Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include 2016 puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.
In 2017, celebrities touched people and their legacies died.
He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."
Trump 20:16
I said, "Dude, it's 2016 you can use any printer you want."
Just to be sure I start 2016 on the right foot
.. And a black Gentleman came over to me and asked where the coloured printer was. I replied "Man its 2016 you can use any printer!"
1 for 2008, 1 for 2016
I guess we'll just have to call them the Ts.
In 2016, they ate 73,432,384 bananas,
and only ate 6 monkeys.
Hi! I've got 2 tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but forgot that it's on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.
If you are interested and want to go instead of me ...
... It's at St. Nicholas' Church, Brighton and she's called Jane.
But even he could not survive 2016
It's like everyone and their mothers are dying.
^^sorry ^^not ^^sorry
Only 30 more to go and I'm there!
Two thousand and sixteen
...but I can't decide between "eggshell", "beige", or "2016 Oscars".
I don't know, but we'll find out November 8, 2016.
Half of the competitors cheat and the other half aren't qualified.
The bartender looks up and says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."
Argon doesn't react because reacting has been copyrighted by The Fine Bros since 2016.
2014 Didn't jog
2015 Didn't jog
2016 Didn't jog
2017 Didn't jog
2018 Didn't jog
2019 Didn't jog
2020 Still not jogging
This is a running joke.
I said "It's 2016, Jamal, you can use any printer you want"
His family are taking it really hard.
People warned me, that if I voted for Hillary Clinton it would be the end of civility and truthfulness in the US as we know it, the deficit would skyrocket, and there would be never ending investigations of the president.
Well, I voted for Hillary and that was what happened!
(George Michael)
It's so 2016
This is a running joke.
Some time passes after the 2016 US Presidential election, and Barack Obama passes away from old age. He gets bored after a while in heaven, and asks God if he can return to Earth for a while to see how the good ole' US of A is turning out. God agrees.
Obama returns to Brooklyn, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer. He asks the barkeep "How's the country? How are foreign affairs? Any problems currently being faced?"
"Oh, nothing at all, sir. We're an empire now. We're successful."
"But what about Iraq and Afghanistan? Those were terrorist hotspots not too long ago?"
"We control it now. We're an empire. Everything is good."
"But what about Europe, Asia, and their financial crises?"
"That too has been taken care of. We are now finally an empire."
Pleased at the outlook of the country he once led, Obama asks the bartender for the bill:
"65 rubles, sir", replies the bartender.
The pessimist says "It can't get any worse" and the optimist says "Oh yes it can!"
That way, I'll reach my goal of losing 20 pounds AND start 2017 off on the right foot!
When i'm pulled over, it's the quickest way to tell the Cop i'm white.
He goes into the clubhouse to get membership and play a round.
The receptionist says 'Sorry sir, we don't allow black people in this club.'
'That's ridiculous. It's 2016 and you don't allow black people in this golf club?'
'Please don't make a scene sir, there's another golf club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in'
'But I'm Usain Bolt!'
'Its only 2 minutes then'
Credit to /u/Ron_manager who posted this a year or so ago, it's a breath of fresh air compared to the usual Bolt/Hitler one that does the rounds.
Just like it was yesterday.
The American General begins to boast: "Our submarines are the best in the world! The newest 2016 model can stay weeks under water without having to surface!"
The Russian general is unimpressed and says: "Russian U-boat is best. Months we stay under water and no need to go up!"
The German general is impressed and doesn't know what to say.
Suddenly they see waves appearing a little off the shore and with a splash, a submarine surfaces. The hatch opens and the emerging soldier raises his right arm "Heil Hitler! We are out of fuel!"
2016: Trump doesn't stand a chance.
2017: Trump's still trying?
2018: "Hey, are you guys going to watch the hunger games tonight? I hope my district wins"
2016: iPhone 7=no headphone jack
2017: iPhone 8=no battery
2018: iPhone 9=no screen
2019: iPhone 10=no phone at all, just pay Apple $1000
To which the clerk responds, "It's 2016 man. You can use any printer you want."
Sure showed them
Instead you're supposed to say something like "Shawn, would you please paint that fence?"
Oh sorry thought it was still 2016.
Nine.
Who tells you about it first?
Putin decides to invade Poland. But first, he wants to check the future situation in his country by visiting a fortuneteller.
Putin: Hello! I'd like to ask how much would a 0,7l bottle of vodka in Moscow 2016 cost.
Fortuneteller: Hmmm... it seems about twenty.
Putin: Rubles?!?
Fortuneteller: No, PLN.
Mariah Carey's live performance career
Tell me short funny one liners. Just humor, nothing else.
Is it really 2016? I mean Tarzan is playing in theaters, Pokemon is a craze, and a Clinton is running for President of the United States.
2017 Anger
2018 Bargaining
2019 Depression
2020 Acceptance
"Well I hope they got the bronze."
The last time Democrats were THIS angry is when the Republicans took their slaves away
On the stage.
Of all people, you would have thought he'd have 2020 vision
"Americans are saying that in 2016, they will either have their first woman president, or their first insane president.
Like what's the big deal? Korea did both in one election cycle back in 2012"
...and is ending with the death of a Guerilla
People would yell at me to get out of their country and I would get offended and feel attacked.
After election 2016, I just reply, "thanks for the concern! You should too!"
The 2016 best suicide bomber award goes to Mohammed.
Unfortunately Mohammed can't be with us tonight.
It will be the first time that two presidents have had sex with each other
None of the North Korean athletes defected.
Super Bowls XXXVI (2001), XXXVIII (2003), XXXIX (2004), XLIX (2014), LI (2016), LIII (2018), Prostitution Ring (2019)!
... and sees Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton huddled together at the end of the bar, whispering to one another. Intrigued, the voter approaches the pair and asks them what they are doing.
"We're planning the 2016 election," brags Trump.
"What's going to be different about it this year?" the voter asks.
"Well," Clinton replies, "We're going to rig the vote count and put me in office, as well as delete a few of my emails."
"What's so important about these emails that they've got to be deleted?" inquires the voter, eyeing the two suspiciously.
"See!" Clinton exclaims, turning towards Trump, "I told you no one would care if we rigged the election."
I mean, the last time a Clinton was a president, it left a really bad taste in her mouth.
In 2016, the Six Million Dollar Man consists of two hip replacements.
Monica Lewinsky is voting for Donald Trump in the 2016 Presidential Election, because the last time a Clinton was in office, it left a bad taste in her mouth.
That was hilarious, wasn't it.
"Chill out guys, all of this was just a prank. I'm going for the 3rd term".
That's because I've got 2020 vision.
The year Brock Turner got sentenced to 3 months but America got 4 years.
....is to accomplish the goals of 2016 which I should have done in 2015 because I made a promise in 2014 and planned in 2013
The Olympic competitors are qualified.
Wham! there's one more.
You could have got a phone call from Charlie Sheen.
Thanks 2016, you helped me achieve my goal and made me depressed and miserable.
(Morgan Freeman narration): 2016 would not, in fact, be anyone's year.
On new years eve some parts of the world are in 2017, some are in 2016, and a large portion of the U.S. is still stuck in 1940.
It claimed the life of Chuck Norris.
"Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris (born March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist, actor, film producer and screenwriter died this morning in his house in Oklahoma at the age of 76. He is feeling much better now and has fully recovered from this minor annoyance."
I'm worried for when it's going to unlock nukes
then WHAM!
Teacher: Eh, no. Those weren't trains, they were *bandwagons*, and they didn't jump in *front* of them either.
One for 2008 and one for 2016.
"Celebrity Deaths of 2016"
\#4,562 will shock you!
I hope he holds our flag high.
Honestly hurricane Matthew should run for president because I think he left the biggest mark on the country
It blows.
(Get well soon Carrie)
Orange is the new black.
Catatonic
A 30 second ad on YouTube that you can't skip
A black person asked where the coloured printer was. I said, "it's 2016 you can use any printer."
I am a passenger.
Another sad day for the music industry in 2016.
2017: He can't do that... right?
2018: I hope my district wins the Hunger Games!
The 2016 Olympics.
Due to this, 17 cashiers will lose their jobs.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.