The Best 82 3rd Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest 3rd jokes. There are some 3rd eleventh jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these 3rd 2nd puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny 3rd Jokes and Puns

I am a proud anti-vaccine Father of 3.

Edit- Two Now

2nd Edit- One Now

3rd Edit- Nevermind

4th Edit- WOW this really blew up. I would like to dedicate all these wonderful awards to my 3 children Byeson, Dieanne, and Ammunity. They would have been so proud. RIP

What would happen if two African countries get in a war?

A 3rd World War.

I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother in law

Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6

Worms

Four earthworms are placed in four separate test tubes:

1st in beer
2nd in wine
3rd in whiskey
4th in mineral water

The next day, the teacher shows the results:

The 1st worm in beer, dead.

The 2nd in wine, dead.

The 3rd in whiskey, dead.

The 4th in mineral water, alive and healthy.

The teacher asks the class:

- What do we learn from this experience?

And a child responds:

- Whoever drinks beer, wine and whiskey, does not have worms.

Three drunk guys get into a taxi.

The driver knew they were drunk. He turned the engine on and quickly turned it back off. He said "We've arrived."

The 1st drunk pays the driver, the 2nd drunk thanked him, and the 3rd drunk slapped him. He thought the 3rd drunk knew what he did, but he asked anyway "What was that for?"

"CONTROL YOUR SPEED NEXT TIME! You nearly killed us!"


I don't get what's so hard about No Nut November

It's the 3rd day and I haven't eaten any nuts yet. I just distract myself by constantly masturbating all day.

A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin...

I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them

Teacher: What do you do after school?

1st Student: I go and buy weed from Yakobo
2nd Student: I always go and buy cigarettes from Yakobo.
3rd Student: I go and buy cocaine from Yakobo.
4th Student: I always stay at home and do my homework.
Teacher: You are a great student, I hereby appoint you as the class monitor. You are a good example to other students. What's your name?
4th Student: Yakoboο»Ώ

At the 3rd grade violin rehearsal ...

... Donnie Corleone Jr. walks in, opens his violin case and unveils, to the shock of all, a tommy gun. The teachers are livid, panic nearly ensues, but Donnie just starts laughing uncontrollably.

"What's wrong with you? This is serious! Why are you laughing?"

"Because I just imagined dad holding up the bank with my violin."

the three legged pig joke reminded me of a joke my dad once told me

a scientist was doing an experiment on a frog in his lab, he placed the frog down on the floor and said "Frog jump!". the frog jumped 4 feet and so he noted in his notebook

"frog with 4 legs, jumps 4 feet"

he then cut off one of the frogs legs and again said "Frog jump!". the frog jumped only 3 feet this time and so he noted in his notebook

"frog with 3 legs, jumps 3 feet"

he cut off a 2nd leg and said "Frog jump!". this time the frog only jumped 2 feet and so he noted

"frog with 2 legs, jumps 2 feet"

he then cut off a 3rd leg and again said "Frog jump!". the frog only jumped a foot and so he noted

"frog with 1 leg, jumps 1 foot"

the scientist then cut off the frogs last remaining leg and said "Frog jump!, Frog jump!, FROG JUMP!!!!!" but the frog did not move. so he noted

"frog with 0 legs, deaf"

3 girls and thier mother were walking through a park...

Girl 1 turned to her mother and said...

Girl 1: Mommy, why is my name Lily?

Mom: Because when we took you out of the Hospital, a Lily petal fell on your head.

The second Daughter, now curious, asks the same question...

Girl 2: Why is my name Rose?

Mom: When we took you out of the Hospital, a rose petal landed onto your head

This is when the 3rd daughter pipes up and says...

Girl 3: AAAARRRGHFFFFJJJFSSSLLLHHH

Mom: Shhhhhhh, quiet down now Cinder Block

You can explore 3rd blink reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean 3rd 6th dad jokes. There are also 3rd puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My friend just came to me all depressed because his kid's failing 3rd grade, and he doesn't know how to break it to him.

Apparently slowly wasn't the advice he was looking for.

A man is new in town

A man is new in town and asks the next passerby for directions:
"Excuse me, could you please tell me where the church is?"
"Yeah, it's on 3rd street."
"What, right next to the brothel?"
"What? No! The brothel is on 17th street."
"Oh, I see. Thank you very much!"

My friend looked completely shaken. He said that he had just slept with his 3rd cousin.

I said, If it upsets you so much, stop counting them.

Soviet Joke

Moscow, 1985, 3rd grade class

Teacher: Life in Soviet Union is great, all families have a nice apartment, a car, all children have nice toys!

Little Kid starts crying

Teacher: Vladimir, why are you crying??

Little Kid: I wanna go to Soviet Union!!

Three Blondes

Three blondes are hiking in the woods when they see some tracks.

1st blonde: Look guys, deer tracks!

2nd blonde: No, stupid, they're wolf tracks!

3rd blonde: You guys are both dumb, they're clearly bear tracks!

Then they got hit by a train.

Three children talking to each other...

The 1st kid : "My dad loves cars, so he is a car driver."

The 2nd kid : "My dad loves buses, so he is a bus driver."

The 3rd kid(not sure what his dad loves) : "My dad always screws up,so he is a screwdriver."

HURRICANE SANDY UPDATE

Mitt Romney has advised everyone in the path of Hurricane Sandy to make their way to their 2nd or 3rd homes immediately.

I used to pee my pants every time i had to talk in front of my 3rd grade class

It really killed my teaching career.


Have you seen the movie, "Constipation?"

Of course not, it won't be out for a while.

Btw, I am a teacher and a 3rd grader told me that today.

Drunk taxi.

3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The
taxi driver knew that they were
drunk so he started the engine
& turned it off again. Then
said,"We have reached your
destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said
"Thank you". The 3rd guy
slapped the driver. The driver
was shocked thinking the 3rd
drunk knew what he did. But
then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied,
"Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us

A child and his father were going to ride their bikes.

Child: \*wearing a beanie

Father: When you are going to ride your bike, you should always wear a helmet

Child: Don't worry dad, this is better. I already tested it.

Father: How?

Child: I threw them both out of the 3rd floor window. The helmet broke.

What Does Your Father Do?

It is the first day of kindegarten and the teacher is going around the room asking everyone what their father does for work.

1st Child: My dad is a policeman, he sends bad guys to jail!

2nd Child: My dad is a fireman, he puts out fires!

3rd Child: My dad is dead.

The teacher asks:

Well, what did your father do before he died?

3rd Child: Well, he went "AAAAKKKKKKKKK"

A class of 3rd graders return from their field trip to the farm and the teacher asks them, "what kind of noises did you hear at the farm?"

The first kid raises his hand and says, "I heard the cow go moo!"

The second kid raises his hand and says, "I heard the pig go oink!"

The third kid raises his hand and says, "I heard the farmer yell 'get off my tractor you little fucker!'"

A Weenie Contest.

Three 3rd Graders, an Irish, an Italian, and a Black are in the bathroom during recess and they decide to have a weenie contest to see who has the biggest weenie! The Irish boy pulls his out first and it's pretty small. The Italian goes next and it's about average. Then the Black Boy pulls his out and it's clearly the largest, but the other boys say "Well you won, but it's because you're black!"

So that night when the black boy goes home, his mom asks him what he did in school that day. He tells her how they did coloring, and reading, and what they learned, and how he played recess, but then he says "And mom, today me and my friends had a weenie contest, and I won! But mom, the others boys said I only won because I'm black". To which his mom replies "Tyrone, you didn't win because you're black, you won because you're 17!"

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:



"What do you want to be when you grow up?"





Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest hooker, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."



The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson . .. . ..



And how about you, Sarah?"



"I wanna be KevinΒΉs hooker."

Johny the Fighter Pilot

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you
grow up?"

Little Johnny says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest Prostitute, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while bang her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson. "And how about you, Sarah?"

"I wanna be Johnny's Prostitute."

Five logicians walk into a bar

Five logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks "beer for everyone?". The first logician says "I don't know"; second one, "I don't know"; 3rd, "I don't know"; 4th, "I don't know". The fifth one takes a second and then says "yes".

So i banged my 3rd cousin yesterday...

My buddy told me to stop counting them

I was in my attic yesterday looking for some old photos...

...when I came across the present that I was going to give to my daughter for her 3rd birthday last year.

It was a bit of a shame. She would have loved that kitten.

Three Businessmen are on a plane

The first one turns to the other two and says "My wife and I hate these long business trips, but at least we got to have sex 3 times last night before I had to go to the airport."

"Just 3?" Replied the 2nd man. "I made love to my girlfriend 5 times." Turning to the 3rd man he asks "And you?"

"I only made love to my wife once last night." the 3rd guy replied.

"Just once? That's it? Geez. What did your wife say in the morning?"

"Don't stop."

How many 3rd wave feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Whats the point? 3rd wave feminists can't take a joke anyway.

Earth is 3rd from the Sun

That means all our problems are 3rd world problems

A guy walks in a library:

- Do you have motivational books here?
- Yes darling, right there, 3rd row, the second shelf.
- Do you have any books closer?"

Dad, can I have a glass of water?

Son: Dad can you get me some water?

Dad: Ok son

Son: Can I have another?

Dad: Why?

Son: I need it

Dad: Fine son

Son: Can I have another?

Dad: Son why do you keep asking? That's your 3rd glass

Son: Well, my room is still on fire

I don't think my 3rd base coach likes me.

He keeps telling me to go home.

Reaching 3rd base in the back of a car, she stops me and tells me she wants to be safe

I put her seatbelt on.

UK politician Boris Johnson has promised to lie in front of bulldozers clearing a path for the 3rd Heathrow runway.

This should be no problem for him as he has already had plenty of practice lying in front of a bus!

Some people say that Nintendo has no 3rd party games...

They have obviously never heard of Mario Party 3

Lawyers are expensive

Someone walks to the lawyer's office and asks "How much is you services?" The lawyer replies "$500 for three questions". The man is surprised "Isn't that a little expensive for three questions?". The lawyer quietly replies "No sir, it is not. And what would be your 3rd question?"

I accidentally fell off a 50-foot ladder

but good thing I was only on the 3rd step

Three vampires walk into a bar...

...and sit down.
The bartender comes over and ask them what they want to drink.
1st vampire: "Give me a shot of blood."
2nd vampire: "I want a double shot."
3rd vampire: "All I want is a cup of hot water."
The bartender goes and gets the drinks and comes back. He hands them the drinks, but looks kind of confused. The bartender asked the 3rd vampire, "Why didn't you order any blood?"
The vampire pulls out a tampon and replies "I'm making tea."

There's 3 old ladies sitting on a bench

A man in a trench coat walks out, opens up the coat and flashes them. 2 of the old ladies have a stroke. The 3rd one doesn't because her arms are too short.

For my 3rd wish, I wish for infinite wishes

"Wish granted," says the Genie.

"Really? I thought it was impossible. I wish for infinite riches now." responds the man.

The man waits for a few minutes as nothing happens.

"I thought you said you granted my wish for infinite wishes!"

The Genie smirks and responds "I said I would only GRANT three wishes. You have infinite wishes as you wanted now, except I just won't grant them. You should have looked at the dictionary definition for wish first."

Three drunk guys enter a Taxi

3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then said, "we have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him the money and the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was very shocked thinking the 3rd drunkard knew what he did. But then he asked "what was that for?" The 3rd guy replied, " Control yourspeed next time, you nearly killed us!

Online Dating

I've been trying out online dating and it hasn't been going so well. Last night, I went on a date and ended up sleeping with my 3rd cousin... I can't believe I've now had sex with three of my cousins.

So an elderly woman thinks her husband is starting to go deaf...

The woman decides to test her theory. She stands about 30 feet way and calls to her husband:
"Oh Harry!"

She gets no response. She then stands 20 feet away and calls out to him again:
"Oh Harry!"

She is surprised that he STILL doesn't hear her call so she tries again, this time from 10 feet away:
"Oh Harry!"

Harry exclaims: "For the 3rd time Bertha! What do you want!?"

3 girls were being exucuted....

...The first girl was getting ready to be shot. The guard yelled,"Ready aim-"The girl yelled," Tornado! Tornado!!" The guard turned around she escaped. The second girl was being exucuted the guard yelled,"Ready aim-" She yelled,"Huirricane!! Hurricane!!" The guard turned around she was gone. The 3rd girl was being exucuted the guard yelled,"Ready aim-" The girl yelled,"Fire!!Fire!"...

Three old women were sitting on a park bench when a guy came up and flashed them.

The 1st had a stroke

The 2nd also had a stroke

The 3rd, being the weaker and feebler of the three, couldn't reach that far.

Guy finds a magic lamp

He rubs it and out comes a genie granting him 3 wishes!
1st wish: I want a stable job
2nd wish: I want to be driving a costly vehicle
3rd wish: I want to be surrounded by ladies

Genie makes him a bus driver

I love talking to kids

Adults never ask me what my 3rd favorite reptile is.

3rd grade math

If you have 7 apples in one hand, and 5 in the other, what do you have?

-Really large hands.

Why did hitler fail his drivers ed?

He used his turn signals on the two left turns but failed at the 3rd reich

Caller: Hello, 911, my friend collapsed, we need an ambulance. 911: What is your location?

Caller: Peotone St. at Charlevoix

911: Can you spell that?

Caller: Look, I'll drag him to 3rd and Oak - send the ambulance there.

What Covid-19 has taught me....

America is a 3rd world country wearing a Gucci belt.

Personally, I don't get why people complain about American Healthcare

It ranked 3rd in North America

I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my latina mother-in-law

Her address is 1837 3rd St, LA 90023, blue house. She gets off work at 6.

Who won the first Tour de France?

The 3rd German Tank Division.

COOL HUSBAND :D :P :)

Husband & wife went to Jerusalem. Wife died there.

Priest: "Sending her body home would cost you $10000.... but... burial here at this holy city would cost just $100".

Man:"........ I'll take the body home!!!"

Priest:" Why the costly option?"

Man: " Jesus was buried here and came alive on the 3rd day. I CAN'T TAKE THE RISK" !!!

Coffee drinking trio

3 friends are bragging about their coffee drinking habits.

1st: I take it dark, thick and black. It's so strong, the spoon stands upright in my cup when I stir it.

2nd: big deal, at least you use a cup. I pour it directly from the kettle into my mouth.

3rd: yeah? We'll I don't even use a kettle. I chew the coffee beans, drink some water and just go sit on the stove for a while.

Appointing a class monitor..

*Teacher*: What do you do after school?

*1st Student*: I go and buy weed from Yakobo

*2nd Student*: I always go and buy cigarettes from Yakobo.

*3rd Student*: I go and buy cocaine from Yakobo.

*4th Student*: I always stay at home and do my homework.

*Teacher:* You are a great student, I hereby appoint you as the class monitor. You are a good example to other students. What's your name?

*4th Student*: Yakobo

*Teacher*: Satan!

What scares a caterpillar?

A dog-erpillar! (From a 3rd grader at dismissal yesterday!)

For my 3rd cake day I'd like to re-re retell

Resell, retail, retale, resail reset preset presume resume
Assume retell

That my favorite joke is good ol' #788

An anti-vax mom is at a cashier

"you should give me a discount! It's my son's 3rd birthday", She says

The cashier then replied "in that case, I'll apply the senior discount"

The story of a U.S Army member named Will

His 3rd day into battle, his squad commander, upon seeing enemies, yelled FIRE AT WILL!

my friend bought tickets for the super bowl Llll on February 3rd 2019 in Atlanta not realizing that it is also the day of his marriage. so if someone is interested

The church is in Rochester, the womens name is Clarissa

So I banged my 3rd cousin the other day

I'm really surprised how I even managed to bang more than two of my cousins

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?

3 lawyers .One climbs the ladder , the 2nd one to push it and the 3rd one to sue the lightbulb company.

A king has 3 cups...

The first one is filled with water. The second one is filled up with water. The third one is empty.

What is the King called?

Fill up the 3rd

Plane Joke

There was a plane about to go down. The people who were on there were: Trump, The Pope, The Pilot, and 3rd grader. There are three parachutes. The Pope grabs a parachute and says; "I am more important" Then bails. Trump grabs a parachute and says "I am the worlds smartest man. I can't die" Then bails. The Pilot looks at the kid and said here have my Parachute, the kid responded No need to, the "worlds smartest man" grabbed my backpack.

How to catch a bear...

1st - Dig a huge hole and fill it with wood

2nd - Light the wood on fire and burn it until there is nothing but ashes

3rd - Place peas all around the outside of the hole

Now, when the bear bends over to take a pea, you kick him right in the ash hole.

Kool-Aid Man breaks through wall.

"Oh ya!"

[breaks 2nd wall]

"Oh ya!"

[3rd wall]

"OHHH YEAAHH!"

[breaks 4th wall]

*Winks at camera*

Why are frogs happy?

Because they eat what bugs them..

Source: 3rd grader told me this joke..

My uncle died of hypothermia. Robbers took him and locked him inside a freezer of which the temperature was just slightly below 4 degrees.

It was the worst case of 3rd degree murder I've ever heard of.

The teacher said to use the colors green, yellow, and pink in a sentence.

The 1st student goes.."i like the colors green, yellow and pink"

the 2nd student goes.."the grass is green, sun is yellow, and my shirt is pink"

the 3rd one, an asian, goes.."my phone went green green so i pinked it up and said 'yellow?'"

Having a 3rd chromosome....

Is a real downer.

Why does it take longer to get from 2nd base to 3rd base than it does to get from 3rd base to home?

Because there is a short-stop between...

3 cousins are together talking about their names. The first, a raven haired beauty, says "when my mother was pregnant a rose fell from a bush and landed on her stomach so she named me Rose".

The second, a beautiful blonde, says, "when my mother was pregnant a violet landed on her stomach, so she named me Violet".
She turns to the 3rd cousin, a small crippled girl in a wheelchair, "how did u get your name, Piano??".

Educated Sons

1st son : Degree in Economics.
2nd son: MBA.
3rd son : PhD
4th son : Thief

Neighbour: Why can't you throw the
4th son out of your house?

Father : He is the only one earning money. The rest are unemployed.

There are 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree murders, but why are there no 90th degree murders?

Because murder is not right

Fred and John...

Fred and John are in bible school the teacher asks, "who created the world" John raises his hand and is called on, Fred pokes him with a pencil right as he is answering. John says "My God" and the teacher replies "correct", he then asks "what did Eve say after she had her 3rd baby?", John raises his hand again and is called on. As he is answering he is poked again with the the pencil, he says "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm gonna break it!"

Electron joke

Why did the electron went up to the 3rd shell?



It was Bohrd

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the 3rd 9th jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working 3rd tenth piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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