The Best 73 5th Jokes

Following is our collection of funny 5th jokes. There are some 5th thirteenth jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these 5th fourth puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest 5th Jokes and Puns

The new father

A proud new father sits down with his dad to have a drink.

"Well son, now that you have a son of your own its time I gave you something."

"Dad you dont mea-"

"Yes I do. You've earned it." Says the father as he passes a copy of '1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition' to the son.

"Dad I dont know what to say...I'm honored."

"Hi honored," Replies the father. "I'm dad."

I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th...

Because I know how to reduce fractions unlike the rest of you morons.

10 shots of whiskey please!

A man walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender pours them and the guy starts downing them. By the 5th one the bartender asks, "Why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You'd drink this fast if you had what I have."

The bartender says, "What do you have?"

The guy says, "No money."

Blondes At The Bus Stop.

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.

A bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside, asking the driver - "will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"

The bus driver shakes his head, "no, I'm sorry, it won't" he says.

The other blonde leans inside and asks, "how about me?"

How did Isis move from 5th wanted terrorist group to the most wanted terrorist group?

They cut a head


A teacher is teaching a 5th grade class on Zoom.

The teacher says to Susie, "Tell the class why you want to be a teacher."

Susie says, "Actually, I want to be a stripper."

The teacher asks, "A stripper? I thought you wanted to do my noble profession."

Susie says, "That was before I saw your tiny apartment."

A French guy...

...is showing me his yachts.

French: "This is Un. This is Deux. This is Trois. This is Quatre. This is Six."

Me: "What about the 5th?"

French: "Cinq."

If you snort coke, you get high. If you snort flour...

..you get baked.

...frighteningly, my 5th grader came up with this while we were having a discussion about drugs and what he might end up seeing in Middle School next year.

Mike Tyson was arrested at a 5th grade sitting bee his first time judging

The word was Dictate.

[Spelling Bee Contestant] Can you use it in a sentence?

[Mike Tyson] She liked the way my Dictate

Australian, Englishman and Irishman man are sitting in a Pub

Australian, Englishman and Irishman man are sitting in a Pub with cold beers and all are relaxed.

Aussie says "Great, but back home there is a bar where the barman buys you your 5th beer once you've bought your fourth"

Well, says the Englishman, "back in Manchester my local has a buy 2 and get one for free policy".

Aah! says the Irishman, "in Dublin there's a bar where you get free drinks as soon as you walk in and they keep them coming all evening.Then they take you upstairs and you get non stop sex all night".

"What, youve actually experienced this yourself"? asks the Aussie.

Well "no" says the Irishman "but me sister has"!

What do you call a country that hates the 5th letter of the alphabet?

Haiti

You can explore 5th 1st reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean 5th sixteenth dad jokes. There are also 5th puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Okay, I am getting really irritated

This is the 5th ATM I've been to today that's had "insufficient funds"

What did the youtuber say when he came in 5th place in a race?

First!

What's the funniest joke you've heard that can be told to a 5th grader?

I always loved this one: (works better said out loud of course)

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

... A FSHHH

Scientists claim that after man dolphins rank 2nd in intelligence..

After that comes apes, then some species of parrots.

I guess that pushes women down to 5th.

Do you know who won the first 'Tour de France'?

The 5th Panzer Division

In the 5th month of every year, my aunt let's her pigs in the field....

It's mayham!

Just finished the 5th book...

In the 'Learning to count' trilogy

My wife left me because she believes I live in constant denial

Tonight we'll have a romantic dinner celebrating our 5th year anniversary


"Did you hear about that actress who killed her self?"

"Did you hear about that actress who killed herself? Her name was Reese something-or-other... I don't remember."

"Witherspoon?"

"No, no... with her knife."

--

A joke my 5th grade teacher told me years ago

What are the toughest 4 years of a football player's life?

5th grade

My friends told me I needed to loosen up....

so we went to a club and had a few drinks, after the 5th one I was ready dance.

So I went to the dance floor and then "The Twist" began to play, and I did The Twist.

Then "The Hustle" began to play, and I did The Hustle

Then "Come on Eileen" played and I got banned from the club.

I'm so irritated

This is the 5th ATM I've been to today that has 'insufficient funds'.

Guy goes into a pub.

He orders 7 pints of beer, he drinks the first pint, the third pint, the 5th and the 7th pint and gets up to leave. The barman says why are you not drinking the other three pints.? He says, doctors orders, what do you mean by that asks the barman.? I am on medication and my doctor said to me the odd pint is okay.

A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting

The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right. The statistician yells "We got 'em!"

A drunk man falls off the 5th floor, people ran towards him and asked what happened?

He replies "Well I don't know, just got here"

If today is May the 4th be with you

Then tomorrow is Revenge of the 5th

I wrote an article about "The top 10 worst places to stick a fork"...

The 5th one will shock you!

A busdriver and a pastor have a conversation...

The pastor complains: "Every time i start preaching, people stop praying and fall asleep."

The busdriver replies: "For me it's the other way around. When i shift into 5th gear and hit the pedal, they wake up and start praying."

Last night I met a 5th dimensional hooker...

She blew my mind.

You know what would make gambling hotlines better?

Make every 5th call a winner

How are an anti vaccine baby's 5th birthday and John Cena related?

They will never see it

God said to John ' Come forth and i'll give you eternal life '.

John came 5th and got a toaster instead

I took a picture of the 5th letter of the alphabet today

Epic

Fake taxi

Taxi driver: where to go?

Lady :Airport

Taxi driver: Mam,you are the 5th pregnant lady whom i'm dropping to airport today

Lady: But I'm not pregnant

Taxi driver: But we haven't reached the airport yet

Bus Stop Confusion

Two blondes wait at a bus stop.

A bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside and asks the driver, "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"

The bus driver says, "No, I'm sorry."

The other blonde leans inside and asks, "How about me?"

When you become a dad

A proud new dad sits down to have a drink with his father "Well son, now that you've got kids of your own, I think it's time I give you this"
"Dad you don't mean..."
"Yes son, I do" Dad pulls out a copy of 1001 dad jokes, 5th edition "Dad I'm honoured...", he says, tears sparkling in his eyes. "Hi honoured", replies his father, "I'm dad".

In need of an eye-related joke.

I'm about to be doing a presentation for a bunch of 5th graders. The subject is eyes, and I'm wanting to end it with some kind of eye-related joke as they're walking away. It needs to make sense in context and be appropriate. Anyone have any ideas?

Here in about 50 years, when Harry Potter is on its 5th reboot, this time with an all house elf cast, the author will be

J. K. Rowling over in her grave.

The press should have given Sean Spicer a 5th attempt at clarifying his statement.

Who knows, maybe he finally figured out the final solution.

Jacob's 5th birthday. He wants to be a doctor as his parents.

5th birthday of Jacob who wants to be a doctor as his parents.
His mom is a 'Ear Nose And Throat' doctor. His father is gynecologist. Guests approach Jacob with gifts asking if he want to be a 'Ear Nose And Throat' doctor as his mom or a gynecologist as his dad. Jacob thought about it a little then said: I want to be gynecologist. Why would you, they asked in astonishment. Cause I have no idea about ears and noses. Jacob replied.

4 out of 5 doctors agree

that the 5th doctor is an idiot

My 3rd and 5th child have innie belly buttons. My first born has an outie.

I guess he's the odd one out.

Where there are 4 irishmen....

You always find a 5th

Make sure to dress extra provocative if you ever find yourself in a 5th attempt to overturn a criminal conviction

You'll definitely need that six appeal.

Two 5th graders are doing Math homework.

One tells the other, "I don't know what 99 is in Roman numerals."

The other lowers her glasses and says, "IC."

Gunna have to go to the doctor's office tomorrow for my girl. I think she has dyslexia.

This is the 5th time she went to cook my sock.

'This is the 5th same movie ticket you've bought tonight Sir, Why please?'

'The Idiot at the entrance keeps tearing it'

And Lord said unto John...

"Come forth and receive eternal life"
But John came 5th... He got a toaster

A gambling addict begins his 5th stretch of therapy...

"It failed 4 times in a row, so it's bound to work this time."

American School System

5th grade: You better learn cursive, because in middle school; all your work will be done in cursive!
6th grade: Just write print it's easier to read
Highschool: You better learn these core classes because they'll be required to know before college!
College: You have to retake and pay for these Core Classes for your Degree

Mary has is from a family with 5 sisters. The eldest sisters' name is Twa, second is Twe, third is Twi, the fourth is Two. What's the 5th sisters name?

Twu. Mary is a dude.

Does Britain have the 4th of July?

Or do the calendars just go July 3rd, July 5th, July 6th?

I Went To France's 5th Most Populous City.

It's Nice.

A joke I thought of back in the 5th grade.

Why did the robber go !POP!... Because he was busted.

Why Won't Anyone Tell me the Name of Ukraine's 5th Largest City?

They keep telling me to stop asking...

Pedophile Clown

Inside of an Interrogation room
Investigator: Where were you on the 5th of March?
Clown: I was at a kids birthday party
Investigator: what were you doing at the party?
Clown: I was the Clown
Investigator: what were you doing as the clown?
Clown: Showing them my shoe size
Investigator: ...What do you mean?
Clown: I took them into the Closet
Investigator: Did you at least let them out?
Clown: Oh they definitely came out of the Closet when I was done

How are big chungus memes and the queen similar?

They'll be dead by January 5th

What did Beethoven say when he finished writing his 5th Symphony?

I'm done done done doonnee.

An original, courtesy of my 8 year old niece. If you are an elf in your 5th year at school, how old would you be?

Nazareth.

Yeah, me either.

What do you get an anti-vax kid for their 5th birthday?

A whooping-coffin

In 5th grade, the class clown shat himself on purpose

Everyone loves self-defecating humor

Surveys show that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diareah....

Does that mean that the 5th person enjoys it?

Jesus Spoke to his Followers

Jesus spoke to his followers from atop a podium.

"Come forth, and win eternal life!"



John came 5th and won a toaster.

Remember, remember the 5th of November.

Because if I don't, my wife is gonna kill me for forgetting two anniversaries in a row.

What do you call an Asian person celebrating May 5th in Mexico?

Chinko de Mayo.

July 4th!

How do you have fun on the 4th?

And: Buy a 5th on the 3rd.

My sister is so stupid

She reads on the store door "push"
and gave birth in the 5th month.

What is a customary present for a child's 5th birthday in Ethiopia?

A bunch of flowers on their grave

what does the ominous anesthesiologist say when walking in to see a patient?

NUMB NUMB NUMB NUMB (in the tune of Beethoven's 5th symphony)

I bet Gollum goes nuts on the 5th day of Christmas

What do you call a firecracker that doesn't go off until July 5th?

A late boomer

Did you know that 4 out of 5 dentists agree that they have a high suicide rate?

I don't know what the 5th one said, she killed herself.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the 5th biggest jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working 5th boy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes