She broke up with me because I kept pushing her around.
I said, "why don't you stand up for yourself?"
Trust me. My friend Keith did it once and he said he was going to die and then he did.
Because his career is in ruins.
"Because we conceived her in Paris."
"Ahh, thanks Dad! "
"You're welcome, Backseat."
I asked him how he told them apart.
He says, "well her brother has a mustache"
A tourist
Great, he said I won $12 yesterday. Here's $6. Stay in touch.
The feathers, because 200 pounds of bricks is just 200 pounds of bricks, but with the feathers, you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
They're huge metal fans
We want our land back!!
Y'know, the 'universe half empty' kind of guy
A man and. woman are chatting in an elevator. "What are you up to today?" he asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20 a pint."
"Hmm ...," the man, says. "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100 a tablespoon."
The woman gets a strange look on her face and gets off the elevator.
The next day, they meet in the elevator again.
The man asks, "So, where you off to today?"
"Fmerm mank," she says, with her mouth full.
You know...heroin.
But he came close.
At least, I'm pretty sure...
FP