Following is our collection of 238 humor and number one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include 911 puns for adults, dirty kitchen jokes or clean burglar gags for kids.
There is an abundance of stuff jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 53 funniest jokes on 911. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any automobile witze you can hear about 911.
We would have IX/XI instead
Instead it would be IX / XI
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
He was in the middle of 9-11
It would be IX/XI instead.
We'd have to say CMXI instead.
He was caught in the middle of 9/11
Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest
Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes
Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes
Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama is fairly optimistic
Until Bush did 9:11
So is 11/9.
So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body.
The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
He replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?
There was a long pause and finally he said, "How 'bout if I drag him over to Oak Street and you pick him up there?"
"Yes, it is," came the reply.
"Thank Goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone."
They can go through 94 stories in seconds!
It worked.
Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: She can't find the eleven.
It would have been IX/XI.
After finishing the race Obama says "Whew, just under 10 minutes. Did I break the record?"
Biden replies "No, Bush did 9:11."
He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia...
911: "How do you know he's a peeping tom?"
Woman: "When I asked him what he was doing out there, he said 'I was trying to get a pikachu'".
Set my house on fire to not look stupid.
Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House, after three laps Trump excitedly yells "10 minutes exactly, well that has to be a new record!".
Obama says "I don't think so, Bush did 9:11".
That's one way of making sure I'll never forget.
^^^This ^^^isn't ^^^a ^^^joke, ^^^I'm ^^^actually ^^^broken ^^^inside.
We'll probably get to see 9/11 next year
When twins go down on you.
Two men are out hunting when one of them suddenly drops dead. He calls 911 immediately. The operator says "Can I help you sir?"
The man replies "I think my friend is dead! Get an ambulance! What should I do?"
The operator replies "Okay, calm down sir. First we have to make sure he is dead."
There is silence, then a gun shot, then the man comes back on "Okay, what now?"
The operator replies: "If it's still alive, put it out of its misery."
The operator hears a gunshot and then the man comes back on the phone.
"Done, now what do I do with his motorcycle?"
9/11 victims. Went through 87 stories in 10 seconds flat.
9/11 victims because they went through 104 stories in just a few seconds
"My friend is dead, what am I going to do?" the hunter desperately asks.
"Just take is easy, I will help you. First; you need to make sure that he really is dead." the operator replies calmly.
#BANG
"Ok, now what?"
*"Me and my friend were out hunting and... I accidentally shot him and now he's dead!"*
"Alright, sir, calm down. Now, we need to be sure he's actually dead before we do anything else."
**BANG**
*"Okay, what next?"*
Because it was in the middle of 9/11
9/11 victims, they went through 64 stories in just 8 seconds
9/11 victims. They went through more than 50 stories in 10 seconds.
"9-11 what is your emergency?"
The boy replied, "My parents are fighting and I'm scared.."
"Well who's your father?"
"Well that's what they're fighting about."
The other one quickly decides to phone the emergency services.
"911, what is your emergency?"
"Help me! I'm in the forest and my friend just died!"
"Calm down sir, first, can you make sure he's dead?"
**Bang**
"Okay, what do I do now?"
Because it worked.
I'm really worried about Tim Tebow taking over the QB position. The last time anybody that religious had control of the Jets 9/11 happened
Because she can't find the number 11
After a few hours, a man walks by and hears shouting. He walks over to the well and yells "Is somebody down there?"
"Yes, please help me!"
"Okay, I called 911 and they're on the way. How old are you? What's it like down there?"
"I'm 14 and this is deep!"
He's not breathing so his friend calls 911. 'My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator replies, "Calm down sir, first make sure that he's really dead." There's a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, "Ok, now what?"
7/11's brand name would have crumbled faster than the Twin Towers.
9/11 is a sad date
2 guys are hunting in the woods. The first guy faints and stops breathing. The second guy calls 911 and they say "911, what's your emergency?".
The guy says "My friend and I were hunting in the woods and he fainted. I think he's dead."
The 911 operator responds "First make sure that he is dead before anything"
A loud shot is heard. The guy then says "Ok, what do I do next"
Trump made a time of 11:56
Clinton was slightly faster, timing at 11:31
Obama was very fast, he ran a 10:03
But Bush did 9:11
George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest. Schwarzenegger did 910 push-ups. Bush won because he did 911.
Both collapsed on 9/11 after becoming overheated.
because it's an inside job.
Well, what I read was that 9/11 jokes are never funny, but I like to be positive.
Allahu Akbar.
[Do keep in mind that this is not my joke, I just want to spread laughs]
No, seriously, look up the calendar.
They ask God who did 911. God replies, "It was perpetrated by members of the Islamic terrorist group Al Qaeda."
One whispers to the other, "Dude, this goes way higher than I thought."
the airport officials requested the purpose of my flight.
I wrote down "I'm here for the newest 911".
Best regards from Guantanamo.
They can go through 90 stories in 10 seconds
Because it was an inside joke
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.