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24 Hour Jokes

98 24 hour jokes and hilarious 24 hour puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about 24 hour that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest 24 Hour Short Jokes

Short 24 hour jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The 24 hour humour may include short hour jokes also.

  1. After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?" God said,
    "I think I'm going to call it a day."
  2. A doctor says, "I have bad news, and very bad news." "What's the bad news?" Asked the patients. "You only have 24-hours to live." "And the really bad news?" I should have told you yesterday.
  3. A man says to the doctor: 'What's the good news?' 'You've got 24 hours to live. He says: 'What's the bad news? The doctor says: 'We should have told you yesterday.'
  4. If apple released iphone 8 and 10 this year Would it release nine eleven next year
    Edit : my first 24 hours top 10 thanks all
  5. Chuck Norris got ambushed by terrorists with a $5,000,000 ransom If the money wasn't paid within 24 hours, the terrorists would be beheaded
  6. Astronomers got tired of watching the moon go round the earth for 24 hours, so they called it a day. I'm sorry.
  7. A clearly exhausted Pao walks into a pub and orders a drink.... The bartender asks "long day?"
    "No, all days are 24 hours long" Pao replies, amazed at how uneducated the bartender is.
  8. Saying "have a nice day" to someone, sounds friendly But "enjoy your next 24 hours" sounds threatening.
  9. The human brain is amazing It functions 24 hours a day, everyday since we were born and only stops when taking an exam.
  10. Not only is it daylight savings time today, but also Int'l Women's Day. Because apparently a full 24 hours to celebrate women would have been just a bit much.

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24 Hour One Liners

Which 24 hour one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with 24 hour? I can suggest the ones about 60 minutes and overnight.

  1. Scientists watched the earth rotate for 24 hours and got tired, So they called it a day
  2. I was tired of watching the moon rotate for 24 hours So I decided to call it a day
  3. I've found a great 24-hour Indian restaurant It's my favorite nonstop naan-stop
  4. I'd like to congratulate Whitney Houston... ...on being 24 hours sober!
  5. A man works hard to name an interval equal to 24 hours. so he calls it a day.
  6. I got bored watching the Earth turn So after 24 hours, I called it a day.
  7. Why did the baker take a 24 hour break from baking bread? It was his cake day!
  8. What did Sonic the hedgehog say 24 hours before he got a blood test? Gotta go fast.
  9. 24 hour time format mandatory in my office? Not on my watch!
  10. A simple way to lose pounds in under 24 hours Cut off your legs
  11. The astronomers were tired after following the moon for 24 hours So they called it a day.
  12. Today I heard 24-hour Fitness filed for bankruptcy. I guess they ran out of time.
  13. How can I keep a major nerd in suspense for 24 hours? I'll tell you tomorrow.
  14. I just joined a gym for real serious stoners. *24 Hour Litness*
  15. What is 24 hours... The time it takes you to lose one of your airpods...

24 Hour Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about 24 hour you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean 45 minutes jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make 24 hour pranks.

A doctor and his patient.

A doctor says to his patient, I have bad news and worse news .
Oh dear, what's the bad news? asks the patient.
The doctor replies, You only have 24 hours to live.
That's terrible , said the patient. How can the news possibly be worse?
The doctor replies, I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.  

"..A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news, and worse news..'"

"This remind me of a hilarious joke. A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news, and worse news.'
'What are the bad news?' asks the patient.
'You only have 24 hours to live.' replies the doctor.
'Oh my, that's terrible! What could possibly be worse than that?!'
'Well, I've been trying to contact you since yesterday...!'
Haha! Always knocks em out!"
- The Joker on The Batman cartoon.

A guy gets a call from his Doctor...

The Doctor says "I have your test results back. I've got bad news and worse news."
The guy says "What's the bad news?"
The Doctor says "You have 24 hours to live."
The guy says "That's terrible! What could be worse than that?"
The Doctor says "I forgot to call you yesterday."

"I have bad news and very bad news"

said the doctor to his patient.
"Give me the bad news first, doc."
"You have 24 hours to live."
"Oh my god, that's terrible. What news could possibly be worse than that?"
"I tried calling you yesterday but there was no answer"

Collection of my favorite Latvian Jokes.

* Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have gone Siberia! More bread for me, man think. But bread have worm.
* Man car break down near house of farmer. Take shelter in barn. Find farmer daughter in barn. Oh! Hot stuff! But TOO LATE! Is already r**... by soldier.
* Latvian walk into bar with mule. Bartender say, Why so long face? Latvian say, I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby.
* Three Latvian are brag about sons. My son is soldier. He have r**... as many women as want, say first Latvian. Zo? second say, My son is farmer. He have all potato he want! Third Latvian wait long time, then say, My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over. Wow! You are win us, say others. But all are feel sad.
* Q : What are one potato say other potato? A : Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?
* Q : How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb? A : 25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour shift. But time probably better spend search food.
* Q: What is happening if you cross Latvian and potato? A: This is cruel joke. please, no more.

Bar Joke

A visibly exhausted and distressed man walked into a bar and ordered a drink. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "No, all days are 24 hours long," the man replied, amazed at how uneducated the bartender was.

I'm switching all of my clocks to a 24-hour format...

...making it much easier to wait til 5 o'clock to start drinking

Always on duty

A doctor has some trouble with the sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told it's his day off.
"But I get called out on my days off, too!" says the doctor, somewhat exasperated, and the plumber relents.
The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying,
"Put these in. If it doesn't clear up in 24 hours, come and see me tomorrow."

So a man goes to the doctor...

and is told that he has a terminal illness with only 24 hours left to live.
He went home and told his wife who was completely shocked. So later, as they're laying in bed, he asks if they can make love one last time. They do. Later, the man wakes up at 3:30 in the morning and asks if they can go at it again. His wife tired and irritable says, "Well that's easy for you to ask, you don't have to get up in the morning..."
Sorry for the lousy wording

Good news, bad news

A man gets a telephone call from a doctor. The doctor says: "About this medical test I did on you, I have some good news and some bad news."
The man asks for the good news first:
"The good news is that you have 24 hours to live," says the doctor.
The man, incredulously: "If that is the good news, then what is the bad news??"
"I couldn't reach you on the phone yesterday."

A doctor calls a patient with his test results...

Doctor: I have bad news and worse news.
Patient: What's the bad news, Doc?
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: That's terrible? What's worse news?
Doctor: I forgot to call you yesterday.

The CIA, MI5, and the KGB have a contest

The CIA, MI5, and the KGB have a contest to see who can find a white rabbit in the forest
The CIA comes in first place, finding the rabbit in fourteen hours. They used contacts, thermal vision, and satellites.
MI5 comes in second place, finding the rabbit in 24 hours using much of the same tactics
The KGB comes in last place. In one hour, they produced a bear, near beaten to death, who said "OK, OK, I admit it, I am a rabbit."

The doctor says to his patient:

"I have bad news and worse news."
Patient: "Alright let me hear the bad news first."
Doctor: "Well u have 24 hours to live."
Patient: "Oh no! What's the worse news??"
Doctor: "The worse news is I forgot to tell you yesterday."

Good news and bad news.

Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.
Patient: Ok, well... Give me the good news first.
Doctor: You have 24-Hours to live.
Patient: How is that good news?!? What's the bad news then??
Doctor: I've been trying to call you since yesterday.

The brain

The brain is a amazing o**... it works 24 hours a day 365 days a year from the day you are born until you see your first woman n**....

"24 hours to live!!"

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

Doctor Appointment

**Doctor**: I have bad news and worse news; the bad news, you only have 24 hours left to live.
**Guy**: Oh no, how can the other news possibly be worse?
**Doctor**: Well, I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.

A call from the Doctor

A Man gets a call from his doctor,doctor says i got some bad news and some worse news
Man asks what's the bad news,
Doctor says you have only 24 hours left to live,
man says what can be worse than that,
doctor says i have been trying to call you since yesterday

So a man went to a doctor's appointment...

The doctor said, "I have bad news and worse news."
The man asked, "Oh, what is it?"
The doctor frowned, " You have only 24 hours to live."
The man was in shock. "And what's the worse news? Surely it can't get any worse!"
The doctor frowned again. "I was supposed to tell you yesterday."

Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."

Patient: "Go with the good news first."
Doctor: "You have 24 hours to live."
Patient: "What?! How about the bad news?"
Doctor: Um... I forgot to tell you yesterday."

America is in the labor room right now...

Within 24 hours we will know if it's a boy or a girl.

Doctor: "I have some bad news, and some very bad news"

Patient:"Well, might as well give me the bad news first."
Doctor:"The lab called and told me you only have 24 hours to live."
Patient:"24 hours!? That's terrible! What could be worse than that?"
Doctor:"Your phone has been off, and I've been trying to reach you since yesterday..."
[Edited to clarify punchline...I guess. xP]

In just 24 hours, my level in English has increased dramatically.

I understood almost all words from the presidential press conference.

A man goes to the doctor...

The doctor says: "Well I've got bad news and even worse news"
The man says: "Give me the bad news first"
"You've got 24 hours to live" says the doctor,
So the man replies "What could be worse than that!?"
And the doctor says "Well, I tried to call you yesterday"

A blonde calls a 24/7 support call center

The blonde asks what hours they are open for. The technical support person says we are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The blonde stops for a moment a thinks. After a while she asks is that Eastern or Pacific time?

A doctor says to his patient "I have bad news and worse news."

"Let's start with the bad news." Says the patient.
"Well..." Says the doctor "You only have 24 hours left to live."
"I can't imagine what could be worse than that." Says the patient.
"Well..." Says the doctor "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."

A patient visits his doctor to receive his test results.

The doctor tells his patient: "I have bad news and worse news, John."
"Oh dear," John replies. "What's the bad news?"
"You only have 24 hours to live."
"That's terrible.... How can the news possibly be worse?"
"Your phone was off yesterday"

A woman is pregnant with twins

but because of complications during labor, she passed out for about 24 hours after the birth. When she wakes up, she asks to see her children, excited to name them.
The doctor says sure, here they are, but your brother already named them.
What? she exclaims, what did he name them?
He named the girl, Denise, said the doctor.
Hmm, she says, I guess that's ok. I like Denise. What did he name my son?
Denephew.

Grocery store

I went down the street to a 24-hour grocery store. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey! The sign says you're open 24 hours." He Said, "Yes, but not in a row!"

Doctor: I've got some bad news and some even worse news

Patient: What's the bad news?
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live
Patient: What? What could be worse than that?!
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday

You hear about the guy who died while listening to Queen for 24 hours?

He died from Mercury poisoning.

The Russian and American generals are talking about their troops..(Old Joke)

The Russian general says, "we feed our troops 1,500 calories a day." The American general says "that's nothing. We feed our troops 5,000 calories a day, at least." "Impossible!" says the Russian general. "No man can eat an entire sack of potatoes in 24 hours."

A man receives a phone call

He answers it, only to find out it's his doctor
The doctor says "I have good news and bad news, which one do you want to hear first?"
"s**... it", the man replies, "tell me the bad news first"
"You have only 24 hours to live"
"g**..., only 24 hours? What about the good news?"
"I was going to phone you yesterday to say that but you didn't reply"

The human brain is awesome..

The human brain is awesome. It functions 24 hours a day, from the day we were born and it stops only when we have math exam.

MrBeast did the 24 hour Prison challenge.

Jokes on him, my mom's been doing it for 5 years and my dad, for 17.

Scientists got bored of watching the Earth rotate every 24 hours...

...they decided to call it a day and go home.

A doctor tells his patient, "I have bad news, and really bad news. The patient says, "Ok, what's the bad news?" The doctor says "You only have 24 hours to live." The patient responds "Oh my God that's awful! What's the really bad news?"

"I forgot to tell you yesterday."

God is talking to one of his angels and says

Do you know what I have just done? I have just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth. Isn't that good?
The angel says, Yes, but what will you do now?
God says, I think I'll call it a day.

A man went to the doctor

"I have some bad news and some very bad news," the doctor said.
"Let me know the bad news first," said the man.
"You have 24 hours to live," replied the doctor.
"Oh no! What is the very bad news then?"
"I forgot to tell you that on yesterday's appointment."

Doctor: I have bad news and very bad news

Me: what's the bad news?
Doctor: you have 24 hours left to live
Me: oh no!, What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I forgot to tell you that yesterday

An American tourist is hit by a car in downtown Sydney, AU.

He is in a coma for 24 hours. When he wakes up in the hospital, he is very disoriented.
"Did I come here to die?" he asks.
The nurse replies, "No, love, you came here yestadie!"

A man goes to the doctor for a follow-up. The doctor says, "I have bad news, and I have worse news."

The man says, "Okay. What's the bad news?"
The doctor informs him, "You have 24 hours to live."
The man asks, "What's the worse news?"
"I forgot to tell you yesterday."

A guy was in the doctor's office and the doctor asked him "Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?"

The guy being optimistic said "I want to hear the good news first."
The doctor said "You have less than 24 hours to live"
The guy said "How is that good news? Tell me the bad news???"
The doctor said "I tried to tell you yesterday"...

My SUV needs all 4 tires replaced at a total cost of $800. That's more than the stimulus they gave us and so the wife freaked out a little.

I told her that it's no big deal and we can just rent a SUV for a day and it would only cost $50.
She said I was an idiot and that we would need an SUV for more then 24 hours.
Then I explained to her that it's more then enough time for me to swap the tires.

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down in 24 hours

and so they decided to call it a day

Doctor: I have bad news and worse news for you

Patient: What is the bad news?
Doctor: You only have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What can possibly be worse news than that?
Doctor: I should have told you this yesterday...

A father and his son were standing the the farm, looking out into the fields

"One day, this will all be yours" the father said.
Next day the father died of natural causes and the ownership of the farm was transfered to the son.
24 hours later the bank came and took over, due to the fathers very high debt.
"I guess my father wasn't lying when he said this would all be mine for one day" the son then thought.

‪After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him what are you going to do now ‬ ‪

God said,‬ ‪ I think I'm going to call it a day. ‬

24 Shots

A bar holds a drinking contest to see who can drink 24 shots of Scotch in an hour? A man walks in, is invited to join in, and promptly leaves. He comes back an hour later, joins the contest and wins.
When asked where he went, he replies, "I had to go across the street to another bar to see if I could do it first."

Common misconception about New York, we don't have 24 hour subway service.

We actually have 12 hour service because it doesn't work half the f**...' time

As a father with 50/50 custody of my kids they are still my responsibility 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Don't know about next week.

Doctor says "I've got bad news and worse"

John says "Oh, no, what's the bad news?"
Doctor: "Well, the bad news is that you've got 24 hours to live"
John: "That's, that's awful, what could be worse than that?"
Doctor: "Well, I've been trying to get a hold of you since yesterday"

A patient is in hospital and the doctor tells him 'we've had your test results back and I've bad news and very bad news' the patient replies 'Oh no, best tell me please?'

'The bad news is you have about 24 hours to live' says the Doctor 'The very bad news is I was supposed to tell you yesterday'

Scientists watched the earth revolve for 24 hours

They got bored and call it a day!!!
Not mine. Just passing on.

In ancient times, people watched the earth spin for 24 hours.

They got bored though, so they called it a day

Early scientists watched the world spin for 24 hours. Then they got bored...

...and called it a day.

the Doctor said: I have bad news, and worse news.

Patient: what is it, doc?
Doctor: The bad news is that you only have 24 hours left to live.
Patient: 24 hours?! But what could possibly be worse that that?!
Doctor: I have been trying to call you and tell you about this since yesterday.

A doctor tells his patient, I have bad news and worse news

Oh dear! What's the bad news? Asked the patient. The doctor replied, you only have 24 hours to live! That's terrible! Said the patient. But how could the other news possibly be worse? The doctor replied, well, I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!

The doctor told Billy, "I have bad news and worse news"

"well what's the bad news?" Billy asked.
"you have 24 hours to live"
"oh my God, what can be worse than that?"
"well I've been trying to catch you since yesterday"

"You've got 24 hours to live"

Guy gets a call from his doctor saying he needs to see him ASAP. So the guy runs down to the office, doctor brings him back and says to him "I've got bad news and I've got worse news"
"What's the bad news?" the guy asks
"You've got 24 hours to live"
"Oh God. Well what's the worse news?"
"I forgot to call you yesterday"

Doctor: "I have some bad news, and some very bad news"

Patient: "Well, you might as well give me the bad news first".
Doctor: "The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live".
Patient: "24 Hours?. That's terrible. What could be worse?. What's the very bad news?".
Doctor: "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday".

Chuck Norris' plane was hijacked by terrorists and landed at a foreign country for ransom

The demand was to pay $5,000,000 within 24 hours, otherwise Chuck Norris would behead the terrorists.

Doctor: I have good news and bad news.

Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: the good news is you have 24 hours left to live.
Patient: What's the bad news?
Doctor: The bad news is I should've told you that yesterday.