2018 Jokes
104 2018 jokes and hilarious 2018 puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about 2018 that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest 2018 Short Jokes
Short 2018 jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The 2018 humour may include short dine jokes also.
- In 2017, i didn't jog. In 2018 i didn't jog. In 2019 i didn't jog. In 2020 i didn't jog. This is a running joke
- Why is Trump excited Russia was banned from the 2018 winter Olympics? It makes it easier to decide who to cheer for
- The salt packet says it was created from a 250 million year old Himalayan rock salt bed The label says the expiry date is June 2018.
I'm so glad they dug it up just in time - I was in the library the other day when a black man came up to me and asked me where the colored printers were? I replied, "Dude, it's 2018, you can use whatever printer you want."
- The evolution of tide pods In 2017 tids pods cleaned clothes but in 2018 it cleans the gene pool
- The year is 2018 and I don't jog. The year is 2019 and I don't jog. The year is 2020 and I still don't jog. This is a running joke.
- I was standing in a library And a black dude walks up to me and asked if i knew where the colored printer was. I told him "dude, it's almost 2018, use any printer you want."
- Jogging 2014 Didn't jog
2015 Didn't jog
2016 Didn't jog
2017 Didn't jog
2018 Didn't jog
2019 Didn't jog
2020 Still not jogging
This is a running joke. - 2013: Didn't jog - 2014: Didn't jog - 2015: Didn't jog - 2016: Didn't jog - 2017: Didn't jog - 2018: Didn't jog - 2019: Didn't jog - 2020: Still haven't jogged This is a running joke.
- If some part of your job feels utterly pointless, remember Putin campaigned for the 2018 elections.
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2018 One Liners
Which 2018 one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with 2018? I can suggest the ones about district and upset.
- There is no God -Stephen Hawking, 2011 There is no Stephen hawking God, 2018
- I'm going to buy a 6k monitor for 2018 It's my new year's resolution.
- After 23 school shootings in 2018 We did it. We finally banned straws.
- 1848: You Have Died of Dysentery 2018: You Have Died From Having To Pump Your Own Gas
- Walmart announced the closing of 175 stores in 2018 Putting 12 cashiers out of work
- So 2018 is the Chinese year of the dog... Looks like it's gonna be ruff
- Why was 2018 scared of 2020? Because 2020 and 2019 got in a fight...and 2021.
. - It's almost 2018! My New Year's revolution is to proofread more.
- 2016 Denial 2017 Anger
2018 Bargaining
2019 Depression
2020 Acceptance - I hate it when people talk about their 'spirit animals' It's 2018, you can say fursona.
- The 2018 STAR WARS movie isn't part of a trilogy... ...it's a Solo film
- Why will the 2018 world cup in Russia be so cold? There's no Chile in it.
- Happy New Year #2018 first.
- I wonder who's watching me now, the IRS? 1984 paranoid ramblings
2018 passing remark - My New Year's resolution is to stop using aerosol deodorants Roll on 2018
Uproarious 2018 Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about 2018 you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hope jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make 2018 pranks.
We're supposed to lose all the trees by 2020
but if we work hard, we can make it by 2018.
2016: Surely Donald Trump won't win
2017: He can't do that... right?
2018: I hope my district wins the Hunger Games!
I started seeing a psychic.
I knew she was good because she told me she's voted best in the city 2017 and 2018.
iPhone's from the future.
2016: iPhone 7=no headphone jack
2017: iPhone 8=no battery
2018: iPhone 9=no screen
2019: iPhone 10=no phone at all, just pay Apple $1000
The Trump Years in a Nutshell
2016: Trump doesn't stand a chance.
2017: Trump's still trying?
2018: "Hey, are you guys going to watch the hunger games tonight? I hope my district wins"
2018 kids won't get this
Russian Elections
Ministry of Russian election announcement: Elections of Vladimir Putin will commence as planned in 2018.
Coming out of the closet in 2018
Mom.. Dad.... I have to tell you something and you may not like it.... sometimes when I visit the neighbor boy... we lock the door to his room.. and watch the NFL
What do you call 23 men watching the World Cup 2018?
The Scotland National Team.
My 2018 health insurance premiums went up 40% but I'll be paying 30% less than the previous year.
Because I won't have any money left for food or rent so I'll probably die half way through the year.
I will do something good for my country in year 2018
I will leave the country.
What do you get when you combine Battlefront II with the internet of 2018?
Pai to play
Putin: "Russia did not meddle in 2016."
International Olympic Committee: "You certainly won't in 2018."
2018
2016 - your favourite famous person is dead
2017 - your favourite famous person is a s**... offender
- your favourite famous person is RUSSIAN.
So, what is your new resolution for 2018?
5120 x 2880
Meteorologists have forecast snow throughout the US for the entire year of 2018
Flake news
My New Years resolution for 2018 is...
My resolution for 2018 is to stay in shape
Lucky for me, round is a shape
I hate it when people mention forgetting about their 2017 problems.
I'm coming into 2018 with 2012 problems
If you started having s**... at 11:59:59 on New Years Eve....
You would've finished at exactly the start of 2018.
How to quit smoking
Friend: My new year resolution for 2018 is to quit smoking.
Me: That's great, I might have a tip for you.
Friend: What is it? Most tips online don't seem to work for me.
Me: It's pretty simple actually. Try to limit your smokes to only after s**.... As you get older, you'll smoke less and less.
Friend: Has it worked for you?
Me: I don't smoke, but my wife has quit smoking ever since we've been married.
Welcome to the 2018 Golden Globes
Where Hollywood will pat itself on the back and several men will pat Hollywood on the front
A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2018 Super bowl.
Both box seats. He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at St Christopher's Church, in Baldwin at 3pm. Her name is Ashley, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too.....She'll be the one in the white dress.
My New Year Resolution for 2018 is...
Buying bitcoin in 2011!
Was volunteering in the library on MLK Day...
Was volunteering in the library on MLK Day behind the help desk when a black guy asks where the colored printers are.
I said, "it's MLK day 2018, you can use whichever printer you want!"
Which country brought the most competitors to the 2018 Winter Olympics?
Brazil. They brought 8 Brazilian athletes.
2018 will be the first year that you see people born in the year 2000 in a s**... tape....
Next years are even better, trust me.
How did the guy who touched the 2018 calendar get electrocuted.
.
.
.
.
Cause it was the **"current"** year.
¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
For 2016 I gave up smoking, for 2017 I gave up drinking.
For 2018 I gave up compulsive lying.
How is the government in 2018 like a diner?
No substitutions!
The snack companies of the world have announced the food Olympics for 2018.
Supposedly two of the events have an interesting relay-sun-chip.
According to a new 2018 opinion poll:
p**... are out and Vaginas are in.
What do you call graduating from an American High school in 2018?
Dodging a bullet
2018 is the Year of the sequel.
Deadpool 2, Avengers Infinity war 3, Incredibles 2, World War 3.
If Liverpool wins, somebody warn the Pope!
1981:
1. A British prince gets married
2. Liverpool wins the Champions League
3. The Pope dies
2005:
1. A British prince gets married
2. Liverpool wins the Champions League
3. The Pope dies
2018:
1. A British prince gets married
2. Liverpool is in the Champions League's final
3.
2016, the year our heros died. 2017, the year our heroes betrayed us. 2018...
Garbage day.
My grandfather was arrested numerous times for selling a phony life lengthening drug...
Once in 1888, again in 1922, a third time in 1954, and another time in January 2018
My 2018 New Year's resolution is to procrastinate this year.
This is my most successful resolution so far.
Went to see the doctor about my blocked ear.
"Which ear is it?" he asked.
"2018." I replied.
I heard Incels are working on their own version of a pride parade.
It's called the "Tool World Tour 2018".
Son: Dad, why is my sister's name Rose?
Me: Because your mom loves roses.
Son: What about me?
Me: It's a long story, FIFA World Cup™ Russia 2018.
FIFA World Cup 2018
A frenchman alks down the street, where he bumps into an Englishman
The Frenchman asks: How are you, what are you up to?"
Englishman: " Ah, nothing much, playing the Croatians in the World Cup tomorrow!"
Frenchman: "What a coincidence...?! We're playing them on Sunday!"
What did the Helsinki Summit have in common with the 2018 World Cup?
Nobody was playing for the USA.
An African American guy in College ...
Asks a white dude:
- Hey man where's the color printer?
Dude replies:
- Man, it's 2018, you can use any printer you want!
A black guy in a library asked me where the coloured printer was.
I replied, "Mate, it's 2018... You can use any printer you want!"
How to turn on a phone in 2018
With a finger or a f**...
Parents in 1998: Don't believe everything you read on the internet
Parents in 2018: Did you know that dogs will die if you feed them ice cubes?
When I see Donald Trump I get the same thought in my head as I get after a particularly painful bikini wax.
Bush wasn't that bad.
What would God's 10 commandments be called in 2018?
Top 10 Commandments from God©
It's 2018, we need to stop calling things gay just because they are lame.
So what if there are no women at this bar? Most of the guys are really nice and some of them even bought me drinks, and that's pretty cool if you ask me.
Its 2018 ladies, better treat your man right
Other another man will
Grindr got hacked in March of 2018.
Looks like someone found the back door.
What's the difference between the 2018 Fifa World Cup and 21 Savage?
Only one came home.
Congrats to the Patriots on their 7th ring,
Super Bowls XXXVI (2001), XXXVIII (2003), XXXIX (2004), XLIX (2014), LI (2016), LIII (2018), Prostitution Ring (2019)!
Robert Kraft - 7 rings.
Robert Kraft:
- 2001 Super Bowl Ring
- 2003 Super Bowl Ring
- 2004 Super Bowl Ring
- 2014 Super Bowl Ring
- 2016 Super Bowl Ring
- 2018 Super Bowl Ring
- 2019 Prostitution Ring
chinese new years
2009. Ox
2010. Tiger.
2011. Rabbit.
2012. Dragon.
2013. Snake.
2014. Horse.
2015. Goat.
2016. Monkey.
2017. Rooster.
2018. Dog.
2019. Pig.
2020. Rat.
2021. Ox.
All served with rice or chips, bat and pangolin scale sauce £1.00 extra.
A 2018 report showed that the vast majority of bankers have no close friends
Apparently they're all loaners
I didn't run a marathon in 2018.
I didn't run a marathon in 2019.
I didn't run a marathon in 2020.
I've never run a marathon in my life.
...
This is a running joke.
Remember, having s**... on a regular basis helps keep your memory healthy and functioning properly.
Here's to an unforgettable new year!! Happy 2018, everyone!!
