00am Jokes
10 00am jokes and hilarious 00am puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about 00am that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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00am Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good 00am joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
A mathematician comes home at 3:00am and gets an earful from his wife…
You're late yells his wife, you said you'd be home at 11:45 .
Actually said the mathematician, I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12 .
North Korea Covid Count
9:00am : 1
9:10am : 0
9:20am : 1
9:30am :0
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman wakes up on the morning of her wedding anniversary and her husband wasn't there.
It was 2.00am and she was concerned. She searched the house until finally she found him in the basement sobbing uncontrollably.
She tried to comfort him and asked, "honey, what's the matter? "
Between sobs he answers, "Do you remember when your dad the cop caught us, underage, making out in your room?
And he threatened that if I didnt marry you immediately he would make sure I got 20 years in jail?"
"Yeah, I remember," she answered.
He sobbed, "I would have gotten out of jail today...."
I took a nap at 1:59AM and woke up at 3:00AM
Felt like I just blinked
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My daughter was diagnosed with a pneumonia
I'm not sure where else to post this. This sub feels most fitting, but it's been a long night. Please advise where it may be better suited if you'd like.
So our night s**... but had a silver lining in my two year old daughter's comedic timing. We had to rush her to the ER at 3:00am (vomiting and a 104.3 F temp). Turns out she has a pneumonia but we caught it early so we can treat it at home. So we are driving home and she's talking a little and she said temperature hurt because they had to do it rectally. I say yeah mommy doesn't like it when things go up there unexpectedly either. My daughter says Daddy likes. We pulled the car over and had a real good laugh.
funny husband and wife playing silent .......
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5.00 am." The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said... "It is 5.00am; wake up.
Wanna get some blood!
One night at about 2:00am, 2 bats were hanging upside down, when one bat nudged the other bat's wing...'hey you wanna go and get some blood, a midnight snack?'
The other bat says...' now where the heck are we going to get blood at 2:00 in the morning?'
So the other bat says 'if you dont want to go, fine I'll go by myself'
About 30 minutes later the first bat came back with blood dripping out of his mouth, and all over his body.
The second bat says' hey where did you get all that blood?' and the first bat says 'see that tree over there?'
'Yeah' says the second bat...
'Well I didn't', said the first bat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Job Interview
A chap goes to the Council for a job.
The interviewer asks him - "Have you been in the armed services?"
Yes" he says "I was in the Falklands for three years."
The interviewer says "That will give you extra points toward employment" and then asks "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says "Yes 100%... a land mine blew my t**... off."
The interviewer tells the guy "OK.I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 AM . to 4:00 PM . You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00AM ."
The guy is puzzled and says "If the hours are from 8:00AM to 4:00 PM why do you want me to come in at 10:00 AM? "
"This is a council job" the interviewer replies. "For the first two hours we sit around scratching our b**......no point in you coming in for that........."
Need a push
A few months ago, in the middle of the night my doorbell rings. I schlep down the stairs and open the door to find some guy there who was obviously drunk. He says to me "can you give me a push"? Of course, being the people person that I am, I said "Dude, it's 3:00am, and it's raining".
So I slammed the door in his face and went back up the stairs. My wife asked who it was and I told her. She scolded me, saying "don't you remember that time we broke down and someone helped us? You need to get down those stairs and help that poor man."
I opened the front door and didn't see him, so I called out "Hey, are you still here"? I heard him answer "yes". So I called out "do you still need a push"? He answered "yes". I called out "Where are you?"
He said "Over here. On the swing."
Silent Treatment [Long]
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 am".
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said...
It is 5:00am, wake up.
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