12 Inch Jokes

A man walks into a bar and sees a pianist, who is only one foot tall, playing the piano. He talks to the bartender and says, "That's amazing! Where did you find a 12 inch pianist?" The bartender replies, "Oh, I have a genie in the back room who grants wishes. Give it a try if you want." The man goes to the genie and says, "Oh genie, I wish I had a 100 million bucks." The genie nods his head and a few seconds later there's a puff of smoke and 100 million ducks fly over the man's head. The man goes back to the bartender and complains, "I wished for 100 million bucks, not 100 million ducks!" And the bartender says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"

So a man walks into a bar with a large box, the bar tender goes up to him and asks “whats in the box”.
The man says “I’ll show ya’ if you get me a beer.”
So of course the bar tender gets the man a beer, the man drinks it, and he pulls out a little foot tall man and he pulls out a little piano.
The little man starts playing the piano!
Next the bar tender asks “hey! thats prety cool, where did ya’ get that?”
The man says” I’ll tell ya’ if you get me another beer.”
So the bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and he says “I got it from a geenie and a lamp”
The bar tender says “If ya’ let me barrow that geenie and that lamp I’ll give ya’ another beer.”
The man says “Oh, Okay!”
The bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and the man gives the bar tender the lamp.
The bar tender rubs the lamp and the geenie pops out!
The geenie says “Master, I grant you one wish, what is it?”
The bar tender says “I wish for a million bucks!” And all of a sudden a million ducks start flying into the room.
“What the heck is this! I wished for a million bucks not a million ducks!”
And the man says “Well did you think I wished for a 12 inched pianist!”

Snowy week.

One winter morning at breakfast a couple was listening to the radio. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." The wife went out and moved her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10-12 inches of snow today, you will need to move your car to the odd-numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get through." So the wife went out and moved her car again.
The next week, while they were eating breakfast, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 12-14 inches of snow today and you must park..." Then the power went off! The wife was very upset. With a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street am I supposed to park on?"
With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, her husband said, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time."

It's the oldest joke in the book, but I love it.

A guy walks into a bar and notices a man about a foot tall playing a little piano. He asks the bartender why the little man is there, and he responds "I'll explain in a minute. First, make a wish on this magic beer bottle."
The guy says "Ok, sure"
He goes to the bottle and rubs it and a genie appears.
"You have one wish", he says.
The man thinks about it and then wishes for a million bucks. A cloud of smoke fills the room, and when the smoke clears there are a million ducks crowding the bar.
The guy looks at the bartender and says, "Hey! What gives? I didn't want a million ducks!"
The bartender laughs, 'You think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?

Hard of Hearing Genie

(Sorry its a long joke, but worth it I promise)
So a man walks into a bar with a burlap sack. He pulls out a small piano, bench, and a tiny piano player, who begins to play songs on the miniature piano.
The Bartender, intrigued, asks the man where he got it. The man proceeds to show the bartender an old genie bottle. Out pops an old, dusty genie. The man tells the bartender to make a wish.
The Bartender wishes for 1 million bucks. All of a sudden, Ducks begin shooting out of the top of the bottle. Frustrated the bartender yells to the man "I wished for a million BUCKS not a Million DUCKS!"
To this the man replied, "Yea, and i didn't wish for a 12-inch Pianist Either."

12 inch Pianist

One day, a man walks into a bar and sees a 1 foot tall man playing the piano. He asks the bartender how he got the 12 inch pianist. The bartender says, "Oh yeah, there is a genie out back behind the bar!" so the man walks out behind the bar and asks the genie for 1,000,000 bucks. Sure enough, the genie poofed up a million ducks. So the man goes back inside the bar, and he says to the bartender, " I asked for a million bucks, but it gave me a million ducks!" Then the bartender says smugly, "You really think I would ask for a twelve inch pianist?"

tiny pianist

An oldie, but goodie:
A man walks into a bar and sees a 12 inch pianist playing the piano. He talks to the bartender and says, "That's amazing! Where did you find a 12 inch pianist?"
The bartender replies, "Oh, I have a genie in the back room who grants wishes. Give it a try if you want."
The man goes to the genie and says, "Oh genie, I wish I had a 100 million bucks." The genie nods his head and a few seconds later there's a puff of smoke and 100 million ducks fly over the man's head.
The man goes back to the bartender and complains, "I wished for 100 million bucks, not 100 million ducks!"
And the bartender says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"

12 inches

Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar but he didn't have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one.
"I sure do," he replied and reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12 inch Bic lighter.
"Wow!" said his friend, "Where did you get that monster?"
"I got it from my genie."
"You have a genie?" he asked.
"Yes, he's right here in my golf bag."
"Could I see him?"
He opens his golf bag and out pops the genie.
The friend says, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?"
"Yes I will," the genie said so he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into the golf bag and leaves him standing there waiting for his million bucks.
Suddenly the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead is heard.
The friend tells his golfing partner, "I asked for a million bucks not ducks!"
The friend answers, "I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing.
Do you really think I asked him for a 12 inch Bic?"

Winter weather emergency

On a bitterly cold winter's morning a husband and wife in the back woods of Minnesota were listening to the radio during breakfast.
They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so snow plows can get through conveniently".
So the good wife went out and moved her car as instructed.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.
The next week they are again having breakfast when the radio
announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..." And the power goes off.
The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow plows can get through?"
With all the love and understanding that men who are married to blondes (and those with grey hair) always exhibit, the husband replied, "Honey, why don't you just leave it in the garage this time."

Out on the golf course, a beautiful woman asks three men for some help with her putt.

"Whichever of you can help me sink this putt, I will give that guy a night he will never forget."
The teenager walks over, eyes up the putt for a couple of minutes, and finally says, "Lady, aim that putt six inches to the right of the hole. The ball will break left 12 inches from the hole and go in the cup."
The middle-aged man walks up and says, "Don't listen to the youngster! Aim 12 inches to the right, and the ball will break left two feet from the hole and fall into the cup."
The elderly man looks at the other two men in disgust, picks up the ball, drops it into the cup, takes her by the arm and says, "That's a Gimme."

A man enters a variety show

With his miniature companion, a small foot tall man and a miniature piano, not more than 20 inches across.
The mini man sits at his mini stool and plays the piano perfectly-- a classic Motzart concerto.
He wins the $5,000 top prize and the emcee asks, "So how did you come across a miniature man that plays the piano so well!?"
"Well, I found an old oil lamp and freed a Genie inside, so he granted me one wish-- unfortunately he was hard of hearing."
"How's that?" The emcee asked.
"You Think I wished for a 12 inch PIANIST?!"

Two of my favorite jokes by my favorite comedian

"Me and girlfriend..... we're not together anymore. She's got a new boyfriend now. They just moved in together. Actually, I've heard rumors that he's abusive, which kinda makes me want to go over there with a baseball bat...... and then blame it on her boyfriend."
"My girlfriend has the greatest story as to why she isn't religious anymore.
When she was a kid, like 12 years old, her parents nailed a 25 pound crucifix to the wall right above her bed. About two weeks later, in the middle of the night, the crucifix falls off the wall and leaves a two inch gash in the back of her dad's head." - Anthony Jeselnik

A guy walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and hears piano music. He looks at the piano and can't see anyone sitting there, so he walks over and discovers a foot-tall man standing on the piano bench playing the tune of Dixie-Girl. The man thought that this was strange so he goes over to the bartender and asks where the man came from.
"Here," says the bartender, handing the man a genie lamp, "rub this."
So the man rubs the lamp and out comes this genie.
"What do you wish for?" asks the genie.
"A million bucks," the man states, quite sure of himself.
"Granted." And the genie claps his hands and disappeared back into the lamp.
The man looks around, checks his wallet but can't find a million bucks anywhere. Just that moment, a million ducks fly through the bar. Astounded the man says: "Hey! I didn't ask for a million ducks!"
"Do you think that I asked for a 12 inch pianist?" replied the bartender.

12-inch Pianist

One day a man walks into a bar and to his amazement, he finds a tiny person playing a tiny piano.
Stunned the man asked the bartender where he got this amazing person. The
bartender replied that inside the closet there is a genie that will grant him a single wish.
The man dashed into the the closet and as the bartender said, there was a genie inside.
Without hesitation the man wished for a million bucks, but instead 1 million ducks
instantly appeared. Infuriated the man stormed to the bartender and screamed
"I think your genie is hard of hearing, I asked for a million bucks but instead I got a million ducks."
The bartender shook his head and replied, "You're telling me... Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"

The Giant Cigarette Lighter

A guy walks into a bar and sits beside another guy and immediately notices he has a giant cigarette lighter.
The first guy says "Wow! That's a huge lighter! Where'd you get it?" The other guy replies, "A genie from this bottle granted me one wish."
"Cool! Can I try it?"
"Sure."
The first guy rubs the bottle and a genie appears. "You are granted one wish" says the genie.
The guy replies excitedly, "I want a million bucks!"
"Your wish is granted." And the genie disappears.
A few minutes pass and then suddenly the bar door swings open and in pour ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks fall over each other and fill up the bar.
"I can't believe this!" says the guy who just made his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"
The second guy responds, "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch Bic?"

The 12-inch pianist

One day a man walks into a bar and to his amazement, he finds a tiny person playing a tiny
piano. Stunned the man asked the bartender where he got this amazing person. The
bartender replied that inside the closet there is a genie that will grant him a single wish.
The man dashed into the the closet and as the bartender said, there was a genie inside.
Without hesitation the man wished for a million bucks, but instead 1 million ducks
instantly appeared. Infuriated the man stormed to the bartender and screamed
"I think your genie is hard of hearing, I asked for a million bucks but instead I got a million ducks."
The bartender shook his head and replied, "You're telling me... Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"

Piano Man

Peter walks into a bar and sees a miniature man playing the piano literally on the bar. Peter asks the guy at the bar how this little piano player got here.
Without turning to Peter, the man stares straight ahead and says, I rubbed that lamp over there, made a wish, and here he is. Why don't you give it a try?
Peter walks over to the lamp, gives it a rub and says, I wish for a million bucks!
Within seconds, ducks start falling from the ceiling and filling up the bar.
Peter, dumbfounded, turns to the man and proclaims, This thing is broken! I asked for a million bucks! Not ducks!
The man turns to Peter and says out of the corner of his mouth, You really think I wished for a 12-inch pianist?

Little Piano Player

A man walks into a bar. He looks at the counter and see a tiny man, no more than a foot tall, playing a piano just as small. So the man walks up to the bartender and asks him about the tiny piano player.
The bartender say "I got him from the genie in the mens bathroom"
So the man goes into the bathroom and see a woman inside talking to the genie
"I wish for world peace" she said
Then suddenly the room is flooded with geese. The man walks out of the bathroom and goes back to the bartender.
"I think your genie is a little hard of hearing" he says
"Yeah I know" the bartender replies "Do you really think I would wish for a 12 inch pianist"

A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist. He says to his friend, "That's amazing. How did you get that?"
The man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish. He rubs the bottle, and a puff of smoke pops out and tells him that he can have one wish.
The man thinks and says, "I wish I had a million bucks."
The genie says, "OK, go outside, and your wish will be granted."
The man goes outside, but all he finds are ducks filling the sky and roads. He goes back in and tells his friend what happened, and his friend replied, "I know. Did you really think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?"

A Man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar one night, and he sees a tiny man sitting on the bar playing a piano, so he asks the guy sitting beside him "Wow that's so cool! Where did you get that?"
"There's a genie out back! He's giving out wishes!" So the man walks outside to find the genie.
He walks up to the genie, and the genie says "Hello there! Have you come for a wish?" And the man replied "Yes! I Want a million bucks to fall from the sky!" And just like that, A million DUCKS fall from the sky.
So the man walks back inside and says to the other guy "Hey man that genie is cool and all, but I think he might be hard of hearing."
And the man replied "Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"

A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a 12-inch lighter

Guy 1 asks: *"That is a big lighter you got there! Where did ya get it?"*
Guy 2 says: *"I rubbed this lamp right here, and a genie granted me a wish"*
Guy 1 goes: *"Cool, let me see it!"*
He rubbed the lamp and out came the genie. The genie tells him he can only have one wish.
Guys 1 wishes: *"I wish for a million bucks!"*
So the genie snaps his fingers and a few seconds later, thousands upon thousands of ducks come swarming into the bar.
Guys 1 says: *"What is this?! I said a million bucks not a million ducks!"*
Guys 2 says: *"Did you really think I asked for a 12-inch Bic?"*

A man walks into a bar

and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist. He says to his friend, "That's amazing. How did you get that?"
The man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish. He rubs the bottle, and a puff of smoke pops out and tells him that he can have one wish. So the man thinks and says, "I wish I had a million bucks."
The genie says, "OK, go outside, and your wish will be granted."
The man goes outside, but all he finds are ducks filling the sky and roads. He goes back in and tells his friend what happend, and his friend replies, "I know. Did you really think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?"

A guy walks into a bar and sees a 12 inch man playing the piano

So the guy walks up to the bartender and asks where did you find a guy that's a foot tall and can play the piano?
Bartender: I wished for him
Guy: yeah, like I'm gonna believe that
Bartender: no seriously, here you make a wish
So the bartender hands the man a magical genie lamp, and all of the sudden a million ducks appear out of nowhere.
Guy: what is this I wished for a million bucks not a million ducks
Bartender: and you think I wished for a 12inch pianist.

Another genie joke

So a man walks into a bar with a burlap sack. He pulls out a small piano, bench, and a tiny piano player, who begins to play songs on the miniature piano.
The Bartender, intrigued, asks the man where he got it. The man proceeds to show the bartender an old genie bottle. Out pops an old, dusty genie. The man tells the bartender to make a wish.
The Bartender wishes for 1 million bucks. All of a sudden, Ducks begin shooting out of the top of the bottle. Frustrated the bartender yells to the man "I wished for a million BUCKS not a Million DUCKS!"
To this the man replied, "Yea, and i didn't wish for a 12-inch Pianist Either."

A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist

He says to his friend, "That's amazing. How did you get that?"
The man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish.
He rubs the bottle, and a puff of smoke pops out and tells him that he can have one wish.
So the man thinks and says, "I wish I had a million bucks."
The genie says, "OK, go outside, and your wish will be granted."
The man goes outside, but all he finds are ducks filling the sky and roads.
He goes back in and tells his friend what happend? and his friend replies, "I know. Did you really think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?"

This guy walks into a bar

Asks the bartender for a drink then pulls out a small piano and a man about a foot tall. The little man sits at the piano and begins playing a beautiful Beethoven sonata.
Amazed, the bartender asks to find out the story behind this mini musician.
The man tells the bartender that he was on vacation in Costa Rica and after a long night of partying he decided to talk a walk on the beach. While walking, the man trips over something in the sand. He pulls it out and dusts it off. Immediately after dusting, a genie pops out and says you may have 1 wish, anything you'd like.
Before the man could continue, the bartender interrups and says "so you wished for a 12 inch pianist?"

A Man Walks into a Bar...

A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist. He says to his friend, "That's amazing. How did you get that?"
The man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish. He rubs the bottle, and a puff of smoke pops out and tells him that he can have one wish. So the man thinks and says, "I wish I had a million bucks."
The genie says, "OK, go outside, and your wish will be granted."
The man goes outside, but all he finds are ducks filling the sky and roads. He goes back in and tells his friend what happened, and his friend replies, "I know. Did you really think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?"