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911 Emergency Jokes

71 911 emergency jokes and hilarious 911 emergency puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about 911 emergency that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest 911 Emergency Short Jokes

Short 911 emergency jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The 911 emergency humour may include short 911 calls jokes also.

  1. A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police: - Hello, is this 911?
    - Yes, what is your emergency?
    - I called to inform you that you're 910 now.
  2. A boy calls 9-11. "9-11 what is your emergency?"
    The boy replied, "My parents are fighting and I'm scared.."
    "Well who's your father?"
    "Well that's what they're fighting about."
  3. A guy calls 911 Guy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!
    911: Alright, What is it?
    Guy: Two girls are fighting over me!
    911: So what's your emergency?
    Guy: The ugly one is winning.
  4. 911, what is your emergency? Help, two girls are fighting over me.
    Operator: Sir, why is that a problem!
    The ugly one is winning!
  5. "911 " "Hello my wife was cookin dinner and she fell" says the husband
    "What's the emergency?"
    The huband replies " how do I know when the rice is ready?"
  6. Boy: *calls 911* "Hello? I need your help!" 911: "Alright, What is it?" Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
    911: So what's your emergency?
    Boy: The ugly one is winning.
  7. Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.
  8. I got really bad sunburn after falling asleep on my stomach at the beach... I wanted emergency medical attention but 911 never returned my call. I guess they put it on the back burner.
  9. Nine One One! Guy outside "911! 911!"
    Guy inside "What's going on out there, why are you yelling 911?"
    Guy outside: "emerge and see!"
  10. What did the emergency dispatcher say when they were asked if they worked indoors or outdoors? "911 is an inside job"

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911 Emergency One Liners

Which 911 emergency one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with 911 emergency? I can suggest the ones about dialed 911 and 911 operator.

  1. What did Chuck Norris say after calling 911? What's your emergency?
  2. Operator: "911 what's your emergency?" Person: "Mariah Carey just bombed Times Square."
  3. I worked as an Emergency Dispatcher, and Im happy to announce 911 was an inside job!
  4. hello, this is 911, what's your emergency? it's national donuts day.
  5. 911 calls Chuck Norris for emergency.
  6. Why is the American emergency number 911? It's 9/11 so you'll never forget.

Comical 911 Emergency Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land

What funny jokes about 911 emergency you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean call 911 jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make 911 emergency pranks.

Kangaroo 911: "What's your emergency?"
Kangaroo: "I can't find my children"
Kangaroo 911: "Did you check your pockets?"
Kangaroo: "Oh nevermind."

911 What's your emergency?

**Kangaroo:** I CAN'T FIND MY KIDS!
**911:** Did you check your pockets?
**Kangaroo *[pats pocket]*:** Oh... nevermind.

Two men are hunting in the woods.

One of them sees a deer and fires, but accidentally shoots his friend in the back. When he realizes what happened, he immediately calls 911.
"Hello, what is your emergency?"
"I think I just killed my friend while hunting!"
"Ok, we'll send an ambulance immediately. But don't say things like that unless you're certain. Can you make sure he's dead?"
The emergency operator hears him walk a few steps then, *bang!*
"Ok, now I'm sure."

A boy calls 911.

911 picks up and the boy yells, "Help, help!
911 asks, "What's the emergency?"
The boy says, "Two girls are fighting over me!"
911 responds, "Is that a problem?"
The boy replies, "No, but it looks like the ugly one is winning!"

Conversation between a 911 operator and a hunter

"911, what's your emergency?"
"My friend and I went hunting and he got attacked by a bear, I managed to scare it away, but I think my friend is dead"
"OK, stay calm. First, make sure he is dead"
*Gun shot*
"He is. Now what?"

911 Emergency Call

"911, what's your emergency?"
"I'm out hunting and my buddy just fell in a hole, I don't think he's breathing, I think he's dead."
"Okay, keep calm. The first thing we need to do is make sure he's dead."
*shot fired*
"Okay, he's dead, what next?"

"911, what's your emergency?"

Hi i need to report a kidnapping.
My son is taking a nap in my room right now.

Hello!? 911! HELP! S.O.S!

**Boy *calls 911***
-----------------------
Boy: Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what's your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.

Why'd the guy panic and call 911 when he realized an ocean was forming around him?

It was an emergent sea.

"911" "Hello, my wife was cooking and she fell"

"What's the emergency?" "How long before the rice is ready?"

911

Worker > ,What's your emergency?
Man > My wife is going to give birth!
Worker > Is this her first born?
Man > No,it's her husband
*Ba Dum Tss*

911, what's your emergency?

"I'm m**... too much."
Sir that's not really a problem.
"One sec. HEAR THAT MOM? NOW GET OFF MY CASE."

On an application form I was filling out was the question, "Who should we notify in the event of an emergency?"

I wrote, "The 911 operator."

Hello 911

911: Yes, What is the emergency ?
guy: two girls are fighting for me .
911: what is the problem with that sir ?
Guy: and the ugly one is winning.

Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses

Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses. The other one calls '911' and the operator answers.
"This is 911, what is your emergency?" she says.
"Uh... My friend is dead I don't know what to do!" the man replies.
"Ok, calm down. Firstly, you gotta make sure he actually is dead", the woman says.
"Fine, give me 1 second"
*Gunshot fired*
"Ok, what now?" the man asks.

Best Joke in the history of jokes, maybe ever

2 guys are hunting in the woods. The first guy faints and stops breathing. The second guy calls 911 and they say "911, what's your emergency?".
The guy says "My friend and I were hunting in the woods and he fainted. I think he's dead."
The 911 operator responds "First make sure that he is dead before anything"
A loud shot is heard. The guy then says "Ok, what do I do next"

"911, what's your emergency?"

*"Me and my friend were out hunting and... I accidentally shot him and now he's dead!"*
"Alright, sir, calm down. Now, we need to be sure he's actually dead before we do anything else."
**BANG**
*"Okay, what next?"*

Can't wait until I can text 911 for emergencies, I finally won't get left on read anymore...

Two hunters are in the woods, suddenly one of them drops to the ground.

The other one quickly decides to phone the emergency services.
"911, what is your emergency?"
"Help me! I'm in the forest and my friend just died!"
"Calm down sir, first, can you make sure he's dead?"
**Bang**
"Okay, what do I do now?"

Remain Calm :)

An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Toronto much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal.
It seems that a caller dialled 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah."
To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line

Two hunters were walking through the forest...

all of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says 911, whats your emergency? The hunter replies My friend just passed out and I don't know what to do! I think he might be dead! The emergency responder replies Before you do anything, make sure he is dead. The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says Ok, now what?

911 what's your emergency?

Responder: My wife's going into labour, I don't know what to do.
Operator: Is this her first born?
Responder: No this is her husband.

A husband's wife is going into labour, so he decides to call 911...

Operator: 911 what's your emergency?
Responder: My wife's going into labour, I don't know what to do.
Operator: Is this her first born?
Responder: No this is her husband.

Alicia Keys called 911

Operator: Yes ma'am what's your emergency?
Alicia: *My house is on fiyyyyaaaaaaaaaa*

There was a lighthouse owner that noticed the tide was coming way too high and might wash away his home. So he called 911

It was an emerging sea.

A lion calls 911 and gets put on hold.

a couple of minutes later...
911 what is your emergency?
Jeez Finally! One of our lion cubs was eaten by a hyena!
Are the other cubs safe??
Well, I actually got really hungry while I was on hold...

Two hunters were in the woods

They were on their way back from hunting when one of the hunters suddenly b**... out. The other hunter immediately called 911
911: "911 whats your emergency?"
Hunter: "my friend paased out, I think he is dead!"
911: "Ok, the first think you need to do is make sure he is dead"
The hunter says "ok" and sets the phone down.
*BANG* *BANG* *BANG*
Hunter: "ok, now what?"

Q: Why don’t Oregon fans use 911 in an emergency?

A: Because they can’t find "eleven" on the phone dial.

Two hunters are out in a forest.......

...when one of the collapses, the other hunter panics, and calls 911, here's what happened:
Operator: 911, whats your emergency
Hunter: My friend collapsed in the forest with me, what do I do?!
Operator: Can check if he is dead?
There is silence...... then,
\*BANG\*
Hunter: Okay, what now?

A young man at his wit's end called the s**... Hotline for help. Unfortunately he was greeted by an automated voice message after waiting for several rings.

"Hello," spoke an artificial sounding voice on the other line "we regret to inform you that the s**... Hotline is no longer in service. If you do require assistance with your s**... please use the emergency number 911 and an officer will be out to assist you shortly."

My boss walks over to my desk as the phone is ringing…

Boss: Why aren't you picking that up??
Me: I pick it up on the third ring, makes me seem cooler.
Boss: PICK IT UP!!
Me: [rolls eyes] fine. 911, what's your emergency?

A Hunter and his Friend go Hunting in the Woods. His Friend accidentally trips and hits his head.

The Man hurried to call 911.
911: 911, What's your Emergency?
Hunter: My Friend tripped and hit his head and he is not moving. What do I do?
911: Ok, Don't Panic. First, make sure if he is dead.
Hunter: Ok. *Long Pause* *Gunshot*
What Next?

The wife of Korean immigrant was bed ridden with a high fever.

She hadn't had consciousness for a while and she was a burning 40 degrees Celsius. Worried, the husband tries to call for an ambulance, using his broken English.
"911 emergency, how can we help you."
"Wife in bed. She so hot."
"Okay... good for you."

A teenager got s**... in well.

He calls 911.
Boy: 911?
Operator: 911, what's your emergency?
Boy: I'm stuck in a well.
Operator: How old are you? Is the well deep?
Boy: im14andthisisdeep.

911: what's your emergency?

**pig:** a wolf just blew my house down!
**911:** HOLY s**...—
**pig:** I know right?
**911 [covering phone]:** Frank, theres a talking pig on the other line

Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"

Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"
Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
Translated - hope it makes sense to you guys :)

*Phone rings at work*

Boss: Why don't you answer it?
Me: I'll let it ring for a while. That way they'll think I have other stuff to do than talk on the phone.
Boss: ANSWER IT g**...!
Me: 911, what's the emergency?

"911, what's your emergency?"

Drunk r**..., "Send help, my buddy just fell and hit his head on the sidewalk. He's bleed'n like a stuck hog!"
911, "Okay sir, what's your location?"
Drunk r**..., "We're at the corner of Sycamore and Vine."
911, "Okay sir, I'm going to need you to spell that for me. "
Drunk r**..., "Si.....Sy...ah! screw it! I'll drag him on down to Maple you can pick him up there!"

Two hunters.

Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says 911, whats your emergency? The hunter replies My friend just passed out and I don't know what to do! I think he might be dead! The emergency responder replies Before you do anything, make sure he is dead. The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says Ok, now what?

An unknown number calls a man at work.

He immediately hangs up without saying anything.

His boss watches him do this and asks, "Why did you hang up?"

The man answers, "I didn't know the number".

His boss, seething with rage, shouts "CALL THEM BACK RIGHT NOW".

The man complied and calls them back, saying, "911, what's your emergency?"

A woman drives a car

A blonde woman drives a car and hits a cop. She stops and checks if he's still alive, no vital signs. Panicked, she calls the emergency service.

W: *Hello, is this 911?*

D: *Yes, this is 911, what's your emergency?*

W: *You're now 910.*

Play it cool...

(Phone ringing)
Boss: Why the h**... aren't you picking that up?
Me: I always answer on the third ring, it makes me seem cooler.
Boss: PICK IT UP!
Me: (rolling eyes) Fine, (picks up phone) 911 what's your emergency.

Calling 9-1-1

A guy walks into a bar after a long day of work to relax and have a beer. Unfortunately there is a big group of young men crowded into the bar laughing loudly and carrying on. Finally, in exasperation, the guy calls 9-1-1. "Hello, 911, what is your emergency?" the dispatcher asks. "These men won't stop laughing," the guy complains."Okay that sounds annoying but it's not a crime," the dispatcher says. "Well, what the heck is manslaughter then?" the guy complains.

A man receives a call

A man receives a call at work
His boss asks him, "Who was that?"
"Just some random guy"
"Call him back NOW!" The man calls back and says, "911, what's your emergency?"

911, whats your emergency?

Operator:
Man: A guy just got hit by a car, i need an ambulance.
Operator: What's your location?
Man: I'm on eucalyptus street.
Operator: Can you spell that out for me?
Man: (long awkward pause)
Operator: Sir? Are you there?
Man: I'm gonna drag him over to pine street and call right back.

Two brothers are hunting in the woods...

One of the two brothers has a heart attack and passes out. So the other brother is worried and calls 911.
911: Whats your emergency?
Man: I think my brother just died. He's just collapsed and he's not breathing.
911: Can you make sure whether he is dead?
Man: sure.
*a loud gunshot can be heard over the phone*
Man: Done, what should I do next?

This one only works if you're familiar with New Orleans

A man was walking down the street when he came upon a guy lying face down in the gutter. Not knowing if the guy was passed out or dead, he dials 911…
Operator: 911 what's your emergency?
Man: I've come upon a body lying in the gutter. He could be dead or passed out, I'm not sure
Operator: we'll send a patrol car, what's your location?
Man (looking up at the street sign): I'm on T Soup… No, I'm on T choopsol… No no, I'm on Toolsoulp…. No. d**.... Give me a few minutes. I'm gonna drag the body to Magazine and call you back!

A man witnesses an accident and calls 911.

Operator: 911, what's your
emergency?
Man: A guy just got hit by a car, I
need an ambulance.
Operator: What's your location?
Man: I'm on Eucalyptus street.
Operator: Can you spell that for
me?
Man: (long awkward pause)
Operator: Sir? Are you there?
Man: I'm gonna drag him over to
Pine street and call right back.

"9-1-1, What is your emergency?"

"Yeah, there's a guy dressed up as a peanut in the parking lot, he's on the ground and yellin' that he's assaulted. ... I'm at the Shell station on Brittle St. ... Naw, I can't tell from here if he's just plain' or not. This guy's a fuckin' ***nut***."