A crusty old man walks into the local Lutheran Church and says to the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church."
The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church." And with that said, the secretary leaves her desk and walks into the pastor's study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language.
They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"
"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money."
"I see," said the pastor. "And is this bitch giving you a hard time?"
"If you say to adults 'I know about it all', they'll give you anything."
So of course he goes home and says to his dad: "I know about it all". The dad hands him 100 bucks and tells him "but don't tell mommy".
The kid, stoked, goes to his mom and says: "I know about it all". The mom hands him 200 bucks and says "Please don't tell daddy".
Then the bell rings, and the kid opens the door to find the mailman outside. The kid tells him "I know about it all".
The mailman happily drops the package he's holding and yells "Well say hello to daddy!
A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers.
" Hi, is Tony home?"
" No, he went to the store."
"Well, you mind if I wait?"
" No, come in."
They sit down and the friend says "You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."
Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.
They sit there a while longer and Chris says "They are so beautiful I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see the both of them together."
Nora thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table, and then says he can't wait any longer and leaves.
A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says "You know, your weird friend Chris came over. "
Tony thinks about this for a second and says "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"
A man walked into a bank and walked up to the teller. He said, "I want to open a fucking bank account."
Astonished, the lady replied, "I'm sorry sir, but we don't tolerate that kind of language at this banking establishment." With that said she walked up to the bank manager and explained the situation. He agrees that the woman should not have to listen to that sort of language. They both return to the man. "What is the problem here, sir?", the manager asks. "There is no fucking problem here. I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to put my mother-fucking money in this mother-fucking bank."
"Oh...I see," says the bank manager, "and is this bitch giving you a hard time, sir?"
One day, a teacher asks the kids in her class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Billy: "I wanna be a billionaire, have a beautiful bitch on my arm, give her a Ferrari worth a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel the world, a 200-foot yacht, an Infinite Visa Card, and I want to make love to her three times a day."
The teacher, shocked with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and continues the lesson . . . "
And you, Nancy?"
"I wanna be Little Billy's bitch!"
(Man to teller) "I want to open a fucking saving account."
The Astonished woman replies "I beg your pardon, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank". The woman leaves the window and goes to bank manager to inform him of this situation.
The manager agrees that the woman does not have to listen to this kind of language.
They both return to the window and the manager asks the man, "Sir, what what seems to be problem here?"
"There is no fucking problem", the man says "I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to put my fucking money in this damn bank."
"Oh... I see" says the bank manager. "And is this bitch giving you a hard time, sir?"
The guy stands on the bar and starts pissing all over the place on the bar, the stools and the patrons not even close to across the bar. Everyone is laghing at his failed attempt as he pays the 200 bucks. The bartender asks why he's laghing after he just lost the bet he replies I just bet the guy outside $400 that I could piss all over your bar and all you would do is stand there and laugh.
A couple is taking a shower together and the wife hears the door bell, she hops out the shower and puts a towel on. She opens the door to see Jonny from across the street and said hi. Shocked to see a fine middle aged women naked under a towel, Jonny offers her $100 to drop the towel to her waist. She hesitated but took his offer and showed him her tits, Not fully satisfied he offers her another $100 to drop her towel completely to the floor. As crazy as it sounded to the wife, she snatched the $100 and dropped her towel. Jonny soon went on his way with a smile and the wife with $200 bucks for getting naked. The wife headed back in the shower and her husband ask who was it? she say ohhh It was just Jonny from across the street, and the husband said oh did he mention anything about that $200 he owed me?
Not my joke, a joke I remember a customer telling me.
The arab guy finds a bra he likes and asks for the price. Jewish guy being the business man that he is says "This is a great bra it's really starting to get polular. I can sell you each for 50 bucks." The arab guy nods and says "sure I'll buy 100."
The next sunday the arab guy comes back to bra shop and looks around and finds another bra he likes. The Jewish guy smiles and thinks he's gonna try to mark up the price. He goes up the the arab guy and says "Thats a great lace bra. Its imported from Italy its very popular and worn by a bunch of celebrities. They go for 60$ per bra" The arab guy nods and says "sure Ill buy 150 of them."
The sunday after that the arab guy comes back to the bra shop and finds another bra. The jewish guy gets excited and thinks 'im gonna get him this time' and says " This is our brand new silk bra imported from France. Only the finest materials used and its extremely comfortable. I can sell you these for 80$ each" The arab guy nods and says "ill take 200 of them"
They go to the counter and the Jewish guy get curious so he asks "If i may ask you a question, What are you doing with all these bras?" the Arab guy smiles and says "I cut them in half and sell them as Yamaka's for 200 a piece!"
She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"
The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."
So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."
Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."
Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.
A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."
Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"
He takes a shot glass and slams it on the bar and says to the bartender. "I bet you 200 bucks I can stand 10 feet away, piss into that shot glass and fill it to the top without getting a drop anywhere else in the bar."
The bartender laughs at the man and agrees to the bet, thinking he'll make an easy 200 bucks.
So the man whips it out and starts pissing all over the bar, the seats, the floor. Not a drop gets in the shot glass.
The bartender laughs hysterically. "Oh man! You didn't get a single drop in the glass you idiot! You owe me 200 bucks!"
The man replies "That's fine, I just bet the guys at that table over there 400 bucks that I could piss all over your bar and you'd be happy about it."
Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office,
but she belonged to someone else.
One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll
give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you,"
but the girl said, "NO."
Johnny said, "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend
down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her
boyfriend,
so she called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says ask him for $200 then pick up
the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down.
She agrees and accepts the proposal.
Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to
call. Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what
happened,
She said, "The bastard used quarters!"
The manager, looking for a great salesperson, picked up a laptop and said "sell me this laptop".
I proceeded to stick it under my armpit and walk out.
A few minutes later, the manager called my cellphone upset saying "bring it back!!!"
I said "i'll sell it to you for $200 bucks!"
A construction worker's wife was fed up with him never being home, and started having an affair on him.
One day he comes home early to surprise his wife.
She quickly stuffs the other man into a large, walk in hallway closet, where upon he hears the construction worker's 10 year old son.
"It's dark in here" says the boy.
"Uhh, yeah. sure is" says the man.
"I have a baseball" replies the boy.
"Thats great kid, so what?"
The boy says "I'll sell it to you for 100$"
The man is alarmed by the price, but the boy reminds him that his father is just outside the door. He reluctantly hands the kid 100$, and hides out until the coast is clear to flee out of a window.
A few weeks pass, and the construction worker decides to surprise his wife again.
The man she's seeing on the side soon finds himself stuffed into the closet again, only to hear..
"It's dark in here"
"Yeah kid, it sure is."
"I have a baseball glove"
The man sighs, and pulls another 100$ from his wallet.
That weekend the construction worker fetches his son to play a game of catch. The son informs him that he sold his ball and glove.
"Well, how much did you sell it for?"
"200 bucks"
"200 dollars??!! Son, you ripped someone off, thats a sin! We need to take you to confession"
They head down to the catholic church, and the boy enters a confession booth. He sits down and says "It's dark in here"
To which he hears in reply from the other side of the screen..
"Don't start that shit again!"
I was at a job interview today, and my employer gave me a laptop and asked me to sell it to him. I then walked out the door with the laptop under my arm.
A few hours later, he called me at home and demanded that I give it back to him, to which I replied; "200 Bucks and it's yours."
A drunk man stumbles on to the bar. The bartender starts shouting, "Hey, you idiot, off the bar!"
"Wait, *hick* I bet you a 100 bucks, I can piss into that glass right in front of you."
The bartender agrees.
The man proceeds to piss all over the bar, and onto the bartender, who just starts laughing. The guy completely misses the glass. The bartender helps him down, and the guy hands him a 100 bucks.
"You dumbass, you could barely stand. What the hell were you thinking?"
"Well, I bet my friend 200 bucks I could piss on you and your bar, and you'd like it!"
For only an extra 200 bucks he'll consummate my marriage for me - whatever that means haha
He asks the pharmacist:
How much do you think I will be losing with this?
Pharmacist replies:
Well … around 200 bucks.
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about 200 Bucks? Well, here are the best 200 Bucks puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny 200 Bucks pick up lines to share with friends.