Funny Jokes and puns

Daily joke about halibut

halibut joke

Jokes of the Day for October 25th 2020

Trump's wives were immigrants, proving the adage true...

Immigrants do the jobs Americans don't want to do.

I believe that it is time for all the world's countries to come together and create one universal currency

I mean it's just common cents

Why doesn't George R. R. Martin use Twitter?

He killed all 140 characters.

A friend of mine asked me, "what rhymes with orange?"

I said, "no, it doesn't".

*Credit to Jimmy Carr.*

**

My sister bet me I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti...

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta

What is a Karen called in Europe?

An American.

A panda walks into a bar...

And eats some beer nuts, he then pulls out a gun fires it in the air heads for the door. "Hey!" shouts the bartender and the panda yells back "I'm a panda google me" and sure enough 'panda: a tree climbing mammal with distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.'

I got a call from my ex crying and telling me she was HIV+

The hardest part is always having to act surprised.

Girls treat me like God

They mostly forget I exist until they need help from me.

My wife said she wanted to see 50 Shades of Grey.

So I took a photo of her hair!

As we landed in Saudi Arabia the pilot announced "Ladies and Gentlemen don't forget to adjust your watches to local time"

I thought to myself how do I turn it back to the 7th century?

What costs hundreds of millions of dollars but is worthless?

2nd place in a presidential election.

As a young boy my mom would always tuck me in at night

She always wanted a girl.

I said I love you to my cake.

It burst into tiers.

If a bluebird has blue babies and a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no babies?

A swallow

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