40th Jokes

Husband and Wife 40th Anniversary

A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting a headstone that reads: 'Here lies my wife, cold as ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reading: 'Here lies my husband, stiff at last."
-Sacha Guitry

Jewish sense of humor

Abe and Esther Goldberg were flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.Suddenly, over the public address system, the captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we are going to attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and we will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives."


Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later, Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our charity pledge check to Beth Shalom Synagogue yet?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.

Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks,
"Esther, did we pay our United Jewish Appeal pledge?"
"Oy no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.

One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send a check for the Synagogue Building Fund this month?," he asks.
"God forgive me, Abie," begged Esther, "I didn't send that one, either."

Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest hug and kiss ever in their 40 long years of marriage.

Esther pulls away and asks him, "So, why do you kiss me?"

Abe answers, "They'll find us!"

My uncle survived a fall of 39 stories off a building

Unfortunately, he fell off the 40th story.

Turning 40

When my best friend turned 40, I sent him a CD in the mail: UB40.


2 months later, on my 40th, I received a CD in the mail from him: U2.

I had a girlfriend and her favorite Pixar movie was "Up".

This was 2010 and she had it on blue ray, and we would watch it at least once a week at her apartment. But after like the 40th time, I confronted her and said I was tired of watching. The argument got heated; it didn't help that we were drunk. Suddenly, she pushed me and I fell on something. I turned and saw the disk broken; she cried hysterically.
At this moment, I knew, we broke Up...

Three women share a birthday and celebrate it together

For their 40th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because the waiters are cute and wear tight pants.

For their 50th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because the prices are reasonable and it has a good wine list.

For their 60th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because its quiet and has a nice view.

For their 70th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because its wheelchair accessible.

For their 80th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because they've never been there before.

A husband and wife in their sixties were coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary.

Knowing his wIfe loved antiques, he bought a beautiful old brass oil lamp for her.

When she unwrapped it, a genie appeared.

He thanked them and gave each of them one wish.

The wife wished for an all expenses paid, first class, around the world cruise with her husband.

Shazam!

Instantly she was presented with tickets for the entire journey, plus expensive side trips, dinners, shopping, etc.

The husband, however, wished he had a female companion who was 30 years younger.

Shazam!

Instantly he turned 93 years old.

The woman who had never been screwed.

A woman was standing on the deck of a cruiseship crying. A man passed by and asked why she was crying.

Woman: " This is my 40th birthday, I have no friends to celebrate with and as you can see I lost both my arms and legs in an accident when I was a child. And on top of that I've never been screwed, let alone been kissed."

The man picked her up, kissed her gently and looked her deep in the eyes and smiled... And tossed her overboard.

"There, now you've been screwed".

A middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her 40th birthday. He says: So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?

Bernie, she says. I want a divorce .

My goodness, he says. I wasn't planning on spending that much.

Meeting a blind date

Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nerviously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said.

"I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you play with Rollo while you're waiting? He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up, and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through."

The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over. Paul made a hoop with his arms, and Rollo jumped through and went right over the balcony railing. Just then, Paul's date walked out.

"Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?"

"To tell the truth," he replied, "He seemed a little depressed to me."

Thomas always wanted to change the World...

it wasn't until he fell out the 40th story window, however, that he made a real impact.

What did Jesus say before He ascended to Heaven on the 40th day of Easter?

"Beam me up, Scotty."

Threw a surprise 40th Birthday party for myself!

Nobody came though. :(

Today, my wife and I celebrated our 20th anniversary together.

My wife just recently celebrated her 32nd birthday, and it just so happens that I'm celebrating my 40th birthday tomorrow!

We have collected gags that can be used as 40th pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about 40th, here are one liners and funny 40th pick up lines.

Joko Jokes