Fee Jokes
63 fee jokes and hilarious fee puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fee that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Fee Short Jokes
Short fee jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fee humour may include short paid jokes also.
- Just spent $300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it...
- It was hard to come to terms with the death of my wife. But eventually the hitman and I agreed on a fee.
- I heard the pope's first choice for a guest was in fact Hillary... But he couldn't afford her speaking fees
- I saw a missing poster for Schrödinger's cat It had a $500 finders fee if returned dead and alive.
- Netflix's new subscription fees are so high I've had to stop paying the heating bill, Brings a whole new meaning to Netflix and chill…
- A boss announces to his staff: I've lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I'm offering a 100 dollars finder's fee! A voice in the background says: I'm offering 200!
- Yesterday I was charged $10,000 dollars for sending my cat into space. It was a cat astro fee.
- car service outrage I recently paid $300 for a limousine and I just found out the fee doesn't include a driver.
I can't believe I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it. - How can you tell if a letter in your mailbox is a boy or a girl? If it's a bill, it's fee mail.
- Just got the email "Webinar on how to avoid frauds is cancelled" And the fee is non-refundable.
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Fee One Liners
Which fee one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fee? I can suggest the ones about tuition and price.
- I was recently diagnosed with a fear of giant. Fee-fi-phobia.
- I've heard that U2 has never paid legal any legal fees Their lawyers all work pro-Bono.
- What's a crow's favorite drink? CAW-fee.
- America is a free country! Shipping fees not included.
- Where do cats stand when they want to buy a train ticket? In the FEE-line.
- I was invited to a Mexican party, but I had to pay to get in It was a fee-esta.
- How do philosophers make money? Philoso-fees!
- I wish prostitutes would learn a lesson from eBay ...and do away with insertion fees.
- I have a chronic fear of giants. It's a fee-fi-phobia
- Hillary will give her concession speech... Since somebody paid her $250,000 speaking fee.
- Why should you always bring money to LBGT pride parades? Trans-action fees
- How do duck lawyers charge their fees? Bill-able hours
- How do you call a man working at IRS? A fee-male
- I tried to put up a photo of myself on eBay... But there were too many sale fees
- Why did Hillary wait to give her concession speech? She needed time to negotiate her fee.
Silly Fee Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about fee you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean monthly jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fee pranks.
The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires...
She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"
I responded, "Inflation."
Carl opened a zoo.
Carl opened a zoo and made the entry fee $60. No one turned up.
Carl made the entry fee $30. Yet again, no one turned up.
So, Carl made the zoo free to enter, soon enough, it was full.
Carl shut the gates, released the lions, and made the exit fee $60.
Recently, I was watching the Republican debate, and they were debating abortion.
Donald Trump was talking about how opposed to it he was, but I thought to myself, come on Don, you're a businessman. I bet you wouldn't be this upset if you could charge them an early termination fee.
A guy sees a sign that says, "Volunteers needed for medical experiment. $500 fee!"
So he goes in and they tell him they need humans to mate with gorillas. The guy thinks about it for a second, then says, "I'll do it under three conditions:
1) No one can find out that I did this.
2) If there are any offspring, they should be treated humanely.
3) I'm gonna need some time to come up with the $500."
I've invented a new game. You use small breath mints as playing pieces in the old-fashioned match-3-in-a-row game. I'd be happy to teach you my strategy for winning this game, but I'll have to charge you a small fee:
Call it a Tic Tac Tic-Tac-Toe Tactics Tax.
A man requested a female painter to paint him in the n**....
"No" the talented artist said. "I don't do that sort of thing.
"I'll increase your fee two times," he said.
"No, no thanks!!"
"I'll give five times as much as you normally get."
Okay, said the artist, "but you have to let me at least wear my socks. I need somewhere to place my brushes."
A man is waiting in line and sees another man...
He says, "excuse me sir, are you an attorney?"
The other man says, "yes. I am."
The first man says, "what is your fee?"
The attorney says, "$400 per four questions."
The man says, "isn't that terribly expensive?"
"yes." says the attorney. "what is your fourth question?"
There's a man and a little boy walking in the woods...
The little boy turns to the man and says it's really dark and I fee scared
The man looks back at the boy and says what have you got to be scared of, I've got to walk back alone
To sum up healthcare in America
An expectant mother was being rushed to the hospital, but didn't quite make it. She gave birth to her baby on the hospital lawn. Later, the father received a bill, listing "Delivery Room Fee: $500."
He wrote the hospital and reminded them the baby was born on the front lawn.
A week passed, and a corrected bill arrived: "Greens Fee: $200."
MacBeth meets the three witches on the marsh.
''Hail MacBeth. For a fee we will predict your future.''
-''Really? How much?''
''10 Pence per predicted year.''
''I want a prediction for my *whole* life.''
''That'll be 5 pence.''
- Herman Finkers
Joe is hiring a hitman from a well respected mafioso to kill his business partner.
The man asks, "How do I know you won't just let him pay you twice as much, and then kill me?"
The mob boss leans back and says, "Well Joe, you can always get the insurance policy."
"Insurance policy?"
"Yeah. For five times the fee I absolutely guarantee that the other guy can no longer afford to."
Obit
Woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word. She pauses, reflects and then says, Well, then, let it read, 'Billy Bob died'. Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, Sorry ma'am, there is a 7 word minimum on all obituaries. Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few seconds says, In that case, let it read, 'Billy Bob died - 1983 Pick-up for sale.'
A group of aeronautics professors walked onto a plane...
They all settled down into their seats when there was an announcement."We have decided to waive your fee since you were responsible for educating our engineer staff on how to construct this fine plane!"
All the professors run out of the plane immediately except one.
When a stewardess asked her why she didn't run out, she responded "If it's made by a student of mine, it will not start!"
A dog goes into a post office to send a telegram...
The clerk gives him the relevant form and he goes to the desk to fill it in.
When he has finished he hands it back to the clerk with the fee and the clerk reads it through.
The message reads Woof woof, woof woof woof; woof woof, woof woof woof.
The clerk then tells the dog that, at no extra cost, he could have another 'woof' in the message.
The dog replies, Yes, I know, but then it wouldn't make any sense!
I forgot to renew the fee for my Scrabble membership
Now they're sending me threatening letters!
I needed an emergency tire change. I asked what the hourly rate was. I was relieved when they said it's a...
...Flat Fee.
No Good Question Goes Unbilled...
A man went to a lawyer and asked what his fee was. The lawyer says, "$100 for three questions."
"Isn't that a bit steep?" asked the man.
"Yes," said the lawyer. "Now, what's your third question?"
It was really difficult to come to terms with the death of my ex.
But eventually the assassin and I agreed on a fee.
What Did the Giant Say to His Enemy When He Served Him Ramen at a Vietnamese Restaurant?
Fee Fi Fo Fum, Faux Pho For Foe
Warning: Police are on the lookout for an overweight man who did not pay his entrance fee to the Boston Marathon.
He is believed to be still on the run
Did you know the entry fee for the Paralympics is really high?
I hear it costs an arm and a leg.
What do you call the fee you have to pay a Jewish girl in order to hit on her?
The holla cost.
Fee Fie Foe Fum
What is Fee Fie Foe Fum Fum Foe Fie Fee?
Mike Tyson's inmate number.
Did you hear? Being the greatest business man and genius that he is, Donald Trump will be fixing the most original flaw of this great nation. And it will finally be known as America:
Land of the Fee! (Conditions may apply)
What does a transgender p**... charge for their service?
A trans-action fee.
A doctor was fixing his grammar on medical bills when he noticed something random.
a posture fee.
I don't think we should call them "bills."
Because Bill is a man's name and bills are fee mail.
A man goes to the lawyer: What is your fee?
Lawyer says: 1000 US dollars for 3 questions.
Man: Wow - so much! Isn't it a bit expensive?
Lawyer: Yes, what is your third question?
I was going to go to Psychic School...
...But I couldn't afford the intuition fee.
Between grand theft and a legal fee...
...there only stands a law degree.
I s**... identify as a giant..
..my pronouns are Fee, Fi, Fo, and Fum
So a man seeking legal advice steps into a small law firm's office...
...and says to the man sitting at his desk, "Excuse me sir, are you a lawyer?" "Yes I am," says the lawyer.
"What is your fee?" the man responds.
"$25,000 for every four questions" the lawyer answers
"Isn't that terribly expensive?" the man asks, shocked
"Yes. What's your fourth question?" says the lawyer.
Why does a Dyslexic Ship Captain with Coprophobia never pay his taxes?
He's afraid of the Sea's Fee.
This morning I wrote a note on my container of spaghetti that read "Marios noodles" and left my lunch in the fridge...
At lunch, I see Luigi eating my Spaghetti!
I say, "Hey, didn't you see the note?" Those noodles were mine! you owe me a dollar!"
Outraged, Luigi stood and pointed at the crumpled up note. "No a pasta fee!"
What do you call shipping that costs money?
Fee mail.
I'll admit; my business plan of impersonating and running marathons on behalf of fee paying clients who want prestige without effort, is not going well.
But I'd still give you a run for your money.
Last time I went to a shooting range I lost an arm...
They charged me a fee for misplacing a gun.
What is the difference between the pope and...
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