Back To School Jokes
137 back to school jokes and hilarious back to school puns to laugh out loud. Read holiday jokes about back to school that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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- Short Back To School Jokes
- Back To School One Liners
- Going Back To School Jokes
- More Back To School Jokes
Funniest Back To School Short Jokes
Short back to school jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The back to school humour may include short going back to school jokes also.
- A Dad picks his son up from school Dad: what did you learn at school today, son?
Son: apparently not enough, I have to go back tomorrow. - Nearly 200 million Chinese kids are back to school after COVID-19 crisis Unemployment strike again
- First Day At School The child comes home from his first day at school.
His Mother asks, "Well, what did you learn today?"
The kid replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow." - 264 students died in a school fire... in Beijing earlier today. The most tragic thing was they all got out safely, ran around the building, and then ran back inside.
- As I dropped my child off at school today I said, be positive If the race war starts before I get back, that's your blood type
- A new report states that paedophiles need re-educating. What a great idea, paedophiles going back to school.
- Where do galaxies go to college? University!
Happy 1st day back to school to many of you :) - I hate being a pirate in school. Everytime I get back my report card, it has seven seas in it...
- my wife tried to tell me that I'm in denial... So I told her to go back to school and learn geography because I'm standing nowhere near a river in Egypt
- What happens if you run behind a car? You get exhausted!
Sorry, gotta get back to doing my online traffic school...
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Back To School One Liners
Which back to school one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with back to school? I can suggest the ones about return to school and starting school.
- I was reminiscing at my old school's library... looking back at my shelf.
- Where is it inappropriate to have a Back to School sale? A gun store.
- Why did the corn maze go back to school? It was tired of working in a dead end field.
- Back To School Sadness Well, I didn't plan on going to school today but, my gun jammed.
- Back in my day we didn't call them school shootings We called them surprise hide and seek
- What begins at the end and ends at the beginning? Back to school ads
- To all the kids about to go back to school... HA HA
- Idiot college called, they want there mascot back.
- I ran cross country back in high school. But I only made it as far as Pennsylvania.
- I remember back at school
- Where do white kids go back to school shop? Gun and ammo store
- The internet has a lot less music critics now They all went back to school
- I found school pretty tough as a little girl So I went back to dressing as a boy
- You know what I like about high school girls? I will be back, rec time is over.
- Why did the boy go to school backwards? It was 'back to school' day.
Going Back To School Jokes
Here is a list of funny going back to school jokes and even better going back to school puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- mother to son : what did you learn in school today ? mother to son : what did you learn in school today ?
son : not enough !! they want me to go back tomorrow ! - Did you go to school by horse? I like to mess with my tennis teacher, he is over 50 and he gives it right back to me by how bad i play.
- I recently told my Dad I was going back to school to major in the study of plants... ...He said, "Botony?"
I said, "Not yet, but when I get my degree I will be able to afford a bunch." - Chinese officials are trying to decide whether to spend money on a school or a prison. Finally one of them says: - What are the odds that some of us will go back to high school?
- Mother and Daughter Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?"
Girl: "First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow? - Going back to school to get my degree in Islamic studies It's a field that's really blowing up.
- I was walking around the town today and I passed the gun store and it was really crowded. I didn't realize the "Go back to school!" Sales started already.
- The school's bus driver wasn't surprised when he saw Billy wearing lipstick and mascara. The school had already asked him to go back and get the young student after he completed his make up exam.
- The god of time is going back to school to upgrade. Time will take its course
- My friend told me she's going back to school for Psychiatry... I said: "That's crazy talk."
Comical Back To School Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about back to school you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean beginning of school jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make back to school pranks.
Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.
Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
“Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”
Q: What do you call a blonde sitting in the back of your 6th grade class?
A: your 25 year old mom.
Little Mary came back home after school and said,
"Mommy, today during the school break Johnny kissed me on my lips!"
The mother asked indignantly but in surprise,
"And how did this happen?"
"It was not easy, but three of my classmates helped me to hold him firm."
Johnny comes back home from school and tells his father, "Dad, tomorrow you are invited to a special parent meetings at school."
"How much special?"
"Well, just me, you, the director and two investigators from the FBI."
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.
The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."
The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.
The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.
The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.
The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."
Little Johnny Has A Question
A boy comes home from school one day looking for his father. He has an assignment that he needs a little help with. He finds his father and tells him that he has to write a paper explaining the difference between potentially and actually.
His father says to him "That's an easy one", "Go upstairs and find your sister; ask her if she'd sleep with the mailman for $10,000."
So the boy does as he is told. When he comes back down he tells his father what he learned. "She said yes, dad." "So," said his dad "Find your mother, now, and ask her if she'd sleep with the mailman for $10,000 as well."
The boy does as he is asked, and then returns to his father again.
"She said yes too, dad." "Well, there you go." said the dad.
The boy looked at his father, puzzled.
He smiled, "Potentially we're sitting on a gold mine; but, actually I live with a couple of w**...!"
No problems
A former Sergeant , having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.
Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-alec punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest. Dead silence ... He had no trouble with discipline that year.
Good Polish Joke
A man walks into a bar and orders a glass of Polish v**.... As the bartender slides the drink to the patron, a man sitting next to him remarks, "That's a coincidence, I, too, am enjoying a Polish v**.... Since
I arrived from the old country, this is the only bar in which I have found it."
To which the first replies, "Old country, I'm from the old country. Let me buy you another!"
As the drinks are being poured, one of the men asks, "What part of the old country are you from?"
"Krakow," replies the other. "This is weird," says the first, "I, too, am from Krakow! Let's get another shot."
After the new round arrives, the first asks, "So, pal, what did you do back in Krakow?'
"Not much, really, I came here right out of high school. I graduated from l**... Walesa Technical Academy in '81."
"This is eerie," replies the other, "I'm Welesa Tech, '81. Let's get another shot." But the bartender says, "Slow down fellas, I gotta make a call."
The bartender calls his wife and tells her that he'll be late getting home. When she inquires as to the cause, he replies, "Oh, the friggin' Liszjewski twins are here again."
What's Resurrection?
There was a man teaching the children's Sunday school class, and his lesson was on resurrection. The man asks the kids if they know what the word resurrection means.
After a long silence a little boy in the back of the room raises his hand and says "Well I don't know what it is but I know that if it lasts more than 4 hours, you have to go see a doctor."
What's the difference between a meteor and a meteorite?
Ite.
Sorry, a kid said this in elementary school and it was funny back then :)
"How long should my essay be?"
Back in high school I was in an english class and a fellow student asked the teacher how long our essays should be.
He responded saying, "As long as a girl's skirt: long enough to cover everything that needs to be covered, but short enough to keep me interested."
Woman buys parrot
A woman walks into a pet store, and is perusing through the various animals when she comes across one of the most beautiful parrots she has ever seen. She's taken aback by the tropical beauty of this bird, and when she looks on the price tag on the cage it says 50$. The woman turns to the man at the front counter and asks "Why is a bird this beautiful being sold for this little?" The man looks up and says "Oh, that bird was originally kept in a house of prostitution, and boy does he have a mouth". The woman takes the words to heart but buys the bird anyway. She buys it, and takes it home with her. She puts the bird in the living room. Suddenly the bird squawks "NEW HOUSE NEW MADAME!" The woman is put off by this but she figures that in a few days the bird will get over it. Her daughters come home from school and the bird speaks again "NEW HOUSE, NEW MADAME, NEW GIRLS!" Again the woman is off put but she assures her kids that the bird will grow out of its old habits. The woman's husband gets back in from a day at work. The parrot takes one look at him and squawks:
"HI GARY!!"
A very sexist from my high school days
Person 1, "Your dishwasher stops working and like any good mechanic you hit it and tell it to get back to work, and it does. You return later to find dishes that are only half clean. Why?"
Person 2, "I have no clue."
Person 1, "You must have hit her in the eye."
A reformed Mexican g**... was trying to change his life...
so he decides to go back to school and one night he was writing a book report, he was sitting at his desk by the window and a gust of wind knocked his papers away and scattered outside...he says "Come back here essay!"
Cultural Diversity--True Story
When I was six I learned about Hanukkah in school. My teacher told me, "Christians celebrate Christmas, and Jews celebrate Hanukkah."
That night I was waiting in line at Hometown Buffet with my family and asked Mom why the restaurant would be closed for Christmas.
"It's so that the people who work here can spend Christmas with their families." She said.
In a loud, excited voice I piped up, "BUT COULDN'T THEY GET SOME JEWS TO WORK HERE?"
We never went back.
A joke from Italy
Pierino returns home from school and he is very happy. He tells his dad "Hey Dad! did you know that today me and my friends placed a bomb in the school?
"Are you Crazy?" his dad responds. "You will be in a lot of trouble when i tell the principal what you did and he expels you when you go back to school tomorrow!"
Pierino: "School? What school?"
Little Johnny at it again...
Little Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye.
After a few days of this happening, the teacher became very worried and asked him about it.
Johnny's answer was: "Our house is very small Miss. Me, my mum and my dad, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, 'Johnny are you sleeping?' Then I say 'No' and then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye."
So the teacher says to him, "Tonight when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet and don't say a word".
The following morning Little Johnny comes to school and no black eye, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. The day after that, Johnny comes back with a massive black eye again.
"My goodness Johnny, another black eye? What happened?"
Johnny explains: "Miss, Dad asked me again, 'Johnny are you sleeping?.... and I shut up and kept very still. Then my dad and my mum started moving {you know} at the same time. Mum was breathing heavy and k**... her legs all over the place.....
Then my dad asks me mum: 'Are you coming?' Then my mum says, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered 'Yes'.
They don't usually go anywhere without me, so i said 'Wait for me..."
All-Girls High School
"The number one most commonly used phrase in any all-girls high school is 'behind my back!'
The second most common is 'right to my face!'"
- Celia Pacquola
Legs in the Air
Little Johnny came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great," said Little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming,"Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
The Jewish Husband
A young boy comes home from school. He's bursting with excitement.
"Mom," he says. "I got a part in the school play!"
"That's great!" his mother exclaims. "What part are you playing?"
"I'm playing a Jewish husband," the boy says.
Suddenly his mother is FURIOUS. "What?!" she screams. "You go back and tell them you want a speaking part!"
I wanted to major in reverse psychology.
My dream school turned me down.
So I wrote them back and told them I wasn't even interested in their s**... program. They sent me a diploma.
Dean of Women...
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on s**... morality.
We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation, she said, ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?
A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?
So today I met a guy who went to high school with OJ Simpson. I asked him what OJ was like back then.
He was quite the lady-killer apparently
The firefighters dog
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog. The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child concluded. "No silly, they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant!"
It's the first day of high school...
...and the principal is giving an orientation to the freshmen class. He says "Welcome to high school! We have a few rules we must go over. First, men will use the men's locker room, and women will use the women's locker room. If anyone is caught in the other gender's locker room, it is a $20 dollar fine for a first offense, $30 for a second offense, $40 for a third, and so on. Any questions?"
A kid in the back stands up and asks "How much for a season pass?"
A teenager had just passed his drivers test, and he asked his dad to buy him a car
"Dad, will you be able to get me a car?" Asked the boy
"I suppose a car would be in order *if* you can raise your grades from C's to B's, you study your Bible, and cut your hair." Replied the father.
After contemplating for many hours, the boy decided it was a good and fair compromise. Six weeks later, the father is astonished. His son was excelling in school, he studied his Bible every day, but his hair was still long and shaggy.
"I am very impressed with you" said the father "you are passing all of your classes, and you read the Bible every day. But why wont you cut your hair?"
"After reading the Bible, I have noticed something." Said the boy "Moses, Samson, and Absalom all had long hair. There is even evidence that *Jesus* may have had long hair!"
The father replied back "Did you also notice how they had to walk everywhere too?"
r**... boy meets his dream girl!
A young boy comes home to his father one day after school.
"Dad, I met the most INCREDIBLE girl in the world today. She's smart, she's beautiful, AND she's funny."
Dad pats his son on the back and walks him into the kitchen, "That's great, son. I'm proud of you for finding someone you like so much."
"That's not the best part, Dad. She's a v**...."
At this point the father slams his hand down on the counter, "I forbid this relationship, son. I never want you to see this girl again. And if I find out you do, I'm going to give you the biggest whooping you ever had."
Tears stream down the son's face, "But, Dad, WHY? She's amazing and she likes me!"
"Well, son. If she ain't good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."
A kid is leaving his house to school
His mom tells him "May God be with you". When the kid is walking down the stairs he trips and falls.
He turns back and says, 'You can come with me, but you don't have to push'
4 college students are having a great time on spring break.
So they decide to spend an extra week away from class. One of the students calls his professor, and says "prof, we are stuck in Daytona beach. We won't be able to make it back in time for exams because the tire on our car blew. We need to get it fixed before we head back".
The prof says "no problem. Your safety comes first. Do what you need to, and when you get back the four of you can write the exam at that point".
So the students live it up for another week. Drinking. Partying. Etcetera.
When they get back to school a week later, the prof welcomes them, sits them each in different rooms, and hands them the exam.
When they turn the page over to start writing, they find their exams have only one question: "which tire?"
The pretty teacher was concerned with
one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
"I'm in love." the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
"With you!" he said.
"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a c**...!"
People try to shame me for m**....
But I say "I have every right to be on this bus". And they're like " But you're the driver!" And I say back "Shut up lady I get your kids to school on time every day."
The first time I got up close and personal with a girl was round the back by the school bins.
In hindsight, I wish I hadn't looked into that rubbish bag.
Just saw a guy with a bowl-cut mullet
Or as I like to call it "School shooter in the front, abortion clinic shooter in the back." - Corey Forrester
Jewish boy comes home from school and his mother and tells her he got in the school play. She asked him, "what part are you playing?" He said, "the husband!"
The mother grew furious and said, "you march right back there and demand they give you a speaking part."
It hurts every time!
During high-school health class, the topic of s**... came up. Whilst discussing it, the teacher described it as, "the most pleasurable experience you will ever have".
After hearing this, a girl from the back of the class calls out, "You're lying! It hurts every time!"
Puzzled, the teacher finally clicks and asks, "You aren't devoutly religious, by any chance...?"
A police officer pulls over a driver...
A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.
The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."
His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."
Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"
Once when I came back from school I saw my dad cutting onions, it made me cry a lot....
Onions was a good dog.
Back when I was in school...
I was a huge metal fan. One day this really pretty girl came over and sat down next to me in the lunch room. I tried so hard to be cool, I'd never tried to be cool so hard in my life!
Then the worst possible thing happened. The teacher started walking over towards me, and when she got there... she unplugged me.
A girl with a peg leg goes to her high school dance...
And she is slowly walking around, sad that nobody wanted to dance with her. Right before she was about to leave a boy with a wooden eye walks up and asks her to dance. To which she replies
"Would I! Would I!"
The boy is angered anD snaps back at her.
"Peg Leg! Peg Leg!
A Grand Prize
I phoned my local radio station today.
When the guy answered the phone he said, "Congratulations on being our 1st caller, all you have to do is answer the next question correctly to win our grand prize."
"Wahoo!" I shouted in delight.
"It's a Maths question," he said. "Feeling
confident?"
"I've got a degree in Maths and I teach it at my local school," I proudly replied.
"Okay then, to win 2 VIP tickets to see Justin Bieber and to meet him back stage afterwards, what's 2+2?"
"7," I replied.
A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school .
A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school .
Teacher : Whats your name ?
Boy : Zain.
Teacher : No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today. Boy went home and his mother asked: How was the day Zain?
Boy : I am an American now, so call me Johnny. Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up. Next day he was back to school all bruised .
Teacher : What happened Johnny ?
Boy: Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists.
An elementary school student gets gum stuck in his hair...
So the nurse takes him to the science teacher and say "Can you get the gum out of his hair?"
The science teacher responds "Of course, its just a matter of having the right solvent."
An hour later the nurse asks the science teacher "Have any luck?"
The science teacher responds "Yes, here's the gum back."
When I was in high school, I had a girl in the back seat of my car...
She confided in me, "I think you're really hot, but I've never hooked up with anyone before, and I don't know what to do."
I replied, "Me either, but don't worry. We'll finger it out."
A son came home from school and told his dad he got expelled.
Dad: "How?"
Son: "I wrote 2+2=41 on the whiteboard.
Dad: "well, that's pretty dumb but-
Son: "Then my teacher told me to go back up to the board..."
Dad: Ok...
Son: "... and rub one out."
First day of school
One day, a mom took her son to his first day of school. When they were walking to school, he looked all excited, but when his mom came back to pick him up, he looked disappointed. Trying to cheer him up, the mother asked what he had learned today at school. "Apparently not enough," he said. "I have to come back tomorrow!"
A Pakistani boy took...
.... admission in an American school ...
Teacher : Whats your name ?
Boy : Nadir
Teacher : No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today.
Boy went home and his mother asked: How was the day Nadir?
Boy : I am an American now, so call me Johnny.
Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up.
Next day he was back to school all bruised ...
Teacher : What happened Johnny ?
Boy: Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists.
Roll call on the first day of school in London, England....
Ahmed Al Sheriah ............................."Here."
Mustafa Al Sheriah ............................"Here."
Fatima El Bindihiri ............................."Here."
Ali Acmah Shabeeb ............................."Here."
Ali Sun Al En ..........................No answer.
Ali Sun Al En?
A little girl at the back stands up and yells .... "It's pronounced Alison Allen, for Christ's sake!"
Did you hear about the school that burned down in Beijing, China?
25 children died. It was truly tragic.
And the worst part is, they all got out of the building fine, but they just ran around it and then darted back inside.
Gold and Silver haven't seen each other since Elementary School
They decided to meet up at a bar. Gold walks in and sees his old friend and calls out to him.
"Aay, G."
Silver gets excited and shouts back, "Hey, you!"
Two girls in a Catholic convent school.
One whispers to the other: "There's a contraceptive hidden behind the radiator!"
The other whispers back: "What's a radiator?"
o**... bin laden's son came back home from school one day in tears.
o**... asked: "What's wrong?"
His son said: "Our teacher asked me what the tallest building in new york is, and I got it wrong."
o**... replied: "What did you say?"
His son: "The empire state building."
o**...: "Don't worry son, i'll take care of it."
Difference between Hypothetical and actual
So a young boy comes home from school and says, "dad, my teacher said my homework for the night is to find out the difference between hypothetical and actual."
His dad says, " well son, go ask your mother if she'd sleep with her boss for a million dollars. Then, go ask your sister if she'd sleep with her principal for a million dollars and come back, tell me what they said. "
So the young boy goes and asks both his mom and sister, comes back. "dad, they both said yes."
"Well son, that's your answer."
"But I don't get it", the boy says.
"Ya see, HYPOTHETICALLY we could be millionaires but, we're ACTUALLY living with a couple of w**...."
The School teacher sent home a note with her student..
The note reads, Your son is an obedient and bright student, but spends too much time talking to girls.
Mother sends a note back the following day, Please advise a solution. Father has the same problem.'
Back in 1998, Chelsea Clinton was in high school and went out on a date one night.
Hillary set an 11pm curfew, but Chelsea didn't return to the White House until after midnight.
Hillary had waited up, and grilled her daughter over being late.
Her last question: You didn't have s**... with that boy, did you?
Chelsea: Not according to Dad.
A mother asks her child after school...
"Did you learn anything today?"
"Not enough apparently, the teacher wants me to come back tomorrow..."
Back when Stormy Daniels was in high school, none of her fellow classmen realized she would go down in history.
Guys were usually getting it in the gym locker room or behind the teacher's parking lot.
Back when I was in school...
girls' clothes had to pass the "fingertip test" where they had to hold their arm straight down against their leg and, if their skirt or pants didn't extend to at least their fingertips, then they couldn't wear it. Of course, there was nothing the teachers could do about that s**... chick with the club arm.
My dad always told me that if someone hits you, you should hit them back
Unfortunately, the kids at school always made me hit myself
A report has concluded that paedophiles should be re-educated.
What a great idea, let's send paedophiles back to school.
The Sunday School teacher was explaining s**... and Gomorrah.
TEACHER: "And God told Lot to take his wife and flee out of the city, but not to look back. But Lot's wife looked back, and turned into a pillar of salt."
The children were obviously shocked. One tentatively raised his hand.
TEACHER: "Yes, Billy?"
BILLY: "But what happened to the flea?"
A sick man comes to a doctor. After an inspection, the doctor says "I have very bad news for you."
The man asks "What is so wrong?"
The doctor answers: "I missed all the lectures about your illness back in med school."
When I was young...
...my teacher said I was nothing but a s**... loser, and I'd never amount to anything.
Now, I look back on my life and I realize that being home-schooled really s**....
The American man and the British man
(Not sure where I learned this one)
Once there was an American man talking to a British man. The American man was lecturing the British man, saying he was saying things wrong. He said its not lift its elevator, its not Tele its TV and its not a boot its a trunk of a car. The British man calmly said back "its not a shooting range its a school
Whitehouse has a new slogan to encourage everyone to get back to work, school and boost the economy...
**!!No Lives Matter!!**
The son of a godfather comes back home at the end of school year with his report.
The report states:
History A
Math A+
Science A+
Literature A
Geography B+
The father grabs a gun and shot him in the head.
The mother shocked and in tears asks: "why did you shoot him?!"
And the Boss: "he knew too much"
Sending kids back to school at this time will make them over educated but dead inside.
I mean we already have millenials.
An elephant is standing on a street corner with an e**....
His thing is HUGE, hangs all the way to the ground.
At that moment a mother is taking her son to school and the son looks at the elephant and says "Mommy what is that?"
Mom: "Oh that's the trunk honey"
Kid: "No mom, further back between the legs"
Mom: "Oh that? That's nothing...." and awkwardly changes the subject.
The next day, same elephant in the same condition is on the corner only this time the dad is taking the kid to school.
Kid: "Hey dad, what is that? It's not the the trunk and it's not the legs, it's in between the legs. Mommy says that's nothing."
The dad thinks for a second and then laughs, "Yeah well, mommy is spoiled."
