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2 Cents Jokes

27 2 cents jokes and hilarious 2 cents puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about 2 cents that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest 2 Cents Short Jokes

Short 2 cents jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The 2 cents humour may include short 2 cent jokes also.

  1. A tempting offer I was tempted by an offer which read, Sausage Biscuits 2 for $1.00".
    "How much is it for one? I asked.
    "75 cents , she replied.
    "Ok, I'll have the other one".
  2. If an opinion is worth 2 cents, how many cents is an argument worth? It really just depends on how much cents it makes.
  3. I once heard that if you listen to Nickelback with only one headphone in, you get 2½ cents back. But in point of fact, if you listen to Nickelback you don't have any sense.
  4. I just bought tickets to see Eminem, Fifty Cent and 2Pac in concert Only kidding. 2Pac is dead.
    But I did just buy 2 packets of m&m's for 50 cents
  5. You have 2 coins that make 30 cents, one is not a nickle... One is a Quarter and the other is a nickle.
    I'll see myself out...
  6. I always carry 2 nickels and 2 pennies So that way I'll never be so poor that I don't have 2 nickels to rub together, and I gain always put my 2 cents in on a situation.
  7. Yo mama so s**..., I said, "Why do you have 2 quarters in your ears?"
    And she said, "I am listening to 50 cent."

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2 Cents One Liners

Which 2 cents one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with 2 cents? I can suggest the ones about my two cents and 2 inch.

  1. Why did 50 cent play at half time? Because it's after 2 quarters.
  2. I think the UK should've stayed in the EU. But that's just my 2 cents (£12.73)
  3. Poor people can't have an opinion They don't have 2 cents
  4. What do you get when you mix 50 Cent and 2 Chainz? A wierd cheap necklace
  5. 2 Pacs of Eminems for 50 Cent? Man that's Ludacris
  6. How was electrical copper wire invented? 2 jews were fighting over 1 cent.
  7. Ellen Pao on the new $10 bill! worth 2 cents

2 Cents Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about 2 cents you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean 2 minutes jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make 2 cents pranks.

The secret to wealth

A young man once asked a rich older man how he made all his money.
The dapper old fellow smoothed his tailored jacket and said, "Well young man, it was 1932, in the depths of the Great Depression. I was down to the last penny I had."
"I took that penny and I went and bought an apple. I spent the whole day shining that apple until it gleamed like the sun, then I took that apple to the market and sold it for two cents."
"The next day I took those two cents and bought two apples. I shined those apples all day and night until they were perfect, then I sold them at the market for four cents the next day. I worked at it like this for a month, sometimes selling, sometimes not, and at the end of the month I'd amassed myself a fortune. Nearly eight whole dollars. I'd never been so proud of myself in my life."
"Then my wife's father died and left us 2 million bucks."

A man walks into a bar

He quickly orders 5 bottles of beer. He immediately starts to drink the beer immediately, as fast as he can. In 2 minutes, he had already finished 3 bottles of beer. The bartender looks over and says, "Why are you in such a hurry?"
The man says, "You would be doing the same if you knew what I have."
The bartender replies, "What do you have?"
The man replies: "25 cents"

A man won at the Mathematical Olympiad.

When he wanted to claim his prize, the jury made him an offer: "You have two options: Either you get 10,000$ cash right here, right now plus a brand new car. That's your first option!
Or we take a chess board, put one cent on the first field, two cents on the second field and so on and so fo..." "OPTION 2, I WANT OPTION 2!" the awardee exclaimed.
And then he left with 0.96$.

A man wants to show his son something.

"Come here son!"
*Son walks over* "What dad?"
"Watch this." He takes 2 10-cent coins, places them on the table, and moves them towards and away from each other.
"It's a pair-a-dime shift."

So there's this hit man named Arty.

One day an old friend of his calls him up and says he wants these two guys strangled. "How much am I gonna owe you?" His friend says. Arty tells him that because he's his friend, he'll do it for fifty cents each. His friend, truly grateful, thanks him and hangs up.
So that day, Arty finds the two guys and takes them out. Unfortunately the cops show up just then and arrest him. Now this is all over the news across town!
The newspaper comes out the next day saying "Arty Chokes 2 for a Dollar!".
^^^It's ^^^funny ^^^if ^^^you ^^^read ^^^the ^^^headline ^^^fast ^^^and ^^^outloud

Bad Zoo
1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.
2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp.
3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat.
4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino for a walk.
5. The Lion in the lion cage closely resembles the one from The Lion King.
6. The alligator in the Reptiles exhibit is nothing more than the University of Florida's Mascot.
7. If you deposit 50 cents, the giraffe will magically appear and talk to you.
8. Ask the Tour Guide too many questions and you're suddenly dipped in some sort of sauce and placed in the Tigers den.
9. The Elephant appear to be two guys in a two part Elephant suit.
10. Two words: Hippo Dogs!