1200 Jokes

Following is our collection of funny 1200 jokes. There are some 1200 hospital jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these 1200 things puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Gather Around for Heartwarming 1200 Jokes and Uplifting Humor

I burnt 1200 calories yesterday!

Forgot to take the pizza out of the oven...

When I went to Heavan...

I meet with Paul the Saint. He points to a bunch of clocks behind him

Paul: These are clocks that measure how honest you are. Yours is at 12:45, meaning you have lied 45 times in your lifetime
Me: Whose that clock at 12:00 belongs to?
Paul: That's Mother Teresa's. She has been a perfect person and has never lied
Me: Then whose that one at 11:59? Is he even better than Mother Teresa?
Paul: No. That one belongs to Bill Clinton. He lied so much during his presidency, the clock almost resets to 12:00
Me: I wonder, where's Donald Trump's clock?
Paul: Trump? Its in my office. I am using it as a desk fan

A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.'

He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound' and another sign that says 'Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.'

So he asks the man behind the cash register, how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00?

The man replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?

Wife and i need a vacation.

So my wife and i needed a vacation, however didn't have the money. So my wife suggests that for one year every time we have sex we put $20 in a jar, at the end of the year we use the moeny to pay for a trip. A year goes by and we decide to count the money.. I count it and tell the wife we have $1200, but then i ask her i thought we agreed to only put $20 in the jar, why are there $50 and $100 bills? My wife replied, not everyone is as cheap as you!!!

60+ days off work, gas prices at an all time low, $1200... I know who I'm voting for...

Coronavirus for president!

Philosophers in 500B.C.: Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated

Philosophers in 400B.C.: The greatest wealth is to live content with little.

Philosophers in 1200: Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.

Philosophers in 1900: That which does not kill us makes us stronger.

Philosophers in 2017: Would you like some drinks with that order?

I just burned 1200 calories...

I left the pizza in the oven too long.

1200 joke, I just burned 1200 calories...

My wife asked" Are you sure you need a $1200 watch?!

I said " Only time will tell."

After an outage, what time does the power come back on?





My town has a large epilepsy hospital

Today, I wanted to do something nice for the kids: they're always so sad about not being able to do normal things. It was a $1200 investment for all of them total, but...

Who's ready for laser tag!?

Afghanistan is sending 1200 troops to Washington D.C.

on a mission to secure the fragile democracy.

You can explore 1200 large reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean 1200 kids dad jokes. There are also 1200 puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What do you call a Mexican wrestler that only fights during his 12:00 break?

A lunchador.

I went down to the gym, and lost 1200 calories

Next time, I'll take the pizza out of the oven

The Titanic

So, not many people know, back in the 1900's mayonnaise was only made in Europe. The titanic carried 1200 cases scheduled for delivery in the port of Vera Cruz as her next dock after her stop in New York. What would have been the first largest shipment sadly went down with the ship. The Mexicans were so upset over the loss they still celebrate a day of mourning which we know now as sinko de mayo.

12:00 PM on 4/20...

It's high noon

Birthday Gift

Husband: Honey, what would you like for your birthday?
Wife: Anything that goes from 1-200 in 10 seconds.
Husband buys her a weighing machine!

1200 joke, Birthday Gift

How do you know if a clock's being robbed?

It's face'll show 12:00.

What's the difference between a chicpea and a tomato

I don't pay 1200 dollars for a tomato on my face.

My wife bought me a second hand watch for my birthday...

Anyway, better be going. The football starts in... 1200 seconds.

Why would 12:00 make the best cop?

"Hands up"

Today I asked the gamer what his new year's resolution is.

He said "1920 x 1200"

Starting 2019 with a bang.

Boy O boy did I start with a bang at 12:00 midnight. Sweet bed did had to endure.

12:00 is the best time to catch a criminal.

Hands up

What is a Policeman's favorite time on a clock

12:00 because both hands are up

12:00 is the best time on a clock.

Hands up

12:00 is my least favorite time of the day...

"Hands up!"

1200 joke, 12:00 is my least favorite time of the day...

Today I burnt 1,200 k calories

I overlooked my pizza in the oven

What did the analogic clock said after the police told him to put his arms up?


Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the 1200 clock puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working 1200 laser piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes