Gather Around for Heartwarming 2016 Jokes and Uplifting Humor
So the essay portion of the SATs will be dropped in 2016...
I guess we'll just have to call them the Ts.
Obama walks into a bar.....
Some time passes after the 2016 US Presidential election, and Barack Obama passes away from old age. He gets bored after a while in heaven, and asks God if he can return to Earth for a while to see how the good ole' US of A is turning out. God agrees.
Obama returns to Brooklyn, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer. He asks the barkeep "How's the country? How are foreign affairs? Any problems currently being faced?"
"Oh, nothing at all, sir. We're an empire now. We're successful."
"But what about Iraq and Afghanistan? Those were terrorist hotspots not too long ago?"
"We control it now. We're an empire. Everything is good."
"But what about Europe, Asia, and their financial crises?"
"That too has been taken care of. We are now finally an empire."
Pleased at the outlook of the country he once led, Obama asks the bartender for the bill:
"65 rubles, sir", replies the bartender.
Putin decides to invade Poland
Putin decides to invade Poland. But first, he wants to check the future situation in his country by visiting a fortuneteller.
Putin: Hello! I'd like to ask how much would a 0,7l bottle of vodka in Moscow 2016 cost.
Fortuneteller: Hmmm... it seems about twenty.
Putin: Rubles?!?
Fortuneteller: No, PLN.
Former eye doctor Rand Paul decided to run for president in 2016
Of all people, you would have thought he'd have 2020 vision
I highly doubt that Monica Lewinsky will support Hillary in 2016.
I mean, the last time a Clinton was a president, it left a really bad taste in her mouth.
At 23:59 31.12.2015 I raised my left foot off the ground
Just to be sure I start 2016 on the right foot
Argon walks into a bar
The bartender looks up and says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."
Argon doesn't react because reacting has been copyrighted by The Fine Bros since 2016.
WalMart is closing down 269 stores in 2016
Due to this, 17 cashiers will lose their jobs.
I want to repaint my room a shade of white...
...but I can't decide between "eggshell", "beige", or "2016 Oscars".
2016: Surely Donald Trump won't win
2017: He can't do that... right?
2018: I hope my district wins the Hunger Games!
I work in a library and a black guy asked me if there are any coloured printers...
I said, "Dude, it's 2016 you can use any printer you want."
You can explore 2016 dysfunction reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean 2016 year dad jokes. There are also 2016 puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Kanye West was found alive in his apartment today.
Another sad day for the music industry in 2016.
If Hillary Clinton wins in 2016,
It will be the first time that two presidents have had sex with each other
A newbie at work asked me if I knew where the coloured printer was.
I said "It's 2016, Jamal, you can use any printer you want"
Euro 2016
Hi! I've got 2 tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but forgot that it's on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.
If you are interested and want to go instead of me ...
... It's at St. Nicholas' Church, Brighton and she's called Jane.
When people ask why I have a "Trump 2016" sticker on my car I say it's for safety.
When i'm pulled over, it's the quickest way to tell the Cop i'm white.
As of Nov 9, 2016, what will be the 2nd most populous state in America?
Catatonic
Is it really 2016?
Is it really 2016? I mean Tarzan is playing in theaters, Pokemon is a craze, and a Clinton is running for President of the United States.
Monica Lewinsky is voting for Donald Trump
Monica Lewinsky is voting for Donald Trump in the 2016 Presidential Election, because the last time a Clinton was in office, it left a bad taste in her mouth.
The head of the 2016 Somali Olympic squad has apologized to officials on behalf of their team...
...after realizing shooting and sailing were two separate events.
Michael Phelps will be the flag bearer for the 2016 USA Olympic Team
I hope he holds our flag high.
What's the difference between the 2016 Rio Olympics and the 2016 US presedential race?
The Olympic competitors are qualified.
What do the 2016 Rio Olympics and the 2016 US presidential race have in common?
Half of the competitors cheat and the other half aren't qualified.
How bad was the Rio 2016 Olympic?
None of the North Korean athletes defected.
Whats the biggest lie of 2016?
I am a passenger.
2016 is going off the rails with all the people getting offended. There are even some people who've decided it's racist to say "black paint".
Instead you're supposed to say something like "Shawn, would you please paint that fence?"
iPhone's from the future.
2016: iPhone 7=no headphone jack
2017: iPhone 8=no battery
2018: iPhone 9=no screen
2019: iPhone 10=no phone at all, just pay Apple $1000
So I was at the Library today
.. And a black Gentleman came over to me and asked where the coloured printer was. I replied "Man its 2016 you can use any printer!"
I was in a computer room in college today...
A black person asked where the coloured printer was. I said, "it's 2016 you can use any printer."
A guy walks into a Kinkos and asks, "Do you have any colored printers?"
To which the clerk responds, "It's 2016 man. You can use any printer you want."
Who would win a battle between an orangutan and a hyena?
I don't know, but we'll find out November 8, 2016.
2016 Election
Honestly hurricane Matthew should run for president because I think he left the biggest mark on the country
In 1973, the Six Million Dollar Man consisted of a bionic man with super powers...
In 2016, the Six Million Dollar Man consists of two hip replacements.
A pessimist and an optimist are watching one of the 2016 debates...
The pessimist says "It can't get any worse" and the optimist says "Oh yes it can!"
As a brown person in the US...
People would yell at me to get out of their country and I would get offended and feel attacked.
After election 2016, I just reply, "thanks for the concern! You should too!"
People are wondering who will win the 2016 Presidential election, but I already know who will win the next election.
That's because I've got 2020 vision.
Everyone thought the UK made the stupidest decision of 2016
Sure showed them
The Trump Years in a Nutshell
2016: Trump doesn't stand a chance.
2017: Trump's still trying?
2018: "Hey, are you guys going to watch the hunger games tonight? I hope my district wins"
Now I'm just going to wait till the end of 2016 and hope Obama says:
"Chill out guys, all of this was just a prank. I'm going for the 3rd term".
2016:
The year Brock Turner got sentenced to 3 months but America got 4 years.
A joke from Korea
"Americans are saying that in 2016, they will either have their first woman president, or their first insane president.
Like what's the big deal? Korea did both in one election cycle back in 2012"
2016 Denial
2017 Anger
2018 Bargaining
2019 Depression
2020 Acceptance
Why does Hillary Clinton have two Ls in her first name?
1 for 2008, 1 for 2016
Fidel Castro survived 638 assassination attempts
But even he could not survive 2016
2016 started with the death of a gorilla
...and is ending with the death of a Guerilla
Democrats have been really angry over the 2016 election results
The last time Democrats were THIS angry is when the Republicans took their slaves away
As bad as 2016 seems to be, it could be worse...
You could have got a phone call from Charlie Sheen.
Me on New Year's Day: 2016 is so going to be my year!
(Morgan Freeman narration): 2016 would not, in fact, be anyone's year.
2016 is like...
A 30 second ad on YouTube that you can't skip
I started 2016 with a goal to lose 20 pounds
Only 30 more to go and I'm there!
ISIS Awards Night:
The 2016 best suicide bomber award goes to Mohammed.
Unfortunately Mohammed can't be with us tonight.
2016 is like a crisp autumn wind on a clear day in Venice
It blows.
(Get well soon Carrie)
Last year I was quite miserable and depressed, so I made it my new year's resolution to turn that around.
Thanks 2016, you helped me achieve my goal and made me depressed and miserable.
Just when you think 2016 has finished killing celebrities... WHAM
(George Michael)
Just when you think the celebrity deaths are done for 2016,
Wham! there's one more.
My goal for 2017....
....is to accomplish the goals of 2016 which I should have done in 2015 because I made a promise in 2014 and planned in 2013
When you thought all of the celeb deaths of 2016 were over
then WHAM!
2016 is on such a high kill streak
I'm worried for when it's going to unlock nukes
What is with 2016?
It's like everyone and their mothers are dying.
^^sorry ^^not ^^sorry
Buzzfeed in 10 years...
"Celebrity Deaths of 2016"
\#4,562 will shock you!
I can sum up 2016 in four words
Two thousand and sixteen
2016 strikes again. The inventor of the inappropriate innuendo has died.
His family are taking it really hard.
I can sum up 2016 in one word...
Nine.
2016 has done the impossible
It claimed the life of Chuck Norris.
"Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris (born March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist, actor, film producer and screenwriter died this morning in his house in Oklahoma at the age of 76. He is feeling much better now and has fully recovered from this minor annoyance."
Why is Hillary spelled with 2 L's?
One for 2008 and one for 2016.
2016 ends with Mariah Carey dying
On the stage.
The final death of 2016....
Mariah Carey's live performance career
I'm tired of making fun of Mariah Carey
It's so 2016
I remember 2016...
Just like it was yesterday.
In order to finish my 2016 resolution, i cut off my left leg...
That way, I'll reach my goal of losing 20 pounds AND start 2017 off on the right foot!
Time zones are crazy
On new years eve some parts of the world are in 2017, some are in 2016, and a large portion of the U.S. is still stuck in 1940.
Student: In 2016 people would jump in front of trains for a cause they considered worth fighting for.
Teacher: Eh, no. Those weren't trains, they were *bandwagons*, and they didn't jump in *front* of them either.
If I had a dollar for every gender created in 2016
I'd have one million dollars, unfortunately it would be in monopoly money because none of them are real.
Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses.
He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."
Trump 20:16
A Muslim enters the United States
Oh sorry thought it was still 2016.
People in the U.S. eat more bananas than monkeys.
In 2016, they ate 73,432,384 bananas,
and only ate 6 monkeys.
When my blonde girlfriend heard the Russians meddled in 2016, she turned to me and said...
"Well I hope they got the bronze."
What TV show can you compare to the 2016 US presidential elections?
Orange is the new black.
A vegan, a bitcoin trader, and someone who didn't vote in 2016 election all walk into a bar
Who tells you about it first?
In 2016, celebrities died and their legacies touched people.
In 2017, celebrities touched people and their legacies died.
What do you call it when two unspeakably awful demons compete to see which is the most evil?
The 2016 election.
I was warned in November 2016...
People warned me, that if I voted for Hillary Clinton it would be the end of civility and truthfulness in the US as we know it, the deficit would skyrocket, and there would be never ending investigations of the president.
Well, I voted for Hillary and that was what happened!
Congrats to the Patriots on their 7th ring,
Super Bowls XXXVI (2001), XXXVIII (2003), XXXIX (2004), XLIX (2014), LI (2016), LIII (2018), Prostitution Ring (2019)!
Remember when we thought 2016 was a terrible year?
That was hilarious, wasn't it.
2013: Didn't jog - 2014: Didn't jog - 2015: Didn't jog - 2016: Didn't jog - 2017: Didn't jog - 2018: Didn't jog - 2019: Didn't jog - 2020: Still haven't jogged
This is a running joke.
chinese new years
2009. Ox
2010. Tiger.
2011. Rabbit.
2012. Dragon.
2013. Snake.
2014. Horse.
2015. Goat.
2016. Monkey.
2017. Rooster.
2018. Dog.
2019. Pig.
2020. Rat.
2021. Ox.
All served with rice or chips, bat and pangolin scale sauce £1.00 extra.
Jogging
2014 Didn't jog
2015 Didn't jog
2016 Didn't jog
2017 Didn't jog
2018 Didn't jog
2019 Didn't jog
2020 Still not jogging
This is a running joke.
If you would have told me on Nov. 10 2016 that the Trump presidency would end with the economy failing and the country dying..
I would have totally believed you.
My New Years Resolution is to get a girlfriend
After what happened in 2020, i didn't get the chance to, but 2021 will be the year.
~~After what happened in 2019, i didn't get the chance to, but 2020 will be the year.~~
~~After what happened in 2018, i didn't get the chance to, but 2019 will be the year.~~
~~After what happened in 2017, i didn't get the chance to, but 2018 will be the year.~~
~~After what happened in 2016, i didn't get the chance to, but 2017 will be the year.~~
~~After what happened in 2015, i didn't get the chance to, but 2016 will be the year.~~
Remember sex on a regular basis helps keep your memory alive
I wish you all a happy 2016!
A vegan bitcoin investor who does CrossFit and didn't vote in the 2016 election walks into a bar.
Now everyone's wondering what he's gonna bring up first.
2010: Didn't jog.
2011: Didn't jog.
2012: Didn't jog.
2013: Didn't jog.
2014: Didn't jog.
2015: Didn't jog.
2016: Didn't jog.
2017: Didn't jog.
2018: Didn't jog.
2019: Didn't jog.
2020: Didn't jog.
2021: Didn't jog.
2022: Still haven't jogged.
This is a running joke.
