0100 Jokes

A german, italian, and american chat in a bar..

A German, an Italian, and an American chat in a bar.
The German says: "my wife goes 0 to 100 in 7 seconds!"
"How so?" replies the Italian.
"I bought her a Porsche" replies the German.
"bah! my wife goes 0 to 100 in 5 seconds!!" the Italian states.
"really?? how?" asks the German.
"I bought her a Ferrari!!" smirks the Italian.
"my wife goes 0-100 in 2 seconds" replies the American.
"impossible!! how???" both say the German and Italian.
"I bought her a weigh scale!"

A husband forgot his wife's anniversary...

So a husband forgot that today was his anniversary, and naturally, his wife was upset and mad at him. The wife then gave him an ultimatum. "If I dont see something chrome plated that can go 0-100 in less than 5 seconds in the garage by tomorrow morning, the neighbors will see you walking away from this house with a large suitcase." The husband, worried, went away and thought to himself "what in the world could she possibly want..." He thought long and hard, and finally thought of something that would be perfect for her. In fact, it was exactly what she asked for! "How could this ever go wrong!" he thought to himself. The next day rolls around, and the husband takes his wife's hand to the garage. The wife, not seeing anything, asks "where is it?" The husband points at the floor, on which lay a chrome plated weighing scale.

A husband forgot his wedding anniversary..

His wife was irate. She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to see a gift in the driveway that goes 0-100 in two seconds.. AND IT BETTER BE THERE"

The next morning when she woke up, she looked out the window to find a box gift wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it, and found a brand new pair of bathroom scales.

0-100 real quick

So the wife is extremely angry at the husband for forgetting their anniversary. She yells at him,"I BETTER SEE SOMETHING IN THE DRIVEWAY THAT GOES FROM 0-300 IN 6 SECONDS" and storms off. The next day when she wakes up, she finds a giant box in the driveway. She gets dressed and goes to the driveway to investigate. When she opens it she finds a bathroom scale...

The only time my car goes 0-100 real fast.

Is when it's sitting in broad daylight on a summer day.

Did you hear the one about the driver who boasted about his 0-100 time?

He was all torque.

Celsius be like

On a scale of 0-100, how hot is this water?

A husband asks his wife what she'd like for her birthday, she responds with: "I want something red that goes from 0-100 in a second"

So he buys her a red weight scale.


For americans, 0-100Kmh is similar to 0-60Mph, so she implied she wanted a Ferrari or something, the husband bought her a scale, 100kg being around 200 pounds, a lot.

We have collected gags that can be used as 0100 pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about 0100, here are one liners and funny 0100 pick up lines.

Joko Jokes