Your parents in 2017: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.
In 2017, celebrities touched people and their legacies died.
But it's 2017 and I'll date who I want
A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super bowl. They are box seats plus airfares and hotel accommodations. He didn't realize when he bought them that this is the same day as his wedding - so he can't go.
If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St. Peter's Church in New York City at 5 PM. Her name is Donna. She will be the one in the white dress.
In 2017 tids pods cleaned clothes but in 2018 it cleans the gene pool
Because 2+0+1+7 is 10 - the exact number of nipples Hitler would have if he had 8 more
Cleaning the gene pool since 2017.
The man asks the bartender:
Sir, is it okay for me to use my fidget spinner here?
Bartender:
Sir, it's 2017, you can be gay anywhere.
2014 Didn't jog
2015 Didn't jog
2016 Didn't jog
2017 Didn't jog
2018 Didn't jog
2019 Didn't jog
2020 Still not jogging
This is a running joke.
One likes men and the other is disabled.
EDIT 2: I apologise if this offends some people. In 2017, you cannot be too careful.
If you're interested in going in my place, the wedding is at St. Peter's church and her name is Laura.
"Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2017 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"
Patient: I thought I was on a United flight.
Nurse: You were but you were volunteered to get off.
but if we worked really hard, we can do it by the end of 2017
This is a running joke.
A buddy of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super Bowl. Box seats plus airfare, accommodation, etc., but he didn't realize when he bought them that this is going to be on the same day as his wedding - so he can't go.
Β
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If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St. Peter's Church, in New York City, at 5 p.m. Her name's Louise. She's 5' 6", about 120 lbs., good cook, makes $130,000 a year! She will be the one in the white dress."
*this was forwarded to me by my dad just now, never heard before, thought was worthwhile for a chuckle.
My cousin has two tickets for the 2017 SUPER BOWL, both box seats. He paid $2,500 each ticket, but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding.
If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place... It's at St. Joseph Church, in Warwick, RI at 3 p.m. Her name is Amanda. She's 5'2, about 130 lbs. She's a good cook, too. She'll be the one in the white dress.
I said "2017"
That way, I'll reach my goal of losing 20 pounds AND start 2017 off on the right foot!
Friend: What do you mean, 7 years ago is like 2013..
Me: That's why I ain't believing it.
2016: Trump doesn't stand a chance.
2017: Trump's still trying?
2018: "Hey, are you guys going to watch the hunger games tonight? I hope my district wins"
2016: iPhone 7=no headphone jack
2017: iPhone 8=no battery
2018: iPhone 9=no screen
2019: iPhone 10=no phone at all, just pay Apple $1000ο»Ώ
Philosophers in 400B.C.: The greatest wealth is to live content with little.
Philosophers in 1200: Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.
Philosophers in 1900: That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
Philosophers in 2017: Would you like some drinks with that order?
So I asked him if he is off to Parcelona. He then proceeded to ignore what is my best joke of 2017.
Well did you say it right? The key to a good mailman's joke is the delivery.
Queens won't be able to move without the king's permission, and bishops will face summary execution for spreading the word of the false prophet
The last time she saw 2017 was on the scale
There are machines which can look through skin and see bones. There are machines which keep you alive when your brain and heart have stopped. There's even a machine that can tell you who your parents are with a single drop of spit. However, when I need my prostate checking, a man sticks his finger up my arsehole and wriggles it about a bit.
2016S
2017 Anger
2018 Bargaining
2019 Depression
2020 Acceptance
But instead of being scared, You get angry and offended.
A midget spinner.
Its 2017, we should be way past that.
The NSA
...is that it was an odd year.
2017: Literally talk to strangers online to get INTO their cars.
2017: One day computers will be so good that you won't have to prove that you are a robot.
2017 - "I want 35 kids, one of each."
I was at a library and a black guy asked where the colored printer was. I said, "bro, it's 2017, use any printer you want."
I knew she was good because she told me she's voted best in the city 2017 and 2018.
The date is 20 January 2017. Donald Trump has just been sworn in as President. He walks to the mic for his inauguration speech. He looks at Obama and says "You're Fired"
It can send messages back to the past, as a dream to a single person.
Because of all the problems Covid-19 caused, they decided to try and warn the world before hand. So a dream message was sent back to the year 2017: "Covid is fatal will arrive in fall 2019. Covid is fatal will arrive in fall 2019." It would repeat over and over.
This dream was of course sent to the most powerful man in the world back then: President Trump... unfortunately, the sheer distance in time garbled the message: "Cov.. f.. f.. Cov.. f.. f.. "
Or is that rude to the ball and chain?
Alien: "Take me to your leader."
*Alien is brought to Pres. Trump.
Alien: "Good one! Seriously though. This is important."
....is to accomplish the goals of 2016 which I should have done in 2015 because I made a promise in 2014 and planned in 2013
and its not even 2017 yet
you were always by my side.
Charlottesville. In 2017
-2017
For the few people living just the right distance away from the nuclear strikes,the radiation will cure their cancer.
St. Mary's church @ 6pm. Bride's name is Lisa.
Just go there, get married and you're done.
On new years eve some parts of the world are in 2017, some are in 2016, and a large portion of the U.S. is still stuck in 1940.
- Banana, 2017
Billions of people haven't showered since last year.
So far
My bank account, with a 100% balance discount.
Who after several credible accusations of sexual harassment was forced to resign from his position of political power
2017: He can't do that... right?
2018: I hope my district wins the Hunger Games!
Silicone Valley.
I mean, I missed her at first but I've saved a ton of money
but probably won't be ready until at least 30 minutes after that
This marks the end of my cheat decade.
They ask for oil price from 2015 through 2017.
It was a Goodyearβ’
It was the best day of the year.
High school student in poll position
from rock bottom, you can only go up
Please don't mix it up like last year.
The day America expires.
The man says "give me the bad news, Dr."
The Dr tells him they will need to amputate the left foot.
The guy asks "what's the good news?"
The doctor says "you get to start 2017 on the right foot"
~Albert Einstein, 2017
World Chess Championship. The hotel hosts a gala event with food and drink in the hotel lobby. The semi finalists are mingling. The final two are bragging about their respective stratagems for the final match. The desk clerk asks them to hang around. Because we all love to hear.... Two Chess nuts, boasting in an open foyer.
...Kendrick Llama
First step: write down the resolu
Looks like reign with a slight chance of heil.
Vodka, on the rocks.
Woman: Doctor, is it a boy or girl?
Doctor: I dont know, we'll have to wait for it to decide.
Men 1952: I just fixed the roof.
Men 2017: I just shaved my legs
NuΓ±es Steps Aside
I'd say it was one of the swords the Musketeers used.
...plus a couple billion years...
Xbox: We have a new console with tons of good specs, VR support, and a badass name.
Sony: We have Kojima, God of War, Crash Bandicoot, and Spider-Man
Nintendo: We have plumbers and bunnies.
A Shilling, of course.
We have collected gags that can be used as 2017 pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about 2017, here are one liners and funny 2017 pick up lines.