60mph Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious 60mph puns

They say it's hard to get over your ex

I think say 60mph does the job pretty well

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if the gas station is 2 miles away..

..and my dad's car can travel at 60mph, why hasn't he returned from getting cigarettes after 6 years?

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A man hits a cat with his car at 60mph...

...and he pulls over to the side of the road to see if the cat is okay. When he reaches the cat, he finds the owner of the cat in tears. "Ma'am, are you alright?" She replies with nothing but sobs.

The cat is in her arms, but she's covered in a blood and the man realizes that he missed the cat but ran over its tail. He walks into the middle of the road, picks up the tail, and walks over to the owner. He apologizes profusely and tries fruitlessly to attach the tail to the cat, but just then a police cruiser pulls up. A policeman steps out and arrests the man.

Some years later, the man is still in prison. One day, a fellow prisoner says "Hey, I never asked you why you got locked up! What's your story?"

The man just smiles and says, "They caught me retailing pussy on the highway."

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So a man was driving home from work one day...

It's pretty late, so he decides to take the freeway to get there faster. He sees a 60mph speed limit sign and figures no one will ever know if he pushes it a little. 65...70...at 75 he decides he'll get home quick enough, not noticing the cop right behind him.

The cop, seeing him, puts on his lights. The man worriedly realizes "Oh no... I can't get another ticket, I just can't." He gets an idea and pulls over. The cop, shaking his head, walks up to the vehicle.

"Sir, did you know you were going 75 miles per hour in a 60 mile per hour zone?"

The man, thinking quickly, exclaims "My wife's in labor! I need to get her to the hospital stat!"

The cop looks in the vehicle and raises an eyebrow. "You're driving alone, sir."

The man looks around, panicked. "Oh my God! I forgot my wife!"

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Bad weather..

I just received this report from a friend in the USA regarding the bad weather there at the moment. He lives in Boston and for the last 2 days they've had non stop snow temperatures of -16 degrees and gale force winds of up to 60mph. They are totally isolated and his mother-in-law hasn't done anything else other than looking through the kitchen window. He was saying that if it carries on like that he will have no alternative but to let her in.

[EDIT]
TL;DR (upon advice):

The weather here is terrible. My MIL hasn't done anything else other than staring through the kitchen window. I might have to let her in.

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An Alabama cop is sitting behind a billboard on the highway doing radar.

Suddenly he sees a teenager in a Mustang fly by him doing 125mph in a 60mph zone.

He flips on his lights and goes after the kid finally catching up to him 2-miles down the road.

The cop walks up to the Mustang and says "Son, I been wait'n fer you all day!"

The kid replies "Sorry Officer, I got here as fast as I could!"

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A nun gets pulled over by a cop on the freeway.

The police asks the nun "Do you know at what speed you were going at ma'am?"
"Yes, i was going at 35 mph"
The cop replies "You are supposed to be at 60 mph at least"
"Isn't this route 35? I was going at the correct speed officer."
The cop chuckles and says "No, thats just the route number but the speed on all the freeways are at least 60mph"
The nun with a scared face says "Well you better go to route 170 since one of my sisters goes through there."

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Swordfish & mako shark specials tonight...

Swordfish & mako shark specials tonight. Lady asked which would be faster. I said the swordfish can reach speeds up to 60mph, shark 42mph...

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How many feet does it take to stop a car from 60mph?

Two - one for the brake and one for the clutch.

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Scientists researched if cheetahs could drive more than 60mph

The results were catastrophic

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What are the most funny 60mph jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about 60mph? Well, here are the best 60mph dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and 60mph pick up lines to share with friends.

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