Funny Jokes and puns

Daily joke about driving

driving joke

Jokes of the Day for May 8th 2021

Carnival is offering a new voyage where you set sail and leave a bunch of senior citizens behind in the snow.

It's called a Ted Cruise

Two young boys go to a store

They have $6 between them and want a cool toy. After shopping around they come up to the register with a box of tampons. The clerk asks "Why?" One little boy replies "It says on the box you can go swimming, horse-back riding, play tennis, and other activities!! We just need to figure out how they work."

Why do french tanks have rear view mirrors?

To see the battlefield

I went to see a topless ventriloquist last night.

She was amazing, I never saw her lips moving once.

What did the deaf person think when he won the auction?

I've won, but at what cost?

From my 7 year-old son: What rhymes with 'boo' and really stinks?

You.

Why I oughta...!

Why did Ellen Pao fire an employee with cancer?

She felt threatened by someone more malignant than herself

I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching

To reverse and leaving the scene

Doctor [looking at my x-rays] : this is exactly what I was afraid of.

Me: What?

Doctor: Skeletons

What has 4 letters, sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters.

Just a hint: I didn't ask a question.

Did you hear about the pedophile that never could win a race?

He was always coming in a little behind.

Yeah, I lost to my computer at chess.

But it turned out to be no match for me at kickboxing.

I burnt 1200 calories yesterday!

Forgot to take the pizza out of the oven...

Which one doesn't belong: eggs, your wife, or a blow job?

The blow job. You can beat your eggs and your wife but you can't beat a blow job.

My girlfriend accused me of stealing her thesaurus

Not only was I shocked, I was also aghast, appalled and dismayed.

Joko Jokes