2016 Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious 2016 puns

The 2016 US Presidential Election

That's it. That's the entire fucking joke.

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In 2016, celebrities died and their legacies touched people.

In 2017, celebrities touched people and their legacies died.

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Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses.

He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."

Trump 20:16

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I work in a library and a black guy asked me if there are any coloured printers...

I said, "Dude, it's 2016 you can use any printer you want."

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At 23:59 31.12.2015 I raised my left foot off the ground

Just to be sure I start 2016 on the right foot

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So I was at the Library today

.. And a black Gentleman came over to me and asked where the coloured printer was. I replied "Man its 2016 you can use any printer!"

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Why does Hillary Clinton have two Ls in her first name?

1 for 2008, 1 for 2016

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So the essay portion of the SATs will be dropped in 2016...

I guess we'll just have to call them the Ts.

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People in the U.S. eat more bananas than monkeys.

In 2016, they ate 73,432,384 bananas,
and only ate 6 monkeys.

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Euro 2016

Hi! I've got 2 tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but forgot that it's on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.

If you are interested and want to go instead of me ...

... It's at St. Nicholas' Church, Brighton and she's called Jane.

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Fidel Castro survived 638 assassination attempts

But even he could not survive 2016

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What is with 2016?

It's like everyone and their mothers are dying.



^^sorry ^^not ^^sorry

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I started 2016 with a goal to lose 20 pounds

Only 30 more to go and I'm there!

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I can sum up 2016 in four words

Two thousand and sixteen

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My black friend asked me if there's a colored printer in the library...

I said "Shit man, it's 2016 you can use whatever printer you want!"

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I want to repaint my room a shade of white...

...but I can't decide between "eggshell", "beige", or "2016 Oscars".

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Who would win a battle between an orangutan and a hyena?

I don't know, but we'll find out November 8, 2016.

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What do the 2016 Rio Olympics and the 2016 US presidential race have in common?

Half of the competitors cheat and the other half aren't qualified.

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Argon walks into a bar

The bartender looks up and says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."

Argon doesn't react because reacting has been copyrighted by The Fine Bros since 2016.

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A newbie at work asked me if I knew where the coloured printer was.

I said "It's 2016, Jamal, you can use any printer you want"

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2016 strikes again. The inventor of the inappropriate innuendo has died.

His family are taking it really hard.

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I was warned in November 2016...

People warned me, that if I voted for Hillary Clinton it would be the end of civility and truthfulness in the US as we know it, the deficit would skyrocket, and there would be never ending investigations of the president.

Well, I voted for Hillary and that was what happened!

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In 2012 Kanye made millions from "Niggas in Paris"

2016 he lost it to them.

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Just when you think 2016 has finished killing celebrities... WHAM

(George Michael)

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I'm tired of making fun of Mariah Carey

It's so 2016

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Obama walks into a bar.....

Some time passes after the 2016 US Presidential election, and Barack Obama passes away from old age. He gets bored after a while in heaven, and asks God if he can return to Earth for a while to see how the good ole' US of A is turning out. God agrees.

Obama returns to Brooklyn, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer. He asks the barkeep "How's the country? How are foreign affairs? Any problems currently being faced?"

"Oh, nothing at all, sir. We're an empire now. We're successful."

"But what about Iraq and Afghanistan? Those were terrorist hotspots not too long ago?"

"We control it now. We're an empire. Everything is good."

"But what about Europe, Asia, and their financial crises?"

"That too has been taken care of. We are now finally an empire."

Pleased at the outlook of the country he once led, Obama asks the bartender for the bill:

"65 rubles, sir", replies the bartender.

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A pessimist and an optimist are watching one of the 2016 debates...

The pessimist says "It can't get any worse" and the optimist says "Oh yes it can!"

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In order to finish my 2016 resolution, i cut off my left leg...

That way, I'll reach my goal of losing 20 pounds AND start 2017 off on the right foot!

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When people ask why I have a "Trump 2016" sticker on my car I say it's for safety.

When i'm pulled over, it's the quickest way to tell the Cop i'm white.

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Usain Bolt decides to play some golf

He goes into the clubhouse to get membership and play a round.

The receptionist says 'Sorry sir, we don't allow black people in this club.'

'That's ridiculous. It's 2016 and you don't allow black people in this golf club?'

'Please don't make a scene sir, there's another golf club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in'

'But I'm Usain Bolt!'

'Its only 2 minutes then'

Credit to /u/Ron_manager who posted this a year or so ago, it's a breath of fresh air compared to the usual Bolt/Hitler one that does the rounds.

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I remember 2016...

Just like it was yesterday.

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Three generals are having a day off at the beach

The American General begins to boast: "Our submarines are the best in the world! The newest 2016 model can stay weeks under water without having to surface!"

The Russian general is unimpressed and says: "Russian U-boat is best. Months we stay under water and no need to go up!"

The German general is impressed and doesn't know what to say.

Suddenly they see waves appearing a little off the shore and with a splash, a submarine surfaces. The hatch opens and the emerging soldier raises his right arm "Heil Hitler! We are out of fuel!"

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My black friend asked me...

My black friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library.

I said "What the fuck man it's, 2016, you can use whatever printer you want".

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The Trump Years in a Nutshell

2016: Trump doesn't stand a chance.
2017: Trump's still trying?
2018: "Hey, are you guys going to watch the hunger games tonight? I hope my district wins"

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The Biggest Joke of 2016

Mariah Carey's Performance at Dick Clarks Rockin New Years Eve

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What are the most funny 2016 jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about 2016? Well, here are the best 2016 dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and 2016 pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes