Funny Jokes and puns

Daily joke about hanger

hanger joke

Jokes of the Day for February 28th 2021

Photographers are so violent.

They'll frame you, shoot you, blow you up and then hang you.

What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Your mom doesn't stop sucking when I smack her

Nobody ever asks how Coca-Cola is doing...

It's always, "Is Pepsi okay?"

The reason why I only date black girls

is because I don't like meeting dads.

Whenever I see two lovers names carved into a tree, I don't think it's sweet.

I think it's shocking how many people bring a knife on a date.

I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment.

I tried it once and I killed a cyclist.

A German tourist comes to France

...a border control asks him

"Occupation?"

German: No just visiting.

A college teacher reminds her class of the next day's final exam.

Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head sweetly.

Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.

A man goes to see his rabbi...

... "rabbi, I am very troubled. My son, he went off traveling the world, and came back a christian!" The rabbi replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that. My son also left home, and came back a christian!" The two decide to pray to God about this, and God replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that..."

My neighbor grew tired of being a taxidermist after 15 years, and went to veterinarian school.

His new business never got off the ground so he decided to operate both his taxidermy and vet business together to save money. His new slogan was: "No Matter What Happens - You Get Your Cat Back."

During a funeral...

The pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"

A man tried to sell me a coffin today...

I told him, that's the last thing I need.

Why do women find Christian Grey so appealing?

Beats me.

You can freeze a human to -273.15 C

He'd be 0K.

What ethnicity is Santa?

North Poleish

Joko Jokes