100 Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious 100 stories

What are the best 100 puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about 100? Well here is a complete list of the top 100 jokes:

My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100.

I lost Interest in that relationship.

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My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.

A solid 10, but also imaginary.

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A sperm cell contains about 37.5 MB of information. There are about 100 million sperm cells per ml; the average ejaculation is about 2.25ml, and takes about 5 seconds. This makes the average bandwidth of the human penis 1687 TB/sec

I know, that's a lot of information to swallow.

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How do you get 100 drunk and rowdy Canadians out of a pool?

You say "Please get out of the pool."

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It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only sex education...

According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.

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A man goes into a brothel

He says to the madam, "Hi, I'm a traveling salesman, I've been on the road for eight weeks. I'll pay $100 for the worst blow-job in the house."

She says, "The worst...? For $100 you can have the *best* blow-job in the house!"

He says, "No, it's all right, I'm not horny, I'm homesick."

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It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only sex education...

According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.

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It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only sex education...

According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.

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A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97

So he rounded them up.

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A woman is packing up and leaving her husband...

and tells him she's moving to Las Vegas. The husband asks, "Why Las Vegas?"

She says from what she understands, she can get $100 for every blowjob she gives. Upon telling her husband this he starts packing as well. The wife asks, "Where are you going?"

The husband says, "I'm going to Las Vegas too! I want to see how you can live off $200 a year!"

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A man says to his wife "I bet you $100 you can't say something to make me happy and sad at the same time"...

The wife thinks for a moment, responds "Of all your friends. You have the biggest dick" and grabs the money.

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What do you call a room with 50 lesbians and 50 government workers?

100 people who don't do dick.

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What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?

100 people who don't do dick.

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Tug it

A couple is laying in bed. The man turns to his wife and says "Honey, I think we should work out a system to determine whether you want to have sex. On any given night, reach over, and grab my cock. If you want to have sex, give it a tug. And if you don't want to have sex, tug it 100 times."

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A Japanese man on vacation in america...

Went to a bank near his hotel to exchange his yen for dollars. He hands the teller 1,000 yen and he gets 10 dollars. The next day he goes to the same bank and hands the teller 1,000 yen only this time he gets back 8 dollars. When the Japanese man asks why, the teller replies "Because fluctuations." the Japanese man says "Oh yeah? Well fuck you Americans too!"

-edit. changed 100 yen to 1,000.

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Whatever you do in life, give 100%...

unless you're giving blood.

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I got a $100 bill tattood on my penis,

if the wife wants to blow $100 she doesn't even need to leave the house.

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A kid is sitting on the sidewalk eating candy

and next to him is a big bag full of nothing but candy, and hes just eating, and eating. A man passing by sees him and tells him, "Son, you shouldn't eat all that candy. It's not good for your teeth." The kid looks up at the man and says, "My grandfather lived to be 100." Surprised, the man asks, "Oh, he ate a lot of candy?" The kid replies, "No, he minded his own fucking business."

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I Asked 100 Women Which Shampoo They Preferred?

The Top Answers Was:

Get The Hell Out Of My Bathroom!

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What has 3 teeth and 100 legs

An unemployment line in Tennessee.

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The Mathematician and the Waiter

A mathematician and his partner go to a restaurant one Sunday lunchtime. The waiter comes over and takes the mathematician's order: -

'I'd like one chicken breast, 10 roast potatoes, 100 baby carrots and 1,000 peas, please' he requests.

'Why sir!' Exclaimed the waiter. 'That's an order of magnitude!'

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Medical School Entrance Exam...

When I was young (100 yrs. Ago) and my intent was to go to medical school, the entrance exam included several questions that would determine eligibility.



One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when erect."



Those who spelled "SPINE" became Doctors. The rest ended up in Congress.

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100 camels

A man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, "I'll give you for your woman."

After a long silence, the husband says, "She's not for sale."

The indignant wife says, "What took you so long to answer?"

The husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get back home.

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I just waved a $100 bill to a homeless guy on the other side of the highway

Welcome to my version of Frogger

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A man approaches a prostitute...

and he asks her how much for a blowjob. The girl says $100.

"That's outrageous!" he says.

"Well thats my price" the prostitute replies.

"Ok" he says and hands her a $100 bill. He then proceeds to start jacking off.

"What are you doing?" the girl asks.

"For $100" he says "you ain't getting the easy one".

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Now I know it's the 100 Aniversary of the Titanic and all...

But aren't the Italians going a little far with their tribute

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I'm going to buy 100 mounted fish and fill a room with them.

When someone comes over and asks where the bathroom is, I'll send them to that room instead. As soon as they come back disappointed, I'll say, "I'm sorry, I thought you said my bassroom!"

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A guy meets a hooker in a bar

She says to him, "this is your lucky night. I've got a special going, for $300 i'll do absolutely anything you can think of but the catch is you have to be able to say it in 3 words or less."

The guy replies, "thats a great deal" then slowly lays out 3 &100 dollar notes and says "Paint... My... House."

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I always give 100%

Which is why I was sacked from being an exam marker.

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My wife and I have a system in check for when we go to bed...

I told her if you wanna have sex pull on my penis once. If you don't wanna have sex, pull on my penis 100 times

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I inherited some land recently and managed to buy 100 donkeys for £100...

...I planned on selling them one by one for a profit, but overnight some sick guy broke into my farm and cut all the donkeys tails off! Now I'm left with 100 donkeys with no tails, so I'm going to have to wholesale them!


(ask me why I have to wholesale them...)


Well I can't retail them can I?!

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Bank on it..

A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.

"I'm going down to give blood."

"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"

"About $20."

"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator.

The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.

"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"

"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.

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How many dubstep fans does it take to clean a shower?

100.

1 to actually clean the shower, and 99 to stand around and talk about how filthy it is.

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What has 3 teeth and 100 legs?

A meth queue.

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In a blind test, 100% of participants...

said they totally didn't see this joke coming.

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What is 6 inches long 2 inches wide and makes a woman crazy?

$100 bill.

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What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?

Both of them cost $100 and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed!

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If you buy stuff on line, check out the seller carefully

Be careful what you purchase on ebay or other sites.

A friend of mine just spent $100 on a penis enlarger.
He received a magnifying glass.

The only instructions said: Do not use in the sunlight.

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How many dub-step artists does it take to clean a bathtub?

100\. One to actually clean it, and 99 to talk about how dirty it is.

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How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?

100; 1 to do it, and 99 to say "I could do that."

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I just took a DNA test, turns out, I'm 100%

going to jail for shoplifting.

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How do you kill 100 flies?

Smack an Ethiopian kid in the face.

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I just won the Polish Lottery.....

$1.00 a year for a million years.

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What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians?

100 people who don't do dick.

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Why can't you have more than 99 people listen to toto's Africa at once?

Its something that 100 men or more could never do

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A 100-year-old man is bragging: "The secret to my long life is garlic."

A neighbor: "It's not a secret."

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How many unemployed actors does it take to change a light bulb?

100. One to change it and 99 to stand around and say, "Hey, I could've done that!"

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Guy goes to the doctor

A guy goes to the doctor. Asks, "Hey Doc, will I live to 100? I don't drink, don't smoke, don't eat fried foods, and don't run around with loose women."

Doctor replies: "So why would you want to live to 100?"

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I missed yesterday's "most intellectual joke" thread, so I'll just leave this here instead.

Two economists are walking through town, when one of them stops suddenly and points to something thin and green on the sidewalk.

"Look there," he says to his companion. "Is that a $100 bill just lying there on the ground?"

"Impossible," the other replies. "If it was, someone would have picked it up by now."

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Jay-Z has vowed to never use the word "bitch" again

I guess he has 100 problems now.

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best 100 jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about 100. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty 100 gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these 100 jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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