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10 Seconds Jokes

141 10 seconds jokes and hilarious 10 seconds puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about 10 seconds that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest 10 Seconds Short Jokes

Short 10 seconds jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The 10 seconds humour may include short 2 minutes jokes also.

  1. Who were the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims. Went through 87 stories in 10 seconds flat.
  2. Which type of people are the world's fastest readers [DARK HUMOUR] 9/11 victims. They went through more than 50 stories in 10 seconds.
  3. I just started practicing some speed reading techniques. Last night I read "War and peace" in about 10 seconds. I know it's only 3 words but it's a start!
  4. The Speed of Light is 3*10^8 metres per second. What then is the Speed of Darkness? 100 metres over 9.58 seconds.
  5. If I'm ever on life support, I want you to pull up he plug... Then wait 10 seconds and plug it back in, maybe that'll work.
  6. Who are the worlds fastest readers? 9/11 victims. They blew through 87 stories in 10 seconds
  7. Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9-11 Victims because they went through 81 stories in 10 seconds
  8. Tik tok < pornhub I met a cute girl at bar recently she told me she was a tik tok influencer,
    I said cool I'm on pornhub, maybe we should collab,
    either way its only gonna last 10 seconds.
  9. On second thoughts, Jared Fogle and Subway are pretty similar. I mean, both stick 38 year old meat into 10 year old buns.
  10. Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims. They went through 100 stories in 10 seconds.

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10 Seconds One Liners

Which 10 seconds one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with 10 seconds? I can suggest the ones about 30 seconds and 2 minute.

  1. Why are 9/11 victims great readers? They can go through 90 stories in 10 seconds
  2. How many seconds are in 6 weeks? 10!
  3. I found a way to stop lasting only 10 seconds in bed! I just told her to stop counting.
  4. 9/11 victims are the fastest readers. They went through 80 stories in 10 seconds!
  5. 9/11 victims are the fastest readers They went through 90 stories in 10 seconds.
  6. My ex used to call me snapchat.... Because I'd only last for 10 seconds.
  7. Who were the world's fastest readers? 9/11 victims. 110 stories in 10 seconds
  8. What's the worst thing about running 100 meters in less than 10 seconds? Being black.
  9. Who are some of the worlds best readers? 9/11 victims, 15 stories in 10 seconds.
  10. Video games have ruined my life Thankfully, I have 10 seconds until I respawn
  11. Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.
  12. Why are New Yorkers so good at reading? Because they can read 50 stories in 10 seconds.
  13. How is Google Drive like Snapchat? Everything disappears in 10 seconds.
  14. Q: How do you get a redhead's mood to change? A: Wait 10 seconds.
  15. Who are the fastest readers? 9/11 victims- 100 storeys in 10 seconds

10 Seconds Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about 10 seconds you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean 10 ten jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make 10 seconds pranks.

Peter sat at his dying wife's bedside. Her voice was little more than a whisper. "Pete darling," she breathed, "I've a confession to make before I go... I... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe. I spent it on a fling with your best friend, Alex. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the city. And I am the one who reported your income tax evasion to the government." "Don't give it a second thought, sweetheart. Who do you think gave you the poison?" answered Peter.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.

First Kangaroo: If you were surrounded by 30 lions, 25 elephants and 10 hippos, how would you get away from them?
Second Kangaroo: Step off the merry-go-round.

Jesus and his disciples at last dinner.

"Waiter!", Jesus called, "Can I get a receipt please?"
After some time, waiter finally comes to Jesus and puts a receipt in his palm.
Jesus is looking at receipt for 10 seconds straight with confusion and shock all over his face.
He turns to disciples and shouts "Didn't I tell y'all to order water instead of wine?!"

How's your s**... life?

3 women are having a conversation about their s**... lives. The first woman has been married 1 year. "My husband and I have 'house s**...' because we do it anywhere in the house, any time." The second woman has been married 10 years. "We have 'bedroom s**...' which is only in the bedroom after the kids have gone to sleep." The third woman has been married 30 years. "My husband and I have 'hallway s**...'... We pass each other in the hallway and say 'screw you!'"

The second career

Tom was in his early 50's, retired and started a second career.
However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day, 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, real sharp, so the boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day he called him into the office for a talk.
"Tom, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job,
but you're being late so often is quite bothersome.'
"Yes, I know Boss, and I am working on it."
"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd
though, you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Army.
What did they say if you came in late there?"
They said, "Good morning, General."

A preacher went into his church and he was praying to God.

While he was praying, he asked God, "How long is 10 million years to you?"
God replied, "One second."
The next day the preacher asked God, "God, how much is 10 million dollars to you?"
And God replied, "A penny."
Then finally the next day the preacher asked God, "God, can I have one of your pennies?"
And God replied, "Just wait a sec."

maternity ward

A woman and her husband are in the maternity ward where the woman is giving birth. As soon as the baby comes out the doctor grabs it and starts flailing it around beating it on the table and walls. 10 seconds later as couple is freaking out he stops and says "Haha, Just kidding. It was already dead."

Then did you jump?

A young soldier finally got his first jump in at Airborne school. The young man proudly calls home from Ft Benning to tell his dad all about it.
"hey dad, I finally got my first jump!"
"awesome, tell me all about it" said the enthusiastic father.
"well pop, first they load all of you into a C130 and you take off in a very fast and violent climb"
"sounds scary. So then did you jump?"
"No dad, not yet. After that ascent the jumpmaster yells 10 minutes!"
"and then you jumped?"
"not yet dad. After that we all stood up and hooked up our chutes"
"did you jump then?"
"not yet dad. After that the jumpmaster yells 30 seconds and that's when you stand in the door"
"then you jumped?!"
"no dad, after that the jumpmaster yells green light go!"
"and then you jumped!"
"nope, not yet. I froze in the door. The jumpmaster looks at me and says, 'if you don't jump out that door I'm going to shove this baseball bat up your a**...!'
"then you jumped?!"
"well, a little at first."

Jar Full of $10 Bills

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of $10 bills on the bar. He goes to the barkeep and says "Hey, what's up with that jar?"
The bartender responds "Well, you put in 10 bucks, do 3 challenges, and if you do them you get the whole jar."
The man says "Wow that's pretty cool, what are the challenges?"
The barkeep lists "Well, first ya gotta drink a whole bottle of hot sauce, and no nursing. Second, there's a dog out back who has a sore tooth and he's real grouchy, and you gotta take out the bad tooth bare handed. Last, there's this old lady upstairs who's never done the hokey pokey, if ya know what I mean, and you gotta fix that."
The man replies in disgust "I can't do any of those!" So the man gets drunk. Being drunk, he decides he can do anything and says "Hand me the bottle of hot sauce." So the bartender hands the man the bottle and the man drinks the whole, straight down. He then goes outside to deal with the dog. As the door shuts you hear yelping and screaming and hollering and growling and then.... dead silence... The door creaks open and the man walks in. He's all covered in blood, his shirts torn, he's missing hair... and in a drunken slur he asks "Where's the old lady with the tooth problem?"

That's my plan and I'm sticking to it.

This is the transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a Collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that YOU change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

On this planet...

Every 10 seconds... there is a woman giving birth to a child.
She must be found and stopped!

So a blonde died and went to Heaven.

God was at the gate and said to her, "Before entering, you will see 10 angels, and each one of them will tell you a joke. If you manage to not laugh at all, you may enter."
The blonde walked up to the first angel, listened to the joke and did not laugh.
She then went to the second and again did not laugh.
This happened every time and she finally reached to the last angel.
When the last angel was at the middle of the joke, the blonde started laughing REALLY HARD.
The angel then asked, "Woah, is my joke really that funny?"
The Blonde, laughing non-stop, said, "No... I JUST GOT THE FIRST JOKE!"

3 new inmates discussing their sentences

first new prisoner pipes up "i'm in for m**..."
the other two ask him "what did you get?"
"20-life"
second prisoner "i'm in for burglary and r**..."
"what did you get?"
"10-15"
third jailbird "i'm in for burning i**... immigrants"
"what did you get?"
"10 to the gallon!"

The computer was claimed to answer anything correctly.

But the CEO didn't believe it, so he asked "Where's my father right now?". The computer beeped and whirred for a few seconds, and spat out "Your father is fishing in Canada". The CEO joyfully chortled "See, your computer isn't always right, my father died when I was 10 years old!" The computer spat out "Your mothers husband died 25 years ago. Your father just landed an 8 pound trout."

My s**... Life

My s**... life is like the Olympiad 100 meter run
-Why, over in 10 seconds?
Nope, 8 black men and a gun.

There are 10 types of people in the world

Those in the first decile,
Those in the second decile,
Those in the third decile,
Those in the fourth decile,
Those in the fifth decile,
Those in the sixth decile,
Those in the seventh decile,
Those in the eighth decile,
Those in the ninth decile,
And finally, those in the tenth decile.

Brain Transplant

Heard this joke from a gregarious bus driver in Yosemite:
A man at the hospital is discussing his condition with the doctor. The doctor says:
"So we have some good news, and some bad news."
"Ok... What's the bad news?"
"Your brain is busted. You're gonna need a new one."
"Alright. So what's the good news?"
"You have some options to pick from. First option is a lawyer's brain. This one is expensive. It'll be $5,000."
"Well. A lawyers brain. That's pretty good. What's the next one?"
"Second option is a doctors brain. That's even more expensive. It costs $10,000."
"Wow. $10,000! But a doctor's brain. That's even better. So what's the third option?"
"The third option is a busdriver's brain. And that one is $50,000."
"$50,000!?? Why is it so much??"
"Because that one has never been used. It's like brand new! Fresh outta the box"

So a man gets a job working as a highway stripe painter

The foreman gives the guy a paint brush and a fat bucket of paint and tells the dood where to paint and off the guy goes.
End of the first day the newbie comes back and tells the foreman he did 10 miles. "Outstanding!" The foreman says.
Second day newbie comes back to the shop at the end of the day and tells the foreman he's done 4 miles. 'Not impressive.' The foreman thinks.
End of the third day the newbie tells his foreman he did one mile. The foreman has to ask, "The first day you did 10 miles, the second day you did 4, and today you only accomplished one measly mile? What gives?"
"Well," The newbie says, "Every day the paint can gets farther and farther away.

Comedy club challenge

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter a comedy club challenge where they have to not laugh at the comedians best jokes. With a prize of £10,000 they set off with their best poker faces.
The first comedian enters the stage and tries his joke with a funny accent and the brunette laughs and gets disqualified. Just the blonde and the redhead left now.
When the second comedian tells his joke and the redhead is trying her best to hold back a laugh and but ends up letting it out. There's only the blonde left now and as the final comedian walks up to the stage the blonde bursts out into laughter.
He says angrily "oh come on! I never even got to tell my joke.. Why did you laugh? "
"I just got the first one" she replied after calming down.

A bear goes into a bar

walks up to the counter and blops down, doesn't say a word and after a while the bartender asks "what'll it be bud?"
The bear looks up from the counter and yes, "I think ill have..." and after 10 seconds goes, "a gin and tonic"
bartender nods and says, " well alright, but whats up with the pause."
Bear looks down and says, "what these? had em for years"

Do you know who are the fastest readers in the world?

9-11 victims. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.

Think of a number between 1 and 999, then subtract 8. OK, Got it?

Congratulations, you just lost 10 seconds of your life.

What does Microsoft mean when it says "about 10 seconds remaining?"

Hold on I'll tell you in 5 minutes.

Birthday Gift

Husband: Honey, what would you like for your birthday?
Wife: Anything that goes from 1-200 in 10 seconds.
Husband buys her a weighing machine!

Teacher asks students ...

... if there are any fools in this class please stand up.
Nobody stands up .
After 10 seconds , little Johnny stands up .
Then teacher says , "aha so you are a fool ".
Johnny says , " ma'am I felt sorry for you standing all alone ... "
:)

Hey girl, I want to do you like my homework

"Throw me on your desk and do me all night long?"
"No. Forget you're at my place, pretend like you don't exist, and then do you in 10 seconds at the last minute."

As a large adult male I think I could probably last at least 30 seconds with Rhonda Rousey

But probably less than 10 seconds in a fight against her.

What's the difference between YouTube and Redtube?

My YouTube experience lasts longer than 10 seconds.

Hi, I would like to hear a TCP joke.

Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?
Yes, I'd like to hear a TCP joke.
OK, I'll tell you a TCP joke.
OK, I'll hear a TCP joke.
Are you ready to hear a TCP joke?
Yes, I am ready to hear a TCP joke.
OK, I'm about to send the TCP joke. It will last 10 seconds, it has two characters, it does not have a setting, it ends with a punchline.
OK, I'm ready to hear the TCP joke that will last 10 seconds, has two characters, does not have a setting and will end with a punchline.
I'm sorry, your connection has timed out... ...Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

New Yorkers,some of them go through 110 stories in 10 seconds.

great thyme

The recipe says that I should put thyme exactly 10 seconds after turning the stove on.
I guess the recipe needed great thyming.

Wait a Second

Wife: Whats 10 years with me?
Husband: A second.
Wife: Whats 1000$ for me?
Husband: A coin.
Wife: Okay, give me a coin.
Husband: Wait a second.
;D

10 Years Marriage

Men: Honey, what would you like to have for our anniversary?
Women: My gift should be able to go from 0 to 100 in no more than 3 seconds!
The men went out for some hours and came back with a scale.

A man's Wife says that she wants something that goes from 0-180 in under 10 seconds..

The man leaves for a moment and then returns with the scale from their bathroom.

Who are the fastest readers on earth?

9/11 victims.... They can clear 10 stories in 5 seconds.

Three statisticians go hunting

They spot a bird, and take turns trying to shoot it.
The first statistician shoots 10 feet above the bird
The second statistician shoots 10 feet below the bird
The third statistician shouts "We got it!"

After s**..., my wife told me I deserve a Gold Medal for my performance,

for breaking Usain Bolt's record and finishing under 10 seconds.

Usain Bolt and I have a lot in common

I can run for less than 10 seconds and enjoy smoking Degrasse

Who are the world's fastest readers?

9/11 victims they got through 63 stories in 10 seconds.

How do you get a Samsung owner to throw their phone out the window?

End your text with "this message will self destruct in 10 seconds"

Hillary and Trump tie in the election...

And the election moderator isn't sure what to do. So he decides that the president will be decided by a foot race around the White House lawn.
Trump is up first, and his final time around the lawn is 10 minutes 11 seconds.
Hillary is up next, and her final time around the lawn is 9:20.
The moderator tells Hillary she's won the election and the presidency, and tells her her time. Hillary asks "9:20? Is that a record around the lawn?"
The moderator says "No, Bush did 9:11".

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 Jumpers. They went 79 stories in 10 seconds.

Did you know that a person gets in a car accident every 10 seconds?

He's getting really fed up with it.

A woman marries a man and has 10 children...

The man dies, so the woman remarries and has 10 more children.
The next man dies so the woman remarries again and has ten more children.
That man dies so the woman remarries and has 10 more children.
The husband dies again and finally the woman dies as well.
At the f**..., the priest mutters, "Good god! They're finally together!"
A man at the f**... asks another man on his left, Which husband do you think he means? The first, second, or third?
The man on his left says, I think he means her legs...

Three guys are praying in front of the altar...

First guy: "God Please give me 5,000 $. Please just 5,000$"
Second guy: "God Please give me 10,000 $. Please just 10,000$"
Third guy: He goes to the first guy and gives him 5,000 $, then to the second guy and gives him 10,000 $. Then he looks at Jesus and tells him "God now concentrate on me. I want 1,000,000 $".

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

The victims of 9-11 they went through 97 stories in 10 seconds.

Three Drunks Get into a Taxi

Three drunks get into a taxi and tell the driver where to go. The driver has an idea of the address so he starts the engine, waits a few seconds and turns off the car. He says, "Alright guys we're here!"
The first drunk tips him £10 and gets out.
The second drunk tips him £20 and gets out.
The third drunk then slaps the driver across the face.
Worried that the drunk had realized the car hadn't moved an inch, he asks the drunk, "What was that for?"
The drunk says, "Control your speed next time. You almost killed us!"

A man was apprehended for public m**... but ultimately let go because he only did it for 10 seconds...

Ya, he definitely got off easy.

Enter job interview . Interviewer asks infamous question "what is your greatest weakness in the workplace?" Pause for 10 to 15 seconds then say "I'm bad with awkward silences "

If the don't laugh then pause again and say "sometimes my jokes aren't well received " problem solved

I used to think I was a fast reader

And I was quite proud of it until I heard about these so called "9- 11 Jumpers" who went through over 100 stories in 10 seconds
...Incoming repost comments

How to fix America?

Unplug the power cord wait 10 seconds, plug it back again. See if it works.

I don't know what's worse...

Saying "It will only take 10 seconds" to get my wife to sleep with me or the fact that it's true.

Why are 9/11 victims such good readers?

They can go through 90 stories in under 10 seconds!

Whats the difference between a nut and a Bolt?

Nothing, they both take about 10 seconds to finish.

Hey girl, are you a cage match with heavyweight champion Manny Pacquiao?

Cause I'd last 10 seconds inside you but I'd still brag about it for the rest of my life.

I remember my first kiss.....

it was during recess, by the swings. Her name was Liz, she was in 4th grade. We were talking, I don't know what came over me, I grabbed her face and kissed her. It lasted about 10 seconds, we both awkwardly kissed each other, it took us both by surprise.
That night, it was all I could think about. Apparently, that night, she told her parents.
And that's why I can't teach in New York State anymore.

An old man dies and goes up to heaven

He arrives at the Pearly Gates and he sees two signs. The first sign reads, "MEN WHO CONTROLLED BY THEIR WIVES". The old man looks and sees that this line is about 10 miles long. So the old man looks at the second sign. It reads "MEN WHO WERE NOT CONTROLLED BY THEIR WIVES". There's only o**... in this line. Slowly the old man walks over to him, "Tell me, why are you standing over here?". The guy looks at him and says "I don't know, my wife told me to."

Who were the fastest readers in human history?

Whoever jumped from the top floor of the World Trade Center, they went through 104 stories in under 10 seconds.

Three Statisticians go hunting in the woods.

After a few hours, they happen upon a deer.
The first statistician takes a shot and misses 10 feet to the left.
The second statistician takes a shot and misses 10 feet to the right.
The third statistician throws his hands up in the air and says "WE HIT IT!"

My girlfriend left me because I couldn't last longer than 10 seconds in bed.

She just couldn't overlook my shortcomings.

Frog reads a book

There's a man who goes to the library and sees a frog there, who takes out 10 books.
The next day, the man goes back to the library and sees the frog return the ten books, and check out another 16 books! The man is very curious to how the frog reads these books so quickly so he decides to follow him home...
THe frog gets homes, sits down, picks up the book and goes "Readdit" Picks up the second book and goes "Readdit!" and so on....

A Weapon Of Mass Destruction...

A cabbage and beer f**..., with a couple of boiled eggs thrown in, in the second pew at the 10:00 service at St. Agnes of the Holy Water Church...

A Second Opinion

Lenny tells the psychiatrist, Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it.
Come to me three times a week for two years, and I'll cure your fears, says the shrink. And I'll charge you only $200 a visit.
Lenny says he'll think about it. Six months later, he runs into the doctor, who asks why he never came back. For $200 a visit? says Lenny. A bartender cured me for $10.
Is that so! How?
He told me to cut the legs off the bed.

Because of condoms, s**... is the most expensive hobby ever

at like $1 for 10 seconds top

Bush, Clinton, Obama, and Trump decided to have a race.

Trump went first. He finished the race in 10 minutes and 30 seconds. Obama did a bit better. His time was 10 minutes and 14 seconds. Clinton came in at 9 minutes and 49 seconds. And Bush did 9:11.