40th Jokes
15 40th jokes and hilarious 40th puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about 40th that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest 40th Short Jokes
Short 40th jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The 40th humour may include short birthday jokes also.
- My uncle survived a fall of 39 stories off a building Unfortunately, he fell off the 40th story.
- Turning 40 When my best friend turned 40, I sent him a CD in the mail: UB40.
2 months later, on my 40th, I received a CD in the mail from him: U2. - My father who is a janitor said his position at work was raised He will be cleaning the 40th floor instead of the 39th.
- Thomas always wanted to change the World... it wasn't until he fell out the 40th story window, however, that he made a real impact.
- What did Jesus say before He ascended to Heaven on the 40th day of Easter? "Beam me up, Scotty."
- Today, my wife and I celebrated our 20th anniversary together. My wife just recently celebrated her 32nd birthday, and it just so happens that I'm celebrating my 40th birthday tomorrow!
Share These 40th Jokes With Friends
40th One Liners
Which 40th one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with 40th? I can suggest the ones about cold and headstone.
- Threw a surprise 40th Birthday party for myself! Nobody came though. :(
Cheeky 40th Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about 40th you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean seventh jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make 40th pranks.
Husband and Wife 40th Anniversary
A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting a headstone that reads: 'Here lies my wife, cold as ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reading: 'Here lies my husband, stiff at last."
-Sacha Guitry
I had a girlfriend and her favorite Pixar movie was "Up".
This was 2010 and she had it on blue ray, and we would watch it at least once a week at her apartment. But after like the 40th time, I confronted her and said I was tired of watching. The argument got heated; it didn't help that we were drunk. Suddenly, she pushed me and I fell on something. I turned and saw the disk broken; she cried hysterically.
At this moment, I knew, we broke Up...
On their 40th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration...
"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"
Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness --and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."
A middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her 40th birthday. He says: So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?
Bernie, she says. I want a divorce .
My goodness, he says. I wasn't planning on spending that much.
The stone has been rolled away for 38 days and Christ continues to chill with his buds.
God calls from the heavens, it is time.
But Jesus and his friends can't hear over all the partying etc
On day 39, same thing. Son, come sit by my right hand in heaven.
Still nothing.
On the 40th day, God hears that the music is especially loud and knows he'll likely be ignored again. So he grabs a very loud megaphone and yells May I have your ascension please! May I have your ascension please
Building contractor
This building contractor dies in a tragic accident on his 40th birthday.
He ends up heaven where he's greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band and Saint Peter.
Saint Peter shakes the guys hand and says congratulations!
The contractor is a little confused and says congratulations for what?
Congratulations for what!? says Saint Peter.
We're celebrating the fact you lived to the grand old age of 160.
The contractor says, But that's not right. I only lived to be 40.
That's impossible, says Saint Peter. We added up your time sheets!
The woman who had never been s**....
A woman was standing on the deck of a cruiseship crying. A man passed by and asked why she was crying.
Woman: " This is my 40th birthday, I have no friends to celebrate with and as you can see I lost both my arms and legs in an accident when I was a child. And on top of that I've never been s**..., let alone been kissed."
The man picked her up, kissed her gently and looked her deep in the eyes and smiled... And tossed her overboard.
"There, now you've been s**...".
