80year Jokes

How do you get an 80-year-old woman to yell, "F**k"?

You get another 80-year-old woman right next to her to yell, "Bingo!"

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up.

The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said,
"Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old
bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?"


*The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.


*"I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun."


*"As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favourite hunting rifle
and went 'bang, bang'."


*"Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead." "Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.


*The 80-year-old said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."


*The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

An 80-year old man finds his wife doing a handstand naked against a wall.

Shocked, he asks, "what are you doing?

She replies, "I know you can't get it up, but maybe you can drop it in."

A news station was interviewing an 80-year old woman who had just gotten married for the 4th time in her life.

The interviewer was asking her questions about her life, about how it felt to be marrying again at 80, and about her spouse.

The lady mentions hat her new husband is a funeral director.

Then the reporter asks her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little bit about her first three husbands.

She pauses for a few moments, needing some time to reflect on all of those years. After a short time, she shares some details about her first husbands.

The first, she says, was a banker, whom she married in her 20s. In her 40s, she married a circus ringmaster. In her 60s, she married a preacher, and now, in her 80s, she's marrying a funeral director.

The reporter asks her why, if there was any reason, did she choose to marry those specific people.

She responds, "Well, I married one for the money, two for the show. Three to get ready, and four to go!"

An 80-year old man buys a Corvette

He gets it out on the open highway and takes it to 80, then 100, then 120 before he knows it.

He looks in his mirror to see flashing red lights so he pulls over.

The highway patrolman walks up and say, "You know how fast you were going and I know how fast you were going. I've heard every excuse in the book but if you give me one I haven't heard, I'll let you go."

The 80-year old looks the trooper up and down and says, "My wife left me thirty year ago for a highway patrolman and Inwas afraid you were bringing her back!"

Trooper closes his book and sends the Corvette driver on his way!

An 80-year old man gets a check-up...

An 80-year old man was having his annual check-up and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried. Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No." The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!" "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.

An 80-year old man walks into a bar

He walks over to the bartender and orders a beer when the bartender asks for ID. Are you kidding me? I'm 80 years old the old man says. The bartender apologizes, still resisted he had to see the guys ID. So the old man pays and gives the bartender the change back It's for carding me, I take it as a compliment!
The bartender says Thanks, works every time

An 80-year-old man goes to his doctor after undergoing a full body image testing and asks him "What is the result, Doc?"

The doctor asks him "What is your zodiac sign?" Though confused, he replies "Cancer, why?" The doctor turns his head to the man and says "what a coincidence!"

An 80-year old man walks into the doctor's office for his regular check-up.

The doctor says to him, Ahh, Ted, how are you feeling?

Great, says the old man. I have an 18-year old wife, and she's pregnant with my child.

The doctor gives a concerned look and says to Ted, Ted, let me tell you a story. See, I have this hunter friend and one early morning, he goes out hunting, but is in such a hurry that he grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So, as he is hunting, he spots a
lion. He aims at the lion with his umbrella and shoots at it. Bam! The lion falls dead to the ground.

What?! cries the old man. Why? that's impossible! Someone else must have shot the lion.

Exactly! says the doctor.

We have collected gags that can be used as 80year pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about 80year, here are one liners and funny 80year pick up lines.

Joko Jokes