That's it. That's the entire fucking joke.
In 2017, celebrities touched people and their legacies died.
He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."
Trump 20:16
I said, "Dude, it's 2016 you can use any printer you want."
Just to be sure I start 2016 on the right foot
.. And a black Gentleman came over to me and asked where the coloured printer was. I replied "Man its 2016 you can use any printer!"
1 for 2008, 1 for 2016
I guess we'll just have to call them the Ts.
In 2016, they ate 73,432,384 bananas,
and only ate 6 monkeys.
He's in bed one night and thinks to himself,
"This is bullshit! It's 2016, we're the only ones with an outhouse!
Once it rains and the river floods some, I'm pushing it in."
The boy wakes up for school the next morning and see that it rained a bit, enough for the river to rise enough for him to push the outhouse into it.
After a day at school, he steps off the bus and his dad is sitting on the porch.
"Son, someone pushed the outhouse into the river."
The boy knows he's caught,
"...George Washington told the truth about cutting down the cherry tree, and he didn't get in trouble!"
His dad looks at him,
"Well, was George Washington's dad in the fucking cherry tree?!"
Hi! I've got 2 tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but forgot that it's on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.
If you are interested and want to go instead of me ...
... It's at St. Nicholas' Church, Brighton and she's called Jane.
But even he could not survive 2016
It's like everyone and their mothers are dying.
^^sorry ^^not ^^sorry
Only 30 more to go and I'm there!
Two thousand and sixteen
I said "Shit man, it's 2016 you can use whatever printer you want!"
...but I can't decide between "eggshell", "beige", or "2016 Oscars".
I don't know, but we'll find out November 8, 2016.
Half of the competitors cheat and the other half aren't qualified.
The bartender looks up and says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."
Argon doesn't react because reacting has been copyrighted by The Fine Bros since 2016.
... and sees Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton huddled together at the end of the bar, whispering to one another. Intrigued, the voter approaches the pair and asks them what they are doing.
"We're planning the 2016 election," brags Trump.
"What's going to be different about it this year?" the voter asks.
"Well," Clinton replies, "We're going to rig the vote count and put me in office, as well as delete a few of my emails."
"What's so important about these emails that they've got to be deleted?" inquires the voter, eyeing the two suspiciously.
"See!" Clinton exclaims, turning towards Trump, "I told you no one would care if we rigged the election."
I said "It's 2016, Jamal, you can use any printer you want"
The American General begins to boast: "Our submarines are the best in the world! The newest 2016 model can stay weeks under water without having to surface!"
The Russian general is unimpressed and says: "Russian U-boat is best. Months we stay under water and no need to go up!"
The German general is impressed and doesn't know what to say.
Suddenly they see waves appearing a little off the shore and with a splash, a submarine surfaces. The hatch opens and the emerging soldier raises his right arm "Heil Hitler! We are out of fuel!"
His family are taking it really hard.
People warned me, that if I voted for Hillary Clinton it would be the end of civility and truthfulness in the US as we know it, the deficit would skyrocket, and there would be never ending investigations of the president.
Well, I voted for Hillary and that was what happened!
2016 he lost it to them.
(George Michael)
It's so 2016
Some time passes after the 2016 US Presidential election, and Barack Obama passes away from old age. He gets bored after a while in heaven, and asks God if he can return to Earth for a while to see how the good ole' US of A is turning out. God agrees.
Obama returns to Brooklyn, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer. He asks the barkeep "How's the country? How are foreign affairs? Any problems currently being faced?"
"Oh, nothing at all, sir. We're an empire now. We're successful."
"But what about Iraq and Afghanistan? Those were terrorist hotspots not too long ago?"
"We control it now. We're an empire. Everything is good."
"But what about Europe, Asia, and their financial crises?"
"That too has been taken care of. We are now finally an empire."
Pleased at the outlook of the country he once led, Obama asks the bartender for the bill:
"65 rubles, sir", replies the bartender.
The pessimist says "It can't get any worse" and the optimist says "Oh yes it can!"
That way, I'll reach my goal of losing 20 pounds AND start 2017 off on the right foot!
When i'm pulled over, it's the quickest way to tell the Cop i'm white.
He goes into the clubhouse to get membership and play a round.
The receptionist says 'Sorry sir, we don't allow black people in this club.'
'That's ridiculous. It's 2016 and you don't allow black people in this golf club?'
'Please don't make a scene sir, there's another golf club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in'
'But I'm Usain Bolt!'
'Its only 2 minutes then'
Credit to /u/Ron_manager who posted this a year or so ago, it's a breath of fresh air compared to the usual Bolt/Hitler one that does the rounds.
Just like it was yesterday.
My black friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library.
I said "What the fuck man it's, 2016, you can use whatever printer you want".
2016: Trump doesn't stand a chance.
2017: Trump's still trying?
2018: "Hey, are you guys going to watch the hunger games tonight? I hope my district wins"
Mariah Carey's Performance at Dick Clarks Rockin New Years Eve
2016: iPhone 7=no headphone jack
2017: iPhone 8=no battery
2018: iPhone 9=no screen
2019: iPhone 10=no phone at all, just pay Apple $1000ο»Ώ
To which the clerk responds, "It's 2016 man. You can use any printer you want."
Sure showed them
Oh sorry thought it was still 2016.
Instead you're supposed to say something like "Shawn, would you please paint that fence?"
But I guarantee 2017 will trump it.
An alt-writer.
"Vote for me in 2016 or there'll be hell toupΓ©e."
Nine.
Who tells you about it first?
Putin decides to invade Poland. But first, he wants to check the future situation in his country by visiting a fortuneteller.
Putin: Hello! I'd like to ask how much would a 0,7l bottle of vodka in Moscow 2016 cost.
Fortuneteller: Hmmm... it seems about twenty.
Putin: Rubles?!?
Fortuneteller: No, PLN.
Mariah Carey's live performance career
Given the recent slowdown in iPhone sales, Apple announced today that it will skip the wearables market and develop a line of digital implants for adults. The first product, shipping in the summer of 2016, is a breast enhancement device that can store and play music. The new Apple iBoobs, sold in pairs, will cost from $499 to $699 depending on cup and speaker size. This is considered a major social breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
Tell me short funny one liners. Just humor, nothing else.
-Donald Trump, 2016
2017 Anger
2018 Bargaining
2019 Depression
2020 Acceptance
Is it really 2016? I mean Tarzan is playing in theaters, Pokemon is a craze, and a Clinton is running for President of the United States.
"Well I hope they got the bronze."
A man is helping his daughter with a history paper, when suddenly she asks: "Hey dad, can you tell me about 2016?"
Father: "Oh honey, are you sure you want to write about that?"
Daughter: "Yes! Nobody seems to want to write about it for some reason."
Father: "Well, if you insist..."
The father moves into the kitchen with his daughter in toe, opens the liqueur cabinets, and chugs vodka for 5 seconds straight. He then sits down with his daughter and begins, tears streaming down his face:
"Alright so it started with this fucking Gorilla down in Cincinnati.."
The last time Democrats were THIS angry is when the Republicans took their slaves away
On the stage.
Because 2016 is a crazy bitch
Of all people, you would have thought he'd have 2020 vision
Fear and Loathing.
"Americans are saying that in 2016, they will either have their first woman president, or their first insane president.
Like what's the big deal? Korea did both in one election cycle back in 2012"
Who tells you about it first?
...and is ending with the death of a Guerilla
Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton, I would be stuck with a criminal president under constant federal investigation from day one.
Turns out, he was right. I voted for Clinton and I'm stuck with a criminal president under federal investigation from day one.
People would yell at me to get out of their country and I would get offended and feel attacked.
After election 2016, I just reply, "thanks for the concern! You should too!"
It will be the first time that two presidents have had sex with each other
The 2016 best suicide bomber award goes to Mohammed.
Unfortunately Mohammed can't be with us tonight.
None of the North Korean athletes defected.
My friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library I said wtf man it's 2016 you can use whatever printer you want
In 2016, the Six Million Dollar Man consists of two hip replacements.
I mean, the last time a Clinton was a president, it left a really bad taste in her mouth.
Monica Lewinsky is voting for Donald Trump in the 2016 Presidential Election, because the last time a Clinton was in office, it left a bad taste in her mouth.
Looks like Santa came early this year
There are 100 Brazilian athletes competing at Rio 2016. I'm not sure how many there are in a brazilian but that athletes parade is going to take fucking ages.
The year Brock Turner got sentenced to 3 months but America got 4 years.
....is to accomplish the goals of 2016 which I should have done in 2015 because I made a promise in 2014 and planned in 2013
"Chill out guys, all of this was just a prank. I'm going for the 3rd term".
That's because I've got 2020 vision.
Thanks, Obama.
The Olympic competitors are qualified.
You'd almost think it was built on top of thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.
I'm worried for when it's going to unlock nukes
Wham! there's one more.
On new years eve some parts of the world are in 2017, some are in 2016, and a large portion of the U.S. is still stuck in 1940.
then WHAM!
Always fun to watch two pussies try to fuck each other, but it would have been better with a Johnson on top.
You could have got a phone call from Charlie Sheen.
Thanks 2016, you helped me achieve my goal and made me depressed and miserable.
One for 2008 and one for 2016.
Teacher: Eh, no. Those weren't trains, they were *bandwagons*, and they didn't jump in *front* of them either.
It claimed the life of Chuck Norris.
"Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris (born March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist, actor, film producer and screenwriter died this morning in his house in Oklahoma at the age of 76. He is feeling much better now and has fully recovered from this minor annoyance."
(Morgan Freeman narration): 2016 would not, in fact, be anyone's year.
"Celebrity Deaths of 2016"
\#4,562 will shock you!
I hope he holds our flag high.
Honestly hurricane Matthew should run for president because I think he left the biggest mark on the country
It was a real Hack job.
It blows.
(Get well soon Carrie)
I'd have one million dollars, unfortunately it would be in monopoly money because none of them are real.
Another sad day for the music industry in 2016.
2017: He can't do that... right?
2018: I hope my district wins the Hunger Games!
A black person asked where the coloured printer was. I said, "it's 2016 you can use any printer."
The 2016 Olympics.
The 2016 election.
Due to this, 17 cashiers will lose their jobs.
I am a passenger.
Catatonic
Orange is the new black.
A 30 second ad on YouTube that you can't skip
Wham! There goes another one!
Guy 1: I can't believe we're putting our party's fortunes in the hands of such a sleazy, repulsive, useless bitch.
Guy 2: Yeah, but the other party ain't doing so well either - they just nominated Hillary Clinton.
"Follow Your Dreams."
-Freddy Kreuger, 2016
Guess I'll just hope for another.
- Steve Harvey
where Leiceister City defies the odds of 3000/1 to win the league title, Cubs win the world series, and Donald Trump is elected as the president of the United States
He's just Biden his time.
Microphones!
And that concludes my examination of the 2016 Presidential election
And Chris Brown is still the most famous female boxer
Make America Alright Alright Alright Again!
...after realizing shooting and sailing were two separate events.
International Olympic Committee: "You certainly won't in 2018."
So then president Obama decided the tie breaker would a race around the White House, with the fastest time being awarded the presidency. Bernie Sanders being the honest man he is went first, but is older and well past his physical prime, completed the race on 17 minutes 46 seconds. Trump being the next man up is in a bit better physical shape in 15 minutes even. Hilary Clinton wanting to assure the country is safe from Donald Trump cuts a few corners to improve her time. At the finish line Obama informs her she ran a time of 10 minutes 17 seconds. "Wow!" Hilary responds "10:17 must be a record!" jumping for joy. "Not exactly" States Obama. "Bush did 9:11"
Mate wealth, 2016.
USA 2016: "Hold my beer"
But when I went there and they only had 115 calanders.
Like it was just yesterday
*Two guys watching Mariah Carey's Times Square performance*
Guy 1: "Man, 2016 has been such a mess."
Guy 2: "I know right. This year ended on such a low note I can't even hear it."
He's Biden his time.
Just remember how it turned out for the Galaxy Note 7
He might, but for now he's just Biden his time.
The year most middle aged men went from wanting to fuck Nigella to wanting to fuck Nigel
up.
The other 15% made it home.
They both ended on December 31st
If you thought 2016 was a bad year, then you're about to find out why 6 was afraid of 7.
From all of us here at the Internet Explorer team...
Welcome to 2016!
WHAM! It hits you.
WHAM!
...Mexicans
And found out that the post apocalyptic section has been shifted to current affairs after the us elections 2016
Something tells me 20/20 will be the year of hindsight.
I would make a political joke about it but then it would get elected.
I just want 2016 to be my pallbearer, so it can let me down one last time.
Debbie Reynolds Wrap.
Pointless.
But that's silly, 8+8 =/= 2016
Or "TP" as I like to call it. ;)
What a joke, am I right?
Did you ever wanted to prank someone about 2016? Well, here are the best jokes about 2016 to have fun with.