2 Inch Jokes

60 2 inch jokes and hilarious 2 inch puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about 2 inch that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest 2 Inch Short Jokes

Short 2 inch jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The 2 inch humour may include short 3 inch jokes also.

  1. Teacher: So what's your sentence that contains the word contagious? Student: our neighbour is painting a wall with 2 inch brush, my dad says it will take this contagious.
  2. Teacher: "OK Sarah, what's your sentence with contagious?" Student: "Our neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch brush and my dad said it will take the contagious."
  3. My wife and I sometimes roleplay in the bedroom with me as a weatherman I forecast 6+ inches lasting for a couple of hours. It ends up being less then 4 and is over in 2 minutes.
  4. Why are women bad at parking? Because men have told them that this (*holds thumb and index finger 2 inches apart*) is 8 inches.
  5. Things not to say in Subway 1. I would like a 6-inch Hearty Italian.
    2. 6-inch doesn't fill me up.
    3. Yes, give me more meat.
    4. squirt more of that mayo.
    5. I can't take a foot-long.
  6. What's the difference between oooh and aaah? 2 inches.
    Credit goes to the random old lady who told me the joke :p
  7. Two people are in a fight. Guy 1: "Well, your sister blew me, and it only cost two dollars!"
    Guy 2: "So she's only charging a dollar an inch these days?"
  8. Why is sleeping with a weatherman always disappointing? Because he always promises 10-12 inches, but you only ever get 2-3.
  9. Astronaut Scot Kelly grew 2 inches after being in space for a year You'd think they'd be doing more important stuff in space other than measuring their weenies.
  10. I gave my wife 8 inches last week. 2 inches on Monday, 2 inches on Wednesday, 2 inches on Friday, and 2 inches on Saturday.

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2 Inch One Liners

Which 2 inch one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with 2 inch? I can suggest the ones about 2 cents and 2 cent.

  1. What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives your girlfriend wild? A $100 bill.
  2. Whats 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women crazy? A $100 dollar bill.
  3. Why was the weatherman's date disappointed? She was promised 10 inches but got only 2
  4. I'm 6 foot 2 inches But those are two separate measurements.
  5. Her: How big is it? Me: 2 inches. Me: FROM THE FLOOR!
  6. They call me the weather man Because I say 8 inches, when I meant 2.
  7. I am so brave I can see the lava boiling in Hawaii from 2 inches away On YouTube!
  8. How long was the grass in world war 2? About Nein inches
  9. i gave my wife all 12 inches... All 2 inches of thunder 6 times.
  10. My gf is 5'2", I'm 5'7" Means I got 5 inches over her if yknow what I mean XD
  11. I gave her all 8 inches 2 inches at a time
  12. What's 7 inches long and hasn't been smoked in 2 years? Carrie Fisher's c**...

2 Inch Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about 2 inch you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean 4 inch jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make 2 inch pranks.

A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing.
The police arrive and ask for a description.
She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him.
The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her.
He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face."
The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report.
She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"

Husband admiring his body in the mirror says to wife "look at that, 14 stones of pure dynamite !"
Wife replies "yeah, shame about the 2 inch fuse..."

When the first legal brothel opened here in Brissy I got the OK from the missus to check it out and have myself a good time.
I was in there like a flash and as I was the only client at that time I has my choice of the buffet on offer.
I chose a gorgeous tall slim redhead but before moving off to the rooms she stated that she wont work with anyone unless they are 10 inches.
Being a little embarrassed as you would be I asked her politely to sit back down.
I mean after all, no matter how hot they were I wasn't about to cut 2 inches of my manhood for anyone...

An artist, a baker and an engineer are in line to be beheaded...

The artist goes first. They put his head in the guillotine and release the mechanism. It stops 3 inches short! The king decides that he'll be merciful and releases him! He's ecstatic!
The baker is next. They put his head in the guillotine and release it. This time it stops 2 inches short. The king also decides he'll be merciful and releases him.
Lastly, the engineer. They put his head in the guillotine and release it. It stops a hair from his head. The engineer screams "I SEE THE PROBLEM!"

An old lady was tired of her hard life and wanted to commit s**....

She decided the best way to die was to shoot herself through the heart, but she doesn't know where the heart is. So she called her doctor and asked.
The doctor told her the heart is located 2 inches below the left n**....
The old lady hung up and shot herself in her knee.

Blessed car

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the street between their establishments.
A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he ran out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it," the priest replied.
The rabbi replied "Oh," then he ran back into the synagogue. He reappeared a few minutes later with a hack saw, ran to the car and cut off the last 2 inches of the tailpipe.

Three men are in a car that is pulled over for speeding....

We'll call them Jim, James, and John. The officer walks up to the car and says "Alright boys, drop your pants. If you can show me 16 inches between the three of you, I'll let you go." Jim drops his pants, and measures in at 7 inches. James drops his pants and also measures in at 7 inches. John drops his pants and is rocking a solid 2 inches. The officer says "Alright boys, that's 16. You're free to go." After that, the men get back in the car and sit in an awkward silence for a bit before Jim says "You boys are lucky I'm 7 inches." James says "You guys are lucky I'm 7 inches also." John replies, "You guys sure were lucky I was hard."

So Moses and Jesus is walking along the beach

Moses asks Jesus, hey man can you still walk on water?
Jesus is like ya sure? I am the son of God and whatever.
So Jesus walks out onto the water a bit and sinks about 2 inches.
What the heck man? Says Moses.
Ahh d**...! It's these holes in my feet!

Weather Report...

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

What's 7 inches long and hasn't been s**... in over 2 years?

Whitney Houston's crack pipe.

Here in Charlotte, NC, the forecast showed 6-8 inches of snow last night...

The Queen City ended up getting only 2 inches at most. But that's okay - it's hardly the first time a lady was promised 7 inches that night and ended up disappointed.

Have you ever read the serial number on a c**... before?

No? You have to unroll it 2 more inches!

A priest and a rabbi buy a car...

A priest and a rabbi buy a car. The priest walks out and sees the rabbi sprinkling water over the hood.
"What are you doing?" Asked the priest.
"I'm blessing the car," said the rabbi.
"Oh, as long as we're doing THAT..." The priest walked into the garage. He later came back out with a hacksaw and cut 2 inches off of the tailpipe.

A groom stood n**... in front of a mirror...

and said " 2 inches more, and I'd be a king!"
His bride saw her chance and replied " 2 inches less, and you'd be a *queen*."

Weathermen make the worst lovers...

They say you're gonna get 6 inches but then you only get 2

A man walks into a bar and notices a beautiful woman sitting alone

He calls over a waitress and tells her to send the woman the bar's most expensive champagne.
The woman looks over the champagne then brings it to the man saying, "I can not accept anything from a man unless he has a Mercedes in his garage, $1M in the bank and 7 inches in his pants."
The man is outraged at this woman's demands. He explains, "I have two Mercedes in my garage, over $2M in the bank, but not even for you would I cut off 2 inches."

A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a 12-inch lighter

Guy 1 asks: *"That is a big lighter you got there! Where did ya get it?"*
Guy 2 says: *"I rubbed this lamp right here, and a genie granted me a wish"*
Guy 1 goes: *"Cool, let me see it!"*
He rubbed the lamp and out came the genie. The genie tells him he can only have one wish.
Guys 1 wishes: *"I wish for a million bucks!"*
So the genie snaps his fingers and a few seconds later, thousands upon thousands of ducks come swarming into the bar.
Guys 1 says: *"What is this?! I said a million bucks not a million ducks!"*
Guys 2 says: *"Did you really think I asked for a 12-inch Bic?"*

10-inch BIC

Two guys are out fishing on a boat when one of them wants to have a smoke.
1: You got a lighter?
2: Yes. *pulls out a 10 inch long BIC lighter*
1: Woah, where'd you get that!?
2: I have a personal genie.
1: Cool! Can I make a wish?
2: Sure, just be very clear, he's a bit hard of hearing. *Summons genie*
1: I wish for a million bucks!
*The genie snaps his fingers and a million ducks fly overhead.*
1: Wow, your genie really s**... at hearing.
2: I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC?

j**... saw his ex with a new boyfriend

So he walks up to them and says Old Shoe, new owner
His ex replies Only 2 inches are old, rest are brand new

Teacher in school asked a student for a sentence that used the word 'contagious'....

The student said "our neighbours are printing the house with a 2 inch brush,and my dad said it would take the contagious".

What does Bob Ross say when getting a h**...?

Oh yes! Beat the devil out of that 2 inch brush

My mom: Is it snowing outside?

Me: Yeah it is.
Mom: I've always wanted 10 inches!
My dad was literally standing less than 2 feet away washing the dishes. RIP my dad

A man goes to the Apple store

To upgrade his iPhone, wondering why all the new products looked the same as the old but had a plus next to them.
He asked an employee who said, "yeah if we add a plus next to the products people think they're better than the really are."
Later that night as the man was getting frisky with his girlfriend, she rolled her eyes as he excitedly disrobed. "Do you think you're going to do anything with those 2 inches?"
"What do you mean? Behold! I'm excited to announce the new and improved 2 inch PLUS!"

Guy dies and goes to h**....

Satan meets him and tells him he's got to pick between 2 rooms. They go into the first room, and it's full of people standing on their heads on a marble floor. He takes him to the second room, and it's full of people sitting in an 18-inch deep layer of s**..., drinking coffee. Guy figures that he likes coffee, and he'll get used to the smell, so he chooses the second room. He gets a cup of coffee, sits down and takes a sip. At that moment, Satan sticks his head back in the room and calls out Ok, everybody. Coffee break's over. Back on your heads!

I was working in the ER today

This 80 year old woman gets brought in with a gun shot wound and she keeps screaming "you told me to do this! You did this to me!" So I found a nurse and asked her what happened. The nurse said the patient wanted to kill herself so she grabbed a gun and went to shoot herself in her heart, but she didn't know where her heart was. So the patient called her doctor and asked "where's my heart?" The doctor told her "it's about 2 inches below your n**...". So the patient hung up and then shot herself in the kneecap.

Fed up

A small boy was asked by his teacher, "What is the size of the Democratic Party? " "About 5 feet 2 inches," he replied promptly. "NO! " exploded the teacher.. "I mean, how MANY members does it have? How did you get 5 feet 2 inches? " "Well," replied the boy, "my father is 6 feet tall and every night he puts his hands to his chin and says.. "I've had it up to HERE with the Democratic Party! "