2016 Jokes

Following is our collection of dysfunction humor and happy one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include 2016 puns for adults, dirty year jokes or clean usain gags for kids.

There is an abundance of party jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 88 funniest jokes on 2016. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any president witze you can hear about 2016.

The Best jokes about 2016

In 2016, celebrities died and their legacies touched people.

In 2017, celebrities touched people and their legacies died.

Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses.

He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."

Trump 20:16

I work in a library and a black guy asked me if there are any coloured printers...

I said, "Dude, it's 2016 you can use any printer you want."

At 23:59 31.12.2015 I raised my left foot off the ground

Just to be sure I start 2016 on the right foot

So I was at the Library today

.. And a black Gentleman came over to me and asked where the coloured printer was. I replied "Man its 2016 you can use any printer!"


Why does Hillary Clinton have two Ls in her first name?

1 for 2008, 1 for 2016

So the essay portion of the SATs will be dropped in 2016...

I guess we'll just have to call them the Ts.

People in the U.S. eat more bananas than monkeys.

In 2016, they ate 73,432,384 bananas,
and only ate 6 monkeys.

Euro 2016

Hi! I've got 2 tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but forgot that it's on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.

If you are interested and want to go instead of me ...

... It's at St. Nicholas' Church, Brighton and she's called Jane.

Fidel Castro survived 638 assassination attempts

But even he could not survive 2016

What is with 2016?

It's like everyone and their mothers are dying.



^^sorry ^^not ^^sorry


I started 2016 with a goal to lose 20 pounds

Only 30 more to go and I'm there!

I can sum up 2016 in four words

Two thousand and sixteen

I want to repaint my room a shade of white...

...but I can't decide between "eggshell", "beige", or "2016 Oscars".

Who would win a battle between an orangutan and a hyena?

I don't know, but we'll find out November 8, 2016.

What do the 2016 Rio Olympics and the 2016 US presidential race have in common?

Half of the competitors cheat and the other half aren't qualified.

Argon walks into a bar

The bartender looks up and says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."

Argon doesn't react because reacting has been copyrighted by The Fine Bros since 2016.

Jogging

2014 Didn't jog

2015 Didn't jog

2016 Didn't jog

2017 Didn't jog

2018 Didn't jog

2019 Didn't jog

2020 Still not jogging



This is a running joke.

A newbie at work asked me if I knew where the coloured printer was.

I said "It's 2016, Jamal, you can use any printer you want"


2016 strikes again. The inventor of the inappropriate innuendo has died.

His family are taking it really hard.

I was warned in November 2016...

People warned me, that if I voted for Hillary Clinton it would be the end of civility and truthfulness in the US as we know it, the deficit would skyrocket, and there would be never ending investigations of the president.

Well, I voted for Hillary and that was what happened!

Just when you think 2016 has finished killing celebrities... WHAM

(George Michael)

I'm tired of making fun of Mariah Carey

It's so 2016

2013: Didn't jog - 2014: Didn't jog - 2015: Didn't jog - 2016: Didn't jog - 2017: Didn't jog - 2018: Didn't jog - 2019: Didn't jog - 2020: Still haven't jogged

This is a running joke.

Obama walks into a bar.....

Some time passes after the 2016 US Presidential election, and Barack Obama passes away from old age. He gets bored after a while in heaven, and asks God if he can return to Earth for a while to see how the good ole' US of A is turning out. God agrees.

Obama returns to Brooklyn, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer. He asks the barkeep "How's the country? How are foreign affairs? Any problems currently being faced?"

"Oh, nothing at all, sir. We're an empire now. We're successful."

"But what about Iraq and Afghanistan? Those were terrorist hotspots not too long ago?"

"We control it now. We're an empire. Everything is good."

"But what about Europe, Asia, and their financial crises?"

"That too has been taken care of. We are now finally an empire."

Pleased at the outlook of the country he once led, Obama asks the bartender for the bill:

"65 rubles, sir", replies the bartender.

A pessimist and an optimist are watching one of the 2016 debates...

The pessimist says "It can't get any worse" and the optimist says "Oh yes it can!"

In order to finish my 2016 resolution, i cut off my left leg...

That way, I'll reach my goal of losing 20 pounds AND start 2017 off on the right foot!

When people ask why I have a "Trump 2016" sticker on my car I say it's for safety.

When i'm pulled over, it's the quickest way to tell the Cop i'm white.

Usain Bolt decides to play some golf

He goes into the clubhouse to get membership and play a round.

The receptionist says 'Sorry sir, we don't allow black people in this club.'

'That's ridiculous. It's 2016 and you don't allow black people in this golf club?'

'Please don't make a scene sir, there's another golf club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in'

'But I'm Usain Bolt!'

'Its only 2 minutes then'

Credit to /u/Ron_manager who posted this a year or so ago, it's a breath of fresh air compared to the usual Bolt/Hitler one that does the rounds.

Three generals are having a day off at the beach

The American General begins to boast: "Our submarines are the best in the world! The newest 2016 model can stay weeks under water without having to surface!"

The Russian general is unimpressed and says: "Russian U-boat is best. Months we stay under water and no need to go up!"

The German general is impressed and doesn't know what to say.

Suddenly they see waves appearing a little off the shore and with a splash, a submarine surfaces. The hatch opens and the emerging soldier raises his right arm "Heil Hitler! We are out of fuel!"

I remember 2016...

Just like it was yesterday.

The Trump Years in a Nutshell

2016: Trump doesn't stand a chance.
2017: Trump's still trying?
2018: "Hey, are you guys going to watch the hunger games tonight? I hope my district wins"

iPhone's from the future.

2016: iPhone 7=no headphone jack

2017: iPhone 8=no battery

2018: iPhone 9=no screen

2019: iPhone 10=no phone at all, just pay Apple $1000

A guy walks into a Kinkos and asks, "Do you have any colored printers?"

To which the clerk responds, "It's 2016 man. You can use any printer you want."

Everyone thought the UK made the stupidest decision of 2016

Sure showed them

A Muslim enters the United States

Oh sorry thought it was still 2016.

2016 is going off the rails with all the people getting offended. There are even some people who've decided it's racist to say "black paint".

Instead you're supposed to say something like "Shawn, would you please paint that fence?"

I can sum up 2016 in one word...

Nine.

A vegan, a bitcoin trader, and someone who didn't vote in 2016 election all walk into a bar

Who tells you about it first?

Putin decides to invade Poland

Putin decides to invade Poland. But first, he wants to check the future situation in his country by visiting a fortuneteller.

Putin: Hello! I'd like to ask how much would a 0,7l bottle of vodka in Moscow 2016 cost.

Fortuneteller: Hmmm... it seems about twenty.

Putin: Rubles?!?

Fortuneteller: No, PLN.

The final death of 2016....

Mariah Carey's live performance career

Funny one liners - 2016

Tell me short funny one liners. Just humor, nothing else.

2016 Denial

2017 Anger

2018 Bargaining

2019 Depression

2020 Acceptance

Is it really 2016?

Is it really 2016? I mean Tarzan is playing in theaters, Pokemon is a craze, and a Clinton is running for President of the United States.

When my blonde girlfriend heard the Russians meddled in 2016, she turned to me and said...

"Well I hope they got the bronze."

Democrats have been really angry over the 2016 election results

The last time Democrats were THIS angry is when the Republicans took their slaves away

2016 ends with Mariah Carey dying

On the stage.

Former eye doctor Rand Paul decided to run for president in 2016

Of all people, you would have thought he'd have 2020 vision

A joke from Korea

"Americans are saying that in 2016, they will either have their first woman president, or their first insane president.

Like what's the big deal? Korea did both in one election cycle back in 2012"

As a brown person in the US...

People would yell at me to get out of their country and I would get offended and feel attacked.

After election 2016, I just reply, "thanks for the concern! You should too!"

2016 started with the death of a gorilla

...and is ending with the death of a Guerilla

ISIS Awards Night:

The 2016 best suicide bomber award goes to Mohammed.

Unfortunately Mohammed can't be with us tonight.

If Hillary Clinton wins in 2016,

It will be the first time that two presidents have had sex with each other

How bad was the Rio 2016 Olympic?

None of the North Korean athletes defected.

Congrats to the Patriots on their 7th ring,

Super Bowls XXXVI (2001), XXXVIII (2003), XXXIX (2004), XLIX (2014), LI (2016), LIII (2018), Prostitution Ring (2019)!

An average American voter walks into a bar ...

... and sees Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton huddled together at the end of the bar, whispering to one another. Intrigued, the voter approaches the pair and asks them what they are doing.

"We're planning the 2016 election," brags Trump.

"What's going to be different about it this year?" the voter asks.

"Well," Clinton replies, "We're going to rig the vote count and put me in office, as well as delete a few of my emails."

"What's so important about these emails that they've got to be deleted?" inquires the voter, eyeing the two suspiciously.

"See!" Clinton exclaims, turning towards Trump, "I told you no one would care if we rigged the election."

In 1973, the Six Million Dollar Man consisted of a bionic man with super powers...

In 2016, the Six Million Dollar Man consists of two hip replacements.

I highly doubt that Monica Lewinsky will support Hillary in 2016.

I mean, the last time a Clinton was a president, it left a really bad taste in her mouth.

Monica Lewinsky is voting for Donald Trump

Monica Lewinsky is voting for Donald Trump in the 2016 Presidential Election, because the last time a Clinton was in office, it left a bad taste in her mouth.

Remember when we thought 2016 was a terrible year?

That was hilarious, wasn't it.

2016:

The year Brock Turner got sentenced to 3 months but America got 4 years.

Now I'm just going to wait till the end of 2016 and hope Obama says:

"Chill out guys, all of this was just a prank. I'm going for the 3rd term".

People are wondering who will win the 2016 Presidential election, but I already know who will win the next election.

That's because I've got 2020 vision.

My goal for 2017....

....is to accomplish the goals of 2016 which I should have done in 2015 because I made a promise in 2014 and planned in 2013

What's the difference between the 2016 Rio Olympics and the 2016 US presedential race?

The Olympic competitors are qualified.

Just when you think the celebrity deaths are done for 2016,

Wham! there's one more.

2016 has done the impossible

It claimed the life of Chuck Norris.

"Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris (born March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist, actor, film producer and screenwriter died this morning in his house in Oklahoma at the age of 76. He is feeling much better now and has fully recovered from this minor annoyance."

Why is Hillary spelled with 2 L's?

One for 2008 and one for 2016.

Student: In 2016 people would jump in front of trains for a cause they considered worth fighting for.

Teacher: Eh, no. Those weren't trains, they were *bandwagons*, and they didn't jump in *front* of them either.

When you thought all of the celeb deaths of 2016 were over

then WHAM!

2016 is on such a high kill streak

I'm worried for when it's going to unlock nukes

Time zones are crazy

On new years eve some parts of the world are in 2017, some are in 2016, and a large portion of the U.S. is still stuck in 1940.

Me on New Year's Day: 2016 is so going to be my year!

(Morgan Freeman narration): 2016 would not, in fact, be anyone's year.

Last year I was quite miserable and depressed, so I made it my new year's resolution to turn that around.

Thanks 2016, you helped me achieve my goal and made me depressed and miserable.

As bad as 2016 seems to be, it could be worse...

You could have got a phone call from Charlie Sheen.

Michael Phelps will be the flag bearer for the 2016 USA Olympic Team

I hope he holds our flag high.

Buzzfeed in 10 years...

"Celebrity Deaths of 2016"

\#4,562 will shock you!

2016 Election

Honestly hurricane Matthew should run for president because I think he left the biggest mark on the country

I was in a computer room in college today...

A black person asked where the coloured printer was. I said, "it's 2016 you can use any printer."

Kanye West was found alive in his apartment today.

Another sad day for the music industry in 2016.

2016: Surely Donald Trump won't win

2017: He can't do that... right?

2018: I hope my district wins the Hunger Games!

2016 is like a crisp autumn wind on a clear day in Venice

It blows.

(Get well soon Carrie)

What TV show can you compare to the 2016 US presidential elections?

Orange is the new black.

What do you call it when two unspeakably awful demons compete to see which is the most evil?

The 2016 election.

WalMart is closing down 269 stores in 2016

Due to this, 17 cashiers will lose their jobs.

If I had a dollar for every gender created in 2016

I'd have one million dollars, unfortunately it would be in monopoly money because none of them are real.

As of Nov 9, 2016, what will be the 2nd most populous state in America?

Catatonic

Where's the best place to go if you want a little head?

The 2016 Olympics.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes