00 Pm Jokes
13 00 pm jokes and hilarious 00 pm puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about 00 pm that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest 00 Pm Short Jokes
Short 00 pm jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The 00 pm humour may include short noon jokes also.
- Right now, my wife has a smoking hot bod... The ash scattering ceremony starts at 2:00 PM.
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00 Pm One Liners
Which 00 pm one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with 00 pm? I can suggest the ones about high noon and midnight.
- 12:00 PM on 4/20... It's high noon
- What did the old Power Ranger say every day at exactly 3:00 PM? It's Morphin(e) Time!
00 Pm Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about 00 pm you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean daytime jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make 00 pm pranks.
A Texas farmer was touring England. He happened to meet an English farmer and asked him, "What size farm do you have?"
The Englishman proudly announced, "Thirty-five acres!"
"Thirty-five acres?" the Texan scoffed. "Why, I can get in my truck at 8:00 AM and start driving and at noon, I am still on my farm. I can eat lunch and start driving again and at 5:00 PM I am still on my farm.
"Ah, yes," the Englishman nodded in understanding. "I had a truck like that once."
The s**... b**... instructor
It's 2:00 PM at the s**... bomber's academy. The instructor walks into the classroom to address the students:
"Kids, I know you're just back from lunch, and I know you're feeling a bit tired. But please pay very close attention, cause I'm only going to show you this once..."
On May 5th I woke up at exactly 5:05 AM.
At 5:55 I left my apartment (apartment 505 on 55 5th St), hopped on the number 5 bus, and paid a $5 fare to go to work.
5 minutes later, I arrived at 555 5th street and rushed to my office in room 505.
After I'd been working for 5 hours, I realized that I'd experienced a lot of 5's that day. So, I hopped on the number 5 bus again and went to the race tracks.
I paid $55 for my seat at the race tracks, which was seat 5, row E, section 5 of the stadium.
I bet $500 on the number five horse in race 5 (which happened at 5:00 PM). And you know what happened?
>!He came in 5th.!<
What interview should you avoid asking Clark Kent to give?
2:30 AM: A woman accused of robbing a large bank in San Francisco
6:00 PM: A man accused of scamming high rollers in Las Vegas
9:00 PM: A man accused of shooting two rival gang members in Los Angeles
The last one: Keep him away from the Crip tonight
Job Interview
A chap goes to the Council for a job.
The interviewer asks him - "Have you been in the armed services?"
Yes" he says "I was in the Falklands for three years."
The interviewer says "That will give you extra points toward employment" and then asks "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says "Yes 100%... a land mine blew my t**... off."
The interviewer tells the guy "OK.I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 AM . to 4:00 PM . You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00AM ."
The guy is puzzled and says "If the hours are from 8:00AM to 4:00 PM why do you want me to come in at 10:00 AM? "
"This is a council job" the interviewer replies. "For the first two hours we sit around scratching our b**......no point in you coming in for that........."
Nice try hippy
So there is a hippy who gets on a bus. After getting on the bus, he spots a nun sitting by herself. He goes to sit with her and asks her, "Will you have s**... with me?" And then the nun responds, "Oh, Heavens no." The hippy reaches his stop and passes by the bus driver on his way out. "Hey buddy, I know how you can have s**... with that nun," says the bus driver. "How?" asks the hippy. "You see that grave at the top of that hill over there? She goes to pray there at 8:00 PM every night. Just dress up as a ghost and tell her to have s**... with you as the dead man from the grave for his last wish. She'll have to do it," says the bus driver. Later that night at about 8:00, the hippy dresses up as a ghost and hides behind the grave until sure enough, the nun shows up and starts praying. The hippy jumps out and tells her to have s**... with her as a dead man's last wish. She does and after they finish, the hippy pulls off his costume.
"Ha! I'm the hippy!" He exclaims.
"Ha! I'm the bus driver!" says the nun.
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his expensive wool vest and said, Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $9.80.
After that, the old rich man continued, I invested the $9.80 into a market stall so I could polish and display a lot more apples. I began making about $50 a month from then on.
Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars.
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932.
The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
“I invested that nickel in an apple.
I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples.
I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents.
I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”
“And that’s how you built an empire?” the boy asked.
“Heavens, no!” the man replied. “Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”