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100 Jokes

149 100 jokes and hilarious 100 puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about 100 that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking for some laughter? Look no further than this collection of 100 funny jokes! Enjoy jokes that apply to all ages, professions, and cultures, including humorous quips about family, Iran, and burn jokes. Start your day on a good note with some laughter and a smile!

Best Short 100 Jokes

Short 100 jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The 100 humour may include short burn jokes also.

  1. My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100. I lost Interest in that relationship.
  2. How do you get 100 drunk and rowdy Canadians out of a pool? You say "Please get out of the pool."
  3. In Britain, when you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. And when you turn 16, you get a text from Prince Andrew.
  4. Alligators can live up to 100 years... Which is why there's an increased chance that they will see you later.
  5. I just read a list of "100 Things To Do Before You Die". I was pretty surprised that "yell for help" wasn't one of them.
  6. Of all the inventions of the last 100 years... the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable
  7. Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga … And 100% of men don't care.
  8. "Remember, son, a smart person always has doubts about something. Only a total idiot can be 100% sure about everything." "Dad, are you sure?"
    "Absolutely."
  9. How do you get 100 Canadians out of a swimming pool in a hurry? Say: "Would everyone please get out of the swimming pool."
  10. You're offered $50,000, but if you accept it the person you hate the most in the entire world will get $100,000. You taking it? Yes why wouldn't I want $150,000.

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Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about 100 can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of 100 puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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100 One Liners

Which 100 one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with 100? I can suggest the ones about eighteen and fifteen.

  1. My girlfriend is like the square root of -100. A solid 10, but also imaginary.
  2. What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare line.
  3. What lies on its back, 100 feet in the air? A dead centipede.
  4. What do you call a christmas wreath made out of $100 bills? Aretha Franklins
  5. I still 100% stand behind Alec Baldwin.. Standing in front of him is too dangerous.
  6. What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives your girlfriend wild? A $100 bill.
  7. Today I am celebrating 100 days without alcohol! Not consecutively, though.
  8. My girlfriend is the square root of -100 Perfect 10, but imaginary
  9. Today I learned boiling water was really smart. It has like, 100 degree.
  10. What do you call 100 little sheep rolling down a hill? A lambslide
  11. I just got a new personal best in the 100 metre sprint! 73 metres.
  12. Is it bad to hate a certain race? Because I despise the 100 meter
  13. I once made a belt out of $100 bills Turns out it was just a waist of money
  14. What has 100 legs but can't walk? 50 pairs of pants.
  15. My Valentine is like the square root of -100... A 10, but imaginary

100 Percent Jokes

Here is a list of funny 100 percent jokes and even better 100 percent puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take -Jenny Mccarthy
  • I'm 100 percent against animal cruelty. Nothing makes me sadder than when my dog makes fun of me.
  • Apparently 30 percent of under-6's in the U.S know how to use an iPad. Whereas 100 percent of under-6's in China know how to make one.
  • Father(to son): Son, you should be getting 90 percent marks this time. Son: No Dad, I will get a 100 percent.
    Father: Don't joke with me.
    Son: Who started?
  • My contraceptive method is 100 percent effective. I just use my personality.
  • Classmate: Why is that watet called 'smart' water? Me: Because it's 70 percent like me. If it was 100 percent like me It would be called brilliant water (and also would be a lot grosser)
  • I know 100% percent that God doesn't exist because I just asked him and he said so
  • The cooks at McDonald's are guaranteed using 100 percent real beef 5 percent of the time
  • What is 100 percent exactly 1 perdollar
  • I named my kids after the place they were conceived Although I'm almost 100 percent sure i**... isn't mine.

100 Meter Dash Jokes

Here is a list of funny 100 meter dash jokes and even better 100 meter dash puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call several blonde hair blue-eyed men doing the 100 meter dash? The superior race
  • I lost my virginity like I lost the 100 meter dash. Slowly.
  • A good time I met a girl at the bar and she said she'd show me a good time. So we went outside, and she ran the 100 meter dash in 10.53 seconds.
  • I don't see why people dislike racial diversity I'm getting bored of watching the 100 meter dash.
  • What do you call a pornstar that comes in last place in the 100 meter dash? Slow poke.
  • 100m Dash A girl says to her friend "The last time I had s**... was like the 100 meter dash"
    Her friend says "What, over in 6 seconds?"
    "No, with 8 black men and a gun."

100 Zeros Jokes

Here is a list of funny 100 zeros jokes and even better 100 zeros puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I asked my Google assistant to tell me what was the name of the number with 100 zeros I've already tried 5 times, and it keeps refreshing to the main page. Geez, thanks a lot.
  • Dad: What did you get in your tests? Son: Nearly a 100 for every test.
    Dad: What do you mean **nearly** a hundred?
    Son: Well, I got the zero's . . .

100 Renewable Jokes

Here is a list of funny 100 renewable jokes and even better 100 renewable puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My energy supplier proudly boasts that they use 100% renewables. They sent my renewal quote. Can anybody tell me what day it was, when wind doubled in price?
  • I don't think its feasible to have 100% renewable energy It's just a Pipe dream.
  • Costa Rica has gone 76 straight days of... 100% renewable memes!

Ridiculous 100 Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter

What funny jokes about 100 you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean beautiful jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make 100 prank.

At birth, success is being alive. At age 3, success is not p**... your pants. At age 10, success is having friends. At age 16, success is having a driver's license. At age 20, success is having s**.... At age 30, success is having money...

At age 40, success is having money.
At age 55, success is having s**....
At age 70, success is having a driver's license.
At age 75, success is having friends.
At age 80, success is not p**... your pants.
At age 100, success is being alive.

It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only s**... education...

According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.

A man and a woman are chatting in an elevator.

"What are you up to today?" he asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20 a pint."
"Hmm ...," the man, says. "I'm going up to donate s**..., and the s**... bank pays $100 a tablespoon."
The woman gets a strange look on her face and gets off the elevator.
The next day, they meet in the elevator again.
The man asks, "So, where you off to today?"
"Fmerm mank," she says, with her mouth full.

An army captain approaches a p**... and asks her, "Would you enjoy my company for $100?"...

She looks at the handsome military officer and says, "Of course, I would be glad!"
Captain replies, "COMPANY! FORWARD!"

The trump family is flying from New York to DC

Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window and make 100 americans happy?" To that the pilot says " Why dont you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"

Two Jewish guys are walking down the street...

Two Jewish guys are walking down the street when they spot a sign outside a church: "Today Only: Convert to Christianity and we will give you 100 bucks cash!"
"I'm gonna do it," o**... tells the other and disappears through the church door.
5 minutes later he's back. "Well, Did you get the cash?" his buddy asks.
"Jeez Is that all you people think about?" comes the friend's reply.

The checker at the grocery store asked me if I wanted my milk in a bag.

I told her to leave it in the carton.

I've probably told checkers that 100 times, and not once did they get the joke.

My girlfriend and I are trying this whole "long distance relationship" thing.

I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times. Also, the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.

TIL alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there's an increased chance that...

...they *will* see you later!

A s**... woman sits down next to a guy drinking alone at a bar

She whispers, "You look like you could use a little fun. For $100, I'll do anything you ask me to in three words or less."
The man takes a drink of his beer, then takes out $100 and says, "Paint my house."

Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in cuba for $1.50 and in jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?

Those are the pie rates of the carribean.

what's the difference between Paul Walker and Betty White?

Paul Walker hit 100 before he died.

A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97

So he rounded them up.

100 is a nice round number

The European is visiting the United States for the first time: So how many cents in a dollar?
The American: 100, of course
The European: 100? Why not 62, or 37?
The American: 62? What are you talking about? It's 100. Of course, it is. It's a nice round number and easy to calculate. 62? You crazy Europeans.
The European: Right, gotcha. Thank you! So how many feet in a mile?
The American: Go back to Europe!

Never get married. It'll only end in divorce. The statistics don't lie.

100% of divorces started with marriage. Can't say I didn't warn you.

100 years ago everyone had a horse and only the rich had cars. Nowadays everyone has a car and only the rich have horses

Oh how the stables have turned

David Beckham gets in a taxi at Dublin Airport and notices the driver keep looking in his rear view mirror at him.

After about 5 minutes the driver says "Go on then give me a clue!?"
Beckham replies, "I had a glittering career with Man Utd, played over 100 times for England and married a spice girl, is that enough?".
Driver says "No mate, I meant where are you going?"

I have to say that my girlfriend is the square root of -100.

She's a perfect ten but sadly, she's imaginary.

A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy.

The guy takes off his shirt she says, "Oh what chest!"
"That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby."
Then he takes off his pants she says, "Oh what legs!''
He says, "That 100 lbs of dynamite, baby."
After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running he catches her and says, "Why were you running?"
She said I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."

A man walks into a butchers...

The man says to the butcher "Are you a gambling man?" The butcher replies "Yes, you could say that." The man says "Okay then, I bet you $100 you can't reach that meat you've got hanging from the ceiling up there." The Butcher looks up and says "No sorry" The man says "I thought you said you were a gambling man, why not?" The butcher answers. "The steaks are too high."

A young black Jew asks his father, "Dad, am I more black or more Jew?"...

"Why do you ask?" asks the Dad.
The boy says, "Well, a guy at school has a bike for sale for $150 and I can't decide if I want to haggle him down to $100, or just steal it."

I have 100% legit proof that masks don't do s**...!

My wife went on a trip to her sister's.
On the plane they made her wear a mask.
Didn't do s**... - she got chlamydia anyway!

A boy offers a girl $100 in exchange for s**...

"Sure, why not" replies the girl.
"And what about $10?" the boy asks.
"Are you crazy? What do you think I am?"
"I already know what you are, now we're just discussing the price."

A flat earther dies and goes to heaven.

At the gates of heaven, St. Peter says to them, "Before you enter the gates of heaven, you may ask god one question."
The flat earther asks, "God, is the earth flat?"
God responds, "The earth is 100% a globe."
The flat earther exclaims, "Holy c**...! This conspiracy runs deeper than I thought!"

Reddit is possibly the most environmentally conscious site on the internet.

Nearly 100% of the content is recycled at some point, often several times.

A 100 year old Japanese man is being interviewed for a newspaper piece about extreme old age

and the reporter asks "do you think there's any merit to the stereotype that people from this village live a lot longer than others?"
The old man thinks for a second and says "you know, I'm not sure. Let me go ask my dad". And the reporter, stunned, stammers "y-your dad? Where is he right now??" and the old man says "I think he's out fishing with my grandpa".

I was thinking about spending $100 to watch the boxing match tonight...

But why would I spend money to see Mayweather when I can just look outside?

My girlfriend is the squareroot of -100.

She's a 10 but it s**... because she's imaginary.

Female hormones in a beer

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

The doctor asked me how I'd feel about having an extra chromosome.

I told him I'd be 100% down with that.

A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?

"Because this s**... parrot keeps reposting c**... jokes" said the pet store employee.

My wife gained more than 100 pounds during pregnancy, so I started walking 5 miles every day to encourage her.

It's been three months and now I'm over 300 miles away from home.

Three rich guys bury a friend

First throws a thousand bucks into the coffin, saying "I want you to never need anything in the next life".
Second one, richer than the first, throws 5000 behind it.
All look to the third who is even richer than the other two. He writes a check over 100 grand, throws it in the coffin and remarks "Cash it if you need any".

My friends laughed at me

when I told them I have a girlfriend. They said she was like the square root of -100, a solid 10 but imaginary.
Well, joke is on them. They are also imaginary.

TIL that Saudi Arabia has over 130 males for every 100 females in the country

It must be awesome to be a woman in Saudi Arabia!

A woman searches for something in the living room.

After an hour, worried, she asks her husband:
- Have you seen my book?
- Which one?
- How to live to become 100 years old.
- Ah yes. Yesterday, i threw it away.
- But why?
- Your mother started reading it...

I took a pole and found out that 100% of people

were angry when the tent fell down.

Brought a girl home from a bar last night and after we went down on each other for a while I slipped on a c**.... Suddenly, she looked me dead in the eyes and demanded either forty more minutes of foreplay, or that I drop down and give her 100 pushups. When I asked why she said

"The idea is to provide you with a sense of pride and accomplishment for unlocking different holes."

A Prius just tried to race me from a stop sign. I totally had it for the first 100 feet...

But I can only walk so fast.

A simple but funny joke that came from my 100 year old great grandmother last night

She leans in to my mom and says
When is Mother's Day?
My mom thought she was genuinely asking because she forgot, but she then says
Nine months after fathers night

I finally caught her.

I jumped into a cab and asked the driver to follow my wife's car. From a safe distance, I saw her turn into the motel parking lot. I told the cabbie, "I'll pay you an extra $100 if you go in there and bring her out."
Without hesitating, he jumped out of the car and trotted to the motel. After a few minutes, during which I could hear a lot of commotion, he came back to the car, dragging a woman by the arm. "Hey, what gives?", I protested. "This isn't my wife!" "I know, she's mine. I'll be right back with yours."

What do you call a circle of $100 bills?

Aretha Franklins!
(Happy birthday to the Queen of Soul!)

My motto in life is to always give 100%

It does make blood donation quite tricky.

So there we were, 2 vs 100. We prepared our attack and started off strong...

Killed 'em both.

I'll have you know, I've been sober for just over 100 days.

Not like, in a row or anything...just in general.

Reddit has gone fully green to help the environment.

Their front page is made of 100% recycled material.

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"

is terrible advice for a recovering alcoholic.

What's s**... transmitted and has a 100% death rate?

Life

Three drunks enter a taxi

the driver immediately notices that they were drunk, and decided to make a quick buck out of them.
When they entered the car, he drove 100 meters, made a turn and told them that they arrived at their destination.
The first one thanks the driver and leaves. The second thanks him, give him money and then leaves. The third realizes that something was wrong and slaps the driver as hard as he could.
The driver looks at him and asks: "the h**... is wrong with you?!", to which the drunk guy replies: "don't you ever drive that fast again!"

A man asked a lawyer what his cheapest service was

"For $100 I answer three questions," the lawyer replied.
"Don't you think that's a bit ridiculous?" the man asked.
"Yes. What's your last question"

Whenever people tell me smoking is bad for me, I tell them that my great Grandmother lived to be 100 years old.

And when they say "did she smoke her whole life" I say "no, but she was real good at minding her own business"

The secret to a long life.

Everyone asked a 100 year-old man for his health secrets:
The old man said: I'll tell you you a secret.
I've been married for 75 years. Promised my wife when we got married that when two people quarrel, the loser has to walk for 5 kilometers.
I've been walking 5 kilometers everyday for 75 years!
Everyone asked again: But how come your wife's very healthy as well?
The old man answered: I'll tell you another secret: she'd been following me to make sure I really finish the 5 kilometers!

"My husband is such a pig. All I asked for was $100 for the beauty salon..."

"He took a long look at me and gave me $300"

I saw a guy drop a 100 dollar bill, I picked it up and asked myself: "what would Jesus do?"

......So I turned it into wine

Did you hear about the b**... at the garment factory?

Apparently there were over 100 casual tees.

Hearing aid

Having lost most of his hearing a number of years ago, this elderly man goes to the doctor to be fitted with hearing aids which promise to allow him to hear 100%.
A month later, he returns to the doctor for a check up on his progress. The doctor tells him that his hearing is perfect and asks if his family is pleased.
The man says, "Oh, I haven't told them about the hearing aids yet. I just sit around and listen to them talk. I've changed my will three times!"

jokes about 100

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these 100 jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.