400 Jokes
92 400 jokes and hilarious 400 puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about 400 that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest 400 Short Jokes
Short 400 jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The 400 humour may include short eighteen jokes also.
- Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.
- King: How many volunteers do we have for my evil army? Squire: 384 my liege
king: Ok, round them up
Squire: 400 my liege - Wonder Woman earned $300 million worldwide in first week. "Wonder Man" earned $400 million for doing the same job.
- If you could get rid of any race, which would you choose? I'd pick the 400 meters, it's too long for a sprint and it's too short to be a true endurance race.
- If you find 400 pounds on the street in England, you're a lucky man... If you find 400 pounds on the street in America, you've met Phillip.
- I am totally not a racist but... Compared to all the others types of races, I think the 400 meter hurdles present the most barriers for track athletes.
- An Apple Watch is an amazing way of keeping healthy Just got mine and I already lost 400 pounds!
- 400 years ago, England sent their criminals to Australia and puritans to America Sounds like Australia got the better deal
- I hear there's a huge 50 Cent fanbase in Zimbabwe... Or as they call him there, 400 Million Dollars.
- Somebody must have roofied my drink last night. I woke up at 4:00 this morning with an irresistible urge to go hammer some shingles.
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400 One Liners
Which 400 one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with 400? I can suggest the ones about fifteen and close.
- "How many volunteers do we have for the army?" "384 sir"
"okay round them up"
"400 sir" - 50 Cent Or as he's known in Zimbabwe, 400,000,000 dollars.
- I like my beers like I like my lumber; 2 by 4:00
- I bought a 400 year-old chair from Italy... ...but as soon as I sat on it, it baroque.
- What's 50 Cents name in Zimbabwe? 400 Million Dollars
- What do they call 50 Cent in Zimbabwe? The 400 million dollar man.
- Why did the Jews roam the desert for 400 years? Someone lost a quarter.
- Chemistry teacher: What is Nitrate? Girl: My place, 250...your place 400!
- What do you add to water to make concrete? About 400 feet.
- How do you recognize an ethiopian elevator? Its sign reads: "10 kg or 400 people"
- I'm not racist, but... I absolutely refuse to run the 400 at todays track meet.
- I just bought $400 in textbooks. God knows how much the second page will cost.
- What do you call 400 penguins in Trafalgar Square? Lost
- Where does a 400 pounds gorilla take seat? Where he wants.
- John has 400 spiders, he eats 398, what does John have now? Cancer
Uproarious 400 Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about 400 you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ten jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make 400 pranks.
Money or s**...
A woman preparing to leave her husband casually informs him, "I'm going to become a h**.... I can make $400 for what I give you for free."
"I'm coming with you," the man replies. "I want to see you live on $800 a year."
o**... wrote on his FB status:
"Last night, even after having 7 drinks I felt confident to drive, but l acted responsibly & took an Uber."
400 Likes, 40 Comments. But the best comment was from his best friend:
"Where did you go in UBER bro, party was in your house"
A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.
Where the h**... do you think you're going? he says.
I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a b**... there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free.
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.
Where do you think you going? the wife asks.
I'm coming with you…I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!
A joke from my dad: A man goes to a lawyer to ask a few legal questions...
The man says to the lawyer "How much would it cost to ask you a few questions?"
The lawyer says "I charge $400 for three questions."
"That's a bit expensive isn't it?"
"Yep. What's your third question?"
Considerate.
*An old silly one...but a grin inducer nevertheless*
Mr. Fienstein called the FM radio station and said "I've found a wallet with $400, a credit card and an ID card belonging to Mr. Smith, No.13,Halls Rd, Jackson, TN."
To which the radio jockey says " Oh how honest. So you want his wallet returned back to him?"
Mr. Fieinstein says "No……. I just wanted you to play a sad song for him".
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase
He asks, "What are you doing?"
She replies, "I'm off to New York City. I read that prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."
Later, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
"Where are you going?" she asks
"I'm coming with you. I want to see how you live on $800 a year"
A man comes home to find his wife packing...
He says "Hunny, what are you doing"
"I'm leaving you and going to Vegas!"
"Why?"
"I heard you can make $400 a b**... out there!"
The husband starts packing and his wife asks, "What are you doing?"
"I'm coming with you! I want to see how you live on $800 a year!"
A man walks into the bedroom to see his wife packing
"What are you doing?" He asked.
"I'm off to New York," she replies. "I hear prostitutes get paid $400 doing what I do to you for free."
The husband begins packing his bags.
"What are you doing?" asked the wife.
"I'm coming with you," he said. "I wanna see how you live off $800 a year."
In china, they invented a machine that can capture thieves
They tested out the machine in china for a week and they caught 2 thieves. The following week the russians decided to test this machine in Moscow, they caught 10 thieves. Seeing the machine's success, the Mexican government wanted to try this in the City of Mexico, they caught 400 thieves. Then the Americans caught interest and decided to test the machine in Detroit... They stole the machine
A husband and wife are checking out of a hotel
Receptionist: "That will be $400, sir"
Husband: "But we only stayed one night! Why is it so expensive???"
Receptionist: "We are a 5 star hotel, sir, with a world class private golf course and one of the finest spas in the country."
Husband: "But we didn't use the golf course, and we didn't go to the spa!"
Receptionist: "I understand, sir, but it was there if you wanted to."
The husband pulls out $100 and hands it to the receptionist.
Receptionist: "excuse me, sir, but you're $300 short"
Husband: "The cost for sleeping with my wife is $300"
Receptionist: "I did not sleep with your wife!!!"
Husband: "I understand, but she was there if you wanted to."
The President meets with 50 top recruits from each branch of the armed forces...
And says "Welcome! I want to give you all an opportunity to explore the capital of our great nation before we begin the tour of the White House. We'll meet here at 4:00...
For those of you in the Army, that'll be at sixteen hundred hours,
For those of you in the Navy, that'll be at eight bells,
And for those of you in the Marines, the little hand will be on the four and the big hand will be on the twelve."
A man is waiting in line and sees another man...
He says, "excuse me sir, are you an attorney?"
The other man says, "yes. I am."
The first man says, "what is your fee?"
The attorney says, "$400 per four questions."
The man says, "isn't that terribly expensive?"
"yes." says the attorney. "what is your fourth question?"
3 women of different hair colours get shipwrecked on a small desert island 1km away from a civilised island.
The first woman, who has brown hair, attempts to swim to the civilised island, but only gets 200 metres before getting tired and swimming back. The next woman, with black hair, sees the first one's attempt and also tries. She gets 400 metres before tiring and swimming back. The blonde then has a try, gets 800 metres, tires, and swims back.
The Kardashians go for a swim in the pacific ocean
The percentage of plastic in the ocean increases by 400%.
I´ve just done a quote for painting dr who´s TARDIS.
$50 for the outside, $400 for the inside.
My dad found an Altoid tin in his attic and told me it was worth over $400.
He said it was worth so much because it was in mint condition.
My band
My band "coldplay Secret Show" played a sold out gig tonight in front of 400 angry people.
A man wins big...
*pardon if this is a repost*
A gig worker hits a convenience store on the way home, and buys some juice, a sausage croissant, and a scratcher. Once outside he scratches the card, and wins $400 dollars. The guy collects his winnings and heads home.
When he arrives, he asks his wife "What would you do if I won the lottery?"
She replies "I'd take half the money and leave you."
"Great! I just won $200 tonight, here's $100 -- enjoy your half."
So a 400 pound lady walks into a gas station to get directions..
she walks in and says "How do I get to 280?"
A man steps out of line and replies "I guess diet and exercise didn't work!"
Dear Noah
Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said you were leaving at 4:00.
Sincerely,
The Unicorns
In colombia, kids have built a snowman.
The police guessed snowman's value at approximately $400 million.
We're big fans of the rapper 50 cent!
Or, as we call him in Zimbabwe, 400 billion dollars.
A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags and asks her where she's going.
"To Las Vegas. I found out there are men who will pay me $400 to do what I do to you for free."
The man started packing his bags. "Where are you going?" she asked.
"I'm going to Las Vegas with you. I want to see how you'll live on $800 a year."
An American and a Zimbabwean walk into a bar
The American says to the Zimbabwean, You know, we have a few good rappers in America. My favourite would have to be Eminem, have you got a favourite?
The Zimbabwean thinks for about 5 seconds and says, Well yes, of course. My favourite would have to be 50 cent, or as we call him, 400 billion dollars.
Did you know Zimbabwe loves the rapper 50 Cent?
Or as he's known there, 400 billion dollars.
So a man and a woman are having a fight
A Man and a woman are having a fight. Woman marches up to their room and starts to pack her bags. "Where are you going?" he asks.
"I'm moving to Vegas. i hear i can make $400 doing what i do for you for free" the Man starts to pack his bags too. "I'm coming with you. I've got to see how you're going to survive in Vegas on $800 a year.
I guess some things will never change...
I hired a temp while my secretary was on maternity leave.
Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage, I asked what she expected to earn.
She said, "Well... the minimum I could work for is $400 a week.
"I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure. She shook her head and replied,
"With pleasure, it'll be $600 a week."
The headphones I just bought for $400 doesn't seem to be working...
hope I'm having a hearing loss.
How many astronauts does it take to screw a light bulb?
One but it will take several others to prevent the spacecraft from spinning in the same direction.
---
From my book *400 Fresh Clean Jokes For Everyone*.
Unfair , girls get over 400 likes when they show a little n**... on facebook
When I showed a little head I only got banned
If the Pilgrims were still alive today, what would they be famous for?
Being alive!!! They'd be over 400 years old!
h**...
A man brings a h**... up to his room.
Man: How much will this cost me.
h**...: $400
Man: OK. Hands her the money.
The man gets on the bed and starts jacking off.
h**... looks at him.
h**...: What the h**... are you doing?
Man: For $400 you think I'm going to give you the easy one?
Approached by a h**...
A guy is approached by a h**... in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I've got a special for you. I'll do absolutely anything you say for $400, as long as you can say it in four words." The guy pulls his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays four one hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Do anything I say."
What do you get when you cross 400 Obese Water Buffalo with a Transgender p**...?
Clickbait
What's the difference between a yoghurt and the USA?
If left for 400 years, the yoghurt will develop a culture.
Did you hear the judge's recent linguistic faux pas, when they were addressing a recently convicted defendant?
I Order you to serve 2 years incarcerated, 2 years active probation, 1 year of passive probation, 400 hours of community service, evidence of completion of an education service approved by the court, submit to a mental health evaluation..., etc., etc..
Yeah, it was a run-on sentence.
There are so many scams on the internet lately...
If you wire 400$ into my account, I can teach you how to avoid them.
The CEO of Google was late to a press conference scheduled for 4:00...
4:04 Page not found.
What do you call Lonzo when he's sad that he only sold 400 Big Baller Shoes?
Alonzo Mourning
Even though I hate it, math is special.
It's the only place I can buy 400 cantaloupes without people asking what the h**...'s wrong with me
My new phone case has sharp spikes and heats up to 400 degrees
Promise you won't hold it against me.
Calories burned during s**...
If the man is ready( same vice-versa).... 1 - 4 calories
If the woman is not( same vice-versa).... 300 - 400 calories.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it...
The sound it makes will still wake me up at 4:00 AM.
What is the difference between 400 dead babies and a watermelon?
I don't have a watermelon in my garage.
Did you hear about the Native American that drank 400 oz of his favorite herbal caffeine in one sitting?
Nobody did, because he died drowning in his TeePee.
What do you call a 400 lbs FtM that just finished an eleven course meal?
A saturated transfat
What's the difference between the US and a Petri dish?
If you leave a Petri dish alone for 400 years it will develop a culture of its own
I bought a huge air mattress
and it took 50 years to completely fill it. It was only 3 pounds when I got it in 1968, but nowadays, after inflation, its a whopping 400 pounds!
I've lost 150 pounds already on this new amazing diet!!!!
It's called the pretend you started at 400 pounds diet!!!
My wife thought this joke was s**.... Help me prove her wrong lol.
The stock market is amazing...
- I invested, waited around 2 hours and BAM: I got 400 dollars!
- But you invested 800 dollars...
- It's already something.
I told my wife that I have enough of the internet now. She said "Great, so you'll not be online all day anymore, how comes?"
"400 Mbit"
hi people i have recently made a channel called ree
i will tell u why to sub
1 i will upload edited and funny videos
2 i will stream battle royale i have over 400 wins
playing with big you tubers
My wife asked if I've been seeing other people behind her back.
I said that's physically impossible. You're 400 pounds, I can't see anything behind your back.
I think that 400 metres relay is better than 100 metres hurdles
Does that make me a racist?
