The Best 35 911 Emergency Jokes

Following is our collection of funny 911 Emergency jokes. There are some 911 emergency jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these 911 emergency puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest 911 Emergency Jokes and Puns

911, whats your emergency?

Operator:

Man: A guy just got hit by a car, i need an ambulance.

Operator: What's your location?

Man: I'm on eucalyptus street.

Operator: Can you spell that out for me?

Man: (long awkward pause)

Operator: Sir? Are you there?

Man: I'm gonna drag him over to pine street and call right back.

"911, what's your emergency?"

*"Me and my friend were out hunting and... I accidentally shot him and now he's dead!"*
"Alright, sir, calm down. Now, we need to be sure he's actually dead before we do anything else."
**BANG**
*"Okay, what next?"*

Two hunters are in the woods, suddenly one of them drops to the ground.

The other one quickly decides to phone the emergency services.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"Help me! I'm in the forest and my friend just died!"

"Calm down sir, first, can you make sure he's dead?"

**Bang**

"Okay, what do I do now?"

Best Joke in the history of jokes, maybe ever

2 guys are hunting in the woods. The first guy faints and stops breathing. The second guy calls 911 and they say "911, what's your emergency?".

The guy says "My friend and I were hunting in the woods and he fainted. I think he's dead."

The 911 operator responds "First make sure that he is dead before anything"

A loud shot is heard. The guy then says "Ok, what do I do next"

My boss walks over to my desk as the phone is ringing…

Boss: Why aren't you picking that up??

Me: I pick it up on the third ring, makes me seem cooler.

Boss: PICK IT UP!!

Me: [rolls eyes] fine. 911, what's your emergency?


A teenager got suck in well.

He calls 911.

Boy: 911?

Operator: 911, what's your emergency?

Boy: I'm stuck in a well.

Operator: How old are you? Is the well deep?

Boy: im14andthisisdeep.

"911, what's your emergency?"

Drunk redneck, "Send help, my buddy just fell and hit his head on the sidewalk. He's bleed'n like a stuck hog!"

911, "Okay sir, what's your location?"

Drunk redneck, "We're at the corner of Sycamore and Vine."

911, "Okay sir, I'm going to need you to spell that for me. "

Drunk redneck, "Si.....Sy...ah! screw it! I'll drag him on down to Maple you can pick him up there!"

911, what's your emergency?

"I'm masturbating too much."

Sir that's not really a problem.

"One sec. HEAR THAT MOM? NOW GET OFF MY CASE."

A woman drives a car

A blonde woman drives a car and hits a cop. She stops and checks if he's still alive, no vital signs. Panicked, she calls the emergency service.



W: *Hello, is this 911?*



D: *Yes, this is 911, what's your emergency?*



W: *You're now 910.*

A husband's wife is going into labour, so he decides to call 911...

Operator: 911 what's your emergency?

Responder: My wife's going into labour, I don't know what to do.

Operator: Is this her first born?

Responder: No this is her husband.

A boy calls 911.

911 picks up and the boy yells, "Help, help!

911 asks, "What's the emergency?"

The boy says, "Two girls are fighting over me!"

911 responds, "Is that a problem?"

The boy replies, "No, but it looks like the ugly one is winning!"

You can explore 911 emergency reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean 911 emergency dad jokes. There are also 911 emergency puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Two hunters were walking through the forest...

all of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says 911, whats your emergency? The hunter replies My friend just passed out and I don't know what to do! I think he might be dead! The emergency responder replies Before you do anything, make sure he is dead. The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says Ok, now what?

Two men are hunting in the woods.

One of them sees a deer and fires, but accidentally shoots his friend in the back. When he realizes what happened, he immediately calls 911.

"Hello, what is your emergency?"

"I think I just killed my friend while hunting!"

"Ok, we'll send an ambulance immediately. But don't say things like that unless you're certain. Can you make sure he's dead?"
The emergency operator hears him walk a few steps then, *bang!*

"Ok, now I'm sure."

A guy calls 911

Guy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it?
Guy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what's your emergency?
Guy: The ugly one is winning.

Two hunters.

Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says 911, whats your emergency? The hunter replies My friend just passed out and I don't know what to do! I think he might be dead! The emergency responder replies Before you do anything, make sure he is dead. The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says Ok, now what?

An unknown number calls a man at work.

He immediately hangs up without saying anything.



His boss watches him do this and asks, "Why did you hang up?"



The man answers, "I didn't know the number".



His boss, seething with rage, shouts "CALL THEM BACK RIGHT NOW".



The man complied and calls them back, saying, "911, what's your emergency?"

911 What's your emergency?

**Kangaroo:** I CAN'T FIND MY KIDS!

**911:** Did you check your pockets?

**Kangaroo *[pats pocket]*:** Oh... nevermind.

The wife of Korean immigrant was bed ridden with a high fever.

She hadn't had consciousness for a while and she was a burning 40 degrees Celsius. Worried, the husband tries to call for an ambulance, using his broken English.

"911 emergency, how can we help you."

"Wife in bed. She so hot."

"Okay... good for you."

Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"

Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"

Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"

Translated - hope it makes sense to you guys :)


Remain Calm :)

An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Toronto much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal.

It seems that a caller dialled 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah."

To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line

Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses

Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses. The other one calls '911' and the operator answers.

"This is 911, what is your emergency?" she says.

"Uh... My friend is dead I don't know what to do!" the man replies.

"Ok, calm down. Firstly, you gotta make sure he actually is dead", the woman says.

"Fine, give me 1 second"

*Gunshot fired*

"Ok, what now?" the man asks.

Conversation between a 911 operator and a hunter

"911, what's your emergency?"

"My friend and I went hunting and he got attacked by a bear, I managed to scare it away, but I think my friend is dead"

"OK, stay calm. First, make sure he is dead"

*Gun shot*

"He is. Now what?"

911, what is your emergency?

Help, two girls are fighting over me.

Operator: Sir, why is that a problem!

The ugly one is winning!

Calling 9-1-1

A guy walks into a bar after a long day of work to relax and have a beer. Unfortunately there is a big group of young men crowded into the bar laughing loudly and carrying on. Finally, in exasperation, the guy calls 9-1-1. "Hello, 911, what is your emergency?" the dispatcher asks. "These men won't stop laughing," the guy complains."Okay that sounds annoying but it's not a crime," the dispatcher says. "Well, what the heck is manslaughter then?" the guy complains.

Two brothers are hunting in the woods...

One of the two brothers has a heart attack and passes out. So the other brother is worried and calls 911.

911: Whats your emergency?

Man: I think my brother just died. He's just collapsed and he's not breathing.

911: Can you make sure whether he is dead?

Man: sure.

*a loud gunshot can be heard over the phone*

Man: Done, what should I do next?

911: what's your emergency?

**pig:** a wolf just blew my house down!

**911:** HOLY SHIβ€”

**pig:** I know right?

**911 [covering phone]:** Frank, theres a talking pig on the other line

"911 "

"Hello my wife was cookin dinner and she fell" says the husband

"What's the emergency?"

The huband replies " how do I know when the rice is ready?"

A man receives a call

A man receives a call at work

His boss asks him, "Who was that?"

"Just some random guy"

"Call him back NOW!" The man calls back and says, "911, what's your emergency?"

What did Chuck Norris say after calling 911?

What's your emergency?


Boy: *calls 911* "Hello? I need your help!" 911: "Alright, What is it?"

Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what's your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.

A Hunter and his Friend go Hunting in the Woods. His Friend accidentally trips and hits his head.

The Man hurried to call 911.

911: 911, What's your Emergency?

Hunter: My Friend tripped and hit his head and he is not moving. What do I do?

911: Ok, Don't Panic. First, make sure if he is dead.

Hunter: Ok. *Long Pause* *Gunshot*
What Next?

I got really bad sunburn after falling asleep on my stomach at the beach...

I wanted emergency medical attention but 911 never returned my call. I guess they put it on the back burner.

A young man at his wit's end called the Suicide Hotline for help. Unfortunately he was greeted by an automated voice message after waiting for several rings.

"Hello," spoke an artificial sounding voice on the other line "we regret to inform you that the Suicide Hotline is no longer in service. If you do require assistance with your suicide please use the emergency number 911 and an officer will be out to assist you shortly."

What did the emergency dispatcher say when they were asked if they worked indoors or outdoors?

"911 is an inside job"


Play it cool...

(Phone ringing)

Boss: Why the hell aren't you picking that up?

Me: I always answer on the third ring, it makes me seem cooler.

Boss: PICK IT UP!

Me: (rolling eyes) Fine, (picks up phone) 911 what's your emergency.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the 911 emergency jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working 911 emergency piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes