5 Cent Jokes
23 5 cent jokes and hilarious 5 cent puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about 5 cent that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest 5 Cent Short Jokes
Short 5 cent jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The 5 cent humour may include short 25 cent jokes also.
- If I had a penny for every time a girl asked me out.. I'd have 5 cents.
She said if I came back inside her house a sixth time she would call the cops. - A joke I made for my fellow Nick's out there : Don't ask me for 5 cents anytime soon...
because I'm Nicholas. - Santa paid 5 cents to go to a concert... ...now all he wants for Christmas is his Nickel-Back
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5 Cent One Liners
Which 5 cent one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with 5 cent? I can suggest the ones about 5 minute and number 5.
- If i had a pound for every 'Brexit' joke on here... I'd still only have about 5 cents.
- How is your mom like a Coke bottle? Both say "Hi, me 5 cents".
5 Cent Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about 5 cent you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean five year old jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make 5 cent pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm Friends with a Really Poor Guy
He's been down on his luck lately, so he told me that he had to become a male p**... to make ends meet. One day, he walked up to me and said that he made a really good amount of money the night before.
Me: How much did you make?
Him: I made $250.05.
Me: Who on earth gave you 5 cents?
Him: Everyone.
Sam walks into his boss's office.
Sir, I'll be straight with you, I know the economy isn't great, but I have over three companies after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.
After a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 5 per cent raise, and Sam happily gets up to leave.
By the way , asks the boss as Sam is getting up, which three companies are after you?
The electric company, water company, and phone company , Sam replied.
How to get rich
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
[nsfw] I just bumped into your mum and she was counting some money...
... I asked her what the money was for. She said she had just finished w**... for the night and made $80.05. I asked "5 cents!? Who pays 5c!?" and she said "all of them".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
5 penny joke
Place the first penny on the table..."Can you smell that....that's a scent."
Place the second penny...."Can you see any fruit....that's a pair"
Place the third penny...."Can you see any cars? Three Lincolns."
Place the fourth down..."Can you see any snakes? Four copperheads.
Place the fifth down..."Can you see any p**...?"
Scoop them all up..."Not for five cents you can't."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sharp Retort
A young, beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to an old woman and says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"
Another young, beautiful woman gets onto the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to the old woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, $150 dollars an ounce!"
About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both of the women in the eyes, farts, and says, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound!"
An American and a Zimbabwean walk into a bar
The American says to the Zimbabwean, You know, we have a few good rappers in America. My favourite would have to be Eminem, have you got a favourite?
The Zimbabwean thinks for about 5 seconds and says, Well yes, of course. My favourite would have to be 50 cent, or as we call him, 400 billion dollars.
I encountered a young cashier while checking out.
My total was $4.07 to so I handed him a $5 bill and 7 pennies. Confused, he said, "This is too much, just give me the $5 bill." I tried explaining to him that I didn't want change back. This situation still had him bewildered as if he doesn't understand the basics regarding math and money.
I was equally as baffled at his confusion to which I said, "This situation makes no cents to me."
You want to get rich? It's easy ... this is how you get rich ...
Getting rich is easy.
You buy an apple for 5-cents. You polish the apple until it's shiny and then you sell it for 10-cents.
Then you use the 10-cents to buy two apples. You polish them until their are shiny and sell them for 20-cents.
Then your father dies and you inherit $20-million dollars.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I bought c**... music for 5 cents today, but the guy ripped me off.
As he ran off, I yelled "Hey, I want my nickel back!"
Expensive perfume
A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume.
She turns to the old Italian woman on the elevator with her and says arrogantly, "Giorgio - Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"
Another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to the old Italian woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!"
About three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, looks both beautiful women in the eye, turns, bends over, and farts. "Broccoli - 49 cents a pound."
The Most Famous Man Who Ever Lived
One day at primary school, the teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give 50 cents to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."
An Irish lad put his hand up and said, "It's Bono!"
The teacher said, "Sorry, Sean, that's not correct."
Then a Scottish boy put up his hand and said, "It's Sean Connery!"
The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Harry, that's not right either."
Finally, a little Jewish girl raised her hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ."
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Esther. Come up here and I'll give you your 50 cents.
As the teacher was giving Esther her money, she said, "You know Esther, you being Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ."
Esther replied, "I know- in my heart it's Moses, but business is business."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old lady was on the elevator when... (X-post from /funny)
...a well-dressed young woman got on, wearing perfume. She looked at the old lady, and said "ROMANCE by Ralph Lauren. $150 an ounce."
At the next floor, another woman got on, wearing even more perfume. "CHANEL #5. $200 an ounce." she announced.
When the doors opened on the next floor, the old lady leaned over, ripped a three octave, sinus-clearing duck call of a f**....
As she walked out the door, she looked back over her shoulder, "BROCCOLI. 49 cents a pound!"
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his expensive wool vest and said, Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $9.80.
After that, the old rich man continued, I invested the $9.80 into a market stall so I could polish and display a lot more apples. I began making about $50 a month from then on.
Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars.
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932.
The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
“I invested that nickel in an apple.
I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples.
I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents.
I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”
“And that’s how you built an empire?” the boy asked.
“Heavens, no!” the man replied. “Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”
Bad Zoo
1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.
2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp.
3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat.
4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino for a walk.
5. The Lion in the lion cage closely resembles the one from The Lion King.
6. The alligator in the Reptiles exhibit is nothing more than the University of Florida's Mascot.
7. If you deposit 50 cents, the giraffe will magically appear and talk to you.
8. Ask the Tour Guide too many questions and you're suddenly dipped in some sort of sauce and placed in the Tigers den.
9. The Elephant appear to be two guys in a two part Elephant suit.
10. Two words: Hippo Dogs!