13th Jokes

Following is our collection of dog humor and friday the 13th one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include 13th puns for adults, dirty 1st jokes or clean saint gags for kids.

There is an abundance of 2nd jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 28 funniest jokes on 13th. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any tenth witze you can hear about 13th.

The Best jokes about 13th

The 13th Amendment makes it illegal to buy people.

Apparently, it doesn't apply to congressmen.

2 men are robbing an apartment...

...when they hear sirens outside the building.

"We need to jump!" says the first man.
The second man replies "But we're on the 13th floor!"

"This is no time to be superstitious!" exclaims the first man.

I had to cancel my dsylexics meeting tonight

I never go out on Friday the 13th

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on.

He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing.

She replied, I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request.

She said, I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.

Once again he thanked her.

He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar.

He went up to her and said, Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.

He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did.

She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.

She replied, If I told you, you would only laugh.

No, I wouldn't, he said.

She said, I sell tampons.

With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.

She said, See, I knew you would laugh.

That's not what I'm laughing at, he replied. I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!

Bob, John, Fred and James were golfing....

They're on the 13th fairway and Fred is about to take his approach shot when a funeral procession turns the corner and proceeds down the road parallel to the fairway. Fred lays his club down and takes his hat off and holds it over his heart. He stays like this until the hearse at the end of the procession is out of sight. The other guys look on in awe stuned at Fred's act. James finally says: "Fred, that was very touching of you to honor the dead in such a fashion." Fred replies: "Yep, we would have been married 22 years next month."


The worst thing about Friday the 13th

Is monday the 16th

"Did you know that Christmas day falls on a Friday this year?" said one blonde to another.

"Oh dear!!" her friend replied, "I hope it's not the 13th?"

Did you hear than Hellen Keller is the 13th most influential person of all time.

Neither did she.

I don't worry about Friday the 13th.

It's bad luck to be superstitious.

Do you know why they don't have 13th floors on most buildings?

Apparently it's because most buildings aren't that tall.


No, no that's fine I can show myself out . . .

So many years after his death, I stayed in room 1401 and remembered how great Mitch Hedberg was.

"The hotel I'm staying in has no 13th floor 'cause of superstition. But people on the 14th floor: You know what floor you're really on. What room are you in? 1401? No, you're not! If you jump out that window, you will die earlier."
— Mitch Hedberg

R.I.P.


The 13th amendment makes it illegal to buy people as they aren't property

Apparently, government officials don't apply

It's Friday 13th...

Thank my lucky stars that I'm not superstitious

It takes me two beers to get drunk

The 13th and the 14th

Today is the 13th day of Christmas. My house is over-run with noisy birds and a crowd of hungry and confused pipers, drummers, lords and ladies. On top of all that...

...my true love was arrested for human trafficking.

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are driving in a car.

The brunette mentions that Christmas falls on a friday this year. The blonde says "I hope it's not Friday the 13th!"

I'm not superstitious on Friday the 13th

Just a little stitious.

Are you alone this valentine?

Just die on the 13th and you will surely get attentions with flowers on 14th

What do they call the 13th floor in England?

The 12th floor.


Hey Guys! Wouldn't it be crazy if Friday the 13th was on Halloween!

I tricked too many people with that...

Apparently Burger King will be giving away free whoppers on October 13th to Special Olympians

I'd be downs for that

It's Friday the 13th and there's a serial killer at the circus

He's freaking in tents.

What happened when the two lovers were watching a scary movie in a year when Valentine's day happened to fall on Friday the 13th?

*Oh wait, nevermind. I'm an idiot...*

Some groomers for your friday the 13th

A snail goes to a dealership and finds an expensive sports car. The salesman says "What would it take to get you in this car?" The snail replies "Paint a big 'S' on the side." The salesman asks "Why an 'S'?" The snail replies "So when I drive around people can say: Watch that 'S' car go!"

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Why was the mushroom invited to all the parties? Because he was a fun-guy!

The Forgetful Golfer

A man was playing a full round of golf and forgot his score card in the middle of his game. Since he did not know what hole he was on, he asked a female golfer who was teeing off what hole she was starting. "This is the 14th hole." The man then knew that he had finished the 13th and continued his game. After he had finished, he saw the same female golfer in the clubhouse and bought her a drink as a thank you. The two started a conversation and he asked her what she did as a job. She blushed, then replied. "You have to promise not to laugh, but I sell feminine hygiene products." The man is laughing hysterically and the woman is embarrassed. "Hey! I told you not to laugh!" she said angrily. He stopped laughing and said "No, no. I'm not laughing at your job. You see I sell toilet wipes and such so I'm the hole behind you!"

Paul Simon wrote a song from the perspective of the 13th element on the Periodic Table.

You Can Call Me Al

People are scared of Friday 13th.

I'm not, but I am scared of April 1st, because if something bad happens to you, no one will believe you.

"Ah, ha-ha, I see what you did there mr 'I've been kidnapped, call the police'"

It's Friday 13th and I've just walked down the road and had to dodge loads of cracks.

It seems Adele has been chasing pavements again.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes