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4 Year Olds Jokes

170 4 year olds jokes and hilarious 4 year olds puns to laugh out loud. Read age jokes about 4 year olds that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest 4 Year Olds Short Jokes

Short 4 year olds jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The 4 year olds humour may include short six year old jokes also.

  1. My neighbour's 4-year-old has been learning spanish since lockdown. He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.
  2. My 4-year-old has been learning Spanish all year and still can't say the word please Which I think is poor for four.
  3. A joke my 4 year old came up with today... Him: "What's the only mammal that can breathe under water?"
    Me: "I dunno, what?"
    Him (loudly): "An elephant sticking his trunk up!"
  4. My little sister made a face at my mom and said "Guess who I am?" My mom answered "Who?"
    "Your daughter"
    courtesy of my 4 year old sister about 20 minutes ago
  5. I saw a 4 year old girl crying, all alone "Are you ok?" I asked her. "Do you know where your mommy and daddy are?"
    "No" she sobbed
    I love doing volunteer work at the orphanage
  6. What walks on 8 legs until it's one years old, 4 legs until it's twenty years old and then 2 legs for the remainder of it's life? Fred and George Weasley.
  7. My wife asked me to prepare our 4 year old ginger son for his first day at school. So I punched him & stole his lunch money.
  8. My 4 year old actually got me with this one 4 y/o: "Knock knock"
    Me: "Who's there?"
    4 y/o: "Interrupting cow goes"
    Me: "Interrupting cow go-"
    4 y/o: "MOOOOOOOO!"
  9. My 4 year old is a comedian and loves jokes.. this is her favorite one... Why did the banana go to the hospital?
    Because he wasn't peeling very well.
  10. My 4-year-old nephew has been learning Spanish since lockdown. He can't say 'please' which I think is poor for four

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4 Year Olds One Liners

Which 4 year olds one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with 4 year olds? I can suggest the ones about five year old and 4th grade.

  1. Why was the anti-vaxxer's 4 year old child crying? Midlife crisis
  2. Typical day with a zero social filter 4 year old. kijk
  3. Why was the anti-vaxxer's 4 year-old child crying? He was having a midlife crisis.
  4. Dad do trees cry? They dew.
    Poor dad joke and my 4 year old didn't get it. Oh well.
  5. From my 4 year old: What do you call a penguin that can't win? A peng-lose!
  6. Why was the anti-vaxxer's 4 year old child feeling so down? Mid-life crisis
  7. Teeth What has a bunch of teeth and no cavities?
    A comb
    Sorry jokes by my 4 year old.
  8. Motorcyclist: I can drive this motorcycle on one wheel! 4 year old: *gasp* wheelie?!
  9. A joke my 4 year old told me. What sound does a robot sheep make? Be-e-ep, be-e-ep.
  10. Why did the 4 year old drop his lolipop? Because he was hit by a truck.
  11. My 4 year old daughter said icy was the easiest word to spell I told her, I see why
  12. Why did the unvaccinated 4 year old cry? He was experiencing a mid life crisis
  13. An Anti-Vaxx Mom visits her 4 year old child.. The flowers were withered.
  14. Why was the anti-vaxxer's 4 year old child crying? Pneumonia.
  15. Why was the anti-vaxxer's 4 year old child crying? Like he's a Muslim or something.

4 Year Olds Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about 4 year olds you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean small children jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make 4 year olds pranks.

When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news.
One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping.
A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby.
"Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it.
If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.

A Computer Engineer was asked by his five-year-old son:
"Dad, what is Windows 95?"
"Well, it’s 32-bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition."

4-year-old: Why are you my dad?
Me: Because I made you.


4: How?
Me: ...
4: O.o
Me: ...
4: O.O
Me: With Legos.

An airplane was about to c**....
There were 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said, "I am Stephen King , the best selling author of my time... My millions of fans need me , and i can't afford to die."
So he took the 1st pack and left the planernThe 2nd passenger , Barack Hussein Obama, said , "I am the 44th President of the United States, and I am the smartest President in American history , so my people don't want me to die."
He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.rnThe 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son , I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."
The little boy said , "That's okay , Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America's smartest President took my schoolbag."

A young man decided after 4 years of working nonstop at a decent paying job and saving the bulk of his earnings that perhaps it was time to settle down.
He called up an old girlfriend from his high school days and she answered on the first ring.
As they spoke and reminisced about old times she said to him "Wow, this has been great, I've really enjoyed speaking with you, but I must ask, where on earth did you find my number?"
To which he replied "Honestly? I'm just as surprised as you are, I have been working as a jani tor in our old high school and just happened to see your number etched into the door of a boys bathroom stall! I'm amazed you still have the same number after all these years!"
And she responded "Well, how else was I supposed to keep in touch with all the boys I used to sleep with?"

Parenting is filled with wonder. Like wondering why your 4 years old raced into the kitchen and quietly grabbed a handful of napkins.

Apparently as a 4-year old, h**... was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.

Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.

70 year old man goes to his doctor

and tells the doctor the night before he met a woman half his age. She started flirting with him, and one thing led to another. He went back to her place, he got instantly hard, and they s**... like bunnies for 4 hours.
The doctor asks, "So what's wrong?". Guy responds, "Nothing's wrong."
The doctor says, "So why are you telling this to me?".
Guy says, "Telling you - I'm telling everybody!!!"

Why do women have babies? [First] [Terrible Xmas Joke from 95 Year old Grandpa]

Because they take it too seriously when men poke them in good fun.
I know, I know, this is absolutely terrible. But my 95 year old grandpa just said it at his birthday dinner with the rest of the family around... after hitting on 4 women at the restaurant old enough to be my mother. Oy.

Italian Pregnancy

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says,
'Who wasa the pig that did this to you? I want to know!'
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house.
A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of a Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them:
'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.
I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.
I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse,
a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account...
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.
If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each..
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?'
At this point, the father, who had remained silent holding a shotgun, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder, looks him directly in the eyes and tells him
"You a gonna try again!"

The Tomato Garden

The Tomato Garden
An old Italian man lived alone in the country. It was Spring and he wanted to dig his tomato garden, as he had done every year, but it was very hard work for the aging man as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was currently in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If only you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son:
Dear Dad,
Not for nothing, but don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived at the old man's house and dug up the entire area. However, they didn't find any bodies, so they apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love Vinnie

A security guard starts working at the docks...

...and at the end of the day he sees a worker leaving, pushing a wheelbarrow full of straw.
The security guard is suspicious that the man is stealing from the ships, but after searching through the straw, he can't find anything more than old straw for the man's garden. The next day the same thing happens and again he can't find any stolen goods in the wheelbarrow, just straw.
Over the next 4 years this happens every single day, and the security guard never stops suspecting the man of stealing, until one day the man leaves with no wheelbarrow.
The security guard asks him why he has no wheelbarrow today and the man says it's because this is his last day, he's retiring. The security guard can't contain his curiosity and begs the man to tell him what he's been stealing all these years.
The man replies: Wheelbarrows.

There are 4 levels of cheerios in this world.

The levels are, from bottom to top, regular, chocolate, honey nut, and the highest level is the status of Froot Loops. Jim is a regular old cheerio, and is unhappy with his life. So he studies for weeks and weeks, takes the test, and becomes a chocolate cheerio. He parties for a while, makes lots of new friends, but then becomes bored. So Jim studies for months and months to become a honey nut cheerio, takes the test, and becomes a honey nut cheerio. Life as a honey nut cheerio is much better, there are many more places to go, and many more things to see and do. But Jim is greedy, and needs more from life. So he studies for years and years to become a Froot Loop, the highest of the high positions on the social ladder. He takes the test, but fails. Jim becomes depressed, and thinks about s**..., but sees light at the end of the tunnel. So he studies even more, takes the test, and passes. Jim is ecstatic, and makes many more friends. He decides to throw a party, so he goes to the supermarket to get drinks. First he looks at beer, but the line for beer was too long, so he moves on. He goes to get juice, but the line there was also to long. He went to the punchline but there was none.

An Old Jamaican man lived alone in the country...

He wanted to dig his Yellow Yam and Sweet Potato Garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard.
His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won't be able to plant my Yellow Yam and Sweet Potato Garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me....Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son:
Dear Dad, Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Vinnie
At 4 a.m. The next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son:
Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the Yams and Potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Father Knows Best!

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drug store and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant! Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning; your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be two factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they each will receive a factory and $2,000,000.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You f*** her again."

The "Age" of Dinosaurs

A woman takes her children to a museum of natural history. As they gaze with wonder at a skeleton of *Tyrannosaurus rex*, she asks a museum guide, a bright-eyed young fellow, "can you tell me how old it is?"
The museum guide responds, "well, ma'am, that particular skeleton is 65 million and 2 years, 4 months, and 25 days old."
"Amazing!" the mother replies. "How can you know that so well?"
"Well," replied the museum guide eagerly, "when I started working here, I asked a scientist working on it the same question. He told me it was 65 million years old. And that was 2 years, 4 months, and 25 days ago."

A husband and wife are out golfing...

So a husband and wife are out golfing, on their favorite course by an old abandoned farm. On the 14th hole, a par 4, the husband hooks his shot way to the left, landing near the doors of a big barn. Just as he's setting up to hit it around the barn, his wife stops him and says,
"Wait, honey, how about I just open the doors, and you can just chip it right through straight toward the green?"
The husband agrees, and the wife opens the doors for him and stands to the side. He then lines up his shot, takes it, and the ball ricochets off the barn and hits his wife in the head, killing her instantly.
...
A few years later, the husband is out golfing on the same course with a friend of his. On that same 14th hole, he hits his shot to exactly the same place near the barn. Just as he's about to hit his second shot around the barn, his friend says,
"Wait, how about I just open the doors and you can chip it right through toward the green?"
The husband replies "Nah, last time I tried that I shot a bogey."

What's the difference between a 4 year old and a bag of c**...?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of c**... fall out of a window.
Too soon?

Cow Childbirth

A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, "Great...he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."
After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?"
"Just one." gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"

Successful entrepreneur

I met an old friend from high school the other day, and I couldn't believe how wealthy he had become. He ran a massively successful business, but could barely get a passing grade in math class when I knew him.
I asked him how he did it.
He said it was easy.
"All I did was find a product I could make for $2 and sell for $4. You'd be surprised just how much 2% adds up over the years!"

Topical Jokes (5/21)

Here we are, once again. It's time for some laugh-words.
First up, we've got some big movie news. "Transformers 4" is now updating its cast. To appeal more to the US box office, the evil Decepticons will be played by menacing vending machines that won't let go of your Doritos.
More movie news, the trailer for the new "X-Men" flick shows that Wolverine will potentially face grave injury. The harrowing injury comes about when our hero forgets to retract his claws before wiping.
This is a cool story, a US Airways flight safely made a belly landing at Newark Airport. The plane was evidently taken down by heavy turbulence originating from Governor Christie's farts at a nearby Long John Silver's.
TV news, ESPN has been forced to take major layoffs and budget cuts. You can tell things are getting cheap as now the only athletic event they now can afford to cover is Tiger Woods dodging heels thrown by his exes.
In the political sector, Vice President Biden recently ribbed the president for always using a teleprompter. However, nobody seemed to ridicule Biden when he read his recent speech on healthcare reform off the back of a h**... napkin.
And finally, the new Xbox will utilize "the cloud" - so no matter where you are in the world, at any time, you can look up the fact that you lost a brave Call of Duty battle to a 13 year-old user named "GeneralFatPenis69".
Thanks for reading again, folks. I really appreciate it!

A man gets pulled over at a DUI checkpoint...

A man is driving home from a party with his wife and son. They get pulled over at a DUI checkpoint and the policeman gives the man the breathalizer test. The machine beeps and the policeman asks the man to step out of the car.
"b**...!", he exclaims in response. "I haven't had a single drop! The machine is obviously broken, test it on my wife!"
The policeman reluctantly agrees as the man does not seem intoxicated. As the wife is blowing into the breathalizer, it beeps again and shows that she is drunk as well.
"See? It doesn't work! You can even test my 4-year-old son!"
So the 4-year-old kid takes the breathalizer test and whaddaya know, it says he's drunk as well. "As I said it's broken, you should get it checked."
The policeman is left puzzled, he apologises and lets the man on his way.
As they start driving along again, the man turns to his wife and says: "You see that? I told you it won't hurt to give the kid a taste."

The confession.

A guy goes in a confessional and tells the priest that last night he meet 4 swedish air hostesses down the pub, went back to their place, snorted coke, drank 20 year old scotch and had s**... all night until the sun came up.
The priest says, "that's terrible my son, what kind of a catholic are you?
Guy says "I'm not a catholic"
The priest says, "what are you telling me all this for then?"
Guy says "I'm telling everyone."

I really gotta quit drinking. Last night I got so wasted I blew chunks for hours...

Chunks is my 4 year old bulldog.

What does a 4 Years old smell like ?

An airplane is about to c**... with Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and old man and a young boy...

Unfortunately there were only 3 parachutes left for the 4 of them.
 
Barack Obama said I am the president of the United States, and I have a great responsibility, being the leader of nearly 300 million people, and a superpower! So he takes the 1st parachute, and jumps out of the plane.
 
Hillary Clinton, said I am the future first female President of the United States and I am the smartest woman in the world. So she takes the 2nd parachute and exits the plane.
 
The old man kneels down to the young boy and says, "I am old and frail and I've lived many years, you take the last parachute."
 
The young boy responds, It's ok! We have enough parachutes. The world's smartest woman jumped out of the airplane with my backpack.
 

An airplane was about to c**... with Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, an old man and a young boy...

Unfortunately there were only 3 parachutes left for the 4 of them.
 
Barack Obama said I am the president of the United States, and I have a great responsibility, being the leader of nearly 300 million people, and a superpower! So he takes the 1st parachute, and jumps out of the plane.
 
Hillary Clinton, said I am the future first female President of the United States and I am the smartest woman in the world. So she takes the 2nd parachute and exits the plane.
 
The old man kneels down to the young boy and says, "I am old and frail and I've lived many years, you take the last parachute."
 
The young boy responds, It's ok! We have enough parachutes. The world's smartest woman jumped out of the airplane with my backpack.

A joke my 4 year old nephew made up. (It makes no sense, but still made me laugh.)

If the three legged turtle crosses the road what color is the rabbit?
Green! Because Space Jam was a good movie.

The little boy runs up to his father and asks him, "Dad, what's s**...'?"

His father was obviously more than a little taken aback up this question, but he figures to himself that if his 4 year old is old enough to ask it then he deserves a proper explanation.
So he seats him down next to him and gives him the whole deal - drawings, pictures from the Internet on his phone, etc.
Meanwhile, the son appears to be getting more and more confused. Finally, when the father thinks he's done, he stops and asks, "All right, my boy. Now, do you have any questions?"
The son shakes his head hesitantly, still a little taken aback by all that he's been told.
"Oh by the way," the father continues. "Where'd you hear the word from?"
The son replies, "Mom said that dinner would be ready in a coupla secs."

The dinosaur at the museum

A guy is visiting a museum and he sees a dinosaur's skeleton.
Curious about it, he asks the guard next to it:
- Excuse me, sir. How old is this dinosaur?
- It is 65 million years, 4 months and 13 days old.
Amazed by his answer, he says:
- Wow!, How can you be so precise about it?
- Well, when I first started working here, they told me it was 65 million years old... and that was 4 months and 13 days ago.

What do you do if a 4 year old girl catches you m**...?

Untie her

Why did the giraffe cross the highway?

Because he bumped his head on the low-way!
I guess we're doing 4 year old's jokes today :)

First Date

Years back, before electronic car door locks, there were two brothers, Andy and Oby. Andy was 4 years older than 16 year old Oby. Oby had never been on a date and wanted to take out a girl he had met. So...he asked Andy for advice. "I want to take this girl out for a walk and I just don't know what to do or say" Andy told him "It's easy. Just compliment her and everything will fall into place". "What do you mean" asked Oby. Andy told him to compliment her on her hair "your hair is like silk", her teeth "your teeth are like pearls", her eyes "your eyes are like sapphires", etc.
So Oby take her for a walk, and comes home with a black eye. Andy asked him what happened. Oby says: "Well, I tried to compliment her on her hair, but she didn't have much, and not many teeth either. Her eyes were one blue and one brown like some dogs, and I didn't know what to say about that, so...I said for a fat girl you sure don't sweat much!"

Favorite Dad Joke

My 4 year old cousin needs help putting her shoes on.
Cousin to my dad: "Can you put my shoes on?"
Dad: "Well I'll try but I don't think they're going to fit."
(As he tries to stuff his foot into a size 3 kids shoe)

My daughter dropped this on me yesterday, "I can draw pretty things....

.... and I can also draw you". She is 4 years old.

My 4 year old son almost ordered "naughty nurses" for $14.99 from cable on-demand.

Glad I stopped him, because I already own the DVD.

What's the difference between a 100 year old and a 4 year old?

What base you're counting in.

A Mothers Secret

A mom was teaching her 4 year old son to zip up his jacket.
The secret, she explained, is getting the little straight piece all the way into the little slot before you pull up the zipper.
Her son looked up at her and said, Mom, why does that have to be a secret?

With my 4 year old granddaughter: What's a cat's favorite pasta?

Mousearoni

A dad asks 4-year-old son:

"How'd you sleep last night?"
Son says: "umm... With my eyes closed?"

Taking my 4 year old to see Straight Outta Compton.

I can't remember ever being this excited for a movie that's rated G.

What do an 80 year old s**... and the Japanese House of Representatives have in common?

They only have an e**... every 4 years

My 4 year old son just got me with a dad joke I hadn't heard before.

My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other.
Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?"
Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands."
Doesn't have a clue why I was laughing so hard.

How do you greet the cold horse across the fence?

Howdy Neigh - Brr
Made up by my 4 year old son.

What do you get when you stab scissors into a 4 year old?

... an e**....

Transportation is my specialty

Specifically 4-7 year old girls, they call me the toddler fondler

An 80 year old lady gets married for the 4th time.

This time to a f**... director.
The local paper does a story on her and they ask her about her previous marriages.
She tells them that at 20 she married a bank manager, at 40 a ringmaster, at 60 a pastor and at 80 a f**... director.
The reporter asks her why?
1 for the money, 2 for the show, 3 to get ready and 4 to go.

What type of cereal goes to the gym twice a day?

Shredded wheat.
I wish I could pin this joke on a 4-year-old, I'm so sorry

Why does my 4 year old son trigger my cars seat belt alarm but my 30 pack of beer doesn't?

Because I buckle up my beer.

Teacher to a 4 Year old kid: What's your Mom's name?

Kid: Mom's last name must be "Darling" because that's what Daddy calls her every time....
Teacher: That's so sweet. What's her first name then?
Kid: I think it's "Sorry"....

Wife's having a heart attack

A man comes home after a long hard day at work, and hears some sounds coming from his bedroom.
He hurried up the stairs and sees his wife in her bed, "I think I'm having a heart attack" she says in a panicked voice. The man rushes downstairs and dials 911 and goes to tell the operator what the problem is.
His 4 year old son comes down the stairs and says "daddy, uncle joe is n**... in your closet". Angrily, the man slams the phone down and hurried up the stairs, swings open the closet door and sees his brother sitting there n**.... "My wife is having a heart attack, and all you do is run around my house n**... scaring the kids!?"

What's the difference between a 4 year girl and a 40 year old woman?

A 4 year old's favourite toy is a rubber body without any g**.... A 40 year old's favourite toy is a rubber g**... without any body.

Divorce custody

A couples divorce proceedings are in progress, and the case of who gets custody of their 4 year old child gets raised.
The mother pleads her case: "I'm the mother, I carried her for 9 months so of course she should stay with me."
The father responds: "if I go to an ATM machine, and I insert my card, and money comes out, does the money belong to me or to the machine?"

Why did the vampire have to get glasses?

Because he was blind as a bat!
(My 4 year old sister came up with this one yesterday)

LifeProTip: If your child wants to help name your pet...

..let them pick the middle name. That way if they pick something silly, you can still refer to your pet by the normal name. For example, my 4 year old's rabbit is now named
Peter "floppy-eared-princess" Smith
Similarly, my 15 year old's gecko is named
Freddy "f**...-you-this-isn't-a-phase" Smith

How do you put spaghetti to sleep?

You cover it in peanut butter until it dies.
My 4 year old made that up, along with a few others. Not sure how I feel about this.

A fish went swimming.

And it drowned.
*My 4 year old daughter has just told me her first "joke". She finds it hilarious. "You get it? Fish cant drown. Thats funny!"
I'm worried..

I went to a 4-year olds birthday party once, it was kinda awkward...

...probably because I wasn't invited...

So I was Talking to my Co-worker when..

She said "Do you have any kids"
"Well i had a 4 year old son" I replied
"What happened Did he die?' she replied
"No he's 5 years old now!!" I said

I like my girls like I like my v**....

4 years old and half filled with alcohol

A 5 years old girl enters the supermarket...

...grabs 4 beers and goes to the cash desk. The lady smiles at her and asks:
"Do you think you can carry all four of them all by yourself?"
The little girls thinks for a second and says:
"Yeah, you're right. I'll drink one here before I go"

Was driving down the street when I saw someone getting jumped by 3 guys. I quickly pulled over and ran towards the scene.

I got there and the 4 of us messed him up good.
Source: 75 year old Mexican father-in-law

4-year-old son

4-year-old: What happens when you die?
Me: You go to heaven

4-year-old: No, I mean, when you die, do I get your stuff?

[WTS]Used Iphone 6S dropped by Son,[Still Functionable][Price Negotiable]

He is 4 years old and he is really adorable,PM me if interested

Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea-w**....
*First joke my 4 year old son learnt

Gunpowder therapy

A boy goes to his grandfather and says "Grandpa, how did you ever get so old?"
"Well," replies the grandfather, "every morning, I pour a teaspoon of gunpowder into my coffee, and I guess that's the reason." So the boy begins drinking coffee and doing the same.
90 years pass, and the boy dies having reached the age of 95. He left behind 3 kids, 5 grandkids, 4 great grandkids, several million dollars, and a 60 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

"I HATE JUICE" -

Said 4 year old h**....

A wife went to the police station with her next door neighbor to report that her husband was missing.

The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."
The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"

There is a guy who has a 10 year old girlfriend, while he is only 4!

From a 70 year old dude in a bar

How many skin divers does it take to circumsize a whale......4

I once saw 4 bullies fighting an 8 year old so I decided to help out...

He didn't stand a chance against the 5 of us.

What's born with 8 legs, walks on 4 at 2 years old and then only 2 at 20 years old?

George Weasley

I Was Teaching Some 4-Year Olds at Church Today...

I asked them,"What do you need to do to get to heaven?"
One of the kids promptly replied,"Die!"

jokes about 4 year olds