50th Jokes

As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said

Y'know, one would have been enough.

birthday card

As i handed my mom her 50th birthday card today she said " One would've done"

Today would've been my mother's 50th birthday... But due to drug use and bad choices

We all forgot about it

A 70 year old man buys his wife a present

For their 50th wedding anniversary a 70 year old man buys his wife a see through night gown

The next day he goes back to the store and returns it

Cashier: I'm sorry you were unsatisfied with our product. May I ask what was wrong with it?

70 Year Old Man: It was all wrinkled

Three women share a birthday and celebrate it together

For their 40th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because the waiters are cute and wear tight pants.

For their 50th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because the prices are reasonable and it has a good wine list.

For their 60th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because its quiet and has a nice view.

For their 70th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because its wheelchair accessible.

For their 80th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because they've never been there before.

As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card he said to me:

One would have been enough.

50th Anniversary Gift

At their 50th anniversary, the wife decides to give the husband a very special gift. She said, as a gift, I'll give you a chance to ask me anything and I'll tell you the truth.

Husband see's a chance. He said, you know, it's about Adam. I have always wondered about him. He doesn't look anything like our other 6 children. I was always suspicious about him. I think I may not have been fair to him as well because of this. I have to ask you, does he have a different father?

Wife pause for a second. then says: yes.

The husband feels sad, but still asks, who?

The wife replies: you.

The air hostess comes to know that the old married couple is...

flying to Hawaii on their 50th marriage anniversary.

She asks them how it feels to be married for so long.

The old man replies: "It all felt like 5 minutes..."

The air hostess was about to reply on the profoundness of what he said, when he earned a slap from the old lady for his next word:

"...underwater".

--Taken from All in a day's work; Reader's digest

An older couple on the morning of their 50th wedding anniversary

An older couple is sitting down to breakfast on the morning of their 50th wedding anniversary. The wife says "Honey, we were wild and crazy when we were newlyweds. What do you suppose we were doing on the morning after we were married 50 years ago?"
The husband says "We were probably sitting around naked at the breakfast table."
"Why don't we do that now? You know...for old times sake?" says the wife. The husband agrees and they both strip and sit back at the table.
The wife leans over and says "Honey, my nipples are as hot for you now as they were 50 years ago."

The husband says "Of course they are. One's in your oatmeal and the other's in your coffee."

A married couple go golfing every year for their anniversary.

During their 50th anniversary outing, the husband says, "Honey, I love you very much but I have to be honest with you. Early in our marriage I had an affair. It was strictly sexual, and it ended quickly."

His wife smiles and forgives him, but after a couple holes says, "Since we're confessing old transgressions, I should tell you that before we were married... I was a man."

The husband pauses, then becomes furious. He throws his hat to the ground, turns beat red and paces around. Finally he says, "You mean to tell me I've let you tee off from the women's tee all these years for nothing!"

a nice Italian couple . . .

At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husbands'
marriage seminars.

At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was
approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and
share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the
same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to
treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka
her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!'

The priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all
the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife
for your 50th anniversary?

Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go picka her up."

I took my wife to Hawaii for our 25th wedding anniversary. You know what I did for our 50th?

Went back and got her.

Reason for longevity - Ma and Pa are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.......

they are sitting on a bench side by side and Ma says: "I'm getting tired, are you?" And Pa replies: "That's okay, honey, I'm getting tired of you too."

A cashier is ringing up a customer...

Customer: Alright here you go $6.43, perfect change!

Cashier: CONGRATULATIONS! You're the 50th person to pay in exact change, you know what you get now?

Customer: No, what?!?

Cashier: Nothing!

Old couple celebrates their 50th anniversary

An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in their home.

Just think," the old man says, "we were sitting here at this same breakfast table, naked as jaybirds, 50 years ago."

Well," the old lady snickers, "what do you say, should we get naked?"

The two immediately strip to the buff and sit back down at the table.

You know, honey," the little old lady says slyly, "My nipples are still just as hot for you as they were 50 years ago."

I'm not surprised," replies the old man. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!"

A man grows tired of his relationship with his wife

On their 25th anniversary, the man planned a vacation trip.

Man: Let's go on a vacation, just the two of us.

Wife: (gets exited) Really? Where are we going?

Man: How about an adventure in the jungles of Africa?

Wife: That would be really nice! What about on our 50th?

Man: I'll come back for you.

50th Anniversary Tour

This year, 60s rock group The Byrds will be embarking on a tour of the United States for the 50th anniversary of their formation. The band announced that former President George Bush will be joining them on stage for several of their songs, however, Bush will be playing both guitar and keyboards in order to cut costs. This just goes to show that a Bush in the band is worth two of the Byrds.

An elderly man walks into a bar

He hears the other patrons discussing marriage. "My wife and I will celebrate our 50th anniversary next week," he proudly tells them. "That's wonderful," one of the others says, "What's your secret for a long and happy marriaige?" "Well, you've got to do nice things for her," he explains. "Such as what?" the others ask. "Well, for example for our 25th anniversary I took her to Ireland." "That is nice," they others agree. "What are you doing for your 50th?" "Going back to visit her."

last weekend was my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary

So we threw them a golden shower.

It was a couples 25th anniversary

The husband told his wife, "im taking you to china!" the wife then asked what they would do for their 50th anniversary to which he responded "thats when i will pick you up!"

An Asian couple are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. After a wonderful dinner with family and friends they're back home reminiscing when the wife suddenly turns to the husband with an eyebrow raised suggestively and says "Since it our 50th anniversary, tonight we do whatever you want."

"Anything?" he asks. "Anything!" she replies. The man thinks for a long time then gives her a devilish look and says, "I want 69." The wife looks bewildered. "You want Beef & Broccoli now?!"

A couple is being interviewed for they 50th marriage anniversary

Journalist: In fifty years of marriage you never though about a divorce?

Wife: Homicide, yes. Divorce, never!

Wedding anniversary

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.

On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together.

He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you.

Tomorrow I would've been a free man! "

This week, the hospital gave a cake decorated with 50 painted eyes for the optometrist's 50th birthday...

...the following week it was the gynecologist's birthday. He didn't show up.

Today would have been my moms 50th birthday...

but she was born in January.

We have collected gags that can be used as 50th pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about 50th, here are one liners and funny 50th pick up lines.

Joko Jokes