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12 Inch Jokes

109 12 inch jokes and hilarious 12 inch puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about 12 inch that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest 12 Inch Short Jokes

Short 12 inch jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The 12 inch humour may include short 8 inch jokes also.

  1. Once upon a time, there lived a king who was only 12 inches tall... He was a terrible king, but he made a great ruler.
  2. A woman goes to a pharmacy and asks if they have 12 inch size condoms. "How many do you want", pharmacist replies.
    "None, just take my phone number and give it to anyone who comes to buy it".
  3. Why can't a nose be 12 inches Coz then it would be a foot
    Yea I'm an expert at dad jokes but am not dat funny
  4. What was the real reason Princess Di divorced Prince Charles? She found out that not all rulers have 12 inches.
  5. Once Upon A Time.. Once upon a time there was a king who was only 12 inches tall.
    He was a terrible king but he made a great ruler..
  6. I'm going to make a Sherlock Holmes game that is 12 inches long. I'm going to call it
    The Games A Foot.
  7. So I read an article today that blew my mind from a math nerd/science person perspective. Apparently factories are not making the 12 inch ruler any longer.
  8. Why shouldn't you sleep with a weatherman? They'll promise 12 to 14 inches, but you'll only get 3 to 5.
  9. Why couldn't Pinocchio's nose ever grow to be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot
  10. Why can't you have a 12 inch nose? Cause then you have a foot on your face, which is an improved look for you actually.

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12 Inch One Liners

Which 12 inch one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with 12 inch? I can suggest the ones about 6 inch and 6 inches.

  1. There once was a king who was 12 inches tall. He was a terrible king but a great ruler.
  2. Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Then it'll be a foot.
    I'm so sorry.
  3. Why can't your hand be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot..
  4. Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it'd be a foot.
    ~*Badum tss*~
  5. Why can't a hand be 12 inches? Cause then it would be a foot
  6. I told her, "It might not be 12 inches.." But it sure smells like a foot.
  7. Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Cause then it would be a foot silly
  8. When is a hand a foot? When it is 12 inches long
  9. Why can't your nose be more than 12 inches long? Because it would be a foot.
  10. I had a 12 inch Italian last night Then I went to Subway
  11. Hand joke Why can your hand never be 12 inches long?
  12. Have you guys heard of the king that was only a foot tall? He was a 12 inch ruler.
  13. What do you call a dead man that was only 12 inches tall? One foot in the grave.
  14. Why can't your wiener be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
  15. Why can't our nose be 12 inches long? Because then it'd be a foot.

12 Inch Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about 12 inch you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean twelve jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make 12 inch pranks.

Q: Why is a swordfish's nose 11 inches long?
A: Because if it were 12 inches long, it would be a foot!

Q: Why is a swordfish's nose 11 inches long?
A: Because if it were 12 inches long, it would be a foot!

A man walks into a bar and sees a pianist, who is only one foot tall, playing the piano. He talks to the bartender and says, "That's amazing! Where did you find a 12 inch pianist?" The bartender replies, "Oh, I have a genie in the back room who grants wishes. Give it a try if you want." The man goes to the genie and says, "Oh genie, I wish I had a 100 million bucks." The genie nods his head and a few seconds later there's a puff of smoke and 100 million ducks fly over the man's head. The man goes back to the bartender and complains, "I wished for 100 million bucks, not 100 million ducks!" And the bartender says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"

Q: Who was the smallest man in the Bible?
A: King David because he was only 12 inches tall as he was a ruler.

Q: Who was the smallest man in the Bible?
A: King David because he was only 12 inches tall as he was a ruler.

Q: Why is a swordfish's nose 11 inches long?
A: Because if it were 12 inches long, it would be a foot!

Q: Who was the smallest man in the Bible?
A: King David because he was only 12 inches tall as he was a ruler.

So a man walks into a bar with a large box, the bar tender goes up to him and asks “whats in the box”.
The man says “I’ll show ya’ if you get me a beer.”
So of course the bar tender gets the man a beer, the man drinks it, and he pulls out a little foot tall man and he pulls out a little piano.
The little man starts playing the piano!
Next the bar tender asks “hey! thats prety cool, where did ya’ get that?”
The man says” I’ll tell ya’ if you get me another beer.”
So the bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and he says “I got it from a geenie and a lamp”
The bar tender says “If ya’ let me barrow that geenie and that lamp I’ll give ya’ another beer.”
The man says “Oh, Okay!”
The bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and the man gives the bar tender the lamp.
The bar tender rubs the lamp and the geenie pops out!
The geenie says “Master, I grant you one wish, what is it?”
The bar tender says “I wish for a million bucks!” And all of a sudden a million ducks start flying into the room.
“What the heck is this! I wished for a million bucks not a million ducks!”
And the man says “Well did you think I wished for a 12 inched pianist!”

Q: Why is the longest human nose on record only 11 inches Long?
A: Because if it will 12 inches then it will a foot.

What's 12 inches, pink and makes women scream

Stillbirth

A Man Walks Into A Bar.....(Read this one aloud)

A man is working his job as a bartender one night. A man comes into the bar and sits down near him. He pulls a tiny piano and a 12 inch man out of his shirt, and begins to listen as the little man plays piano. The bartender says, "That's amazing! Where did you meet this guy?" The man responds, "Oh, a genie gave him to me. He's down the street right now, giving out free wishes".So the bartender took his break, and went down the street to meet the genie. The man found a person sitting on the street and asked if he was the genie. "Yeah" said the genie. The bartender immediately said "I wish for a million bucks!" Suddenly, a huge flock of ducks flew out of the sky and began attacking him. He ran back to the bar, where the other man was drinking his beer. "That genie s**...! I wished for a million bucks and he gave me a million ducks!" The man looked at the bartender and said "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"

It's the oldest joke in the book, but I love it.

A guy walks into a bar and notices a man about a foot tall playing a little piano. He asks the bartender why the little man is there, and he responds "I'll explain in a minute. First, make a wish on this magic beer bottle."
The guy says "Ok, sure"
He goes to the bottle and rubs it and a genie appears.
"You have one wish", he says.
The man thinks about it and then wishes for a million bucks. A cloud of smoke fills the room, and when the smoke clears there are a million ducks crowding the bar.
The guy looks at the bartender and says, "Hey! What gives? I didn't want a million ducks!"
The bartender laughs, 'You think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?

What's the difference between 6 inches and 12 inches?

6 inches makes you day but 12 inches can make your hole weak.

A woman walks up to me and says "give me 12 inches and make it hurt"....

So i banged her 4 times and hit her w/ a brick

Why Are Firetrucks Red?

Firetrucks have 4 wheels and carry 8 men.
4 + 8 = 12
There are 12 inches in a ruler.
Queen Elizabeth was a ruler.
There was once a ship named Elizabeth that sailed the seas.
Fish live in the seas.
Fish have fins.
People from Finland are called Fins.
Finland and Russia had a war a long time ago.
Russia has red on its flag.
And that's why they're red.
Cause they're always *russian* around.

Winter weather emergency

On a bitterly cold winter's morning a husband and wife in the back woods of Minnesota were listening to the radio during breakfast.
They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so snow plows can get through conveniently".
So the good wife went out and moved her car as instructed.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.
The next week they are again having breakfast when the radio
announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..." And the power goes off.
The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow plows can get through?"
With all the love and understanding that men who are married to blondes (and those with grey hair) always exhibit, the husband replied, "Honey, why don't you just leave it in the garage this time."

So I entered a race where we had to sprint the length of a 12 inch ruler

It was a foot race

Two of my favorite jokes by my favorite comedian

"Me and girlfriend..... we're not together anymore. She's got a new boyfriend now. They just moved in together. Actually, I've heard rumors that he's abusive, which kinda makes me want to go over there with a baseball bat...... and then blame it on her boyfriend."
"My girlfriend has the greatest story as to why she isn't religious anymore.
When she was a kid, like 12 years old, her parents nailed a 25 pound crucifix to the wall right above her bed. About two weeks later, in the middle of the night, the crucifix falls off the wall and leaves a two inch gash in the back of her dad's head." - Anthony Jeselnik

How to give your woman 12 inches and make her bleed.

Bang her twice and punch her in the mouth.

why can't your sick be 12 inches?

cuz then it'll be a foot

What's 12 inches long, Red, and makes my wife scream when I pull it out?

Her miscarriage

My girlfriend hired a midget to play the keyboards at my birthday party

I think she misunderstood me. I did not say I wished I had a 12 inch pianist.

What's 12 inches long and stiff in the morning?

Cot death.

Did you hear Princess Diana divorced her husband?

She heard a ruler was supposed to have 12 inches.

I'm 5 feet and 12 inches.

Don't you mean 6 feet?
No.

A giraffes' tongue is 18 inches long. Good thing it's not 12 inches long. Otherwise, it would be a foot.

Why did Princess Diana divorce Prince Charles?

She was always told a ruler was 12 inches!

Subway made a change in their policy today....

They banned employees from asking if customers want 6 or 12 inches with their kid's meals.

Looks like Subway finally has a good excuse for their footlongs being less than 12 inches

Anything under 12 is better for Jared.

Court judge orders Jared Fogle to have one particular Subway sandwich every day for the duration of his sentence.

a 12 inch Black Forest Ham.

The ladies call me "subway"..

..because I lie about being 12 inches and my meat smells like a yoga mat.

What's 12 inches long, stiff, red and purple, and makes women scream?

Crib death

Wife and I go to subway...

She says she can't decide between a 12" or a 6". I told her get the 6" sandwich and I'll give you 8 inches after supper

What's 12 inches long and makes your wife scream all night?

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

What's 12 inches and white?

Nothing.

A blonde Girl wants to tell her two horses apart

She is quite distressed. So the farmer next door says "Why not cut ones tail off" So she does that. The next day the other horse gets its tail cut on barbed wire and it tears off in the same place.
The girl is still distressed and then she cuts ones ear off to tell them apart. Then the other horse gets its ear cut off on barbed wire
Then the farmer next door says you should measure them. The girl does that and is finally happy.
The farmer says how did it go and the girl replies "The white one is 12 inches taller then the black one!"

What does a sandwich shop and an adult film casting agency have in common?

Both offer 6 and 12 inches in many varieties.

An Irish pirate with a 12 inch wiener walks into a bar

and the bartender says "I don't even know how to label you!"

What do me and Subway have in common?

12 inches

A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist. He says to his friend, "That's amazing. How did you get that?"
The man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish. He rubs the bottle, and a puff of smoke pops out and tells him that he can have one wish.
The man thinks and says, "I wish I had a million bucks."
The genie says, "OK, go outside, and your wish will be granted."
The man goes outside, but all he finds are ducks filling the sky and roads. He goes back in and tells his friend what happened, and his friend replied, "I know. Did you really think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?"

How I got it to be 12 inches long...

I folded it in half.

Whats 12 inches long, purple and makes women scream in the middle of the night?

Crib death

What's 12 inches, pink, and throbs?

Piglet stuck in an electric fence

What's 12 inches long, purple and makes women scream?

SIDS

No such thing as a free yatch [Long]

A salesman talked my uncle into buying 10,000 personalized pens for his business with the promise that 
he would be eligible to win a 32-foot yacht. A born gambler, my uncle agreed.
Well, he won, and a few weeks after the pens arrived, his prize showed up: a 12-inch plastic yacht with 
32 plastic feet glued to the bottom.

My wife told me 6 inches isn't enough

My wife told me
6 inches isn't enough
12 inches is too much
8 inches is just right.
So skip subway and stop at Jimmy Johns

A guy walks into a bar and sees a 12 inch man playing the piano

So the guy walks up to the bartender and asks where did you find a guy that's a foot tall and can play the piano?
Bartender: I wished for him
Guy: yeah, like I'm gonna believe that
Bartender: no seriously, here you make a wish
So the bartender hands the man a magical genie lamp, and all of the sudden a million ducks appear out of nowhere.
Guy: what is this I wished for a million bucks not a million ducks
Bartender: and you think I wished for a 12inch pianist.

What is 12 inches and white

4 of my p**...

This guy walks into a bar

Asks the bartender for a drink then pulls out a small piano and a man about a foot tall. The little man sits at the piano and begins playing a beautiful Beethoven sonata.
Amazed, the bartender asks to find out the story behind this mini musician.
The man tells the bartender that he was on vacation in Costa Rica and after a long night of partying he decided to talk a walk on the beach. While walking, the man trips over something in the sand. He pulls it out and dusts it off. Immediately after dusting, a genie pops out and says you may have 1 wish, anything you'd like.
Before the man could continue, the bartender interrups and says "so you wished for a 12 inch pianist?"

Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?

...Because then it would be a foot!
(Yes, I stole this joke from a kid who told it to me)

A man walks into the bar and takes a stool next to a duck on the bar...

Man: what's with the duck?
Bartender: oh he's magic
M: what?
B: magic... So you whisper your greatest desire in his ear and immediately he grants it
M: no way
B: try it!
The man leans into the ducks ear and whispers something and *p**...* a small man in a suit with tails and a white bow tie appears on the bar.
M: well it must be broken because I didn't ask for a 12 inch pianist...

I did the math on Hurricane Florence rain fall...

There is predicted to be 17 Trillion gallons of rain falling from Florence.
The width of a milk jug is 5.5"
Rain x Width = 93 Trillion inches
93 Trillion divided by 12 gets you 7,791,6**...,6**...,6**... Feet
Divided by 5280
1,475,694,444 Miles
Divided by 93,000,000 miles to get Astronomical Units
You get 15.8 AU's.
You're so fat, that even though Florence is dropping 17 trillion gallons of rain, It's still not enough to get to Uranus.

She told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt...

So I banged her twice and hit her in the back of the head with a brick.

Something here is a foot

Oh it's my d***
12 inches of wood!

Wife (on phone ordering pizza): 12 inch please

Me : know what else is 12 inches ?
Wife: behave.
Me: (grabs c**...) Four of these !

How long is the longest foot in the world?

12 inches.

A man sits at a bar and produces a small piano along with a 12 inch pianist.

Barman asks how did he come to have such a small pianist in his care?
With an annoyed look the man says "I met a Genie who had a hearing problem".

Why cant a nose be 12 inches long?

Because it's not a foot.

The Pianist

A man walks into a bar with a 12 inch tall pianist. He starts to play wonderfull music. Everyone applauds him. I ask the man who brought the pianist in, "How does he do that?" The man says that there is a genie outside granting wishes to everyone. I ran outside and there is a lamp on the floor. When I rubbed the lamp the genie came out and asked what my wish was. I asked for a 100 bucks. When he snapped his fingers, a 100 ducks fell out of the sky. I told the man in the bar that he gave me 100 ducks instead of 100 bucks. The man with the pianist says, "Yeah, do you really wish I had a 12 inch Pianist?

I've got a f**....

I only like 12 inch d**...

Why can't you have a 12-inch nose?

Because that would be a foot.

Beautiful Russian Girl

My friend Dave just met this tall beautiful Russian girl and now they are getting married. We all knew her from college except for Dave. She looks like one of those models from a beauty pageant.
To give you an idea of her beauty, On a scale from 1 to 10 , she got a 12 inches surpise for him.

Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot, budum tsss

A boyfriend is ending it up with his girlfriend on the phone......

Him: Babe, I'm breaking off with you. Your father threatened me yesterday.

Her: oh no! What did he say to you?
Him: he said "If you see my daughter ever again, I'll get a 12 inch iron rod and heat up half of it red hot and put the cold half up your a**..."
Her: why the cold half??
Him: so I won't be able to take it out!!

Why are Fire Trucks red?

Because they have eight wheels and four people on them, and eight plus four is twelve, and there are 12 inches in a foot, and one foot is a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was also a ship, and the ship sailed the seas, and in the seas are fish, and fish have fins, and the Finns fought the Russians, and the Russians are red, and firetrucks are always russian around.

Once upon a time....

There lived a king who was only 12 inches tall.
He was a terrible king,
but he made a great ruler.......
ill let myself out....