50th Jokes
31 50th jokes and hilarious 50th puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about 50th that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Searching for some 50th anniversary jokes? Whether you need a joke for a 50th birthday toast, a 50th class reunion, or a 9th or eightieth anniversary roast, you'll find plenty of hilarious husband jokes here!
Quick Jump To
Funniest 50th Short Jokes
Short 50th jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The 50th humour may include short slow jokes also.
- As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said Y'know, one would have been enough.
- birthday card As i handed my mom her 50th birthday card today she said " One would've done"
- Today would've been my mother's 50th birthday... But due to drug use and bad choices We all forgot about it
- My dad teared up after I gave him his 50th birthday card He said "One would have been enough"
- Wife: Honey, what will you give me for our 25th anniversary? Husband: A trip to Paris. Wife: Wow! That's wonderful! How about for our 50th? I'll pick you back up.
- My mum burst into tears as I placed her 50th Birthday card in her hands, she said "One really would of been enough"
- I took my wife to Hawaii for our 25th wedding anniversary. You know what I did for our 50th? Went back and got her.
- It was my mother's 50th birthday the other day. I handed her her 50th card. She says why have you got me so many cards?!
- For his surprise 50th birthday party, Chuck Norris turned up early.
No one surprises Chuck Norris. - This week, the hospital gave a cake decorated with 50 painted eyes for the optometrist's 50th birthday... ...the following week it was the gynecologist's birthday. He didn't show up.
Share These 50th Jokes With Friends
50th One Liners
Which 50th one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with 50th? I can suggest the ones about ninth and 50th anniversary.
- As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card he said to me: One would have been enough.
- Today would have been my moms 50th birthday... but she was born in January.
- What did the Cookie Monster get on the 50th anniversary of the Muppets? diabetes.
- Why did the j**... climb to the 50th floor? To get higher.
50th Anniversary Jokes
Here is a list of funny 50th anniversary jokes and even better 50th anniversary puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- last weekend was my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary So we threw them a g**....
- A couple is being interviewed for they 50th marriage anniversary Journalist: In fifty years of marriage you never though about a divorce?
Wife: h**..., yes. Divorce, never!
Cheeky 50th Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about 50th you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean anniversary jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make 50th pranks.
Two guys moving a futon to the 100th floor(this is a joke in my native language idk how good it can be translated)
Two guys moving a futon to the 100th floor.
At the 25th floor:
1st guy: T..th...
2nd guy: Tell me when we arrive
At the 50th floor:
1st guy:T..thi...
2nd guy: Tell me when we arrive we dont have time
At the 100th floor:
2nd guy: So what did u want to tell me?
1st guy:T..this is the wrong hotel
An Old Couple Sat Down To Eat Breakfast
Wife: Honey, do you know what today is?
Husband: I believe it is our 50th wedding anniversary.
Wife: Thats right. Do you remember what we were doing right now 50 years ago?
Husband: We were sitting at this very table, eating breakfast n**....
Wife: Thats right. Want to do it again?
Husband: Sure.
*both remove clothes and sit back down*
Wife: Honey, my b**... are as hot as they were 50 years ago.
Husband: Yes they are, one is in your coffee and one is in your oatmeal.
A 70 year old man buys his wife a present
For their 50th wedding anniversary a 70 year old man buys his wife a see through night gown
The next day he goes back to the store and returns it
Cashier: I'm sorry you were unsatisfied with our product. May I ask what was wrong with it?
70 Year Old Man: It was all wrinkled
The air hostess comes to know that the old married couple is...
flying to Hawaii on their 50th marriage anniversary.
She asks them how it feels to be married for so long.
The old man replies: "It all felt like 5 minutes..."
The air hostess was about to reply on the profoundness of what he said, when he earned a slap from the old lady for his next word:
"...underwater".
--Taken from All in a day's work; Reader's digest
Reason for longevity - Ma and Pa are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.......
they are sitting on a bench side by side and Ma says: "I'm getting tired, are you?" And Pa replies: "That's okay, honey, I'm getting tired of you too."
Key to a successful marriage
A couple was celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. The husband was asked what was the secret to their marriage. He replied, When we first got married, we agreed that I would make all the big decisions and she would make all the small decisions. So far it's been all small decisions.
A man grows tired of his relationship with his wife
On their 25th anniversary, the man planned a vacation trip.
Man: Let's go on a vacation, just the two of us.
Wife: (gets exited) Really? Where are we going?
Man: How about an adventure in the jungles of Africa?
Wife: That would be really nice! What about on our 50th?
Man: I'll come back for you.
A cashier is ringing up a customer...
Customer: Alright here you go $6.43, perfect change!
Cashier: CONGRATULATIONS! You're the 50th person to pay in exact change, you know what you get now?
Customer: No, what?!?
Cashier: Nothing!
50th Anniversary Tour
This year, 60s rock group The Byrds will be embarking on a tour of the United States for the 50th anniversary of their formation. The band announced that former President George Bush will be joining them on stage for several of their songs, however, Bush will be playing both guitar and keyboards in order to cut costs. This just goes to show that a Bush in the band is worth two of the Byrds.
It was a couples 25th anniversary
The husband told his wife, "im taking you to china!" the wife then asked what they would do for their 50th anniversary to which he responded "thats when i will pick you up!"
An Asian couple are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. After a wonderful dinner with family and friends they're back home reminiscing when the wife suddenly turns to the husband with an eyebrow raised suggestively and says "Since it our 50th anniversary, tonight we do whatever you want."
"Anything?" he asks. "Anything!" she replies. The man thinks for a long time then gives her a devilish look and says, "I want 69." The wife looks bewildered. "You want Beef & Broccoli now?!"
Wedding anniversary
A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.
On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together.
He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you.
Tomorrow I would've been a free man! "
