200 Jokes
126 200 jokes and hilarious 200 puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about 200 that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This collection of 200 jokes will have you rolling in laughter! From clever one-liners to classic knock-knock jokes, you'll be sure to find something to make you smile. Whether you're a fan of the Chrysler 200 or prefer a thousand bad jokes over ten good ones, you won't want to miss out on this selection of over 150 jokes!
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Funniest 200 Short Jokes
Short 200 jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The 200 humour may include short thousand jokes also.
- My wife asked for something shiny that goes from 0 - 200 in five seconds or less for our anniversary... I bought her a scale. We're still not speaking.
- Why are women so bad at parking cars? Because for the last 200 years they've been told that three inches are actually six.
- My daughter wants a pet spider for her birthday I went to the pet store, and the owner said "that'll be $200 please", I said "$200?, it'll be cheaper getting one off the web".
- What's the difference between america and a bottle of milk? In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture
- Is it OK to hate certain races? Try as I might I just can't get myself to like the 200 meter dash.
- I loaned $200 to my girlfriend 5 years ago. She returned exactly $200 after we separated. I lost interest in that relationship
- Parking a single car doesn't require much space. But parking 200 cars, now that requires a lot.
- What's the difference between Americans and yogurt? If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it'll grow a culture
- A farmer was counting his cows.... A farmer was counting his cows and initially only counted 196, but when he rounded them up he had 200.
- My wife asked me to get her something that goes from 0 to 200 in six seconds for her birthday. So I got her a bathroom scale.
Share These 200 Jokes With Friends
200 One Liners
Which 200 one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with 200? I can suggest the ones about ten and ninety.
- I signed up for a gym membership this year. So far I've managed to lose £200.
- I really love 50 Cent... ...Or as we call him here in Zimbabwe, '200 million dollars'.
- A farmer had 196 cows in his field When he rounded them up he had 200
- What do you call a 200 year old Buffalo? A bison-tennial.
- The rancher had 196 cows But when he rounded them up he had 200
- A farmer counted 196 cows in the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
- I was charged $200 just to see a doctor And I don't even get to keep the binoculars
- What do you call 1 black guy being stalked by 200 white guys? PGA Tour.
- What animal spins around about 200 times after it dies? A rotisserie chicken
- Did you hear about the two car pile up in Mexico? 200 people died.
- The tenants said the house was haunted. You'd think I would've noticed after 200 years.
- Lost 200 pounds. Here's my story. British prostitutes are *expensive.*
- What's 200 feet long and eats potatoes? Communists waiting in line to buy meat.
- I offered free exercise lessons for the homeless now I've got 200 squatters!
- What has 200 teeth and holds back Godzilla? My zipper
200 Bad Jokes
Here is a list of funny 200 bad jokes and even better 200 bad puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man looking at himself in the mirror exclaims to his wife "Check out these 200 lbs. of pure dynamite!" To which she replies without hesitation: "Yeah too bad the fuse is too short..."
- I was admiring my n**... body in the mirror today, when I said to my wife, "Look at this! 200 pounds of pure dynamite!" My wife replied, "Too bad about the two inch fuse!"
200 Bucks Jokes
Here is a list of funny 200 bucks jokes and even better 200 bucks puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Dang this new wedding planner is great For only an extra 200 bucks he'll consummate my marriage for me - whatever that means haha
- A guy goes to a pharmacy and buys some slimming products. He asks the pharmacist:
How much do you think I will be losing with this?
Pharmacist replies:
Well … around 200 bucks.
Hilarious 200 Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about 200 you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean elevator jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make 200 pranks.
I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said
"I want you to try to sell this to me."
So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home.
Eventually he called me and said "Bring my laptop back here right now!"
I said "$200 and it's yours."
Who runs mexican Amazon?
Jeff Pesos
It's a silly joke but I thought of it on my own today! I found a 200 peso bill on the ground today and I was saying pesos in different accents out loud with a coworker when the joke popped into my head. I don't think I've heard it anywhere before. After I got home and searched it here I realised it hasn't been told this way on this subreddit yet either. So I'm claiming it as an original joke.
Which is heavier, 200 pounds of brick, or 200 pounds of feather?
The feathers, because 200 pounds of bricks is just 200 pounds of bricks, but with the feathers, you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They were appalled by his leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos, and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Oh please, Mom," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 200 hours of community service?"
A priest is walking through Kings Cross (a rough area of town), when a woman approached him and says
"Do you want a naughty? 200 bucks."
"Certainly not," he mutters and hurries on. Soon he passed near another woman who says "$200 for a naughty. Interested?"
"No thank you," he replies flusteredly.
As he comes near a third woman she again offers him a naughty for $200, which he of course refuses. Arriving back at the abbey, he happens upon the Mother Superior. Curiosity gets the better of him and he asks, "Mother...er...what's a naughty?
She replies "Two hundred dollars, just like in Kings Cross."
A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.
The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. That was fast, what's your cost saving plan?"
Barry says "make it $1000".
So to celebrate the Halloween season...
... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.
A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?
"Because this s**... parrot keeps reposting c**... jokes" said the pet store employee.
A plumber fixes a damaged pipe in a doctor's house and asks for 200 dollars. Doctor says to him: "Even i, don't make so much money in such a short period and i'm a doctor".
And the plumber goes: "I know sir. I used to be a doctor myself"
What's the difference between an Australian and a p**... of yogurt?
Leave a p**... of yogurt in the sun for 200 years and it develops a culture.
Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia.
Can you spare just $2.00? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia. He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just $2, we will send you the video - its hilarious.
Should've been more specific
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really p**....
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.
He says, "The female dormitory would be prohibited for all male students, and the male dormitory would be prohibited for the female students."
Continuing further, he says, "Anyone caught breaking this rule would be fined $50 the first time."
"Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time would be fined $100."
"Being caught the third time, would incur a hefty fine of $200."
"Are there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"
My wife said "If we ever win the lottery, I want you to buy me something compact, shiny, and can go from 0 to 200 in three seconds. I figured why wait, so surprised her that night.....
... with a shiny new bathroom scale.
A guy died and his three friends all owed him $100 each
1st and 2nd friends both put $100 on his coffin and declared repayment even in death. 3rd guy wrote a check for $300 and took the $200 change.
The ad in the paper said, "You think you're funny? Tell us your best pun, and you'll win a $200 Amazon gift card!"
Well, I just couldn't resist. I sat down and wrote not one, but 10 of my best knee-slappers, rib-ticklers, and witty turns-of-phrase. I sent my list of comedy gold to the paper, and then began daydreaming about what I would do with $200.
The day on which the paper announced the contest winner finally arrived! I scanned, and then carefully read the full-page of submissions, but the truth stared me in the face. Of my submissions that should have won, no pun in ten did.
Bar Joke
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something.
Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2, weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
Nearly 200 million Chinese kids are back to school after COVID-19 crisis
Unemployment strikes again
Bob was in trouble
He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
A guy goes in for a job interview...
A guy goes in for a job interview.
The manager hands the guy his laptop and says, "I want you to try and sell this to me."
So the guy puts it under his arm, walks out of the building, and goes home.
Eventually, the manager calls the guy and says, "Bring it back here right now!"
The guy says, "$200 and it's yours."
Working holiday
A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.
"Where are you going?" he asks.
"I'm going to Las Vegas. I can earn $200 for a b**... there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do for you for free."
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.
"Where are you going?" the wife asks.
"I'm coming with you. I want to see how you can live on $200 a year."
Right now, my wife has a smoking hot bod...
The ash scattering ceremony starts at 2:00 PM.
So, I trained a chicken to talk
WIFE: Well, let's see
ME: What's a male deer?
CHICKEN: Buck
ME: How much is 200 pennies?
CHICKEN: Buck Buck
WIFE: This is s**.... Chickens just make that sound
ME: Oh believe me it gets better
CHICKEN: Yeah, just be patient Susan
What's the difference between an American and a Briton?
Britons think 200 miles is a long distance, and American's think 200 years is a long time.
A man walks into a lawyer's office...
The man says, "I can't afford your hourly rate, but if I give you $200 will you answer two questions for me?"
The lawyer says, "Absolutely - what is your second question?"
A husband was in big trouble...
A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat."
The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
f**... arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.
My black girlfriend told me this on our first date.
What do you call 200 black people in a barn?
Antique farm equipment.
What has 200 legs and four p**... hair?
The first row at a Justin Bieber concert.
What's the difference between a $20 p**... and a $200 p**...?
When the $20 one swallows, it's because she's hungry.
A Farmer and his cows
A farmer counted his Cows before taking them to auction and counted 196 of them. But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
A man visits the doctor
and then he meets a friend.
Friend: Whatsup, where you been?
Man: Ive visited the doctor
Friend: What did he say?
Man: 200 Dollars
Friend: Yeah, but what do you have
Man: I have 50 dollars
Friend: I Mean whats the problem?
Man: 150 dollars
I m not sure if it makes any sense in English, but i tried
What's the difference between America and cheese?
If you left cheese out for 200 years it would have grown a culture.
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
A doctor's toilet gets clogged up
He calls a plumber. Plumber shows up, unclogs the toilet and gives the doctor bill for $200.
Doctor: $200? For 15 minutes worth of work? That's $800 an hour! I'm a top neurosurgeon in this city, 15 years of medical school, 3 years of residence, and even I don't make $800 an hour!
Plumber: Yeah. When I was a top surgeon in this city I also didn't make $800 an hour. Which is why I became a plumber.
My girlfriend borrowed 200$ from me when we met. 4 years later, when we broke up, she gave me exactly 200$ back.
I lost interest in that relationship.
A man is walking down the street when he is approached by a p**......
... "For $200, I'll perform any act for you," she tells him, "provided that you can describe the act in three words." The man thinks about the offer for less than a moment and gives the woman $200. "OK, tell me what you want me to do, but remember, only in three words," she tells him. The man, who has been quiet throughout the exchange says, "Paint my house."
ME: I trained this chicken to talk.
HER: Let's hear then.
ME: What's a male deer called?
CHICKEN: Buck
ME: How much is 200 pennies worth?
CHICKEN: Buck Buck
HER: This is dumb.
CHICKEN: It gets way better, Susan.
The Montana Department of Employment
The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.
AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.
RANCHER: Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.
He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.
AGENT: That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one.
RANCHER: That would be me.
The half-wit
A man owned a small farm in Norfolk.
The Department of wages claimed he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent a representative out to interview him.
'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the rep.
'Well,' replied the farmer, 'there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him 200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her 150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about 10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'
'That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit,' says the agent.
'That would be me,' replied the farmer.
Math class
Teacher asks Johnny:
"Imagine you have $200. And you give $50 to Jane, $50 to Suzi, $50 to Melissa. What would you have?"
"An o**...?"
Edited: names spelling, grammar.
Bob had forgotten his wedding anniversary and was in trouble.
His wife was really angry.
She told him, Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 on those little bottles of Evian water?
Try spelling Evian backwards.
An alien walks into a human brain shop
Vendor: Welcome, unfortunately we are very limited on brains right now and there are only 2 available.
Alien: I'll take a look.
Vendor: Well, here's the brain of Albert Einstein. He was very intelligent and was the reason behind much of human science. This is priced at $2. Here is the brain of someone who has watched every single "Keeping up with the Kardashians" episodes ever. It's listed at $200.
Alien: Woah, you're trying to rip me off. Why is the brain of someone that dumb worth so much?
Vendor: Simple, because this brain hasn't been used before.
A man stumbles upon a magic lamp
A man stumbles upon a magic lamp and out comes a genie. The genie says, "I will grant you any three wishes you want, but whatever you wish for I will give your mother-in-law double."
The man agrees to the terms and says, "I wish for a billion dollars." Instantly, he has a billion dollars and his mother-in-law has two billion dollars.
The man then says, "I wish for a 10,000 square foot home on 100 acres." The genie grants his wish and gives his mother-in-law a 20,000 square foot home on 200 acres.
Finally, the man cleverly says, "I wish for you to beat me half to death."
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all on their way to heaven
One day, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead were on their way to heaven.
God told them that there were 1,000 stairs to reach heaven, and on every stair he would tell them a joke. If they laughed, or even just smiled, they would not make it into heaven.
The redhead managed to make it to the 45th step before laughing.
The brunette reached 200 and cracked a smile.
The blonde made it all the way to the 999th step and burst out in laughter before God had even told his joke.
"Why are you laughing when I haven't even told my joke yet?" God asked the Blonde.
"I just got the first one!" she answered.
$200
Little Johnny was in his maths class one day when the teacher said to him "If I gave you $200," the teacher began," and you gave $50 to Mary, $50 to Sally, $50 to Susan and $50 to Amy, what would you have?"
"An o**...," Johnny answered.
My roommate seems to think that our house is haunted
I've been living here for the past 200 years and haven't noticed anything.
A blind man walks into a bar
After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender,
Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says,
Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he's a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?
The blind guy says, Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.
I was really happy when I opened four birthday cards and found a total of $200 in them.
I love being a postman.
Talented Octopus
A man walks into a bar with and octopus under his arms. He then stands up on the bar and shouts for everyone inside to hear. "I will bet anyone here 200 dollars that this octopus can play any instrument you give it". Everyone is a buzz and the bartender hands him a guitar that was hanging on the wall. The Octopus takes the guitar and strums on it with great enthusiasm and plays a beautiful arrangement. Another man pulls a harmonica out of his pocket and again, the octopus plays it superbly. A jazz band hands him all of there instruments and the octopus plays them all with amazing skill. Then, a Scottish man wearing a kilt comes up to the octopus and hands it his bagpipes. The octopus, looks at it confusingly then begins to fumble with the instrument. "Ay, you can't play er, can ye" The Scotsman says with a thick accent. The octopus responds "Play her? I'm going to screw her as soon as I get these pajamas off"
An old couple went on holiday to Jerusalem..
...But on the trip the wife died. A local priest then told the husband that he had two options. He could get her buried in Jerusalem for $30, or he could fly her back to their own country and get her buried there for $200. The husband quickly said that he wanted her buried at home. The priest didn't understand this and asked the husband why he didn't just bury her in Jerusalem. After all it was one of the holiest cities in the world, and he could save some money. The husband then told him that long ago a man was buried in this city, and 3 days later he resurrected from the dead, and he was definitely not willing to risk that happening with his wife.
2 hearses.
One fall day Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Dave went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. "My wife," the man replied. "I'm sorry," said Dave. "What happened to her?" "My dog bit her and she died." Dave then asked who was in the second hearse. The man replied, "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well." "Can I borrow your dog?" "Get in line." replied the man.
A man is walking down the street when he is approached by a p**....
"For $200 I'll perform any act you want, provided you can describe it in 3 words."
The man thinks about the offer for a moment then hands over the money and replies,
"Paint my house."
A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them,
but when he rounded them up he had 200.
A man dies and his three best friends, Matthew, Mark and James are looking at his body in the coffin.
Matthew says "He was such a good friend. I don't want him to go to his maker empty handed" and he throws $200 in cash into the coffin. Mark says he agrees and also throws in $200 in cash.
James says "You cheap-skates! I'm ashamed of you and I'm going to give him $1,000." He then writes out a check for $1,400, throws it in and takes the $400 in change out of the coffin.
A boss announces to his staff: I've lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I'm offering a 100 dollars finder's fee!
A voice in the background says: I'm offering 200!
A cop pulls over 3 old ladies
A cop pulls over 3 old ladies doing 20 in a 65mph zone. The cop walks up to the window.
"How can I help you officer?"
"Did you realize you were doing 20 in a 65mph zone?"
"I thought we were doing the speed limit. It says so right there." The old woman pointed to a sign.
"Ma'am thats the sign saying you're on interstate 20." Just then the officer noticed the two women in back looked extremely frightened. "What's wrong with them?"
"Oh we must have just come off interstate 200."
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (a blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!"and hung up.
Curious, the husband said, "Who was that?" And his lovely wife replies, "I don't have any idea who it was. It was some s**... woman wanting to know "if the coast is clear."
I walked out of a goodwill store one time and found this woman crying.
She had just lost $200, so I gave her $40 from the $200 I just found.
My roomates think our house is haunted
I live here for over 200 years and never seen anything strange in it.
Bob forgot his wedding anniversary
His wife was mad. She told him tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!
The next morning she saw a big gift wrapped box in the driveway. She rushed out, opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
So a blind man walks into a bar..
A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Hey, do you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bartender replies "Look buddy, im blonde, and I am 200 pounds of pure muscle. The guy next to you is blond too, and he is 250 pounds, and the guy on the other side is also blonde, he is 300 pounds of bulk, are you still sure you want to tell that joke?"
The blind man replies "Never mind, I dont wanna have to repeat it 5 times."
What's the difference between and Aussie and a Yoghurt?
If you leave a yoghurt out in the sun for 200 years, it will develop a culture.
The cost of dropping your phone on the floor
If you drop your iPhone on the floor the cost of getting the phone repaired is 149$.
If you drop your HTC on the floor the cost of getting the phone repaired is 200$.
If you drop your Nokia on the floor the cost of getting the floor repaired is 2000$.
He's a good boy.
A teenage girl is having a heated argument with her mother about her boyfriend, whom the mother does not like at all. "You can ground me, you can take my cell phone, but I am still seeing Roger". "I don't think he's any good" said mom. "He is too a good boy, why else would he be doing 200 hours of community service?".
A man and his wife go out to eat...
...as they are being served their food the wife says "if I worked here, I'd weigh 200 pounds!"
The man responds "so you'd loss weight?"
This was an actually conversation by my parents, all in good fun of course.
