1200 Jokes
40 1200 jokes and hilarious 1200 puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about 1200 that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest 1200 Short Jokes
Short 1200 jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The 1200 humour may include short epilepsy jokes also.
- 60+ days off work, gas prices at an all time low, $1200... I know who I'm voting for... Coronavirus for president!
- Afghanistan is sending 1200 troops to Washington D.C. on a mission to secure the fragile democracy.
- I went down to the gym, and lost 1200 calories Next time, I'll take the pizza out of the oven
- Birthday Gift Husband: Honey, what would you like for your birthday?
Wife: Anything that goes from 1-200 in 10 seconds.
Husband buys her a weighing machine! - What's the difference between a chicpea and a tomato I don't pay 1200 dollars for a tomato on my face.
- My wife bought me a second hand watch for my birthday... Anyway, better be going. The football starts in... 1200 seconds.
- Starting 2019 with a bang. Boy O boy did I start with a bang at 12:00 midnight. Sweet bed did had to endure.
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1200 One Liners
Which 1200 one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with 1200? I can suggest the ones about arms and large.
- I burnt 1200 calories yesterday! Forgot to take the pizza out of the oven...
- What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's? Medieval Knievel
- My wife asked" Are you sure you need a $1200 watch?! I said " Only time will tell."
- After an outage, what time does the power come back on? 12:00
--:--
12:00
--:-- - 12:00 PM on 4/20... It's high noon
- How do you know if a clock's being robbed? It's face'll show 12:00.
- Why would 12:00 make the best cop? "Hands up"
- 12:00 is the best time to catch a criminal. Hands up
- What is a Policeman's favorite time on a clock 12:00 because both hands are up
- 12:00 is the best time on a clock. Hands up
- 12:00 is my least favorite time of the day... "Hands up!"
- What did the analogic clock said after the police told him to put his arms up? "*12:00*"
- What do you call a Mexican wrestler that only fights during his 12:00 break? A lunchador.
Gather Around for Heartwarming 1200 Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about 1200 you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hospital jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make 1200 pranks.
When I went to Heavan...
I meet with Paul the Saint. He points to a bunch of clocks behind him
Paul: These are clocks that measure how honest you are. Yours is at 12:45, meaning you have lied 45 times in your lifetime
Me: Whose that clock at 12:00 belongs to?
Paul: That's Mother Teresa's. She has been a perfect person and has never lied
Me: Then whose that one at 11:59? Is he even better than Mother Teresa?
Paul: No. That one belongs to Bill Clinton. He lied so much during his presidency, the clock almost resets to 12:00
Me: I wonder, where's Donald Trump's clock?
Paul: Trump? Its in my office. I am using it as a desk fan
A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.'
He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound' and another sign that says 'Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.'
So he asks the man behind the cash register, how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00?
The man replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wife and i need a vacation.
So my wife and i needed a vacation, however didn't have the money. So my wife suggests that for one year every time we have s**... we put $20 in a jar, at the end of the year we use the moeny to pay for a trip. A year goes by and we decide to count the money.. I count it and tell the wife we have $1200, but then i ask her i thought we agreed to only put $20 in the jar, why are there $50 and $100 bills? My wife replied, not everyone is as cheap as you!!!
Philosophers in 500B.C.: Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated
Philosophers in 400B.C.: The greatest wealth is to live content with little.
Philosophers in 1200: Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.
Philosophers in 1900: That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
Philosophers in 2017: Would you like some drinks with that order?
My town has a large epilepsy hospital
Today, I wanted to do something nice for the kids: they're always so sad about not being able to do normal things. It was a $1200 investment for all of them total, but...
Who's ready for laser tag!?
The Titanic
So, not many people know, back in the 1900's mayonnaise was only made in Europe. The titanic carried 1200 cases scheduled for delivery in the port of Vera Cruz as her next dock after her stop in New York. What would have been the first largest shipment sadly went down with the ship. The Mexicans were so upset over the loss they still celebrate a day of mourning which we know now as sinko de mayo.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Government
The federal government is sending most Americans a $1200 rebate.
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China.
If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs.
If we buy a computer it will go to India.
If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras
and Guatemala.
If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany.
If we purchase useless c**... it will go to Taiwan and none of it
will help the American economy.
The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on
prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced
in US.
I've been doing my part, and I thank you for your help,
A man died and went to Heaven.
He was greeted by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. He saw a wall of clocks that had names on them. He asked Saint Peter what they were for. He replied "They are lie clocks, and every time you lie, the hands move one minute." He showed him George Washington's clock, which was at 12:00, and he told him this meant he had never lied. He then showed him Bill Gates' clock, which was at 1:30, which meant he had lied 90 times. The man asked where Trump's clock was. Saint Peter said "It's in Jesus's office. He uses it as a ceiling fan"
