Funny Jokes and puns
Daily joke about driving
Jokes of the Day for May 8th 2021
Carnival is offering a new voyage where you set sail and leave a bunch of senior citizens behind in the snow.
It's called a Ted Cruise
Two young boys go to a store
They have $6 between them and want a cool toy. After shopping around they come up to the register with a box of tampons. The clerk asks "Why?" One little boy replies "It says on the box you can go swimming, horse-back riding, play tennis, and other activities!! We just need to figure out how they work."
Why do french tanks have rear view mirrors?
To see the battlefield
I went to see a topless ventriloquist last night.
She was amazing, I never saw her lips moving once.
What did the deaf person think when he won the auction?
I've won, but at what cost?
From my 7 year-old son: What rhymes with 'boo' and really stinks?
You.
Why I oughta...!
Why did Ellen Pao fire an employee with cancer?
She felt threatened by someone more malignant than herself
I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching
To reverse and leaving the scene
Doctor [looking at my x-rays] : this is exactly what I was afraid of.
Me: What?
Doctor: Skeletons
What has 4 letters, sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters.
Just a hint: I didn't ask a question.
Did you hear about the pedophile that never could win a race?
He was always coming in a little behind.
Yeah, I lost to my computer at chess.
But it turned out to be no match for me at kickboxing.
I burnt 1200 calories yesterday!
Forgot to take the pizza out of the oven...
Which one doesn't belong: eggs, your wife, or a blow job?
The blow job. You can beat your eggs and your wife but you can't beat a blow job.
My girlfriend accused me of stealing her thesaurus
Not only was I shocked, I was also aghast, appalled and dismayed.