2017 Jokes
116 2017 jokes and hilarious 2017 puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about 2017 that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest 2017 Short Jokes
Short 2017 jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The 2017 humour may include short win jokes also.
- In 2016, celebrities died and their legacies touched people. In 2017, celebrities touched people and their legacies died.
- In 2017, i didn't jog. In 2018 i didn't jog. In 2019 i didn't jog. In 2020 i didn't jog. This is a running joke
- The evolution of tide pods In 2017 tids pods cleaned clothes but in 2018 it cleans the gene pool
- A man walks into a bar with a fidget spinner... The man asks the bartender:
Sir, is it okay for me to use my fidget spinner here?
Bartender:
Sir, it's 2017, you can be gay anywhere. - I have two tickets to the 2017 Superbowl, but I'm getting married that day so I can't go. If you're interested in going in my place, the wedding is at St. Peter's church and her name is Laura.
- *year 2020* Nurse: Sir, you've been in a coma since 2017 Patient: I thought I was on a United flight.
Nurse: You were but you were volunteered to get off. - Scientists claims that 85% of rainforests will be gone by 2025 but if we worked really hard, we can do it by the end of 2017
- I was outside school last week. One of the other parents came over and asked me what year my daughter was in. I said "2017"
- Me: Dude, I can't believe that 2017 was 7 years ago. Friend: What do you mean, 7 years ago is like 2013..
Me: That's why I ain't believing it. - The Trump Years in a Nutshell 2016: Trump doesn't stand a chance.
2017: Trump's still trying?
2018: "Hey, are you guys going to watch the hunger games tonight? I hope my district wins"
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2017 One Liners
Which 2017 one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with 2017? I can suggest the ones about hope and surely.
- My doctor told me to stay away from trans fats... But it's 2017 and I'll date who I want
- Tide announced the new motto for their pods line. Cleaning the gene pool since 2017.
- Imagine us waiting for 2017 but out comes 2016S
- 2016 Denial 2017 Anger
2018 Bargaining
2019 Depression
2020 Acceptance - What do you call a short ballerina in 2017? A midget spinner.
- My wife and i have been happily married for two years 2012 and 2017
- All I want to say about 2017... ...is that it was an odd year.
- 1990 - "I want two kids, one of each." 2017 - "I want 35 kids, one of each."
- I haven't gotten laid all year and its not even 2017 yet
- What's black and white and red all over? Charlottesville. In 2017
- "Hold my beer." -2017
- 2017 has been great so far So far
- I remember the Swedish summer of 2017.. It was the best day of the year.
- 2017 did not tire me It was a Goodyear™
- In 2017 I'm going to start eating healthy again. This marks the end of my cheat decade.
Fun-Filled 2017 Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about 2017 you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean district jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make 2017 pranks.
2016: Surely Donald Trump won't win
2017: He can't do that... right?
2018: I hope my district wins the Hunger Games!
I started seeing a psychic.
I knew she was good because she told me she's voted best in the city 2017 and 2018.
It's 2017, and President Hillary has ordered the minting of new coinage to celebrate female empowerment in the 21st Century. What is the new coin called?
A Shilling, of course.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Kinda scared for 2017
Because 2+0+1+7 is 10 - the exact number of n**... h**... would have if he had 8 more
iPhone's from the future.
2016: iPhone 7=no headphone jack
2017: iPhone 8=no battery
2018: iPhone 9=no screen
2019: iPhone 10=no phone at all, just pay Apple $1000
So the 2017 World Chess Championships are being held in Iran. There's going to be some rule changes:
Queens won't be able to move without the king's permission, and bishops will face summary execution for spreading the word of the false prophet
January 20, 2017
The day America expires.
The date is 20 January 2017.
The date is 20 January 2017. Donald Trump has just been sworn in as President. He walks to the mic for his inauguration speech. He looks at Obama and says "You're Fired"
The 2017 forecast just came in
Looks like reign with a slight chance of heil.
2017 New Years Resolution
First step: write down the resolu
On April 16, 2017, a small French city will detach from the surface of the Earth and fly into space, killing everyone.
It's just Toulouse.
I have high expectations for 2017 because
from rock bottom, you can only go up
Guys, if anyone is interested, a friend of mine got an invitation to the 2017 Berlin Marathon for Christmas. But it's the same day of his wedding. So if anyone wants (and is able) to go, everything is paid.
St. Mary's church @ 6pm. Bride's name is Lisa.
Just go there, get married and you're done.
My goal for 2017....
....is to accomplish the goals of 2016 which I should have done in 2015 because I made a promise in 2014 and planned in 2013
A man is in the hospital and the doctor tells him he has good news and bad news
The man says "give me the bad news, Dr."
The Dr tells him they will need to amputate the left foot.
The guy asks "what's the good news?"
The doctor says "you get to start 2017 on the right foot"
With the first pick of the 2017 NFL Draft, the Cleveland Browns select...
To pass.
2017 won't be all bad
For the few people living just the right distance away from the nuclear strikes,the radiation will cure their cancer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2017 stinks
Billions of people haven't showered since last year.
My 2017 resolution is to find a new job
Turns out being Mariah Carey's sound guy wasn't a good fit
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You cannot taste me, until you undress me.
- Banana, 2017
Time zones are crazy
On new years eve some parts of the world are in 2017, some are in 2016, and a large portion of the U.S. is still stuck in 1940.
2017 is less divisive
It's a prime number
Today, In our first math lesson of 2017 our teacher wishes us a good year
"and did you know 2017 is a prime number?"
Please,... not already,....
In the political correctness of 2017, is it still ok to call my wife the "ol ball and chain"?
Or is that rude to the ball and chain?
Super bowl tickets
A buddy of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super Bowl. Box seats plus airfare, accommodation, etc., but he didn't realize when he bought them that this is going to be on the same day as his wedding - so he can't go.
If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St. Peter's Church, in New York City, at 5 p.m. Her name's Louise. She's 5' 6", about 120 lbs., good cook, makes $130,000 a year! She will be the one in the white dress."
*this was forwarded to me by my dad just now, never heard before, thought was worthwhile for a chuckle.
You know what the greatest thing about January 20th 2017 12:01 AM?
That is when its going to be the darkest before the Donald
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
January 20, 2017; 12:02 p.m.
I felt a great disturbance in the force, as if millions of voices cried out in t**... and suddenly silenced!........oh wait, never mind. It was just the inauguration
Now that it's 2017 I can finally make this joke!
I haven't showered since last year! Hahaha
I can't believe Earth is 2017 years old!
...plus a couple billion years...
Ocean's 8 is expected to come out in late 2017
but probably won't be ready until at least 30 minutes after that
2017 First UFO lands
Alien: "Take me to your leader."
*Alien is brought to Pres. Trump.
Alien: "Good one! Seriously though. This is important."
2017 has been great so far! I've lost about 105 pounds!
I mean, I missed her at first but I've saved a ton of money
90% of Albert Einstein quotes are fake.
~Albert Einstein, 2017
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE:
"Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, s**... this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2017 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"
Two bears and three bears walk into a bar.....
They ask for oil price from 2015 through 2017.
What does NSA stand for (as of apr 5, 2017) ?
Nuñes Steps Aside
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Men 1845: I just killed a buffalo.....
Men 1952: I just fixed the roof.
Men 2017: I just s**... my legs
Giving birth in 2017
Woman: Doctor, is it a boy or girl?
Doctor: I dont know, we'll have to wait for it to decide.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the most popular drink in the Whitehouse for the summer of 2017 ?
v**..., on the rocks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In 2017 I caught up with the coffee world and bought a french press and an aero press
I finally caught up and now I have to buy a g**... negative press for my covfefe.
Philosophers in 500B.C.: Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated
Philosophers in 400B.C.: The greatest wealth is to live content with little.
Philosophers in 1200: Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.
Philosophers in 1900: That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
Philosophers in 2017: Would you like some drinks with that order?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
E3 2017
Xbox: We have a new console with tons of good specs, VR support, and a badass name.
Sony: We have Kojima, God of War, c**... Bandicoot, and Spider-Man
Nintendo: We have plumbers and bunnies.
The mailman told me he's off to Spain tomorrow...
So I asked him if he is off to Parcelona. He then proceeded to ignore what is my best joke of 2017.
Well did you say it right? The key to a good mailman's joke is the delivery.
As a Filipino in 2017
Whenever I break a promise, I just say:
"Well, you voted for a man who promised to clean the government in three to six months! Get used to it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you got caught cheating in 2017
All you have to say is "the Russians hacked my e**...!"
USA police.
Police in most states in US were seen shooting at the sun for few minutes on 21st Aug 2017.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The year is 2017.
There are machines which can look through skin and see bones. There are machines which keep you alive when your brain and heart have stopped. There's even a machine that can tell you who your parents are with a single drop of spit. However, when I need my prostate checking, a man sticks his finger up my a**... and wriggles it about a bit.
The Apple iPhone 8, Samsung Galaxy S8, snapchat Spectacles, and the Amazon Echo Show all came out in 2017. Who won the year?
The NSA
2000: Don't talk to people on the internet or get into stranger's cars
2017: Literally talk to strangers online to get INTO their cars.
Who looks like a alpaca and drops sick albums in 2017
...Kendrick Llama
2005: One day computers will be so good that you will have to prove you aren't a robot.
2017: One day computers will be so good that you won't have to prove that you are a robot.
2017 will be known for 2 Harveys
One blew forcefully, other got blown forcefully
I hate when people use the year as a justification to an opinion.
Its 2017, we should be way past that.
Manushi Chhillar crowned Miss World 2017
and my search is over for marriage.
By far the best black friday deal of 2017...
My bank account, with a 100% balance discount.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Stars Wars is not aging well. After 40 years, Obi-Wan Kenobi cannot be more wrong.
Obi-Wan: "You will **never** find a more wretched hive of s**... and villainy"
2017: "Hold my beer"
If I was going to describe 2017
I'd say it was one of the swords the Musketeers used.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2017 Limerick: There once was a man from Nantucket
Who after several credible accusations of s**... harassment was forced to resign from his position of political power
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2018
2016 - your favourite famous person is dead
2017 - your favourite famous person is a s**... offender
- your favourite famous person is RUSSIAN.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... assault allegations in 2017 are like Pringles.
You can't have just one.
How did the NY Giants salute Colin Kaepernick in 2017?
By taking a knee for the entire season.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Biggest news story of 2017 has to be Hollywood s**... harassment
Gonna be hard to beat it
My first New Year resolution will be
to stop mistyping 2016 instead of 2017
I hate it when people mention forgetting about their 2017 problems.
I'm coming into 2018 with 2012 problems
I vowed to quit drinking for 2017
Today my journey begins with success
