Funny Jokes and puns

Daily joke about doggy

doggy joke

Jokes of the Day for June 25th 2022

The editor rejected my book, he said my metaphores are incomprehensible...

I'm sad as a coconut.

I bet my butcher $1,000 that he couldn't reach the beef on the top shelf without a ladder.

He said the steaks were too high.

I bought a dog from a blacksmith

as soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door.

Have you ever played quiet tennis?

It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.

Where do Asian neckbeards come from?

M'laysia

A guy walking to library and asks for a book on sea turtles.

The librarian asks "hard back?"

The guy replies "yeah little heads too."

Photographers are so violent.

They'll frame you, shoot you, blow you up and then hang you.

How much does Santa's sleigh cost?

$0, it's on the house.

I burned my Hawaiian pizza today...

I guess i should have put the oven on aloha setting

From my 7 year-old son: What rhymes with 'boo' and really stinks?

You.

Why I oughta...!

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.

A genie granted me one wish, so I said "I just want to be happy."

Now I'm living in a cottage with 6 dwarves and working in a mine.

My girlfriend invited me to her house to watch Netflix.

She says Stay here, I have to do laundry really quickly.

Out of nowhere, her sexy sister comes in and sits by me.

She asks Do you want to have sex before she gets back?

I got up and went straight to my car.

My girlfriend was outside the door and hugged me, and said I knew I could trust you.

Moral of the story: always leave your condoms in the car.

For my first cake day I want to share a joke my dad told me when I was probably too young to really understand it. How does an elephant hide in the jungle?

Climbs to the top of a cherry tree and paints his balls red.

What's the loudest sound in the jungle?

Giraffes eating cherries!

(Apologies if you've heard it before fellow Redditors! Maybe by next cake day I'll get better material)

Modern day bullies be like:

"Nice gender, did your mommy pick it out for you???"

Joko Jokes