10 Ten Jokes

140 10 ten jokes and hilarious 10 ten puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about 10 ten that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest 10 Ten Short Jokes

Short 10 ten jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The 10 ten humour may include short top ten jokes also.

  1. bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."
  2. Hi. My name is bill gates and today, I will be teaching you how to count to ten: 1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10
  3. So I sent my friend 10 puns hoping that at least one of them would get a laugh out of him. No pun in ten did.
  4. I submitted 10 puns to a local newspaper, hoping one would make it in. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
  5. A man sends 10 puns to a pun contest in hopes that at least one of them would be selected as the winning entry No pun in ten did.
  6. Bill Gates recently visited a kindergarten and taught the children how to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."
  7. I sent 10 puns to the world best pun contest... ...hoping at least one of them would win.
    Well,no pun in-ten-did.
  8. I gave my friend 10 puns, hoping at least some would make him laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
  9. A vietnamese contract killer named Pung burst into a bar and promptly murdered the 10 people inside. Pung in, ten dead.
  10. I entered 10 puns in a pun contest I entered 10 puns in a pun contest, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.

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10 Ten One Liners

Which 10 ten one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with 10 ten? I can suggest the ones about tenth and number 10.

  1. A pun walks in and kills 10 people... Pun in, ten dead.
  2. Did you know 10% of female deer like Mario? It's one in ten doe
  3. Why was 10,209 afraid of 10,210? Because it was two in tens.
  4. A man submits 10 puns to a contest, hoping to win... but no pun-in-ten-did.
  5. I entered 10 puns into a contest last week. Do you know how many won? No pun in ten did.
  6. Fast and the furious 10 should be called Fast Ten: your seatbelts.
  7. I entered 10 puns in the pun contest hoping at least 1 would win But no pun in ten did.
  8. I have submitted 10 jokes now trying to reach the front page... no pun in ten did.
  9. So a guy gave his friends 10 puns to try and make him laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
  10. A pun joke walks in and kills 10 persons... Pun in, ten dead.
  11. I submitted 10 puns into a pun contest None of them won. No pun in ten did.
  12. Pun walks into a room with 10 people and kills them all. Pun in, ten dead.
  13. Told my wive 10 plays on words to see how many make her laugh. No pun in ten did.
  14. I ran over 10 miles today Now that I think of it, ten miles was a bad name for a dog
  15. Punny *I entered 10 puns in a pun contest hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did*

10 Ten Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about 10 ten you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean 10 seconds jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make 10 ten pranks.

The was a man named George who got a new job.

His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday.
They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning.
George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 10 minutes late.
On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00.
He golfed right handed and won the round.
Next Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 10 minutes late again.
He shows up right on time, golfs left handed, and wins the round.
This continues for the next few weeks, with Geoge always saying that he may be 10 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed.
The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was.
They said, ''George, every Saturday you say you may be ten minutes late. You never are.
Then you show up and golf with either right handed or left handed, and always win.
What is up with that?''
George replies, ''Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy.
Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife.
If she is sleeping on her left side, I golf left handed.
If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed.''
''Well,'' one of the employees questioned, ''What happens if she is laying on her back?'' George replies, ''Then I am 10 minutes late.''

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."
The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"
The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to."
The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."
So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine."
So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, I'd like a mild heart attack."

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband,
“Please be gentle, I’m still a v**....”
“What?” said the puzzled groom.
“How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”
“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”
“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”
“You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get s**...!”

A young priest is unhappy with how little money his congregation contributes every week to the collection plate.
So decides to try a new tack and hypnotize them, using Father Matthews' priceless pocket watch.
Thus hypnotized, they all give the five bucks he asked them too.
Pumped by his success, he ups the amount to $10 the next week.
Amazingly, everybody gives ten bucks each.
The week after that, he decides to up it to twenty bucks, but just as he's about to announce the amount, he drops the watch.
"S**t!" It took the workers two weeks to clean up the church.

A guy goes into this bar, sits down and orders a drink.

While waiting, he sees a guy sitting at the bar who has a very big muscular body but a little tiny head.
So, he asks the guy, "How is it that you have such a huge body and a small head?"
The guy replied, "I was walking along the beach one day and I came across this bottle buried halfway in the sand. So I picked it up, brushed away the sand, and out popped this fine female genie. She said she would grant me three wishes for releasing her."
"For my first wish, I asked for ten-million dollars, and p**... right there on the sand was $10,000,00."
"For my second wish, I asked for a luxury yacht, and p**... right there on the ocean was a 90-foot yacht."
"Finally for my third wish, I asked to have s**... with the genie, but she said that genies were not allowed to indulge in that kind of activities."
So, I said, "c'mon, how about a little head?"

Man killed on golf course

A f**... of guys waiting at the men's tee while a f**... of women were hitting from the ladies' tee. The ladies were taking their time. When the final lady was ready to hit her ball, she hacked it 10 feet. Then she went over and whiffed it completely. Then she hacked it another ten feet and finally hacked it another five feet.

She looked up at the patiently waiting men and said apologetically, "I guess all those f*****g lessons I took over the winter didn't help."

One of the men immediately responded, "Well, there you have it. You should have taken golf lessons instead!"

He never even had a chance to duck. He was 43.

So there was a contest going on in Reader's Digest.

It was a pun contest, and as I thought myself to be a pretty funny guy, I decided to enter. I spent several hours thinking of them, and I ended up submitting 10 of them to the magazine. When the results came out, I was crushed, I totally thought that I was going to win, but no pun in ten did.

A large group of Russian soldiers...

A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice once again calls out: "One Finn is better than one hundred Russians."
Furious, the Russian commander sends his next best 100 troops over the hill and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The calm Finnish voice calls out again: "One Finn is better than one thousand Russians!"
The enraged Russian commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the hill. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought.... Then silence.
Eventually one badly wounded Russian fighter crawls back over the hill and with his dying words tells his commander,
"Don't send any more's a trap. There are two of them."

A 10-year-old boy and his mother. (With apologies to Abe Hirschfeld)

A ten-year-old boy goes up to his mother one day and asks her "Mother, how old are you?" and she responds "It's not polite to ask a woman her age." The next day he goes up to her again and asks "Mother, how much do you weigh", and she responds "It's not polite to ask a woman her weight." Then the next day he asks her again, "Mother, why are you divorced?" and she says "Son, you're too young. When we're older, we'll discuss it.
The next day, the boy approaches his mother again, and this time tells her, "Mother, I've found your driver's license, and it gives me all the answers. It says that you're 35 years old, you weigh 190 pounds, and in s**..., you got an F!"

A bar had a promotional challenge...

... in which a person had to go through 3 rooms and finish the task related with each room. The person who could go through all three rooms would win $10,000. The task associated with the rooms were as followed:
First room: drink 10 liters of tequila.
Second room: Kill a tiger with your bear hands.
Third room: have s**... with a woman until she dies from it.
Many people would try the challenge but no one could get through any of the doors. Until this one brave man came along. He goes into the room with the tequila first and drinks all ten liters. Then he comes out and goes into the room with the tiger. Instantly the people outside hear vicious tiger noises coming from the room. But as the time passes the tiger noises calm down to moans and then they stop. At which point the man comes out of the rooms and says, "alright now were is the woman I have to beat to death?"

Starting Early

There was a little girl named Suzy and she liked to play with one of the little boys in her neighborhood named Jack after school. One day, Suzy comes home ecstatic and her mother asks, "Suzy, why are you so excited?". Suzy replies "I was playing with Jack and he said he'd give me a dollar if I climbed the tree in our yard and I did. So now I have a dollar!" The mother realizes her little Suzy is wearing a dress and puts two and two together. "Suzy," the mom starts to say, "Jack didn't pay you that dollar to climb the tree, he tricked you so he could look at your p**.... Don't let him trick you like that again." Embarrassed, the little girl agrees to not fall for any more of Jack's clever tricks. The next day, the mom is sitting in the living room when Suzy bursts through the door ten times more excited than yesterday. "Mommy! I just got 10 dollars from Jack to climb that tree!" The mother, in a scolding tone says, "Suzy! I thought I told you that Jack is just tricking you to look at your p**...!" But the little girl smiles and says, "Don't worry mom! I tricked Jack because I didn't wear any!"

A college student walks up to the ten items or less line...

Heard on Car Talk... (from memory)
A college student walks up to the ten items or less line in a Boston supermarket....
He gets in line with an *enormous* number of items, far more than the 10 permitted.
The cashier takes a long look, and asks him, "So. You must be a student at either Harvard or MIT, right?"
"Why yes" he says, "how did you know?"
"Well, getting in *this* line with those groceries, you either go to MIT and can't read, or Harvard and can't count."

A Russian family moves to America...

...but they can't pay their rent, so the husband says to his wife, "You must go out and sell your body." The wife does and comes back two hours later. The husband asks, "How much did you make?" The wife replies, "50 dollars and 10 cents." The husband asks out of curiosity, "Who gave you the ten cents?" The wife says, "They ALL did."

A Firefighter, a Sheriff, and a Paramedic are trying to get into heaven...

St. Peter greets them and tells them regardless of their heroic acts, they'll need to be able to count to ten to get into heaven.
The Sheriff goes first. He hauls out his Colt .45 and counts the shots, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... Let me try again!" So he reloads, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... Nope, I only got 7 shots."
So the Paramedic steps up, "I can do this." He gets into CPR position, "1 and, 2 and, 3 and, 4 and, 5... 1 and, 2 and, 3 and, 4 and, 5... Nope, CPR only goes in rounds of five."
The firefighter reluctantly goes next... "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10"
"That's amazing!" St. Peter declares, "You're the first all week. Can you count any higher?"
"Sure, 10, jack, queen, king."

Pun challenge

My friend entered a pun tournament this weekend and had to submit 10 puns. When I asked if he won, he told me "No pun in ten did"

A man is lying in a hospital bed...

And the doctor walks up to him and says..." Alright, unfortunately it looks like you will die soon." The man says,"What? Well how long do I have doc?"
-You have 10.
-Ten what? Ten days, months, years?

An Irish bloke goes to the doctor

and says "Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya wood".
So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. "Incredible," he says, "there is a $20 bill lodged up here". Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, only to see another $10 bill appear. "This is amazing" exclaims the Doctor "What do you want me to do?"
"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out man" shrieks the patient. The doctor pulls out the ten and another twenty appears, and another and another and so on...Finally the last bill comes out and no more appear.
"Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter, how moch is dare den? The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "$1990 exactly."
"Ah, dat'd be roit." says p**... "I knew I wasn't feeling two grand."

Saw some great soviet jokes on here. Here's one from President Reagan...

Buying a car in the Soviet Union is not quite so easy as buying a car in the United States. There's a terrible automobile shortage so you have to pay the money up front and then wait, sometimes many years, until a car is made available to you.
On one occasion, at the height of the shortage, a man went down to his local dealership to buy a car. After he had accepted the man's money and the paperwork had been signed, the dealer informed the man that his car would be ready in 10 years and that he could come back then and pick it up.
Taking note of the date, the man turned to leave but paused on his way out the door and asked, "morning or afternoon?"
"It's 10 years from now, what difference does it make?" replied the dealer.
"Well, I'm busy in the morning." said the man.
Confused, the dealer asked, "what could you possibly have planned for the morning ten years from today?"
"The plumber's coming to fix my sink," replied the man.

A man is feeling horrible and goes to the doctor.

The doctor runs numerous tests that last for hours. Finally, he walks back in, a grim expression on his face.
"I have your results back," the doctor says, "and I'm afraid it's not good. I'm going to tell you this directly, you really don't have long to live."
The man is understandably stunned and struggles to find the right words. "I-I... how long do I have?"
The doctor sighs. "10."
There's a pause before the man speaks "Ten? Ten what? Ten weeks, ten months?"

So, a guy gave his friend 10 puns, hoping that one of them would make him laugh.

Sadly, no pun in ten did.

What time is it after the pirate eats beans?

Arggh, it be 4:10 (far ten)

Did you hear about the guy who entered a joke and 10 puns in a contest?

The joke won, but no pun in ten did.

Two Jewish homeless guys

are down and out and just walking down the street when one of the men spots a sign on the Catholic Church and says, Look at that! The sign reads, Convert to Catholic and make $10. The other guy says, I don't know about that. Well I do says the other. I need the money. So the one goes inside and the other, with nothing to do, kicks back on the curb. After an hour and a half the guy comes back out of the church.
So what happened? asks his friend.
I converted, I'm a Catholic now.
Well, did ya get the ten dollars? asks the friend.

Entered a competition with 10 of my best puns thinking at least one would win....

No pun in ten did.
Sorry if thats been said. It's just my favorite pun and I thought I'd share it.

I entered a joke contest and to increase my chances of winning I submit 10 jokes....

Unfortunately I didn't win, no pun in ten did...

Obama, Biden, and Clinton sit in a plane..

Obama looks out the window and says to the other two, "Ive been thinking. I wish I could do more to help these people; they deserve so much!"
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a $100 bill. He says, "If I drop this out the window, I can make somebody really happy!"
Biden clears his t**... and says, "Excuse me Mr. President, but I can do you one better." He pulls out ten $10 bills and continues, "I can drop ten of these out the window and make ten people really happy!"
Clinton clears her t**... and says, "I can top both of you!" She pulls out of her purse one hundred $1 bills. "I can drop one hundred of these and make one hundred people really happy!"
At this point the pilot comes out of the cabinet and laughs. At the inquiring looks of Obama, Biden, and Clinton he says, "I can top all of you! I can c**... this plane and make millions of people happy!"

Cat jokes

Why does a tiger tell the truth?
Because he isn't a lion.
If there are ten cats on a boat and one jumps off, how many cats are left on the boat?
None! They were copy cats!
Why did the cat run from the tree?
Because it was afraid of the bark!
What is cleverer than a talking cat?
A spelling bee!
What is a cat's favorite TV show?
The evening mews!
Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool?
She had mittens!
Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide?
Because he's always spotted.
What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck?
A duck filled fatty p**....
What happened when the cat went to the flea circus?
He stole the whole show!
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cat?
A big, furry creature that purrs while it sits on you

Out of 10 puns chosen at random, how many actually made people laugh?

No pun in ten did.

I tried a top 10 list of puns to get my stuck up roommate to laugh.

No pun in ten did.

A man entered 10 puns into a pun contest.

When he called in to ask if any of his puns won the contest, the organizer told him, "No pun in ten did."

I submitted 10 puns to a contest to see who could win...

Out of all my entries, no pun in ten did.

A Texan walks into an Irish pub...

and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."
The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Ten minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 10 minutes you were gone?"
The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".

Two jews are walking past an evangelical church...

When they see a sign in the window, "accept Jesus today and we'll give you $10,000"
Goldberg says to his buddy Strausman, "Hey Straussy wait here I'm gonna go rip these g**... out of ten grand!"
"Wait!" Strausman responds, "what if you get s**... in and you lose your faith?!"
"Don't worry, Strausman. Once a Jew always a Jew. I'll say *I am found,* I'll do the dunking thing, I'll accept Jesus, badabing badaboom, and Ill walk out with $10,000!"
So Goldberg goes in and an hour later walks out to a worried Strausman. "So? Did you get the ten grand?"
"You jews, all you think about is money!"

A man told his friends 10 puns to make them laugh...

No pun in ten did

I entered my 10 best puns into a joke competition, hoping they'd win ...

No pun in ten did

What happened to Mr. Chin after all 10 of his children disappeared?

He developed a ten Chin deficit disorder.

A man sends 10 puns to a pun contest in hopes he would win.

To his surprise, 6 puns in ten did.

"Coming up on tonight's news, hear about the tragic case of 10 people who lost their lives trying to escape a fire at the nightclub everyone's been dying to get into."

*Disclaimer: No pun in ten dead.

Pun comp

Last week I entered a pun competition. Each competitor had to come up with 10 puns. The judges would vote which pun was the best after 10 rounds. After all 10 rounds, do you know how many of mine won?
No pun in-ten-did.

A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of $10 bills. He asks the bartender what all of that money was for, since there must have been over a thousand dollars in the jar. The bartender says that you can walk away with the whole jar if you complete his challenge: A. Drink an entire bottle of tequila, B. Outside, there is an alligator with a sore tooth, and you have to pull it out, C. Next door is a woman who has never had s**..., and you have to bang her.
The man says O.K., puts ten dollars in, downs the bottle of tequila, and stumbles out of the bar. Ten minutes later, he walks back in and says,
"Alright, now where's the woman with the sore tooth?"

A recent study showed that Alcohol contains female hormones.

In the study, ten men were told to each drink 10 pints. By the end of it, none of them could drive, and everything they said was hard to listen to.

An elderly Jewish woman

wins the lottery, $30 million after taxes. She goes to her Rabbi to discuss what to do with the money.
She first says, "I'd like to spend $10 million on myself and my family."
The Rabbi replies, "It would be good to enjoy your winnings, and family is important."
She then says she'd like to donate another $10 million to the synagogue and the charity they run, since the synagogue has always been there for her, she'd like to give back.
The Rabbi says they could always use the money.
Then she says "I'd like to spend the last $10 million on a ten-foot golden statue of Adolf h**...."
Naturally the Rabbi is quite horrified. "Why would you want to memorialize such a monster?" he cries.
She rolls up her sleeve and responds, "He gave me the winning numbers."

The Pun Competition

A man enters a pun competition in his local newspaper. They will accept more than one entry if sent in separately, so the man writes out 10 puns and mails them off. A week later he opens the newspaper to see if any of his puns won. Unfortunately *no pun in ten did*.

A married couple went to a lawyer to get a divorce.

Since they had three kids the lawyer asked, "How should we separate them between you two?".
They two discussed for five minutes and then the woman said, "We'll be back in 10 months".
Ten months later, they were blessed with a pair of twins.

There are 10 kinds of people...

Those who understand changes in base, and those who don't.
...And those who weren't expecting a ternary joke.
...And those who were.
...And those who already stopped reading.
...And those who can count.
...And those who can't.
...And OP's who don't deliver.
...And OP's who deliver.

Three politicians are sitting on a private plane...

The first politician took out a $1000 note, threw it out the window and said: "i just made 1 person in our country very happy".
Upon hearing this, the second politician took out ten $100 notes and threw it out of the window and said: "i just made 10 person in our country very happy".
The third politician pulled one hundred $10 notes and tossed it out of the window and said: "i just made 100 people in our country very happy".
The pilot laughed and told the co-pilot: "i can throw those 3 off the plane and make millions of people happy!".

Why was 9 acquitted of the m**... of 10?

There were ex-ten-uating circumstances.

How does Rudy Giuliani count to 10?

He doesn't; he skips 1-8 and says 9-11 ten times.

A woman marries a man and has 10 children...

The man dies, so the woman remarries and has 10 more children.
The next man dies so the woman remarries again and has ten more children.
That man dies so the woman remarries and has 10 more children.
The husband dies again and finally the woman dies as well.
At the f**..., the priest mutters, "Good god! They're finally together!"
A man at the f**... asks another man on his left, Which husband do you think he means? The first, second, or third?
The man on his left says, I think he means her legs...

Chairman Mao was a keen rock climber who managed to scale all the top ten peaks of China. He commemorated his achievement by getting his ears pierced and adding 10 pieces of jewellery to represent each peak.

he was....(ahem)....MaoTenEarring.

A billionaire is in a hospital and needs a blood transfusion.

He turns to his Jewish friend and says. "I'll pay you 100,000 dollars for a blood transfusion. The Jew happily agrees? Excited for the money.
Then a month later the man needs a another transfusion and offers the Jew 10000 dollars for the blood. The Jew happily agrees.
Then a month later the man needs another blood transfusion. He offers the Jew 10 dollars. The Jew says "first 100000 then, 10000 now a ten? What's wrong?"
The man then says "must be all the Jewish blood in me."

The trump family is flying from New York to DC

Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window and make 100 americans happy?" To that the pilot says " Why dont you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"

A pun contest...

A man's newsletter tells him about a pun contest they are holding. The person who submits the best pun will win $10000. The man thinks,
*I could really use that money!*
So he decides he will submit some puns. In the hopes of winning the $10000, he submits 10 puns in one letter. He hoped and prayed that at least one pun would win it for him.
But no pun in ten did.

A man is diagnosed with a terminal illness

The doctor looks up. "The prognosis isn't good. You only have 10 to live."
The man, shocked, looks at him, "Ten what? Months? Weeks?"
The doctor says, "9"

North Korea will send man to Sun in 10 years

Kim Jong-un announced in a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!
A reporter said - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on the sun?"
There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react.
Then Kim Jong-un quietly answered "We will land at night".
The entire audience broke out in thunderous applause !
Back in the White House, Donald Trump and his entourage were watching the news conference on TV.
When Trump heard what Kim had said, he sneered - "What an idiot. There is no sun at night time !"
Now, his cabinet broke up in thunderous applause !!

My 10-month old

My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving all over the place. My wife said to me, Straighten her up.
I looked at my daughter and said, What are you doing with your life? Do you want to be this way forever? It's time to grow up.
My wife hasn't asked me to do anything since.

What do you call 10 samples of 6.02 x 10²³ lava molecules?

Mole-ten rock.

Frog reads a book

There's a man who goes to the library and sees a frog there, who takes out 10 books.
The next day, the man goes back to the library and sees the frog return the ten books, and check out another 16 books! The man is very curious to how the frog reads these books so quickly so he decides to follow him home...
THe frog gets homes, sits down, picks up the book and goes "Readdit" Picks up the second book and goes "Readdit!" and so on....

My dad was always obsessed with puns

So when Reader's Digest held an unfunny joke/pun contest (in which they offered to pay any pun-tender $100 for each submitted 'joke' they published), my dad submitted 10 hoping that at least one would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Ten reasons why hockey is better than women

1: In hockey, everyone likes rough.
2: You only get 5 minutes for fighting.
3: Puck is not a dirty word.
4: You don't have to play in the neutral zone.
5: It is possible to score a few times a night.
6: When you "pull the goalie," nobody gets pregnant.
7: Missing teeth doesn't stop you from scoring.
8: You can always get new wood if your stick breaks.
9: The Zamboni cleans up your mess.
10: Periods last twenty minutes!

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal play hide and seek.

Einstein starts counting to ten.
Pascal runs to a nearby bush and hides.
Newton stands right behind Einstein, takes out a chalk, and draws a perfect one meter by one meter square on the ground around himself.
As Einstein reaches 10, he says,
"Ready or not, I'm coming to you! Or, in my frame of reference, *you're* coming to *me*!"
He turns around and sees Newton, so he yells,
"Haha! I've found Newton!"
Newton replies,
"Nah, you found a Newton over a square meter, that's Pascal!"

I'd give wonder woman a 10 out of ten

the movie was just alright though.

I submitted 10 puns to a joke-writing competition to see if any of them made the finals.

Sadly, no pun in ten did.

Bill and Bob go for a drink.

Bob and Bill go out for a drink after work as they usually do. Midway through their drinks Bob turns to Bill and goes Bill, I've been married for 10 years and I love my wife to death, but I am thinking of leaving her. Bill replies Bob, why would you want to throw away ten years of marriage, what's going on? To be honest Bob explains I am just tired of pluggin the same hole every night! To which Bill says Well, just turn her over every once in a while like I do. Bob leans back aghast and goes What? And end up with a house full of kids?

My friend told me I'm ten times as cool as when he first met me...

But 10 times 0 is still 0.

After a 10 day journey, the turtle family finally arrives to the picnic location...

Upon arrival, mama turtle realizes they forgot the ketchup.
Junior, please go back and fetch the ketchup
No way! You'll start without me
Don't worry, we'll wait for you
I don't believe you
We promise not to start without you
Reluctantly, Junior leaves.
They way for a day... two... five... ten... twenty...
After 30 days, grampa turtle bursts:
I can't take it any longer!!! - and bites the sandwich
At this point Junior suddenly jumps from behind a rock and yells:

I bet my buddy a beer I could make the bar tender laugh with one of my 10 best jokes.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

There was a pun competition run by my local newspaper last week.

The prize was $100, so I was really excited, and entered my 10 best puns.

I checked hopefully this morning to see if any of my puns had won, but no pun in ten did.

Did I plan for my 10 submitted puns winning the contest?

No-pe, un-in-ten-ded.