Funny Jokes and puns
Daily joke about perv
Jokes of the Day for June 12th 2021
I dated a girl with a lazy eye once.
Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
My girlfriend wanted to try "doctor and patient" roleplay
But things went awry from the start when I said: "Hello! I'm your dietitian..."
David Hasselhoff walked into a bar
and ordered a drink.
Its a pleasure to serve you, Mr Hasselhoff, said the bartender.
Just call me Hoff, the actor replied.
Sure, the bartender said, no hassle.
An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 a.m
...and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied,
"I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asked,
"Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replied, "That would be my wife."
Two prisoners are on death row
And the day of their execution has come.
The warden turns the first prisoner and asks, "Any last requests?"
"I'd really like to hear the Macarena one last time," he replies.
The warden nods. "Very well. And you?"
he asks the second prisoner.
"Kill me first."
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor.
If you open a camp to help kids with ADHD
Is it a concentration camp?
My buddy gave me a terrible thesaurus.
It was terrible.
George R R Martin, dead after reaching peak popularity
Just like one of his characters.
(If this trash of a post hit the front page, the title could really mess with some GoT fans, I'm just saying)
When I become a lawyer I want to defend a penguin.
Just so I can say the words Your Honor, clearly my client is not a flight risk.
What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush. (Credit to my uncle)
My family insists i am addicted to drinking brake fluid.
But i can stop any time i want.
What do you call a Filipino contortionist?
A manila folder!!!
Sure, white people can't say the n-word, but....
At least we can say, "hey dad", "thanks for the warning officer", and "that's my kid".
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.