14th Jokes

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on.

He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing.

She replied, I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request.

She said, I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.

Once again he thanked her.

He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar.

He went up to her and said, Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.

He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did.

She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.

She replied, If I told you, you would only laugh.

No, I wouldn't, he said.

She said, I sell tampons.

With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.

She said, See, I knew you would laugh.

That's not what I'm laughing at, he replied. I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!

3 Men and a Woman are stranded on an Island

Like everyone, they try to establish contact to other people at first and they build a shelter.

After about 3 Weeks the Men approach the Woman with a proposal to let one of the 3 have sex with her every other day so that everyones Sex drive could be fulfilled.

The Woman agrees and they have a great year together. However, shortly after the 14th Month of being stranded, the woman dies.

The first week is tough for the men, but they try to boost eachothers morale.

The second week is almost unbearable.

The third week makes them feel so bad they want to die.

In the fourth week they finally decide that they should bury her corpse.

I have a date for Valentines

February the 14th

girl answer when boy ask about valentines

Boy: Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?

Girl: Yes, February 14th.

An infinite number of mathematics walk into a bar...

The bartender asked what they want. The first says a pint, the next says half a pint, next says a 1/4th a pint, next says an 1/8th a pint and so on until the bartender gets tired of hearing what they want. He pours two pints and says "Y'all need to learn your limits."

I held a door open for a feminist..

..the trial is on the 14th of May.

A husband and wife are out golfing...

So a husband and wife are out golfing, on their favorite course by an old abandoned farm. On the 14th hole, a par 4, the husband hooks his shot way to the left, landing near the doors of a big barn. Just as he's setting up to hit it around the barn, his wife stops him and says,

"Wait, honey, how about I just open the doors, and you can just chip it right through straight toward the green?"

The husband agrees, and the wife opens the doors for him and stands to the side. He then lines up his shot, takes it, and the ball ricochets off the barn and hits his wife in the head, killing her instantly.

...


A few years later, the husband is out golfing on the same course with a friend of his. On that same 14th hole, he hits his shot to exactly the same place near the barn. Just as he's about to hit his second shot around the barn, his friend says,

"Wait, how about I just open the doors and you can chip it right through toward the green?"

The husband replies "Nah, last time I tried that I shot a bogey."

A young man paired up with an older gentleman at the local golf course...

Over the course of the round the older gentleman and younger gentleman traded stories of past rounds, good shots and poor shots, and overall had a grand old time. While the Old man prepared his drive on the 14th tee box, he witnessed a funeral procession going past the golf course. Very quietly he stopped, hung his head and said a quiet prayer. The Young Man stood astonished at what he witnessed and asked the Old Man "That was the most beautiful thing I've ever witnessed, may I ask why you did what you did?"

To which the Old Man responded, "Well we were married for 40 years"

Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?

Yes February 14th.

What's the Difference Between February 14th and July 4th?

There isn't any, at least to me, because they're both Independence Day.

For those without a date for Valentines Day...

I have one for you!

It's February 14th.

You're welcome! Enjoy it!

ALENTINES AY

For those who wont be getting the V or D on Febuary 14th.

Has anyone found a date for Valentine's?

I did!
It's on 14th Feb!
Laugh please I'm pathetic

I call the sunshine cracker company every year at this time and request they sell Cheez-its shrunk to 1/4th their original size.

I request they market them as "Sweet little baby Cheez-its."

❤ ALENTINES AY ❤

For all those that won't be getting the V or D on February 14th.

I said to this Blonde Girl, I bet you a blow job I can sing a song with your name in it, she said OK you are on, my name is Susan.

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Susan, Happy Birthday to You. You're the 14th Blonde I have sang to this week.

So many years after his death, I stayed in room 1401 and remembered how great Mitch Hedberg was.

"The hotel I'm staying in has no 13th floor 'cause of superstition. But people on the 14th floor: You know what floor you're really on. What room are you in? 1401? No, you're not! If you jump out that window, you will die earlier."
— Mitch Hedberg

R.I.P.

allentine's ay.

For those of you who won't be getting the V or the D on Feb. 14th.

It takes me two beers to get drunk

The 13th and the 14th

I wonder if Eric Clapton really thought she looked wonderful...

or if it was just the 14th outfit she'd tried on and he didn't want to be late to the party.

Burt and Arthur are playing golf

As Burt is eyeing in a putt on the 14th, a funeral procession drives slowly down the road right next to the green. Burt drops his putter, removes his hat, bows his head and mutters in a respectful manner.
 

Arthur congratulates Burt on his display of respect and says he didn't know Burt had such respect for the deceased, especially in the middle of a shot.
 

Burt replies well usually I wouldn't bother, but after 45 years of marriage I guess it's only fair to her

An amazing coincidence happens every year in India

14th Feb Valentines day.
9 months later,
14th Nov Children's day.

I finally found a date for Valentine's.

14th February.

Are you alone this valentine?

Just die on the 13th and you will surely get attentions with flowers on 14th

I can't wait for the 14th

It will be the 68th anniversary of the Bank of England opening

I once went 13 years without sex.

Then came my 14th birthday and my elder sister with a strap-on.

My friends asked me, "Why did i book my slot for exam on 14th Feb"

I replied "That's the only date, I got"

Me - Do you have a date on valentines?

Buddy - No. I don't. Do you have one?
Me - 14th Feb.

ALANTINES AY! (For those who won't be getting the "V" or the "D" on February 14th)

Pi day in America is on March 14th. Almost everywhere else Pi day doesn't exist since it would be on April 31st.

The Forgetful Golfer

A man was playing a full round of golf and forgot his score card in the middle of his game. Since he did not know what hole he was on, he asked a female golfer who was teeing off what hole she was starting. "This is the 14th hole." The man then knew that he had finished the 13th and continued his game. After he had finished, he saw the same female golfer in the clubhouse and bought her a drink as a thank you. The two started a conversation and he asked her what she did as a job. She blushed, then replied. "You have to promise not to laugh, but I sell feminine hygiene products." The man is laughing hysterically and the woman is embarrassed. "Hey! I told you not to laugh!" she said angrily. He stopped laughing and said "No, no. I'm not laughing at your job. You see I sell toilet wipes and such so I'm the hole behind you!"

This is the Alaska State Police.

Where were you during the night of November 14th to February 12th?

Just a Blonde joke from my childhood

Three girls, a blonde, brunette, and a ginger were having a competition to see who could swim the furthest across a lake.

The red head went first, she swam 1/4th of the way across and back.


The brunette went next, she swam 1/3rd of the way across and back.


Finally, it was the blondes turn, she swam half way across and back.

Comedy Central Comedian coming to Taft Ca's Oasis Bar November 14th

We have collected gags that can be used as 14th pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about 14th, here are one liners and funny 14th pick up lines.

Joko Jokes