Funny Jokes and puns

POPULAR JOKES AND PICK UP LINES FOR 26th February 2020

Click to find out what kind of motherfucker you are



You a curious motherfucker.

I'll like to brag that after 12 Years of marriage, I still have sex with my wife almost every day!

Almost on Monday

Almost on Tuesday

Almost on Wednesday

Almost on Thursday

Almost on Friday

Almost on Saturday

Almost on Sunday.!

My friend Dave drowned.

At his funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebuoy. It's what he would've wanted.

Why did the Libertarian cross the road?

None of your damn business. Am I being detained?

I looked at my bank account and found I could live the rest of my life comfortably without working...

... as long as I die on Thursday.

I sexually identify as an invisible dad.

I'm trans-parent.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks: 'Why the long face?''

The horse, incapable of human speech, shits on the floor and leaves.

There are 3 men in a boat and 4 cigarettes, however they don't own a lighter. How do they smoke?

They throw one cigarette over board in order to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

Two engineer students were biking across campus.

One said to the other, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Why wasn't 6 excited that 7 won a prize for her?

Because 711452.

The moon landing was staged

The moon landing was staged and it was shot by Stanley Kubrick, the reason it looks so real is because of Kubrick's obsession with filming on location.

Whenever I see a female bus driver, I'm reminded of how far we have come as a society...

Then I wait for the next bus

"No thanks. I am a vegetarian."

is a fun thing to say when someone hands you a baby.

5 Years ago today I asked a beautiful girl out on a date. Today at 3pm I asked that same girl to marry me.

Both times she said no

To the woman who keeps pounding on my door at night:

I'm not letting you out.

Joko Jokes