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3am Jokes

33 3am jokes and hilarious 3am puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about 3am that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest 3am Short Jokes

Short 3am jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The 3am humour may include short fiance jokes also.

  1. I'm making a fortune promoting home security systems The pitch is easy. All I do is say "Good morning". At 3am whilst sitting on the end of their bed.
  2. A baby's laughter can be the most beautiful sound you will ever hear... Unless it's 3am
    And you're home alone
    And you don't have a baby...
  3. There's nothing sweeter than a baby's laughter… Unless it's 3am.
    And you're home alone.
    And you don't have a baby.
  4. Neighbor rang on my doorbell at 3AM My neighbor rang on my doorbell at 3am. Can you believe it!?
    Luckily I was still up playing the drum.
  5. To the women who keeps waking me up at 3AM by pounding on my door: I'm not letting you out.
  6. I'm making a killing selling home security systems... All I do is say "Hello" at 3am, sitting on the end of their bed.
  7. Won't believe the nerve of my neighbor knocking on my door at 3AM. Fortunately I was up playing the drums.
  8. What's the most useless thing on a woman? A drunken Irishmen at 3am.
    [EDIT]: This isn't meant to be sexist, it is self-defamation.
  9. There's nothing quite as enjoyable as the sound of a child's laughter unless of course it's 3am and you don't have kids
  10. I don't know which is scarier.... A clown who rummages through the garbage cans at 3am or my neighbor who watches me doing it.

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3am One Liners

Which 3am one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with 3am? I can suggest the ones about bloody and polish.

  1. So a neighbor knocked on my door at 3am. *3am* Luckily I was already playing the bagpipes
  2. Last night at 3AM my neighbour rang... I was so startled that I almost dropped my drill.
  3. What do you call a girl who's only attractive when you're blind drunk at 3am? Doner
  4. What's darker than 3am in the morning? 12' noon in the cotton fields.
  5. Why do alcoholics pass out drinking too much by midnight and not 3am? they just woke up

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about 3am can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of 3am puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Heartwarming 3am Jokes that Make You Laugh

What funny jokes about 3am you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean midnight jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make 3am prank.

Tom was not home at his usual hour and his wife was fuming.

Finally around 3am she heard a noise at the front door and, as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs.
Do you realise what time it is?!? she stammered.
He answered, "Don't get excited, I'm late because I bought something for the house.
Immediately her attitude changed, and running down the stairs to meet him halfway, she asked What did you buy for the house, dear?"
Tom answered A round of drinks!"

Whenever I tell someone I sleep like a baby they always seem pleased

I should probably find a different metaphor for waking up at 3am screaming, covered in my own u**....

My fiance, feeling a bit under the weather, just blurted out this knee-s**... at 3AM...

Why does bill nye get sleepy after writing calligraphy?
Because of the Nye Quill.

Help! I need a push!

A man and his wife were awoken at 3am by a pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a
drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 in the
morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.
"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you!" asks the husband
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

I was woken late last night about 3am

By my next door neighbor in a very revealing negligee, bra, thongs and high heel boots, and asking to borrow a cup of sugar.
I said, f**... off dave, I've got work in the morning'.

A man is pulled over for recklessly speeding at 3am

The police officer demands to know: where are you rushing to at 3am?
The man answers: to hear a lecture.
The police officer asks: a lecture??? Who the h**... is giving a lecture at this hour of the night?!?!
The man responds: **my wife!!!**

A mathematician wanders back home at 3A.M..

A mathematician wanders back home at 3 a.m. and proceeds to get an earful from his wife.
You're late! she yells. You said you'd be home by 11:45!
Actually, the mathematician replies calmly, I said I'd be home by a 'quarter of 12'.

My deaf-mute postman has such a tough job. He starts work at 3am. In summer he gets attacked by dogs and in winter he has to brave through sub-zero temperatures. But in spite of all this....

I've never heard him complain

I remember when, for weeks at a time, Mom would wake us every morning with the smell of freshly baked cookies

at 3AM. And in retrospect, those cookies smelled a lot like m**....

A boy runs into his parent's bedroom at 3am and says, "Dad! Dad! There's a burglar in the kitchen eating all of mom's leftover chili!"

The dad replies, "Go back to bed, son. We'll bury him in the morning."

s**... is like garlic bread

Sometimes you can't get enough of it but nobody wants to be woken up at 3am for either.

My neighbour came b**... on my door at 3am last night.

I couldn't believe such outrageous behaviour.
Luckily, I was up practicing on my drum kit at the time so I wasn't too startled by him.

That moment when your neighbour is ringing at your door at 3am like crazy...

But luckily you're still awake because you're drilling holes for your new IKEA bookcase

Tea is an Evil Substance

Tea is an evil substance, more dangerous than beer.
I discovered this last night, when I drank 14 beer till 3AM at the pub while my wife was just drinking tea at home. You should have seen how angry and violent when I got home. I was peaceful, silent and headed to bed as she shouted at me all night and even in the morning. Please Ladies, don't drink tea!

A Chinese husband and wife are having a busy night in their restaurant..

..when an old friend of the husband makes a surprise visit, the two men have a few drinks to celebrate and after a while the husband tells his wife they are going to a nearby pub, but won't be long.
The husband eventually comes home at 3am and gently awakens his wife and asks "Hey, what about a little sixty nine?"
She flies into a rage, "You go out drinking with your friend, you knew how busy the restaurant was, you leave me to do all the hard work, and now you expect me to get up and make you Mongolian Lamb with Snow Peas!?"

Expectant mothers of Reddit, name your child Gotham.

Then when they wake up at 3am you can roll to your Husband or Partner and say 'Gotham needs you!' and they will get up.

A mathematician is going out to meet his friends...

so he tells his wife he'll be home at a quarter of 12.
When he stumbles in at 3am, his wife is furious.
"Why are you so angry?" He asks, "I told you exactly when I'd be home."

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these 3am jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.