Funny Jokes and puns
Daily joke about delta
Jokes of the Day for April 18th 2021
PETA is like a box of chocolates
They kill dogs
When I was a kid I prayed every night for a new bicycle
Then I learned the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness instead
Wife was breastfeeding
Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in
Me: yeah he is really milking it
{air horn sound}
{second air horn sound}
Me: this isn't deodorant
A woman walks into a bar...
A woman walks into a bar with her pet newt on her shoulder. She sits down on a stool and orders a beer. The barman looks at the woman and her newt and asks her, "What's his name?"
"Tiny." The woman replies.
"Why tiny?" The barman inquires.
"Because he's my newt."
I went to a beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13.
Sir, you gave me an extra. That's a freebie.
I broke up with a Japanese girl last week...
It sucked, because I had to drop the bomb twice before she got the message.
What do you call a bee that lives in America?
A USB.
Dear people who don't write capital letters,
We're the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.
From my 91 year old grandpa
Q: What is the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?
A: You can't hear a vita-min.
I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park.
It's just really hard to find thirty two of them willing to do it .
For cake day, I wanted to share my grandpa's favorite joke when I was growing up: Wanna hear a dirty joke?
-A man fell in a mud puddle.
Wanna hear a clean joke?
-The man took a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
-Bubbles was the woman next door.
I could tell you a COVID joke...
But it would take 2 weeks to see if you get it.
Who ever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in trouble.
You have my Word.
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.