2013 Jokes

By legalizing Cannabis and same-sex marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:

**"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."** [Leviticus 20:13 esv]






Edit1: a typo


Edit2: thanks for the gold humorous stranger!

The Bible says being gay is fine, as long as you're high.

"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."

- Leviticus 20:13 ESV

By legalizing Cannabis and same-sex marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:

"A man who lays with another man should be stoned." [Leviticus 20:13]

I've just won the 2013 'Most secretive person' award.

I can't tell you how much it means to me.

The Bible says it's okay to be gay

So long as you're high


Leviticus 20:13 "If a man lies with another man he should be stoned."

2013: Didn't jog - 2014: Didn't jog - 2015: Didn't jog - 2016: Didn't jog - 2017: Didn't jog - 2018: Didn't jog - 2019: Didn't jog - 2020: Still haven't jogged

This is a running joke.

Me: Dude, I can't believe that 2017 was 7 years ago.

Friend: What do you mean, 7 years ago is like 2013..

Me: That's why I ain't believing it.

Happy New Years 2013!

Hey guys I'm sending this through Internet Explorer, hope you guys had a great 2012!

LEGIT :)

Legalizing gay marriage and marijuana at the same time now makes perfect Biblical sense.

Leviticus 20:13 says: "If a man lies with another man they should be stoned. Apparently we just hadn't interpreted it correctly before!

Here's hoping 2013 is the year in which I finally fix the bugs in my new time machine.

-garyDelaney

My goal for 2017....

....is to accomplish the goals of 2016 which I should have done in 2015 because I made a promise in 2014 and planned in 2013

Two Laws in the Torah were fulfilled on the same day.

For those who haven't heard, Washington State recently passed two landmark laws: "Gay marriage" and The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makes perfect biblical sense because Leviticus 20:13 says:

'If a man lies with another man, they should be stoned.' We just hadn't interpreted it correctly.

WalMart's own brand of wine

WalMart announced that sometime in 2013 it will begin offering customers a new discount item: WalMart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of California to produce the wines at affordable prices in the $2 to $5 range.

Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to put a bottle of the WalMart brand into their shopping carts but, 'There is a market for inexpensive wine,' said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at University of Arkansas, Bentonville. 'However, branding will be very important.'

Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the WalMart wine brands and varieties.

The top surveyed names in order of popularity were:


10. Chateau Traileur Parc

9. White Trashfindel

8. Big Red Gulp

7. World Championship Riesling

6. NASCARbernet

5. Chef Boyardeaux

4. Peanut Noir

3. I Can't Believe it's not Vinegar

2. Grape Expectations

1. Nasti Spumante


The beauty of Walmart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).


P.S. Don't bother writing back to tell me that this is a hoax. I know possum is not white meat.

A man is planning his vacation,

As he does so, a friend swings by and offers to help:
-Hey man, may I suggest the Maldives? Had an amazing time there.
-I'm not taking any advice from you! Back in 98, you suggested Rome, I went there and my wife got pregnant, in 2007 you suggested Brazil, I went there and my wife got pregnant, then, in 2013 you suggested France, and, guess what? My wife got pregnant, again!
-Well that's not my fault! You should just start taking your wife with you!

Since assuming the title in 2013, Pope Francis has visited more than 27 countries.

I guess he really is a roamin' Catholic.

Tell me

"Tell me when you've come," I panted to my wife as I pumped away.


"2007 and twice in 2013." she said.

Study finds Washington state residents consumed 175 metric tons of pot in 2013 (real news)

As a result, the state is changing it's slogan to "Whoa Dude."

It all makes sense now, gay marriage and marijuana being legalized on the same day...

Leviticus 20:13 - "If a man lays with another man he shall be stoned"

We've just been interpreting it wrong all these years.

My New Year Resolution of 2016

Is to achieve my goals of 2015

Which I had should have done in 2014

And promised in 2013

And planned in 2012

And to remember to write 2017 instead of 2016

If I had more than one kid, I'd call the second kid ...

... etcetera.

- Marilyn Manson in his 2013 interview with Larry King.

Did you know that in 2013 there was a Russian scientist named Povandolakoviviscov kintayionshinkov

Why did you skip the name? I will not complete the story.

chinese new years

2009. Ox
2010. Tiger.
2011. Rabbit.
2012. Dragon.
2013. Snake.
2014. Horse.
2015. Goat.
2016. Monkey.
2017. Rooster.
2018. Dog.
2019. Pig.
2020. Rat.

All served with rice or chips, bat and pangolin scale sauce £1.00 extra.

I'm sorry

In 2013 Steven Hawking said God didn't exist

In 2018 God said Steven Hawking didn't exist

Did you hear about the band 2013 megabytes?

Of course you haven't, they haven't had a gig yet.

My prediction for December 21, 2012

Many babies will be born on September 21, 2013

Kahn Noonien Singh has appeared in Star Trek from 1967 to 2013, spanning many generations of viewers.

This is an example of a "Long Kahn".

The Kinsey Institute studies suggest that frequent sex is linked to better memory.

May the year 2013 bring you warmth, love and light to guide your path to a positive destination.

We have collected gags that can be used as 2013 pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about 2013, here are one liners and funny 2013 pick up lines.

Joko Jokes