24 Hours Jokes
126 24 hours jokes and hilarious 24 hours puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about 24 hours that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest 24 Hours Short Jokes
Short 24 hours jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The 24 hours humour may include short 24 hour jokes also.
- After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?" God said,
"I think I'm going to call it a day." - A doctor says, "I have bad news, and very bad news." "What's the bad news?" Asked the patients. "You only have 24-hours to live." "And the really bad news?" I should have told you yesterday.
- A man says to the doctor: 'What's the good news?' 'You've got 24 hours to live. He says: 'What's the bad news? The doctor says: 'We should have told you yesterday.'
- If apple released iphone 8 and 10 this year Would it release nine eleven next year
Edit : my first 24 hours top 10 thanks all - Chuck Norris got ambushed by terrorists with a $5,000,000 ransom If the money wasn't paid within 24 hours, the terrorists would be beheaded
- Astronomers got tired of watching the moon go round the earth for 24 hours, so they called it a day. I'm sorry.
- A clearly exhausted Pao walks into a pub and orders a drink.... The bartender asks "long day?"
"No, all days are 24 hours long" Pao replies, amazed at how uneducated the bartender is. - Saying "have a nice day" to someone, sounds friendly But "enjoy your next 24 hours" sounds threatening.
- The human brain is amazing It functions 24 hours a day, everyday since we were born and only stops when taking an exam.
- Not only is it daylight savings time today, but also Int'l Women's Day. Because apparently a full 24 hours to celebrate women would have been just a bit much.
Share These 24 Hours Jokes With Friends
24 Hours One Liners
Which 24 hours one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with 24 hours? I can suggest the ones about 60 minutes and hour.
- Scientists watched the earth rotate for 24 hours and got tired, So they called it a day
- I was tired of watching the moon rotate for 24 hours So I decided to call it a day
- I've found a great 24-hour Indian restaurant It's my favorite nonstop naan-stop
- I'd like to congratulate Whitney Houston... ...on being 24 hours sober!
- A man works hard to name an interval equal to 24 hours. so he calls it a day.
- I got bored watching the Earth turn So after 24 hours, I called it a day.
- Why did the baker take a 24 hour break from baking bread? It was his cake day!
- What did Sonic the hedgehog say 24 hours before he got a blood test? Gotta go fast.
- 24 hour time format mandatory in my office? Not on my watch!
- A simple way to lose pounds in under 24 hours Cut off your legs
- The astronomers were tired after following the moon for 24 hours So they called it a day.
- Today I heard 24-hour Fitness filed for bankruptcy. I guess they ran out of time.
- How can I keep a major nerd in suspense for 24 hours? I'll tell you tomorrow.
- I just joined a gym for real serious stoners. *24 Hour Litness*
- What is 24 hours... The time it takes you to lose one of your airpods...
24 Hours Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about 24 hours you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean overnight jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make 24 hours pranks.
A doctor and his patient.
A doctor says to his patient, I have bad news and worse news .
Oh dear, what's the bad news? asks the patient.
The doctor replies, You only have 24 hours to live.
That's terrible , said the patient. How can the news possibly be worse?
The doctor replies, I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.
"..A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news, and worse news..'"
"This remind me of a hilarious joke. A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news, and worse news.'
'What are the bad news?' asks the patient.
'You only have 24 hours to live.' replies the doctor.
'Oh my, that's terrible! What could possibly be worse than that?!'
'Well, I've been trying to contact you since yesterday...!'
Haha! Always knocks em out!"
- The Joker on The Batman cartoon.
A guy gets a call from his Doctor...
The Doctor says "I have your test results back. I've got bad news and worse news."
The guy says "What's the bad news?"
The Doctor says "You have 24 hours to live."
The guy says "That's terrible! What could be worse than that?"
The Doctor says "I forgot to call you yesterday."
"I have bad news and very bad news"
said the doctor to his patient.
"Give me the bad news first, doc."
"You have 24 hours to live."
"Oh my god, that's terrible. What news could possibly be worse than that?"
"I tried calling you yesterday but there was no answer"
Collection of my favorite Latvian Jokes.
* Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have gone Siberia! More bread for me, man think. But bread have worm.
* Man car break down near house of farmer. Take shelter in barn. Find farmer daughter in barn. Oh! Hot stuff! But TOO LATE! Is already r**... by soldier.
* Latvian walk into bar with mule. Bartender say, Why so long face? Latvian say, I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby.
* Three Latvian are brag about sons. My son is soldier. He have r**... as many women as want, say first Latvian. Zo? second say, My son is farmer. He have all potato he want! Third Latvian wait long time, then say, My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over. Wow! You are win us, say others. But all are feel sad.
* Q : What are one potato say other potato? A : Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?
* Q : How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb? A : 25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour shift. But time probably better spend search food.
* Q: What is happening if you cross Latvian and potato? A: This is cruel joke. please, no more.
Bar Joke
A visibly exhausted and distressed man walked into a bar and ordered a drink. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "No, all days are 24 hours long," the man replied, amazed at how uneducated the bartender was.
I'm switching all of my clocks to a 24-hour format...
...making it much easier to wait til 5 o'clock to start drinking
Always on duty
A doctor has some trouble with the sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told it's his day off.
"But I get called out on my days off, too!" says the doctor, somewhat exasperated, and the plumber relents.
The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying,
"Put these in. If it doesn't clear up in 24 hours, come and see me tomorrow."
So a man goes to the doctor...
and is told that he has a terminal illness with only 24 hours left to live.
He went home and told his wife who was completely shocked. So later, as they're laying in bed, he asks if they can make love one last time. They do. Later, the man wakes up at 3:30 in the morning and asks if they can go at it again. His wife tired and irritable says, "Well that's easy for you to ask, you don't have to get up in the morning..."
Sorry for the lousy wording
Good news, bad news
A man gets a telephone call from a doctor. The doctor says: "About this medical test I did on you, I have some good news and some bad news."
The man asks for the good news first:
"The good news is that you have 24 hours to live," says the doctor.
The man, incredulously: "If that is the good news, then what is the bad news??"
"I couldn't reach you on the phone yesterday."
A doctor calls a patient with his test results...
Doctor: I have bad news and worse news.
Patient: What's the bad news, Doc?
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: That's terrible? What's worse news?
Doctor: I forgot to call you yesterday.
The CIA, MI5, and the KGB have a contest
The CIA, MI5, and the KGB have a contest to see who can find a white rabbit in the forest
The CIA comes in first place, finding the rabbit in fourteen hours. They used contacts, thermal vision, and satellites.
MI5 comes in second place, finding the rabbit in 24 hours using much of the same tactics
The KGB comes in last place. In one hour, they produced a bear, near beaten to death, who said "OK, OK, I admit it, I am a rabbit."
The doctor says to his patient:
"I have bad news and worse news."
Patient: "Alright let me hear the bad news first."
Doctor: "Well u have 24 hours to live."
Patient: "Oh no! What's the worse news??"
Doctor: "The worse news is I forgot to tell you yesterday."
Good news, Bad news joke
Doctor: I have good news, and I have bad news. Which do you want first?
Man: I want the good news first.
Doctor: Well, you have 24 hours to live.
Man: That's the good new?! What's the bad news?
Doctor: The bad news is that I should have told you yesterday.
Man: *Falls over, and dies*
Do you guys have better good news, bad new joke?
Good news and bad news.
Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.
Patient: Ok, well... Give me the good news first.
Doctor: You have 24-Hours to live.
Patient: How is that good news?!? What's the bad news then??
Doctor: I've been trying to call you since yesterday.
The human brain is an amazing o**....
It keeps working 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 52 weeks
a year, from before you leave the w**..., right up until you find religion.
I have a good news and a bad news.
A patient visits his doctor.
Doc: "I have a good news and a bad news."
Patient: "What's the good news?"
Doc: "You have 24 hours to live."
Patient: "WHAT THE h**...'S THE BAD NEWS!??!"
Doc: "I forgot to tell you yesterday"
Who says, "Phlbbbbtfffbllph I NEED TO SAVE THE WORLD IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS phlbbbbtthhphhbbl"
Queefer Sutherland.
The brain
The brain is a amazing o**... it works 24 hours a day 365 days a year from the day you are born until you see your first woman n**....
"24 hours to live!!"
A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."
s**... therapists have invented a new long lasting, alcohol based, v**... gel and lubricant.
Campaigners have slammed the move saying it could lead to 24 hour m**... drinking.
Doctor Call A Man
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the
bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."
Doctor Appointment
**Doctor**: I have bad news and worse news; the bad news, you only have 24 hours left to live.
**Guy**: Oh no, how can the other news possibly be worse?
**Doctor**: Well, I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.
A call from the Doctor
A Man gets a call from his doctor,doctor says i got some bad news and some worse news
Man asks what's the bad news,
Doctor says you have only 24 hours left to live,
man says what can be worse than that,
doctor says i have been trying to call you since yesterday
So a man went to a doctor's appointment...
The doctor said, "I have bad news and worse news."
The man asked, "Oh, what is it?"
The doctor frowned, " You have only 24 hours to live."
The man was in shock. "And what's the worse news? Surely it can't get any worse!"
The doctor frowned again. "I was supposed to tell you yesterday."
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Patient: "Go with the good news first."
Doctor: "You have 24 hours to live."
Patient: "What?! How about the bad news?"
Doctor: Um... I forgot to tell you yesterday."
America is in the labor room right now...
Within 24 hours we will know if it's a boy or a girl.
Doctor: "I have some bad news, and some very bad news"
Patient:"Well, might as well give me the bad news first."
Doctor:"The lab called and told me you only have 24 hours to live."
Patient:"24 hours!? That's terrible! What could be worse than that?"
Doctor:"Your phone has been off, and I've been trying to reach you since yesterday..."
[Edited to clarify punchline...I guess. xP]
A man goes to his doctors office
The doctor says, "I've got bad news and worse news, which would you like first?"
The man is visibly dejected, "I guess the bad news."
"Okay, you only have 24 hours to live." Says the doctor
"Oh my god! What news could be worse than this!" The man wails.
"I forgot to call you yesterday..."
In just 24 hours, my level in English has increased dramatically.
I understood almost all words from the presidential press conference.
People: You can't have all four seasons in the space of 24 hours!
Ohio: Hold my beer.
*inspired by the fact that yesterday it was 74F and had thunderstorms, and today it's 30F and snowing.*
A man goes to the doctor...
The doctor says: "Well I've got bad news and even worse news"
The man says: "Give me the bad news first"
"You've got 24 hours to live" says the doctor,
So the man replies "What could be worse than that!?"
And the doctor says "Well, I tried to call you yesterday"
A blonde calls a 24/7 support call center
The blonde asks what hours they are open for. The technical support person says we are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The blonde stops for a moment a thinks. After a while she asks is that Eastern or Pacific time?
A doctor says to his patient "I have bad news and worse news."
"Let's start with the bad news." Says the patient.
"Well..." Says the doctor "You only have 24 hours left to live."
"I can't imagine what could be worse than that." Says the patient.
"Well..." Says the doctor "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."
People got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours
..so they just called it a day
I told her that I like to print n**... photos at the 24 hour print store...
She said, "That's k**...."
And I said, "No, it's Kinko's."
Ultimatum
Vladimir Putin gave Great Britain 24 hours to explain the death of Stephen Hawking.
A patient visits his doctor to receive his test results.
The doctor tells his patient: "I have bad news and worse news, John."
"Oh dear," John replies. "What's the bad news?"
"You only have 24 hours to live."
"That's terrible.... How can the news possibly be worse?"
"Your phone was off yesterday"
A woman is pregnant with twins
but because of complications during labor, she passed out for about 24 hours after the birth. When she wakes up, she asks to see her children, excited to name them.
The doctor says sure, here they are, but your brother already named them.
What? she exclaims, what did he name them?
He named the girl, Denise, said the doctor.
Hmm, she says, I guess that's ok. I like Denise. What did he name my son?
Denephew.
Grocery store
I went down the street to a 24-hour grocery store. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey! The sign says you're open 24 hours." He Said, "Yes, but not in a row!"
Yesterday I was making some homemade pizza when my doctor called to inform me that I only had 24 hours to live, that's when I realized...
This is the last pizza ill ever knead
A doctor tells a man..
"Alright bud. I got good news and bad news for you." The man asks "what's the good news?"
The doc tells him"you have 24 hours to live." "And the bad news?" He asks. The doctor hesitates. Then replies "I meant to tell you yesterday"
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in this case I bought. Coincidence?
Nope. I'm just a massive alcoholic.
Doctor: I've got some bad news and some even worse news
Patient: What's the bad news?
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live
Patient: What? What could be worse than that?!
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday
John has two monkeys that died within 24 hours of each other.
He took them to the taxidermist, because he loved them and wanted to keep them with him forever.
The taxidermist said, "Do you want them mounted?"
John said, "No, just have them shaking hands."
(from a book of old jokes)
You hear about the guy who died while listening to Queen for 24 hours?
He died from Mercury poisoning.
The Russian and American generals are talking about their troops..(Old Joke)
The Russian general says, "we feed our troops 1,500 calories a day." The American general says "that's nothing. We feed our troops 5,000 calories a day, at least." "Impossible!" says the Russian general. "No man can eat an entire sack of potatoes in 24 hours."
A man receives a phone call
He answers it, only to find out it's his doctor
The doctor says "I have good news and bad news, which one do you want to hear first?"
"s**... it", the man replies, "tell me the bad news first"
"You have only 24 hours to live"
"g**..., only 24 hours? What about the good news?"
"I was going to phone you yesterday to say that but you didn't reply"
The human brain is awesome..
The human brain is awesome. It functions 24 hours a day, from the day we were born and it stops only when we have math exam.
MrBeast did the 24 hour Prison challenge.
Jokes on him, my mom's been doing it for 5 years and my dad, for 17.
The Dr. gave Jim a call and said, Hey Jim, I've got good news and bad news.
The good news - You have 24 hours left to live.
Oh my gosh, doc, what could possibly be the *bad* news!?
The doctor replied, I forgot to call you last night.
Doctor: I've got bad news and worse news. The bad news is that you got 24 hours to live.
The worse news is that I forgot tell you yesterday.
I made a custom mold by pouring silicone over a crucifix. 24 hours and one epoxy pour later...
and Christ is resin.
Scientists got bored of watching the Earth rotate every 24 hours...
...they decided to call it a day and go home.
Guy is dying and the doctor comes in his room to deliver news
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Guy: Tell me the good news.
Doctor: Well, you have 24 hours left to live.
Guy: And the bad news?
Doctor: I forgot to tell you yesterday.
A doctor tells his patient, "I have bad news, and really bad news. The patient says, "Ok, what's the bad news?" The doctor says "You only have 24 hours to live." The patient responds "Oh my God that's awful! What's the really bad news?"
"I forgot to tell you yesterday."
God is talking to one of his angels and says
Do you know what I have just done? I have just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth. Isn't that good?
The angel says, Yes, but what will you do now?
God says, I think I'll call it a day.
A doctor contacts his patient with his test results
I have bad news and worse news, The doctor said The bad news is that you have 24 hours to live
What could be worse than that? The patient replied
The doctor replied I've been trying to reach you since yesterday
A doctor ran up to a patient and said 'I have bad news and worse news'
The patient asked, 'what's the bad news?'
The doctor replied, 'you only have 24 hours left to live'
The patient said, 'What news could possibly be worse than that?!'
The doctor panted'... and I've been trying to call you since yesterday'
A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
**The doctor says**, "I have some **good news** and some **bad news**."
**The man says**, "OK, give me the **good news** first."
**The doctor says**, "The good news is, you have **24 hours** to live."
**The man replies**, "Oh no! If that's the **good news**, then what's the **bad news**?"
**The doctor says,** "The bad news is, I forgot to call you **yesterday**."
A man went to the doctor
"I have some bad news and some very bad news," the doctor said.
"Let me know the bad news first," said the man.
"You have 24 hours to live," replied the doctor.
"Oh no! What is the very bad news then?"
"I forgot to tell you that on yesterday's appointment."