2018 Jokes

Following is our collection of district humor and upset one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include 2018 puns for adults, dirty hope jokes or clean russian gags for kids.

There is an abundance of win jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 86 funniest jokes on 2018. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any stop witze you can hear about 2018.

The Best jokes about 2018

Why is Trump excited Russia was banned from the 2018 Winter Olympics?

It makes it easier to decide who to cheer for

The salt packet says it was created from a 250 million year old Himalayan rock salt bed

The label says the expiry date is June 2018.

I'm so glad they dug it up just in time

There is no God -Stephen Hawking, 2011

There is no Stephen Hawking God, 2018

It's 2018, we need to stop calling things gay just because they are lame.

So what if there are no women at this bar? Most of the guys are really nice and some of them even bought me drinks, and that's pretty cool if you ask me.

I was in the library the other day when a black man came up to me and asked me where the colored printers were?

I replied, "Dude, it's 2018, you can use whatever printer you want."


I'm going to buy a 6k monitor for 2018

It's my new year's resolution.

After 23 school shootings in 2018

We did it. We finally banned straws.

If Liverpool wins, somebody warn the Pope!

1981:
1. A British prince gets married
2. Liverpool wins the Champions League
3. The Pope dies

2005:
1. A British prince gets married
2. Liverpool wins the Champions League
3. The Pope dies

2018:
1. A British prince gets married
2. Liverpool is in the Champions League's final
3.

The evolution of tide pods

In 2017 tids pods cleaned clothes but in 2018 it cleans the gene pool

The year is 2018 and I don't jog. The year is 2019 and I don't jog. The year is 2020 and I still don't jog.

This is a running joke.

I was standing in a library

And a black dude walks up to me and asked if i knew where the colored printer was. I told him "dude, it's almost 2018, use any printer you want."


Jogging

2014 Didn't jog

2015 Didn't jog

2016 Didn't jog

2017 Didn't jog

2018 Didn't jog

2019 Didn't jog

2020 Still not jogging



This is a running joke.

If some part of your job feels utterly pointless, remember

Putin campaigned for the 2018 elections.

2013: Didn't jog - 2014: Didn't jog - 2015: Didn't jog - 2016: Didn't jog - 2017: Didn't jog - 2018: Didn't jog - 2019: Didn't jog - 2020: Still haven't jogged

This is a running joke.

A black guy in a library asked me where the coloured printer was.

I replied, "Mate, it's 2018... You can use any printer you want!"

Parents in 1998: Don't believe everything you read on the internet

Parents in 2018: Did you know that dogs will die if you feed them ice cubes?

The Trump Years in a Nutshell

2016: Trump doesn't stand a chance.
2017: Trump's still trying?
2018: "Hey, are you guys going to watch the hunger games tonight? I hope my district wins"

iPhone's from the future.

2016: iPhone 7=no headphone jack

2017: iPhone 8=no battery

2018: iPhone 9=no screen

2019: iPhone 10=no phone at all, just pay Apple $1000

FIFA World Cup 2018

A frenchman alks down the street, where he bumps into an Englishman

The Frenchman asks: How are you, what are you up to?"

Englishman: " Ah, nothing much, playing the Croatians in the World Cup tomorrow!"

Frenchman: "What a coincidence...?! We're playing them on Sunday!"


1848: You Have Died of Dysentery

2018: You Have Died From Having To Pump Your Own Gas

Walmart announced the closing of 175 stores in 2018

Putting 12 cashiers out of work

So 2018 is the Chinese year of the dog...

Looks like it's gonna be ruff

1978: UK's prince marries, Liverpool wins the Champions League, the Pope dies.

2005: UK's prince marries, Liverpool wins the Champions League, the Pope dies.

2018: UK's prince marries, Liverpool is in the Champions League final, and the Pope is cheering for Real Madrid like a madman.

"When I see Donald Trump..." - Edinburgh Fringe 2018

When I see Donald Trump I get the same thought in my head as I get after a particularly painful bikini wax.

Bush wasn't that bad.



Angela Barnes, Pleasance Courtyard, 7.15pm


It's almost 2018!

My New Year's revolution is to proofread more.

My grandfather was arrested numerous times for selling a phony life lengthening drug...

Once in 1888, again in 1922, a third time in 1954, and another time in January 2018

A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2018 Super bowl.

Both box seats. He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding.  If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at St Christopher's Church, in Baldwin at 3pm. Her name is Ashley, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too.....She'll be the one in the white dress.

Russian Elections

Ministry of Russian election announcement: Elections of Vladimir Putin will commence as planned in 2018.

2016 Denial

2017 Anger

2018 Bargaining

2019 Depression

2020 Acceptance

USSR Joke Adapted For 2018

On a tour of Washington D.C. a young man lags behind the tour group to take a longer look at the White House. However, he was quite upset with the President and in a moment of anger he shouts across the lawn "The President is a disgusting pig". As he turns to walk away the D.C. police quickly arrest the man and he is taken before a judge. The Judge takes a cursory glance at the charges and sentences the man to 4 years in prison. In disbelief he yells to the judge "I didn't know insulting the President was a crime". The Judge lowers his glasses and says "Insulting the President isn't a crime, but revealing state secrets is".

I hate it when people talk about their 'spirit animals'

It's 2018, you can say fursona.

What did the Helsinki Summit have in common with the 2018 World Cup?

Nobody was playing for the USA.

The 2018 STAR WARS movie isn't part of a trilogy...

...it's a Solo film

Which country brought the most competitors to the 2018 Winter Olympics?

Brazil. They brought 8 Brazilian athletes.

How to turn on a phone in 2018

With a finger or a facial

Why will the 2018 world cup in Russia be so cold?

There's no Chile in it.

Happy New Year #2018

first.

An African American guy in College ...

Asks a white dude:
- Hey man where's the color printer?
Dude replies:
- Man, it's 2018, you can use any printer you want!

My 2018 New Year's resolution is to procrastinate this year.

This is my most successful resolution so far.

A 2018 report showed that the vast majority of bankers have no close friends

Apparently they're all loaners

According to a new 2018 opinion poll:

Penises are out and Vaginas are in.

Meteorologists have forecast snow throughout the US for the entire year of 2018

Flake news

Congrats to the Patriots on their 7th ring,

Super Bowls XXXVI (2001), XXXVIII (2003), XXXIX (2004), XLIX (2014), LI (2016), LIII (2018), Prostitution Ring (2019)!

How did the guy who touched the 2018 calendar get electrocuted.

.


.


.


.

Cause it was the **"current"** year.


¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯

I started seeing a psychic.

I knew she was good because she told me she's voted best in the city 2017 and 2018.

I wonder who's watching me now, the IRS?

1984 paranoid ramblings

2018 passing remark

My New Year's resolution is to stop using aerosol deodorants

Roll on 2018

I will do something good for my country in year 2018

I will leave the country.

My New Years resolution for 2018 is...

Grindr got hacked in March of 2018.

Looks like someone found the back door.

A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2018 SUPER BOWL!!!

...both are box seats. He paid $3,500 each & comes with a limo ride to the stadium, Dinner, $400 bar tab. Thing is he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his Wedding. If you're interested, he's looking for someone to take his place. It's at St Benedicts church in Avon, at 3pm. Her name is Sharon, she's 5'6 , about 135 lbs, great cook, loves to fish, hunt & clean your truck. She'll be in the white dress.

How to quit smoking

Friend: My new year resolution for 2018 is to quit smoking.
Me: That's great, I might have a tip for you.
Friend: What is it? Most tips online don't seem to work for me.
Me: It's pretty simple actually. Try to limit your smokes to only after sex. As you get older, you'll smoke less and less.
Friend: Has it worked for you?
Me: I don't smoke, but my wife has quit smoking ever since we've been married.

What do you get when you combine Battlefront II with the internet of 2018?

Pai to play

What's the difference between the 2018 Fifa World Cup and 21 Savage?

Only one came home.

2018 is the Year of the sequel.

Deadpool 2, Avengers Infinity war 3, Incredibles 2, World War 3.

We're supposed to lose all the trees by 2020

but if we work hard, we can make it by 2018.

2018 kids won't get this

Club penguin

My 2018 health insurance premiums went up 40% but I'll be paying 30% less than the previous year.

Because I won't have any money left for food or rent so I'll probably die half way through the year.

Coming out of the closet in 2018

Mom.. Dad.... I have to tell you something and you may not like it.... sometimes when I visit the neighbor boy... we lock the door to his room.. and watch the NFL

What do you call 23 men watching the World Cup 2018?

The Scotland National Team.

Welcome to the 2018 Golden Globes

Where Hollywood will pat itself on the back and several men will pat Hollywood on the front

My resolution for 2018 is to stay in shape

Lucky for me, round is a shape

1978: Wales win Grand Slam, Liverpool win European Cup, pope dies.

1981: Prince Charles marries, Liverpool win European Cup, pope shot.

2005: Prince Charles marries, Liverpool reaches Champions League semis, pope dies.

2018: Prince Harry marries, Liverpool reaches Champions League final, it's probably time to warn the pope.

My New Year Resolution for 2018 is...

Buying bitcoin in 2011!

2016: Surely Donald Trump won't win

2017: He can't do that... right?

2018: I hope my district wins the Hunger Games!

Was volunteering in the library on MLK Day...

Was volunteering in the library on MLK Day behind the help desk when a black guy asks where the colored printers are.

I said, "it's MLK day 2018, you can use whichever printer you want!"

Putin: "Russia did not meddle in 2016."

International Olympic Committee: "You certainly won't in 2018."

Its 2018 ladies, better treat your man right

Other another man will

So, what is your new resolution for 2018?

5120 x 2880

The snack companies of the world have announced the food Olympics for 2018.

Supposedly two of the events have an interesting relay-sun-chip.

Went to see the doctor about my blocked ear.

"Which ear is it?" he asked.

"2018." I replied.

What would God's 10 commandments be called in 2018?

Top 10 Commandments from God©

Robert Kraft - 7 rings.

Robert Kraft:

- 2001 Super Bowl Ring
- 2003 Super Bowl Ring
- 2004 Super Bowl Ring
- 2014 Super Bowl Ring
- 2016 Super Bowl Ring
- 2018 Super Bowl Ring
- 2019 Prostitution Ring

Son: Dad, why is my sister's name Rose?

Me: Because your mom loves roses.

Son: What about me?

Me: It's a long story, FIFA World Cup™ Russia 2018.

I hate it when people mention forgetting about their 2017 problems.

I'm coming into 2018 with 2012 problems

I heard Incels are working on their own version of a pride parade.

It's called the "Tool World Tour 2018".

2018

2016 - your favourite famous person is dead

2017 - your favourite famous person is a sex offender

- your favourite famous person is RUSSIAN.

What do you call graduating from an American High school in 2018?

Dodging a bullet

If you started having sex at 11:59:59 on New Years Eve....

You would've finished at exactly the start of 2018.

How is the government in 2018 like a diner?

No substitutions!

For 2016 I gave up smoking, for 2017 I gave up drinking.

For 2018 I gave up compulsive lying.

2018 will be the first year that you see people born in the year 2000 in a sex tape....

Next years are even better, trust me.

In 1970 they said that in 30 years we'd be vacationing on the moon.

It's 2018 and instead we're talking about vacationing on Mars some day.

I don't know why the world needs the Gay Games in 2018.

It's just a race to the bottom.

Scientists have found a chemical in marijuana that can be used to develop a cheap printer ink.

The first *stoner* cartridges ship in early 2018.

Elton John and Miley Cyrus win best original rendition by an original artist at the 2018 Grammy Awards

For best original cover of Tony Danza

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes