2016 Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious 2016 puns

The 2016 US Presidential Election

That's it. That's the entire fucking joke.


In 2016, celebrities died and their legacies touched people.

In 2017, celebrities touched people and their legacies died.


Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses.

He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."

Trump 20:16


I work in a library and a black guy asked me if there are any coloured printers...

I said, "Dude, it's 2016 you can use any printer you want."


At 23:59 31.12.2015 I raised my left foot off the ground

Just to be sure I start 2016 on the right foot


So I was at the Library today

.. And a black Gentleman came over to me and asked where the coloured printer was. I replied "Man its 2016 you can use any printer!"


Why does Hillary Clinton have two Ls in her first name?

1 for 2008, 1 for 2016


So the essay portion of the SATs will be dropped in 2016...

I guess we'll just have to call them the Ts.


People in the U.S. eat more bananas than monkeys.

In 2016, they ate 73,432,384 bananas,
and only ate 6 monkeys.


A boy grows up with an outhouse...

He's in bed one night and thinks to himself,

"This is bullshit! It's 2016, we're the only ones with an outhouse!

Once it rains and the river floods some, I'm pushing it in."

The boy wakes up for school the next morning and see that it rained a bit, enough for the river to rise enough for him to push the outhouse into it.

After a day at school, he steps off the bus and his dad is sitting on the porch.

"Son, someone pushed the outhouse into the river."

The boy knows he's caught,

"...George Washington told the truth about cutting down the cherry tree, and he didn't get in trouble!"

His dad looks at him,

"Well, was George Washington's dad in the fucking cherry tree?!"


Euro 2016

Hi! I've got 2 tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but forgot that it's on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.

If you are interested and want to go instead of me ...

... It's at St. Nicholas' Church, Brighton and she's called Jane.


Fidel Castro survived 638 assassination attempts

But even he could not survive 2016


What is with 2016?

It's like everyone and their mothers are dying.

^^sorry ^^not ^^sorry


I started 2016 with a goal to lose 20 pounds

Only 30 more to go and I'm there!


I can sum up 2016 in four words

Two thousand and sixteen


My black friend asked me if there's a colored printer in the library...

I said "Shit man, it's 2016 you can use whatever printer you want!"


I want to repaint my room a shade of white...

...but I can't decide between "eggshell", "beige", or "2016 Oscars".


Who would win a battle between an orangutan and a hyena?

I don't know, but we'll find out November 8, 2016.


What do the 2016 Rio Olympics and the 2016 US presidential race have in common?

Half of the competitors cheat and the other half aren't qualified.


Argon walks into a bar

The bartender looks up and says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."

Argon doesn't react because reacting has been copyrighted by The Fine Bros since 2016.


An average American voter walks into a bar ...

... and sees Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton huddled together at the end of the bar, whispering to one another. Intrigued, the voter approaches the pair and asks them what they are doing.

"We're planning the 2016 election," brags Trump.

"What's going to be different about it this year?" the voter asks.

"Well," Clinton replies, "We're going to rig the vote count and put me in office, as well as delete a few of my emails."

"What's so important about these emails that they've got to be deleted?" inquires the voter, eyeing the two suspiciously.

"See!" Clinton exclaims, turning towards Trump, "I told you no one would care if we rigged the election."


A newbie at work asked me if I knew where the coloured printer was.

I said "It's 2016, Jamal, you can use any printer you want"


Three generals are having a day off at the beach

The American General begins to boast: "Our submarines are the best in the world! The newest 2016 model can stay weeks under water without having to surface!"

The Russian general is unimpressed and says: "Russian U-boat is best. Months we stay under water and no need to go up!"

The German general is impressed and doesn't know what to say.

Suddenly they see waves appearing a little off the shore and with a splash, a submarine surfaces. The hatch opens and the emerging soldier raises his right arm "Heil Hitler! We are out of fuel!"


2016 strikes again. The inventor of the inappropriate innuendo has died.

His family are taking it really hard.


I was warned in November 2016...

People warned me, that if I voted for Hillary Clinton it would be the end of civility and truthfulness in the US as we know it, the deficit would skyrocket, and there would be never ending investigations of the president.

Well, I voted for Hillary and that was what happened!


In 2012 Kanye made millions from "Niggas in Paris"

2016 he lost it to them.


Just when you think 2016 has finished killing celebrities... WHAM

(George Michael)


I'm tired of making fun of Mariah Carey

It's so 2016


Obama walks into a bar.....

Some time passes after the 2016 US Presidential election, and Barack Obama passes away from old age. He gets bored after a while in heaven, and asks God if he can return to Earth for a while to see how the good ole' US of A is turning out. God agrees.

Obama returns to Brooklyn, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer. He asks the barkeep "How's the country? How are foreign affairs? Any problems currently being faced?"

"Oh, nothing at all, sir. We're an empire now. We're successful."

"But what about Iraq and Afghanistan? Those were terrorist hotspots not too long ago?"

"We control it now. We're an empire. Everything is good."

"But what about Europe, Asia, and their financial crises?"

"That too has been taken care of. We are now finally an empire."

Pleased at the outlook of the country he once led, Obama asks the bartender for the bill:

"65 rubles, sir", replies the bartender.


A pessimist and an optimist are watching one of the 2016 debates...

The pessimist says "It can't get any worse" and the optimist says "Oh yes it can!"


In order to finish my 2016 resolution, i cut off my left leg...

That way, I'll reach my goal of losing 20 pounds AND start 2017 off on the right foot!


When people ask why I have a "Trump 2016" sticker on my car I say it's for safety.

When i'm pulled over, it's the quickest way to tell the Cop i'm white.


Usain Bolt decides to play some golf

He goes into the clubhouse to get membership and play a round.

The receptionist says 'Sorry sir, we don't allow black people in this club.'

'That's ridiculous. It's 2016 and you don't allow black people in this golf club?'

'Please don't make a scene sir, there's another golf club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in'

'But I'm Usain Bolt!'

'Its only 2 minutes then'

Credit to /u/Ron_manager who posted this a year or so ago, it's a breath of fresh air compared to the usual Bolt/Hitler one that does the rounds.


I remember 2016...

Just like it was yesterday.


My black friend asked me...

My black friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library.

I said "What the fuck man it's, 2016, you can use whatever printer you want".


The Trump Years in a Nutshell

2016: Trump doesn't stand a chance.
2017: Trump's still trying?
2018: "Hey, are you guys going to watch the hunger games tonight? I hope my district wins"


The Biggest Joke of 2016

Mariah Carey's Performance at Dick Clarks Rockin New Years Eve


iPhone's from the future.

2016: iPhone 7=no headphone jack

2017: iPhone 8=no battery

2018: iPhone 9=no screen

2019: iPhone 10=no phone at all, just pay Apple $1000ο»Ώ


A guy walks into a Kinkos and asks, "Do you have any colored printers?"

To which the clerk responds, "It's 2016 man. You can use any printer you want."


Everyone thought the UK made the stupidest decision of 2016

Sure showed them


A Muslim enters the United States

Oh sorry thought it was still 2016.


2016 is going off the rails with all the people getting offended. There are even some people who've decided it's racist to say "black paint".

Instead you're supposed to say something like "Shawn, would you please paint that fence?"


Looking back 2016 was a very eventful year.

But I guarantee 2017 will trump it.


What do you call a grammar Nazi in 2016?

An alt-writer.


My dad has a great idea for Donald Trump's campaign slogan.

"Vote for me in 2016 or there'll be hell toupΓ©e."


I can sum up 2016 in one word...



A vegan, a bitcoin trader, and someone who didn't vote in 2016 election all walk into a bar

Who tells you about it first?


Putin decides to invade Poland

Putin decides to invade Poland. But first, he wants to check the future situation in his country by visiting a fortuneteller.

Putin: Hello! I'd like to ask how much would a 0,7l bottle of vodka in Moscow 2016 cost.

Fortuneteller: Hmmm... it seems about twenty.

Putin: Rubles?!?

Fortuneteller: No, PLN.


The final death of 2016....

Mariah Carey's live performance career


Apple iBoob

Given the recent slowdown in iPhone sales, Apple announced today that it will skip the wearables market and develop a line of digital implants for adults. The first product, shipping in the summer of 2016, is a breast enhancement device that can store and play music. The new Apple iBoobs, sold in pairs, will cost from $499 to $699 depending on cup and speaker size. This is considered a major social breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.


Funny one liners - 2016

Tell me short funny one liners. Just humor, nothing else.


"I never have trouble getting the last few Pringles out of the can"

-Donald Trump, 2016


2016 Denial

2017 Anger

2018 Bargaining

2019 Depression

2020 Acceptance


Is it really 2016?

Is it really 2016? I mean Tarzan is playing in theaters, Pokemon is a craze, and a Clinton is running for President of the United States.


When my blonde girlfriend heard the Russians meddled in 2016, she turned to me and said...

"Well I hope they got the bronze."


A man is helping his daughter with a history paper

A man is helping his daughter with a history paper, when suddenly she asks: "Hey dad, can you tell me about 2016?"

Father: "Oh honey, are you sure you want to write about that?"

Daughter: "Yes! Nobody seems to want to write about it for some reason."

Father: "Well, if you insist..."

The father moves into the kitchen with his daughter in toe, opens the liqueur cabinets, and chugs vodka for 5 seconds straight. He then sits down with his daughter and begins, tears streaming down his face:

"Alright so it started with this fucking Gorilla down in Cincinnati.."


Democrats have been really angry over the 2016 election results

The last time Democrats were THIS angry is when the Republicans took their slaves away


2016 ends with Mariah Carey dying

On the stage.


If 2016 had a twitter account it should have one of those "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" bios

Because 2016 is a crazy bitch


Former eye doctor Rand Paul decided to run for president in 2016

Of all people, you would have thought he'd have 2020 vision


If the 2008 election was about Hope and Change, what is 2016?

Fear and Loathing.


A joke from Korea

"Americans are saying that in 2016, they will either have their first woman president, or their first insane president.

Like what's the big deal? Korea did both in one election cycle back in 2012"


A vegan, a bitcoin investor and someone who didn't vote in 2016 all walk into a bar.

Who tells you about it first?


2016 started with the death of a gorilla

...and is ending with the death of a Guerilla


Trump said two years ago, during the 2016 election . . .

Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton, I would be stuck with a criminal president under constant federal investigation from day one.

Turns out, he was right. I voted for Clinton and I'm stuck with a criminal president under federal investigation from day one.


As a brown person in the US...

People would yell at me to get out of their country and I would get offended and feel attacked.

After election 2016, I just reply, "thanks for the concern! You should too!"


If Hillary Clinton wins in 2016,

It will be the first time that two presidents have had sex with each other


ISIS Awards Night:

The 2016 best suicide bomber award goes to Mohammed.

Unfortunately Mohammed can't be with us tonight.


How bad was the Rio 2016 Olympic?

None of the North Korean athletes defected.


My friend asked me...

My friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library I said wtf man it's 2016 you can use whatever printer you want


In 1973, the Six Million Dollar Man consisted of a bionic man with super powers...

In 2016, the Six Million Dollar Man consists of two hip replacements.


I highly doubt that Monica Lewinsky will support Hillary in 2016.

I mean, the last time a Clinton was a president, it left a really bad taste in her mouth.


Monica Lewinsky is voting for Donald Trump

Monica Lewinsky is voting for Donald Trump in the 2016 Presidential Election, because the last time a Clinton was in office, it left a bad taste in her mouth.


Premature ejaculation was the number one public health issue in the North Pole in 2016

Looks like Santa came early this year


100 Brazilian athletes.

There are 100 Brazilian athletes competing at Rio 2016. I'm not sure how many there are in a brazilian but that athletes parade is going to take fucking ages.



The year Brock Turner got sentenced to 3 months but America got 4 years.


My goal for 2017....

....is to accomplish the goals of 2016 which I should have done in 2015 because I made a promise in 2014 and planned in 2013


Now I'm just going to wait till the end of 2016 and hope Obama says:

"Chill out guys, all of this was just a prank. I'm going for the 3rd term".


People are wondering who will win the 2016 Presidential election, but I already know who will win the next election.

That's because I've got 2020 vision.


In 2016, Obama left Trump and Hillary as the 2 choices for president.

Thanks, Obama.


What's the difference between the 2016 Rio Olympics and the 2016 US presedential race?

The Olympic competitors are qualified.


On 2016 the US had so many disasters and tragedies...

You'd almost think it was built on top of thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.


2016 is on such a high kill streak

I'm worried for when it's going to unlock nukes


Just when you think the celebrity deaths are done for 2016,

Wham! there's one more.


Time zones are crazy

On new years eve some parts of the world are in 2017, some are in 2016, and a large portion of the U.S. is still stuck in 1940.


When you thought all of the celeb deaths of 2016 were over

then WHAM!


(NSFW) The 2016 Presidential election was like lesbian porn.

Always fun to watch two pussies try to fuck each other, but it would have been better with a Johnson on top.


As bad as 2016 seems to be, it could be worse...

You could have got a phone call from Charlie Sheen.


Last year I was quite miserable and depressed, so I made it my new year's resolution to turn that around.

Thanks 2016, you helped me achieve my goal and made me depressed and miserable.


Why is Hillary spelled with 2 L's?

One for 2008 and one for 2016.


Student: In 2016 people would jump in front of trains for a cause they considered worth fighting for.

Teacher: Eh, no. Those weren't trains, they were *bandwagons*, and they didn't jump in *front* of them either.


2016 has done the impossible

It claimed the life of Chuck Norris.

"Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris (born March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist, actor, film producer and screenwriter died this morning in his house in Oklahoma at the age of 76. He is feeling much better now and has fully recovered from this minor annoyance."


Me on New Year's Day: 2016 is so going to be my year!

(Morgan Freeman narration): 2016 would not, in fact, be anyone's year.


Buzzfeed in 10 years...

"Celebrity Deaths of 2016"

\#4,562 will shock you!


If Donald Trump becomes president in 2016, there will be hell toupee.


Michael Phelps will be the flag bearer for the 2016 USA Olympic Team

I hope he holds our flag high.


2016 Election

Honestly hurricane Matthew should run for president because I think he left the biggest mark on the country


why did the 2016 presidential election suck?

It was a real Hack job.


2016 is like a crisp autumn wind on a clear day in Venice

It blows.

(Get well soon Carrie)


If I had a dollar for every gender created in 2016

I'd have one million dollars, unfortunately it would be in monopoly money because none of them are real.


Kanye West was found alive in his apartment today.

Another sad day for the music industry in 2016.


2016: Surely Donald Trump won't win

2017: He can't do that... right?

2018: I hope my district wins the Hunger Games!


I was in a computer room in college today...

A black person asked where the coloured printer was. I said, "it's 2016 you can use any printer."


Where's the best place to go if you want a little head?

The 2016 Olympics.


What do you call it when two unspeakably awful demons compete to see which is the most evil?

The 2016 election.


WalMart is closing down 269 stores in 2016

Due to this, 17 cashiers will lose their jobs.


Whats the biggest lie of 2016?

I am a passenger.


As of Nov 9, 2016, what will be the 2nd most populous state in America?



What TV show can you compare to the 2016 US presidential elections?

Orange is the new black.


2016 is like...

A 30 second ad on YouTube that you can't skip


Just when you thought 2016 was done killing celebrities...

Wham! There goes another one!


Two guys were complaining about the 2016 election.

Guy 1: I can't believe we're putting our party's fortunes in the hands of such a sleazy, repulsive, useless bitch.

Guy 2: Yeah, but the other party ain't doing so well either - they just nominated Hillary Clinton.


Most Contradictory Inspirational Quote Ever?

"Follow Your Dreams."

-Freddy Kreuger, 2016


I voted for Giant Meteor for 2016

Guess I'll just hope for another.


And the winner of the 2016 presidential election is Hillary!

- Steve Harvey



where Leiceister City defies the odds of 3000/1 to win the league title, Cubs win the world series, and Donald Trump is elected as the president of the United States


Everyone is wondering if Biden will jump into the 2016 race

He's just Biden his time.


What's the difference between the 2016 presidential debates and a pen of baboons relentlessly fighting over the dead stinking corpse of a sheep?



It's hard to win an argument against a woman. Impossible to win against an idiot

And that concludes my examination of the 2016 Presidential election


It's the 2016 Olympics

And Chris Brown is still the most famous female boxer


Matthew McConaughey for president 2016:

Make America Alright Alright Alright Again!


The head of the 2016 Somali Olympic squad has apologized to officials on behalf of their team...

...after realizing shooting and sailing were two separate events.


Putin: "Russia did not meddle in 2016."

International Olympic Committee: "You certainly won't in 2018."


The 2016 Presidential Election ended in a tie

So then president Obama decided the tie breaker would a race around the White House, with the fastest time being awarded the presidency. Bernie Sanders being the honest man he is went first, but is older and well past his physical prime, completed the race on 17 minutes 46 seconds. Trump being the next man up is in a bit better physical shape in 15 minutes even. Hilary Clinton wanting to assure the country is safe from Donald Trump cuts a few corners to improve her time. At the finish line Obama informs her she ran a time of 10 minutes 17 seconds. "Wow!" Hilary responds "10:17 must be a record!" jumping for joy. "Not exactly" States Obama. "Bush did 9:11"


Today is National 'Secure a rich lover' Day

Mate wealth, 2016.


USA in the 90s: "Boris Yeltsin is the worst leader possible!"

USA 2016: "Hold my beer"


The store said they had 2016 calanders

But when I went there and they only had 115 calanders.


I remember 2016

Like it was just yesterday


New Year's Eve Party

*Two guys watching Mariah Carey's Times Square performance*

Guy 1: "Man, 2016 has been such a mess."

Guy 2: "I know right. This year ended on such a low note I can't even hear it."


Why didn't VP Joe run for president in 2016?

He's Biden his time.


If you think changing the 6 to a 7 in 2016 will make it better

Just remember how it turned out for the Galaxy Note 7


People want to know if the Vice President will be running in 2016

He might, but for now he's just Biden his time.


Looking back on Britain's 2016.

The year most middle aged men went from wanting to fuck Nigella to wanting to fuck Nigel



As of 2016, 85% of Fords are still on the road.

The other 15% made it home.


What does Mariah Carey's career and 2016 have in common?

They both ended on December 31st


If you thought 2016 was a bad year, then you're about to find out why 6 was afraid of 7.

If you thought 2016 was a bad year, then you're about to find out why 6 was afraid of 7.


Happy New Year!

From all of us here at the Internet Explorer team...

Welcome to 2016!


When you think 2016 is almost over

WHAM! It hits you.


Just as I thought 2016 couldn't get any worse then...



Imagine us waiting for 2016 and all of sudden comes 2015 s


Major takeaway of the USA 2016 presidential elections...



I went to the local library

And found out that the post apocalyptic section has been shifted to current affairs after the us elections 2016


2016 has been the year for unforeseen outcomes

Something tells me 20/20 will be the year of hindsight.


Donald Trump and the 2016 Presidential Election

I would make a political joke about it but then it would get elected.


When I die...

I just want 2016 to be my pallbearer, so it can let me down one last time.


What's the best way to wrap up 2016?

Debbie Reynolds Wrap.


The Presidential Election for 2016 is like a blunt pencil.



Somebody told me that today literally adds up

But that's silly, 8+8 =/= 2016


Trump/Pence 2016!

Or "TP" as I like to call it. ;)


The 2016 election

What a joke, am I right?


What are the best 2016 puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about 2016? Well, here are the best jokes about 2016 to have fun with.

Joko Jokes