency?
    - I called to inform you that you're 910 now.
  3. A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?" "Yes, it is," came the reply.
    "Thank Goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone."
  4. Why can't a blonde dial 911? Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
    A: She can't find the eleven.
  5. Barack Obama is having a race with joe Biden around the white house. After finishing the race Obama says "Whew, just under 10 minutes. Did I break the record?"
    Biden replies "No, Bush did 9:11."
  6. People should really stop making jokes about major tragedies. My Dad died on 9/11... He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia...
  7. Woman calls 911 about a peeping tom in her yard 911: "How do you know he's a peeping tom?"
    Woman: "When I asked him what he was doing out there, he said 'I was trying to get a pikachu'".
  8. Dear Americans Dear Americans,
    As today is 9.11 I wish you all the best and am really sorry for your losses.
    Greetings from Europe!
  9. My girlfriend dumped me on 9/11. That's one way of making sure I'll never forget.
    ^^^This ^^^isn't ^^^a ^^^joke, ^^^I'm ^^^actually ^^^broken ^^^inside.
  10. Who were the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims. Went through 87 stories in 10 seconds flat.

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Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about 911 can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of 911 puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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911 One Liners

Which 911 one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with 911? I can suggest the ones about disaster and acts.

  1. Without the Arabs we wouldn't have 9/11. We would have IX/XI instead
  2. If it weren't for Arabs, we would never have 9/11 Instead it would be IX / XI
  3. Why was 10 traumatized? Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
  4. Why was 10 scared? He was in the middle of 9-11
  5. Without Arabians, 9/11 wouldn't exist. It would be IX/XI instead.
  6. In a world without Muslims, there wouldn't be a 911. We'd have to say CMXI instead.
  7. How did 10 die? He was caught in the middle of 9/11
  8. What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow? Can't milk a cow for 21 years.
  9. Chuck Norris called 911 And asked if they needed help.
  10. If it weren't for Arabs, it wouldn't have been 9/11 It would be IX/XI
  11. 9/11 was a national tragedy. So is 11/9.
  12. Why are 9/11 victims the best readers? They can go through 94 stories in seconds!
  13. Proof that 9/11 wasn't a government plot: It worked.
  14. If it wasn't for Muslims, we wouldn't have had 9/11... It would have been IX/XI.
  15. Since this year they launched the iPhone 8/X We'll probably get to see 9/11 next year

911 Calls Jokes

Here is a list of funny 911 calls jokes and even better 911 calls puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A boy calls 9-11. "9-11 what is your emergency?"
    The boy replied, "My parents are fighting and I'm scared.."
    "Well who's your father?"
    "Well that's what they're fighting about."
  • I want to start an interior design company, I'm going to call it 9/11 because it's an inside job.
  • When I bring you breakfast in bed, why can't you just say "thank you"? ...instead of all this "how did you get in to my house?" calling 9-11 business.
  • A blonde's boyfriend dies after choking She tried calling 911 but couldn't find the eleven.
  • I'm a Sikh and tired of being called a Muslim. We're the 7-ELEVEN guys not the 9/11 guys.
  • A guy calls 911 "Send an ambulance! My wife's having a baby!"
    "Just calm down down", says the operator, "Is this her first baby?"
    "No it's her husband you idiot!"
  • A guy calls 911 Guy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!
    911: Alright, What is it?
    Guy: Two girls are fighting over me!
    911: So what's your emergency?
    Guy: The ugly one is winning.
  • Recently my daughter cut herself badly with a bread knife I immediately called 911. the operator told me to apply pressure. I said to my daughter, "When am I going to get a grandchild?"
  • I thought I saw someone unconcious in the back of a car so i called 911 Turns out it was a kid napping 😴
  • Go ahead, call 911! We'll see who comes first.

Call 911 Jokes

Here is a list of funny call 911 jokes and even better call 911 puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How are you going to celebrate 9-11? I go to the tallest tower in my city. Call up a pizza place and order two large planes.
  • Husband calls 911. \- Please send an ambulance immediately. My wife is about to give birth.
    \- Is THIS her first baby?
    \- No, I am her husband.
  • a blonde calls 911 and says "help, help, my house is on fire" ...operater says "stay calm ma'am, we'll send the fire department. how do we get to your house?" Blonde: "duh...big red truck"
  • What did Chuck Norris say after calling 911? What's your emergency?
  • It's the arabs fault that 9/11- Isn't called IX/XI
  • Boy: *calls 911* "Hello? I need your help!" 911: "Alright, What is it?" Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
    911: So what's your emergency?
    Boy: The ugly one is winning.
  • Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.
  • What do you call 9/11 without the arabs? IXXI
  • I got really bad sunburn after falling asleep on my stomach at the beach... I wanted emergency medical attention but 911 never returned my call. I guess they put it on the back burner.
  • What do you call jokes about 9/11 and why are they generally not funny? Too plain jokes

911 Operator Jokes

Here is a list of funny 911 operator jokes and even better 911 operator puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • 911, what is your emergency? Help, two girls are fighting over me.
    Operator: Sir, why is that a problem!
    The ugly one is winning!
  • Operator: "911 what's your emergency?" Person: "Mariah Carey just bombed Times Square."
  • She tied me up and had her way with me. 911 OPERATOR: Do you wanna press charges?
    No, I just wanted to brag about it to somebody.
  • On an application form I was filling out was the question, "Who should we notify in the event of an emergency?" I wrote, "The 911 operator."
  • Alicia Keys called 911 Operator: Yes ma'am what's your emergency?
    Alicia: *My house is on fiyyyyaaaaaaaaaa*
  • 911 what's your emergency? Responder: My wife's going into labour, I don't know what to do.
    Operator: Is this her first born?
    Responder: No this is her husband.
  • My boyfriend called 911 Operator: 911, what's the problem?
    BF:sigh nothing, I'm fine..
  • A teenager got s**... in well. He calls 911.
    Boy: 911?
    Operator: 911, what's your emergency?
    Boy: I'm stuck in a well.
    Operator: How old are you? Is the well deep?
    Boy: im14andthisisdeep.

911 Emergency Jokes

Here is a list of funny 911 emergency jokes and even better 911 emergency puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • "911 " "Hello my wife was cookin dinner and she fell" says the husband
    "What's the emergency?"
    The huband replies " how do I know when the rice is ready?"
  • Nine One One! Guy outside "911! 911!"
    Guy inside "What's going on out there, why are you yelling 911?"
    Guy outside: "emerge and see!"
  • What did the emergency dispatcher say when they were asked if they worked indoors or outdoors? "911 is an inside job"
  • I worked as an Emergency Dispatcher, and Im happy to announce 911 was an inside job!
  • 911 Worker > ,What's your emergency?
    Man > My wife is going to give birth!
    Worker > Is this her first born?
    Man > No,it's her husband
    *Ba Dum Tss*
  • "911, what's your emergency?" Hi i need to report a kidnapping.
    My son is taking a nap in my room right now.
  • "911" "Hello, my wife was cooking and she fell" "What's the emergency?" "How long before the rice is ready?"
  • Why'd the guy panic and call 911 when he realized an ocean was forming around him? It was an emergent sea.
  • hello, this is 911, what's your emergency? it's national donuts day.
  • There was a lighthouse owner that noticed the tide was coming way too high and might wash away his home. So he called 911 It was an emerging sea.

Unearthly Funniest 911 Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

What funny jokes about 911 you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean number jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make 911 prank.

*Phone rings at work*

Boss: Why don't you answer it?
Me: I'll let it ring for a while. That way they'll think I have other stuff to do than talk on the phone.
Boss: ANSWER IT g**...!
Me: 911, what's the emergency?

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest
Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes
Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes
Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama is fairly optimistic
Until Bush did 9:11

A r**...'s father passed away in his sleep

So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body.
The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
He replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?
There was a long pause and finally he said, "How 'bout if I drag him over to Oak Street and you pick him up there?"

Russell Crowe & Sheryl Crow walk into a bar…

The bartender calls 911, "I need to report an attempted m**...!"

Accidentally called 911

Set my house on fire to not look s**....

Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House...

Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House, after three laps Trump excitedly yells "10 minutes exactly, well that has to be a new record!".
Obama says "I don't think so, Bush did 9:11".

Two guys out hunting, one has a heart attack and falls dead.

Second guy calls 911.

Hunter: My friend just died of a heart attack!

Dispatcher: Calm down, first make absolutely sure he's dead.

Hunter: Okay hold on... \*BANG\* Okay now what?

9/11 t**....

When twins go down on you.

Two men are out hunting when one of them suddenly drops dead

Two men are out hunting when one of them suddenly drops dead. He calls 911 immediately. The operator says "Can I help you sir?"
The man replies "I think my friend is dead! Get an ambulance! What should I do?"
The operator replies "Okay, calm down sir. First we have to make sure he is dead."
There is silence, then a gun shot, then the man comes back on "Okay, what now?"

A guy calls 911 and says: "I hit a pig on the side of the highway, what do I do?"

The operator replies: "If it's still alive, put it out of its misery."
The operator hears a gunshot and then the man comes back on the phone.
"Done, now what do I do with his motorcycle?"

911, whats your emergency?

Operator:
Man: A guy just got hit by a car, i need an ambulance.
Operator: What's your location?
Man: I'm on eucalyptus street.
Operator: Can you spell that out for me?
Man: (long awkward pause)
Operator: Sir? Are you there?
Man: I'm gonna drag him over to pine street and call right back.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims because they went through 104 stories in just a few seconds

Two hunters are out in the woods when suddenly one of them collapses. The other hunter pulls out his phone and calls 911

"My friend is dead, what am I going to do?" the hunter desperately asks.
"Just take is easy, I will help you. First; you need to make sure that he really is dead." the operator replies calmly.
#BANG
"Ok, now what?"

"911, what's your emergency?"

*"Me and my friend were out hunting and... I accidentally shot him and now he's dead!"*
"Alright, sir, calm down. Now, we need to be sure he's actually dead before we do anything else."
**BANG**
*"Okay, what next?"*

Why was 10 afraid?

Because it was in the middle of 9/11

Who are the fastest readers ?

9/11 victims, they went through 64 stories in just 8 seconds

Which type of people are the world's fastest readers [DARK HUMOUR]

9/11 victims. They went through more than 50 stories in 10 seconds.

Two hunters are in the woods, suddenly one of them drops to the ground.

The other one quickly decides to phone the emergency services.
"911, what is your emergency?"
"Help me! I'm in the forest and my friend just died!"
"Calm down sir, first, can you make sure he's dead?"
**Bang**
"Okay, what do I do now?"

Offensive nfl joke. Trigger Warning: Terrorism/World Trade Centre/Religious, anybody who is offended do not open this link

I'm really worried about Tim Tebow taking over the QB position. The last time anybody that religious had control of the Jets 9/11 happened

A couple of Blondes are out in the woods hunting.......

When one of them falls to the ground and her eyes close. The other blonde whips out her cell phone and calls 911. She gasps to the operator, Help! Help! My friend Holly is dead! What should I do? The operator, in a calm voice, says, Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure she's really dead.
After a brief silence, a shot rings out, then the blonde's voice comes back on the line. OK, now what?

How do we know 9/11 wasn't a government plot?

Because it worked.

Why can't a blonde dial 911?

Because she can't find the number 11

A kid falls into a well.

After a few hours, a man walks by and hears shouting. He walks over to the well and yells "Is somebody down there?"
"Yes, please help me!"
"Okay, I called 911 and they're on the way. How old are you? What's it like down there?"
"I'm 14 and this is deep!"

George Bush started cracking a 9/11 joke, but one of his advisors whispered, Too soon.

It was September 10th.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.

He's not breathing so his friend calls 911. 'My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator replies, "Calm down sir, first make sure that he's really dead." There's a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, "Ok, now what?"

If 9/11 had happened in July...

7/11's brand name would have crumbled faster than the Twin Towers.

No matter if you are American or European

9/11 is a sad date

My birthday is on 9/11

60 more days to go

Best Joke in the history of jokes, maybe ever

2 guys are hunting in the woods. The first guy faints and stops breathing. The second guy calls 911 and they say "911, what's your emergency?".
The guy says "My friend and I were hunting in the woods and he fainted. I think he's dead."
The 911 operator responds "First make sure that he is dead before anything"
A loud shot is heard. The guy then says "Ok, what do I do next"

The last four presidents of the USA each ran one mile.

Trump made a time of 11:56
Clinton was slightly faster, timing at 11:31
Obama was very fast, he ran a 10:03
But Bush did 9:11

Mama always said Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.

Well I did it! Bank balance: 9.11!

George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest.

George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest. Schwarzenegger did 910 push-ups. Bush won because he did 911.

What do Hillary Clinton and the World Trade Center have in common?

Both collapsed on 9/11 after becoming overheated.

I read somewhere that only 2/11 jokes are funny.

Well, what I read was that 9/11 jokes are never funny, but I like to be positive.

A time sensitive joke for you guys tomorrow..

Knock Knock
Who's there?
9/11
9/11 who?
You said you'd never forget.

My father died on 9/11, I will never forget his last words

Allahu Akbar.
[Do keep in mind that this is not my joke, I just want to spread laughs]

Today is the rest of the world's 9/11

No, seriously, look up the calendar.

My boss walks over to my desk as the phone is ringing…

Boss: Why aren't you picking that up??
Me: I pick it up on the third ring, makes me seem cooler.
Boss: PICK IT UP!!
Me: [rolls eyes] fine. 911, what's your emergency?

Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven.

They ask God who did 911. God replies, "It was perpetrated by members of the Islamic t**... group Al Qaeda."
One whispers to the other, "Dude, this goes way higher than I thought."

Why couldn't the blonde dial 911?

She didn't know where the 11 was.

On my way for the latest Porsche presentation..

the airport officials requested the purpose of my flight.
I wrote down "I'm here for the newest 911".
Best regards from Guantanamo.

Why are 9/11 victims great readers?

They can go through 90 stories in 10 seconds

A man witnesses an accident and calls 911.

Operator: 911, what's your
emergency?
Man: A guy just got hit by a car, I
need an ambulance.
Operator: What's your location?
Man: I'm on Eucalyptus street.
Operator: Can you spell that for
me?
Man: (long awkward pause)
Operator: Sir? Are you there?
Man: I'm gonna drag him over to
Pine street and call right back.

Russel Crowe and Sheryl Crow walks into a bar...

The bartender calls 911 and says, "I need to report an attempted m**...."

Why did only a few people laugh when Bush made a 9/11 joke?

Because it was an inside joke

I told an airplane joke to my co-worker.

Sadly, it flew right over their head. (It wasn't a 9-11 joke, those c**... and burn anyways)

How would you rate USA and Saudi Arabia's relationship?

9/11

Arrested at the airport

I'm a car salesman going to New York for the unveiling of the new Porsche 911 model
When i landed in New York the TSA asked me are you here for business or pleasure
I responded I'm here for the new 911

Two hunters are strolling through the woods ...

When suddenly, one of them gasps, grabs hit chest, and collapses on the floor, eyes open and non-responsive.
In a panic, the other hunter dials 911: "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?!"
"Sir, please calm down. First of all, lets make sure he's dead"
There is a silence, and then a gunshot is heard
"Okay, so now what?"

"911, what's your emergency?"

Drunk r**..., "Send help, my buddy just fell and hit his head on the sidewalk. He's bleed'n like a stuck hog!"
911, "Okay sir, what's your location?"
Drunk r**..., "We're at the corner of Sycamore and Vine."
911, "Okay sir, I'm going to need you to spell that for me. "
Drunk r**..., "Si.....Sy...ah! screw it! I'll drag him on down to Maple you can pick him up there!"

What's the difference between a cow and 9/11?

...you can't milk a cow for a decade straight.

Hillary and Trump tie in the election...

And the election moderator isn't sure what to do. So he decides that the president will be decided by a foot race around the White House lawn.
Trump is up first, and his final time around the lawn is 10 minutes 11 seconds.
Hillary is up next, and her final time around the lawn is 9:20.
The moderator tells Hillary she's won the election and the presidency, and tells her her time. Hillary asks "9:20? Is that a record around the lawn?"
The moderator says "No, Bush did 9:11".

Two hunters

Two hunters were out walking in the woods when suddenly one of them collapses and falls to the ground. The other hunter calls 911 and says "Help! My friend collapsed and died! What can I do?". The 911-operator replies "Calm down, I can help you. First, let's make sure he's really dead". There's a silence and then a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says "Ok, now what?"

A Polish man calls 911

And says, "Help! My wife is trying to kill me!"
The operator asks, "How can you be sure?"
The Pole says, "I was looking through her medicine cabinet, and I found Polish Remover!"

jokes about 911

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these 911 jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.