20th Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include 20th puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about 20th

My phone fell from the 20th floor,

good thing it was in airplane mode.

Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?"

"It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."

When my wife and I got married,

we mutually decided to each select that one person who we'd most like to have sex with and, if by some miracle, it happened, the other wouldn't get angry. She picked Brad Pitt and I went with Uma Thurman (Uma!!). For our 20th anniversary, I thought it would be fun to change things up and she agreed. So, she picked George Clooney and I chose the next door neighbor.

Dad Joke

It was my birthday an me and my Dad were driving on the highway when we saw a terrible accident. My Dad said "This is the worst accident I've seen in 20years!"

Well yeah it was my 20th birthday.

For my graduating class' 20th reunion, we're digging up our time capsule from freshman year

I cant wait to see how big my dog Sparky got

What's the difference between a man who falls off a building from the 20th floor, and a man who falls off a building from the 2nd floor?

The man from the 20th floor goes:
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!" *thud*

While the man from the 2nd floor goes:
*thud* "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!"

People call me the most disoriented U-boat captain of the 20th century...

Oops wrong sub.

A pessimist and and an optimist fall off the top of a 100 story building......

The pessimist was heard screaming and cursing as he past the 20th floor. As the optimist fell past he quietly whispered "so far, so good"!

Olympics / opening ceremony jokes

Credit where credit's due - I got these from Sickipedia. I'm brand new here but I gather these would be appreciated...

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I certainly enjoyed the opening ceremony which displayed the history of the early 20th century Britain.

I can't wait until the games are held in Germany.

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So in the Olympic Opening Ceremony, British athletes can walk behind a bloke carrying the Union Jack and everyone cheers...

...But when the BNP do it it's frowned upon.

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My mate asked me: "What is the shortest race in the Olympics?"

After thinking for a few minutes, I came up with an answer:

"Chinese," I replied.

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I'm entering the Masturbation Tournament in the Olympics this year.

Very stiff competition though.

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As I watched the woman's football today, my wife proudly quipped, "This just shows you how far the Olympics have come, women excelling at men's sports. What do you think this means?"

I don't think "22 blokes are forced to get a take-away tonight" was the answer she was looking for.

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Well done Danny Boyle. Nothing says "London" better than youths setting fire to stuff.

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7 years the London Olympics have been in the making.

Never has it taken so long for a large number of foreigners to enter the country.

20th Anniversary

A man wants to get his wife something special for their 20th anniversary, so he goes out and buys her a $200.00 transparent night gown. He then goes to wrap the gown up in a gift box while putting a handwritten letter on top of it.

That evening, after leaving the box in their room upstairs, the man sees his wife come home, and tells her that her present is in the room.

The wife goes upstairs, and after reading the heartfelt letter, decides before seeing her husbands present, she would give him her own. So she strips down to nothing and goes downstairs to surprise her husband. The man looks up at his wife and says, "For $200.00, you think they would at least iron the gown."

What's the difference between a guy falling from the 20th or the 1st floor of a building?

20th floor fall goes: *Aaaaaah, BAM!*
1st floor fall goes: *BAM, Aaaaah!*

A man was asked for his secret to a long lasting marriage...

**"Well, i took my wife to Italy on our honeymoon."** *"so what are you guys doing for your 20th wedding anniversary?"*
**"Im going back to get her."**

What's the difference between falling from the 20th floor and the 2nd floor?

20th floor:

* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!! (***SPLAT***)

2nd floor:

* (***SPLAT***) AAAAAaaaaaaaagggghhhhhhhhhhh......

Birthday

The Judge asks the defendant, When is your birthday Mr McKenzie?  
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February 20th, Your Honor.
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And what year?
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Every year, Your Honor"

Obama's announcement

Today, President Obama announced that, after January 20th, the official title of "U.S. Government" will be changed to include quotation marks around Government.

Juan's 20th Birthday

Juan's friends and family kept saying to him "You're 20, Juan!"

Juan was very disappointed with this, as they believed he was turning 21, not 20

I took my wife to China for our 10th anniversary.

I'm picking her up on our 20th

Why is the rate of unemployed black people higher than in the 20th century?

Because synthetic cotton is more popular.

A young man is picking the petals of the flower...

19th century:
"She loves me, she loves me not..."
20th century:
"She'll sleep with me, she won't..."
21st century:
"I'm a man, I'm a woman..."

One for the classical music fans [OC]

For those who aren't, Herbert von Karajan was an acclaimed symphony conductor in the 20th century. You need to know that his name is pronounced approximately "KAHRY-on."

Not many people know it, but the maestro actually had a second career outside of music, he was a successful luggage designer.

I mean, surely you've heard of...Karajan Luggage?

I just celebrated my 20th wedding anniversary today...

Does this mean I'm eligible for parole now??

A guy and a giraffe walk in to a bar...

They go up to the bar and order 20 shots each. 1 shot, 2 shots, 3, 4 .... they finally down the 20th shot. They both stand to leave and the giraffe passes out on the floor. The guy keeps stumbling to the door.

Right as he is going to leave. The bartender says, "Hey! Are you going to leave this lying on the floor?"

The man turns looks at the giraffe, looks at the bartender and says,

*hicc* "Thas not a lioOon. Thasa GIRAFFE!"

I'm so happy that 20th of April has so much attention!

Otherwise we would have forgotten Hitler's birthday! It's so nice of us to celebrate it.

The best late artist of the late 20th century yelvis.

I AINT NOTHING BUT A HOUND DOG. CRYING ALL THE TIME.

You know what the greatest thing about January 20th 2017 12:01 AM?

That is when its going to be the darkest before the Donald

Anniversary gift

The wife asks her husband: "What are you gonna get me for our 20th anniversary, dear?"

"A grave in the cemetery". They had a huge fight. Fast forward to next year.

"What're you gonna get me for our 21st anniversary, honey?"

The man, annoyed, replies: "Nothing! You haven't used what I got you last year yet!"

My pet fox died...

It's no wonder, 'cause he was a 20th Century Fox.

During the 20th Century Europe, Russia asks the allies for help in defeating the Germans...

But they kept Stalin.

Did you hear about the ditch dug in the early 20th century?

It was a great depression.

What's the difference between a $20 bill and a Jew in the 20th century? (offensive)

jews were expendable

I heard BBC has a new period piece all about early 20th century dentists.

They're calling it 'Dentin Abby'!

What did the pilot, say after his 20th day of rehab?

I feel the need, the need for speed

No one talked about it but the threat level was raised on January 20th, 2017

They raised it to orange.

Shakespeare going to the doctor in the 20th century

TB, or not TB, that is the question

Tried mixing Mexican alcohol with 20th century American literature last night…

Ended up with tequila mockingbird.

Which 20th Century Business tycoon was a top?

The one who could really Rock-a-feller

Happy 65th birthday to Howard Stern

...And happy 20th to his hair, happy 30th to his legs, and happy 10th to his new teeth.

Today, my wife and I celebrated our 20th anniversary together.

My wife just recently celebrated her 32nd birthday, and it just so happens that I'm celebrating my 40th birthday tomorrow!

What do you get when Disney and Fox merge?

20th Century Mouse.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes