Funny Jokes and puns

Daily joke about delta

delta joke

Jokes of the Day for April 18th 2021

PETA is like a box of chocolates

They kill dogs

When I was a kid I prayed every night for a new bicycle

Then I learned the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness instead

Wife was breastfeeding

Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in

Me: yeah he is really milking it

{air horn sound}

{second air horn sound}

Me: this isn't deodorant

A woman walks into a bar...

A woman walks into a bar with her pet newt on her shoulder. She sits down on a stool and orders a beer. The barman looks at the woman and her newt and asks her, "What's his name?"
"Tiny." The woman replies.
"Why tiny?" The barman inquires.
"Because he's my newt."

I went to a beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13.

Sir, you gave me an extra. That's a freebie.

I broke up with a Japanese girl last week...

It sucked, because I had to drop the bomb twice before she got the message.

What do you call a bee that lives in America?

A USB.

Dear people who don't write capital letters,

We're the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

From my 91 year old grandpa

Q: What is the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?
A: You can't hear a vita-min.

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park.

It's just really hard to find thirty two of them willing to do it .

For cake day, I wanted to share my grandpa's favorite joke when I was growing up: Wanna hear a dirty joke?

-A man fell in a mud puddle.

Wanna hear a clean joke?
-The man took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
-Bubbles was the woman next door.

I could tell you a COVID joke...

But it would take 2 weeks to see if you get it.

Who ever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in trouble.

You have my Word.

Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.

But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.

Joko Jokes